Are more women regretting motherhood now, or are we seeing more women speaking out about it? #momsoftiktok Women are sharing why they regret #motherhood and the reasons why they wish they remained #childfree #childfreebychoice
My mother _absolutely resented_ my existence. She never let on… she did her best… but I 100% felt the pain of not being wanted. Unless you are dead-sure you want kids and have a great support system already in place, I beg you: don’t have them.
Mine was the same, and I figured out that she did want a girl after two boys, but *I’m* not the daughter she wanted. She wanted some sweet little girly girl who never talked back to her and always served her without asking. When I was really little I was that adorable little girl, but, for some reason, I always spoke my own mind even if I disagreed with her, and she couldn’t stand it. Then I turned into a bit of a tomboy, but I was fine being feminine when I needed to be (like in school and other social occasions). But she hated that I had a mind of my own. So I guess you could say that she was not the mother I would have wanted if I had been given a choice, either. I always wished that she didn’t have me, too.
Doing this to a child, even not meaning to, is my biggest fear and the reason I’ve stayed child free. Don’t get me wrong, I like children, I love my godson, but I fear becoming a mom and regretting it and more than anything, projecting that rejection onto another human life.
Decenter yourself. It's not all about you. Your mother is a human with feelings and emotions. She might not regret you but the experience of motherhood. If you're struggling with comprehending that, seek therapy.
@@NaturallyMariaBthere’s a better way to say that. Very insensitive. This video only highlights mother’s struggles while children aren’t able to articulate how it sucks to be on the other end of this conversation. Both sides mother and kids need to be heard. Don’t invalidate her.
@@monejohn9973 exactly! Too many males and females are out here making oops babies that they don't actually want and aren't really ready for. THAT is the issue! We ALL have a choice to remain child free. My husband and I lived our lives child free until we made the CHOICE to have a baby and we do not regret our daughter.
@@SummerShandyThe sheer amount of people that have told me they were an “oops baby” is so concerning and disappointing. Like it’s genuinely a 50/50 when you ask people if they were planned or not.
@@monejohn9973 We do have the choice. But the society we live in puts so much pressure on both men and women to get married and have kids. And if you don't, then society sees you as something is wrong with you and a failure to society.
@@babysam3768 , I'm an oops baby and my family is full of oops babies. It's also disappointing to hear people say dumb stuff like "Most babies are not planned. They just happen." It's sad to know there are people that exist that don't understand the idea that there are babies that were actually planned between two people that loved and respected each other and are wanted by BOTH parents. And neither parent regrets them.
90% of these videos are of women who are recently postpartum or with small children, and I just laugh. Like, yes honey postpartum and having small kids is very challenging, did you expect anything else?
@@cierrawashington8596 I have a seven-year-old going on eight that is autistic and extremely violent in school every single day. No amount of professional interventions, family advice, and ABA therapies that i have is helping at all. No one prepares anyone for that! The infant stage was the easiest part of being a mom for me…
Exactly And then working Mother's get mad at me when I tell them it is the dumbest thing Ever to sacrifice your body to produce a baby and then pay somebody else to take care of your baby and have fun with your baby, WhIle i go to work? 😅That sounds like the dumbest decision A person could make because a man is not a guarantee.😅
It takes more than money to comfortably raise a child. Just ask any nanny for a rich family or nurse working in a rehab. Now those ppl will tell u that money isn’t even half the problem.
@@purpleviolet9046 Being Present physically, emotionally, and mentally. Lots of rich kids grow up with issues cuz their parents weren’t physically and emotionally present leaving them neglected and lonely. Kids don’t care about living in gated communities, summer vacations, or pulling up to school in a nice car. Despite how much money is thrown at a child they still need their parents to be present.
Dude. Women say this too. This one lady said having and raising kids is the most fulfilling thing a WOMAN can do and if the woman says otherwise, that woman is lying.😦
@@hibiscus6466That woman was speaking from her own experience and thinking it applies to everyone. That’s just a lack of empathy. I constantly see men on childfree women’s videos blabbing about how it’s a woman’s purpose to have kids and how she’s going to end up old and lonely with cats. They are the most bitter about it because women are recognizing we don’t need men and are in fact happier without them.
