Why do men ask how many men you've been with? Why do men want to know about your past? I received that question and I break down the reasons in this video. Become a Member: / @tonygaskins
Hey! Thank you to those of you who appreciate the videos. It’s hard to please everyone, and I can only upload one video a day. There are a million topics and hopefully we get to cover them all. Just ask specific questions in the comments and I’ll add it to my video list. Thank you for watching them, even if you may not need it in the moment. I’m pretty sure at some point you’ll experience every one of these videos on real life.
I’m really appreciative of the videos you post. Being divorced after 8 years and for a second time, especially after honestly believing I did it God’s way the second time, has been a real challenge to comprehend, grow through and learn from. But I won’t give up on love. I definitely get great points to ponder and helpful information from your videos and coaching! Thank you.
Tony Gaskins thanks for responding... a Wednesday night would be great for me. I hope that would work for you, but I’ll be present any day you announce it!
Hey Tony, I met a guy and in four months I expieance the Gost move, the silence, trying to train me, the asking of my past sex partners and relationship. Our first conversation was for for eight hours after that it was about four hours a day. We agreed we was in a committed relationship. We talked about a future and getting married. He came to see me one weekend two months in. After that visit, he got crazy, controlling, insecure, disapproving of me put out with friends/ coworkers. Mind you we do live far apart. He lives in NC and I live in NJ. I met his though a mutual friend because I am in the process of relocating to NC. All that we have been through I have lost interest in him. He admited to me that be was trying to train me, he lied and was testing me. I was told from the beginning by our mutual friend that he was in a lot of bad relationship so I was trying to be understanding. I have shared many of your videos wirh him. I told him if he went back to rhat guy I was getting to know in the first month or two we can try to move past this and start over. Am I crazy? Or should I just move on with my life? We have not talked in six days today.
Never ever EVERRRRR again. Learned the hard way. They want u to be honest and open.... but then when u do they CRUCIFY u for it and keep beating u over the head with it. Then they wonder why women dont divulge the whole thing. Damn if u do, damn if u dont. Im over it.
My mum used to always tell me to not tell a guy about my past relationships especially a new guy, I thought she was just old-fashioned. Now I’ve lived long enough to realize... my past is none of ya bizness!!!
I married twice, I have a child from both my husbands.. And with just them two ✌️ I learned all you're saying...😂 I've been single since. Ppl in general are afraid of being alone that's the main problem in this world. I embrace loneliness.. Becouse I decided my peace and my tranquility would no longer b negotiable...I think ppl in general need to learn to love themselves and stay away from fear.. PEACE✌️and B BLESSED ❤️Happy Thanksgiving 😊
There is a difference between loneliness and being alone. Loneliness implies a sense of sadness over having no friends or company present Vs Alone is being w / o anyone present. Doesn’t imply sadness bcuz then that wud b loneliness. U can enjoy life single, content, peaceful, as a traveler & alone!
Why Men Ask About Your Past • he has bought into the “zero/hero” philosophy • he’s trying to see about your history in the bed with men • to see what he can get away with/see what you will put up with • to judge you How to answer • that’s none of your business • my past is my past • what we need to do is focus on the present and the future
Eboné Barnes but how do I do this when I wanna know some details of his past ? I guess i can indirectly ask and find out that way .. like if his children live with the mom ... would probably tell me yes one live in New York, one in Texas and one in Missouri will tell me he has multiple children with multiple women which is a huge turn off for me . I’m going to get this right one day lol
They just want to know how many men you slept with. Don't fall for it. You were a whole grown woman before you ever saw his face. Don't answer his question because every answer is wrong! Tell him if he wants to go and get tested you are fine with that, but you won't be interrogated about what you did or didn't do as an adult with another adult. Period.
@@Chrisatrucker so woman can’t enjoy having sex just as much as men? 😂y’all are a joke I swear. Sex is just as enjoyable for woman and some woman don’t hold back their sexual urges just to please future courters
That is exactly what happened to me when I told my ex about my past "experiences", he used it against me in an argument so he could "prove a point" and be right. I just got out of that toxic relationship with him thanks to God and listening to your videos. You are 100% right Tony so keep the videos coming. Thank you and be blessed.
Be blessed! To add another reason why you shouldn’t discuss your past (especially in the early stages of dating) is because if you and that person don’t workout, that person now knows your personal history and who’s to say they won’t share. Had a man tell me his whole life, flaws and all, on our first phone conversation while I said very little and just listened. I opted not to move forward based on all he revealed but the worst part for him is I now know his “secrets” and personal life while he barely knows anything about me. Luckily I won’t share but what an unsettling place to be in for him. I took note to never tell my business. It’s easy to do when you’re romantically attracted someone in an effort to bond.