No one forced them to have kids. Too many people have children for narcissistic reasons. Kids arent accessories you can take back to the store when you get bored with them.
@@susiex6669 You have no idea why anyone else is having children or if any parent endured pressure from family or reproductive sabotage and abuse from a partner. Do not conflate your beliefs and experiences on situations you cannot know the situation or people in it.
@@susiex6669oh shut up , I hate that comment ( no one forced them to have kids ) kids can be born assholes who take all your energy, or they come out with disabilities 😢 that’s hard to handle life happens perfect Annie just Waite till you have kids
@@karenlacey4549 at the end of the day, it is their choice, unless abortion wasn’t legal at the time. Just because there are pressures, or influences (which you DO get influenced without knowing but that’s sociology, it’s a part of life), YOU choose to have children. Unless you are in a situation of trafficking or forced marriage (which isn’t as common in developed, formerly known as first-world, countries but can still happen at a smaller rate compared to other countries) or abortion was not legal at the time, you still choose. My mother did it because she “always wanted to be a mother since [she] was little,” but she only continued the cycle of generational abuse. We apparently called her “monster mommy” when we were children because of her outbursts, which I can still recall (at least, some of them). She blames it on a medication imbalance, citing her Major Depressive Disorder, yet I did not do the same as someone who has PMDD and Bipolar II. My parents were poor; I lost 100lbs. in six months in the eighth grade because I, along with my siblings, was given a limit on what I can eat, when I can eat it, and how much of it I can eat daily. My siblings got away with doing whatever, but I did not and so I ate one meal the size of my fists combined at dinner, while my overweight parents ate the best and most nutritious food we had. My parents did not balance us out, and continued to have us all within 36 months, my mom was 21 at the time I was born, and yet continued to be emotionally immature throughout my childhood (I am now a freshman in college, age 19) because she chose to marry early because she only wanted kids. My parents were mormon, as was I, and only in my second semester of my high-school junior year did they tell me they no longer believed in it; they later pulled out the rug again only days before I started classes just a few weeks ago, saying they were no longer Christian (this is because of their change in beliefs due to early marriage and having kids early, thus not allowing them to enjoy their time as adults because they were foolish and naïve, truly just idiotic individuals and I can say that as I experienced their fallacies upon fallacies). My experience doesn’t dictate others’, but it sure does provide a part of the narrative that this is not okay. While mormons believe in marriage and children at an early, legal age, they ultimately chose this, just like they chose to be intimate again and again, which led to me, the oldest child, raising three siblings (one adopted) and being separated from them as my mother would treat the others in a different, better manner. Religion is a choice at the end of the day, and choosing to follow it is ultimately up to someone; it is not the fault of family or friends if someone chooses to have a child because they chose to do so. My parents were narcissistic and did it to fit in, using me and my siblings to post on social media and to make the perfect family picture to family and friends while we fought, cried, and suffered at home in silence; nobody listened because I had no physical marks. My mother named me and my sister after her, and I cannot tell you how depressing it is to be told I look like and have the same mannerisms as the woman who blamed me for wanting to kill herself. I hope this helps you understand, and I apologize both for the long text and the anecdote. I simply cannot stand to see someone defending people who have the ability to choose, just like I chose to work hard and get a scholarship to college, to turn my life around and end my non-drug/non-alcohol addictions, and to become a healthier and happier person than my parents set out for me to be.
I’m a nurse (nurturing professional) and I am close to 40 yrs old. I get asked all the time by my female coworkers if I’m ever going to have children. People assume because I’m a nurse that I must want to raise children. They seem taken aback when I tell them I don’t want kids. I deeply respect the amount of time, resources it takes to raise a child properly which I don’t think most people even consider before having kids. Most these coworkers make way less money than me but keep having more children who are in daycare etc while they work. I look back to the years when I misbehaved and mouthed off to my mother and I deeply regret it. But it also taught me you can do everything and give up your own dreams/life to raise a kid while they disrespect you. I take care of my mom now that her health is declining but having kids does not guarantee they will take care of you when you’re elderly. We have plenty of patients that end up in nursing homes while they have many children and grandchildren who won’t take care of them. I’m happy with my dogs and my partner.
Your mom never disciplined you that's why you were brave enough to disrespect and mouth off to her. If your mom was Caribbean you would know sound lashing!