Be blessed. I was given this lesson at a young age. I would of decently benefited from this information. This "grown boy" looked me square in the eyes and stated. "I knew how to use you and I did" threw everything I entrusted in him. Back in my face. Then went pillow talking my secrets with the next woman. They both talked about me. A very painful, shameful, embarrassing almost tramatic lesson. Yet one that I have learned from. It has taken some time to let go of the shame and embarrassment that I took on due to his choices. However I have taken the lessons. Left the shame and embarrassment. Embraces my new place and life. Walk with my head high and the lessons that I have learned from that situation. Move on as time will move on. I am more mindful of things now. Making sure I stay up on my knowledge. I follow Tony Gaskins on media. Purchased courses as well as all the books. He has helped me grow in many ways. I admire he and his wife's marriage. Looking forward to their new book. Thank you to both.👏🏾👐🏾😊
Be Blessed! You have just said what I’ve learnt the hard way. Never give a new man any detailed information (your personal “User Manual”) that he can then use to manipulate & destroy you with later. They’ll use the volunteered information to win you over 😍 then they’ll use it to abuse you!🤬💔
Be blessed! What Tony is saying is 100% facts. I let my ex-boyfriend know that my previous long-term relationship had ended because my boyfriend had cheated on me. Well during a fight his words were "no wonder your ex cheated on you fat ugly b$!#*" needless to say he's long gone. N I'm happily single now loving my peace and focusing on self love n healing🙏💙☺
Tu Bella but it’s true, it’s kinda like a screening process the immature, toxic guys use. They somehow know that if you have been hurt or abused etc, they can let their guards down and assume you will take crap and pretty much do whatever they want to you, spitting on you is abusive and gross, but it might be one of the nicer things they can do, you can wipe of spit and move on, I’m on year 3 of recovery from emotional abuse
You'd be surprised what goes on behind closed doors. I just watched an interview Whitney Houston did with Oprah. She told Oprah that Bobby Brown spit in her face while they were together. She also said that Bobby did it in front of Bobbi Kristina too.
I did experience this question in my early 30’s . Before I answer which I wasn’t I asked him and then told him , it was disrespectful and none of his business. I would say that is the first and last question I have gotten like that. I learned from one of my eldest sister not to disclose any of my past especially when your just dating. My past is my past and I only disclose if God has me to tell to help someone. You speaking the truth and I’m learning something new each post. Be Blessed!!
@@lisettec6316 no we ask because we don't want to marry hoes.. we don't want to marry a woman who had been with a lot of guys. If she doesn't answer I just cut her off...
@@Chrisatrucker I take it as they havent moved on & use past hurts as things to use in the current or on coming relationships. Hell you should want to know who you're laying with,then they'll lie & make justifications as to why they lied,so now they've created even more problems just from lying. They havent healed yet & are still wounded,if aman asking his girl that means hes trying to help her. Doesnt always mean he gaining info to use on you later. Honesty is the best policy.
I was asked by a 51 year old guy I was seeing. I told him, we will all have the same judgement. With our Creator. I was so turned off by him. I ended it right after.
Be Blessed. No, you aren't lying. I used to talk to much too. Even tested the theory out on men who I knew that I wasn't going to get with as practice just to see. A lot of these dudes aren't mature enough to understand that you had a life before them. You will also find that not many are forthcoming about all their baby moms who side chicks. When you ask a man a question ladies and he doesn't answer best believe he heard you. Don't let that stupid smile on his face and then he says huh or what through you off either because that is part of the game.
There's this new age movement to call men narcissistics when the relationship doesn't work out. I've noticed that. I feel like women just so fed up with being hurt and not being "the one" they need an escape goat now. I think it's more important to get the message and like you always say get the knowledge instead of putting labels on folks. Man, it's rough out here Tony! 🤣
Yup. I experienced this first hand. And he treated me far worse than the previous guys. Grateful for the wealth of knowledge Tony is sharing with us ladies. And ladies never forget: *once you know better, you do better.* BE BLESSED!
Linda Geiling y’all assume every man is sleeping around but there’s a whole population of men practicing semen retention. I haven’t sexed a woman in almost a year.. but yea, you know it all
I know this video is old but I would just like to say, this advice is life changing and worth more than a ton of gold. My mother did that mistake and my father turned sour because of it and she never realized what she did wrong until much later in life after a divorce. Her mother never gave her advice on how to deal with a man and my father was the first man in her life. Thank you so much for doing what you do.
Absolutely! An immature man operates from erotic love, which is the lowest form of love; that's why it can be exploited and use as a form of manipulation. A mature man operates from God's love, the Agape love, found in 1 Corinthians 13!
Unfortunately here in the real world- on Planet Earth - those type of men are defined as “cuckolds” or “Simps.” Women need to understand as YOU JUST STATED there are many FORMS OF LOVE -not just one. The NON SEXUAL LOVE is AGAPE. The love you have for your parents is different than a wife loving her husband right? The love you have for your brother is not the same as the love you have for a husband right? The love you have for your country is different from the love you have for a husband right? The fallacy in your reasoning is that you are swapping the definitions or contexts of the TYPES OF LOVE. You are trying to say LOVE IS LOVE but you also realize that is blatantly FALSE. You will not love your male relative such as your father or brother as you do a husband, PERIOD. Dating and Marriage are sexual relationships and based on sex. Let’s be real if a man is NOT INTO YOU he is not wifing you no matter how good a woman you are. We don’t typically see young men going after 75 year old women FOR A REASON. She is OLD. No sexual interest MEANS no attention from him, no gifts or flirting, no courting her, no dinner dates for her and so on. It IS ABOUT SEX or you will be treated differently- like a sister or a cousin.
Key term: "OPERATES FROM"... in a world in which senior women too are getting wifed up... what carries a romantic relationship long-term is not EROS, although that is a major component... but that can happen with anyone. This is why high body counts on all sides exist. Fondness/affection -- PHILIOS -- and sacrificial commitment -- AGAPE -- are what MATURE MEN OPERATE FROM to build their generational legacies through their committed relationships with MATURE WOMEN. Operating solely from EROS leads to dissipation and destruction ... diseases running rampant, generational poverty, broken children growing into adults unready to be successful, productive, and independent... that's what OPERATING FROM just sexual desire gets us.
@@hymnodyhands A man who has no sexual interest WILL NOT and DOES NOT even consider a woman for marriage. We need to START from there. It is not fantasy Island here. Marriage is about SEX. Show me a man who marries a woman with no thought about having sex with her and I will show you a forced or inappropriate marriage. You can’t put God and sex in the same sentence. A mature man operates from Godly love no matter WHAT YOU DO? REALLY? So if you were a serial killer it doesn’t matter? Well this only applies to people with vaginas. A man with that past may be skipped over because he was a serial killer. Women don’t tend to OVERLOOK stuff like that for a man. What if he was a homosexual for ten years and then meets you? A woman typically doesn’t overlook that. But as long as you have a vagina nothing you do should stop you from being a wife? seems we have a double standard here. men do not marry a woman for her personality. We marry because we are first sexually attracted to her and THEN and ONLY then do we consider the OTHER THINGS.
@@roychess Have you never read the Bible through? Song of Solomon -- or even the end of Genesis 2 or Genesis 4 -- show that God and sex have quite a lot to do with one another, since God created sex for marriage and reproduction! He set down all kinds of guidelines for it to best enjoyed... and those guidelines include putting the sex down the track of affectionate and sacrificial love INSIDE marriage. If a man and woman are not developed to the point that they can operate in all the areas of love inside marriage (see the whole of Ephesians 5), God outright FORBIDS them even having sex ("Flee FORNICATION," is repeated many times in many ways, with fornication being any sex outside marriage, and the lifestyle of the fornicator being listed as one of those things that will keep a person out of Heaven)! God also forgives and redeems fornicators when they come to Christ in redemption and faith (see Ephesians 5 for the list), and tells them WHAT? If you have strong sexual desire still, GO GET MARRIED (I Corinthians 7), with the suggestion that the age for women that is too old for marriage or remarriage and thus to be supported by the community instead of a husband is not 30, 40, or 50 ... AT LEAST SIXTY -- ANY YOUNGER, and they are EXPLICITLY told: GO GET MARRIED (I Timothy 5). And this fact comports with the NORMAL length of sexual desire and readiness on human beings: 40-50 years from puberty! Someone out there is wanting and having good sex at sixty and beyond -- and God's opinion is, "Go enjoy -- but get and stay MARRIED FIRST, with all the affectionate and sacrificial love I have commanded you with that." These things are EXPLICITLY discussed -- so how are we going to say that God and sex have nothing to do with each other? Remember, folks ... women READ nowadays ... if you come saying something, just know that we can check anything and everything for ourselves...
I’m literally single because I’ve been abstinent for 5 years after my divorce. It’s none of his business but he still wants to put you in a category. My category is I’m not going to get sex so I don’t want to date her.
You gotta date the kind of man that also believes in celibacy, being abstinent, or even for religious reasons doesn't believe and would appreciate no premarital sex in a man or woman. Otherwise some men they say they're cool with YOU being celibate and it's because THEYRE not celibate lol but will date you until you're ready and they've been having sex with others the whole time. I would ask a man how he feels about premarital sex, casual sex
He's got videos on this topic..let a man fall in love with you first, you don't have to tell him what you are or are not going to do with your body! Don't even say I'm not sleeping with you, if it comes to that, just say you're not ready, and maybe marriage will come before it even comes to that point. He says him and his wife did have premarital sex, but she already had his heart, that's the difference
@@flydollronda1926 When you do that (have a man fall in love with you first) he already can see you carry yourself with high regards and can possibly determine you haven't spread your hello kitty out n about. He won't even wanna know about your past by then, hes too interested in you trying to be in his future!
I just dismissed a guy for asking if I had been abstinent since my divorce and if I had a friend with benefits. I told him the first time that it was none of his business...second time, I did not answer, just blocked and deleted him. I immediately knew what he was trying to pull, I maintained my composure and dismissed him when I saw he wasn't going to be respectful of my boundaries.
Be blessed!!! Soooooo true about telling a Grown Boy about your past hurt situation and having it thrown up in an argument...as always, you on point! :)
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Tony! Been there and done that. The truth needs to be told to women about relationships with , not necessarily narcissistic but immature men. Women close your legs and your mouth. Make a man earn respect for you and learn to respect yourself. Get a ring and his last name before you open up. Be blessed.
So true: That saying is true “All is fair in Love and War” I keep this close to my heart when I’m dealing with men in relationships. This also has helped me not to take the failures personally and not to end up bitter.
Be blessed! Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your videos. They’ve helped me better understand what I was experiencing several months ago. I was definitely dealing with a grown boy. I lack experience in dating or knowledge of men which I feel lead me into that situation. I definitely take ownership of allowing the behavior and not standing my ground. I feel at that time I wasn’t strong enough to fully let go until I got hurt. I was emotionally caught up and insecure about the situation not working out in my favor. I see that when I did express about my past in relationships or an issue I was dealing with, it definitely was used against me. It’s unfortunate but I learned a lesson and I’m determined to do better.
Be blessed! Great advice, Tony! I appreciate you standing out from the crowd and sharing with us what we need to hear. Thank you for looking out for us! May you and your family have a merry Christmas!!!🎁
Hello, I discovered your videos today and I am compelled to watch them back-to-back. Each one is packed with very valuable and ready-to-use information/instructions. Thank you.
Be blessed. I stopped telling my experiences with me. They do throw it in your face. I test some on some less hurtful things.....they will still use is to hurt you when they don't get their way. I use it as a test now. I keep my past to myself.
Mannn... Tony I needed to hear this. You ain’t lying it happened to me several times, but not again. I wish I found you 5 years ago, I wouldn’t been married and debt free by now! Be blessed!
Tony You are telling the whole truth...I'm blown away. Thank you for being so honest and transparent with Us.. Sharing Knowledge and Wisdom. Happy Thanksgiving... Thankful for you and your family and Y'all's Time and Obedience to Your Ministry. God Bless You 🙏🏾🦋💞
Be Blessed!! You’re definitely not lying a grown boy will use your past against you. Be very wise and mindful. Give it time to pass before you tell your whole past
I have you listened to a lot of your videos. U have helped this sweet, passive, loving woman grow so much. Thank u, keep doing what you're doing...be blessed!!!!
Greetings from France 🇫🇷 Be blessed Tony ! Thanks for sharing this priceless knowledge here on RU-vid . I've been following a lot of dating Coach so far , but un lot of what you're saying is a revelation to me , especially the " innerview of Men's Mind ". 😇✌🏾
Be blessed, straight from the blessed tribe💪🏾I agree with this video from past experiences and definitely got some knowledge from this one. Thanks again. Be blessed 😇
Be Blessed...had to watch this knowledge drop 2x...thnx Tony. God is using you to literally save us ladies time and energy. Keep up the profound work you are doing Sir
Be blessed!!!! Been watching your videos for a few months now and i can't get enough you have opened my mind heart and soul that i can't believe i didn't find you sooner but your wisdom is helping through so much in my life right now at 29 yrs old I have experienced everything you have talked about!!! WOW !!!! Is all i can say and THANK YOU!!!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Be Blessed Tony! been through this, he asked my past i told him a a specific incident , after him being insistent , then when relationship got a bit toxic he brought it up threw it at me said i deserved it , i was shocked, hurt , but him being a grown boy not surprising..i know then after especially now not to share the past.. lets move forward
Let’s just ask them the last time they been to the doctor .. there last STD test and the results.. since they wanna get personal and let’s see there bank account statement 🤷🏽♀️
IMPACT BEAUTY last month... But my balance is none of your business. Hell not even my daughter’s business. I make how much I make and keep how much I keep
Be blessed Tony and Your wonderful family!!! Thank you so much for this video! I agree with you 100% Ladies, your past is not his business, so let him see you for the person you are today!
I don't ask it and I won't answer it. Simply because I can be lied to and so can a man..it's only the grown boy that doesn't know this...If a guy asks...he's a NO in my eyes...recognize crazy EARLY....
This reminds me of J Cole’s lyric when he said “She say she only f***ed like 4-5 n****s, so you know you gotta multiply by 3” 🤔 interesting. Lol I wrote this comment before hearing Tony say it.
Heard this from my grandma... didn't fully understand, now I do. Just educating myself for the relationship voyage when that time comes. Thx for sharing always, be blessed
Be Blessed You freed me again ...thank you...a lot of the advice you give I already knew , but society has a way of making you feel your wrong for thinking that way. You free me In every video and I'm so grateful for it..I'm holding the men in my life accountable and letting them know straight up weather is my nephews or my bf , they have to rise to the occasion
Be blessed. Thank you Tony for your i spirit g words. I enjoy listening to your videos. I have learned so much from you. May God continue to bless you and your family
Be blessed...... A man’s perspective has really helped me a lot in the dating scene. You are speaking the truth Tony. All of the videos you post about either I have experienced it or I know someone who has. Keep speaking your truth. It helps thousands of people daily.
Man, I love you Tony. A lot of these talks are putting exclamation mark reminders towards when I'm in a committed, substantial, purposeful, loving, and fruitful relationship. Thank you. #BeBlessed
Be Blessed! Tony, your videos are all the advice I need for this season I’m in. Ladies, true story, tell these men none of your business. Just watch and listen, smile and laugh and let God do the rest! He will make them reveal their cards if their not for you.
I started dating a guy I met at my job. We had great conversations in the beginning. After dating for a couple of months, he would ask me to pack a overnight bag and meet him after work. He said he wanted us to have a 24 hour date, but we would need to rent a hotel room for the night. I broke down and told him about me sexual assaulting by an ex-boyfriend. His reply was, this is why we should get a hotel room. I could hold you until you felt comfortable and relaxed. And at that point, you would forget about that situation. Thank you again for providing this information, Mr. Gaskins. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Be blessed.
if you want this guy don't let him either touch you or kiss you be careful until he married you same thing happen to me when I put my relationship before God. God said He wasn't the one I had sex with him that was a big mistake .He was so kind at the beginning. take my advice if you want a better relationship. God Bless you..I should never have sex before marriage now I close my legs ....for almost 15 months until the one that God promise me come.
Taking you to a hotel room is a married thing to do. Don't do it or problems later. God can't bless that relationship. Edit: ok cool you ended it, you dodged a bullet there.
Be blessed! & yes, Tony. I have been asked about my past and I shared AFTER he shared his details first lol but thanks for this video. You're awesome!!!
Hi Tony! I am happy about being a part of the Tribe. My ex and I will soon be doing the work of reconciling our marriage after a 20 year separation. We will undergo counselling with our Pastor and we will be ordering your book, Make it Work using it as a supplement to the counselling.
@tonyG Good morning ☀️ I listen too you every day and a few times a day to learn from my own mistakes & learn about men I’m newly single, healing inside from a toxic relationship. 6 years I new him for 30 years so I thought However we were both grown children. And I’ve been working on myself. !! 🌹❤️ He don’t ... so I’m not willing to accept nor participate in his growth. I appreciate you so much Thank you so much for sharing And caring for women It’s time to protect my heart ❤️ So I could attract a Grown ass man
Oh wow Bro Tony again you are on point!I experienced this with an ex after 9 yrs off & on together & I asked him why he never wanted to plan a future with me & his reply was because of my past relationships although I never just told him straight out he found out through me talking to some of them but he also knew that those relationships were very abusive so I had to get out...anyways he also stated that I might get rid of him too which I told him that if he doesn't abuse me as they did then he had nothing to worry about...needless to say he is history😊❤✌
Be blessed! Thank you for your insights. I have had a man throw up my family of origin dysfunction, etc in my face and I was like 'are you kidding me'??