Exactly what I would have said.I hope more people actually think about it I can imagine some of the children are not thrilled with this public display .💙uk
The first lady resonated with me so deeply. My mother absolutely wanted me and never regretted having me, she was meant to be a mother. Through thick and thin she did the very best she could with the horrible hand she was dealt in life. But she has realized now just how much anxiety my existence brought to her exactly because she loves and cares so much. And I think that this is another thing people should really think about when they're thinking about having kids; will you be able to handle and deal with the very real possibility that your love for your child will lead to intense anxieties and fears? Do you have the mental strength and (more importantly even) the support system needed to deal with that? Because knowing you WANT a child WITH whatever that might mean and bring, both good and bad, pretty and ugly, is not enough. You might even have the financial means to raise them comfortably, but can you handle the emotional labour that is raising and nurturing a child? I feel that even now this is still overlooked.
If you hate farming, hate food otherwise your mentality comes across as extremely selfish because you expect others to furnish you with what you don't want to deal with! You may want a boyfriend or husband, who happens to be someone's son!
Yeah remind yourself of this when your heading into your 50s 60s 80s and your old alone with no purpose no family, no real precious memories no one that cares of your existence your life is a waste,
Don't do it unless you desperately want to be a parent. Second greatest devastating experience of mymlife after my nightmare marriage. My son is profoundly disabled and I reared him alone when my ex bailed on us. Imagine a healthy body, but mind of a toddler, nearly no language, or higher level cognition. Absolutely devastating. Love him more than life itself and wish I had never done it. Good luck.
I never wanted to have kids,i had all kinds of pet babys, coons,skunk,crow,baby dear,many dogs. I would love to have a tiger baby if it could stay a little baby,same with a elephant. My sister always felt the same as i did ,she had horses,dobermans, coon babys,otter babys,squrarle babys,cats a dear and every body got along with each other ,
I love being a mom but I hate how hard being a mom is and I hate how hateful ppl are towards moms. I hate that I get all the slack and pressure in society
I’m an adult now, but I could tell during childhood that my mother regretted having kids. It’s the worse realization you can have as a child. I don’t have a relationship with her. She tried to sabotage my future because she was jealous and selfish. I’m prob not gonna have kids because of this experience and also because I don’t have a support system because of her. Y’all really need to be more self aware if you bring a human into this world. It can really scar us in the future. You think we don’t notice things but we notice everything
We have to quit glorifying motherhood and telling women that they won't be happy unless they fulfill their destiny of having children. It's not all sunshine and roses for many, yet so many women go into it blindly without knowing the reality of the suck parts. There was not one part of me that thought that motherhood was something I'd remotely enjoy. Happy childfree at 56 with no regrets.
@@Egh0127They have a point. There’s always 2 sides to a story and we shouldn’t believe everything a stranger says online. Men deserve to be taken care of too if the only place they get it from is their parents the who cares.. We don’t know their stories and how they’ve been treated in life
I've thought carefully about this, I don't think it's the motherhood. It's the spouse, and it's the support system, that are failing. It's like you're a single parent even when you're not.
Actually a single woman will do better because they don't have to take care of a manchild that is worse than having more than one toddler. A child is easy to satisfy, but a man? You will be doing non human tasks.
Nah, girl. It's the motherhood TOO. Motherhood is an everlasting burden that never leaves. When I had my first child I said "I will never be happy again." Not because I didn't love my child with all my heart, but because I did. Even if I was happy, there was a potential for unhappiness because of what could possibly go wrong for my child. Suppose they didn't turn out to be good people? Suppose I failed in their education? Suppose they became disabled or disadvantaged in some way? Suppose they died in one of the millions of ways it's possible to die, including by being murdered by one of the many evil people that walk the earth? Suppose they were raped or assaulted by one of those evil people? The list goes on and on. The potential for grief in my life had just multiplied exponentially, not just the potential for joy. And no one had warned me. I really dislike being a mother, yet if one of my children was seriously harmed or died I would not be able to get out of bed in the morning. Those 2 things are not contradictory. They go together.
I agree with this. I also think that our grandmothers and great grandmothers had it easier because they usually had a spouse (the dad) who would go out to work and actually made enough to support a family. These days, one person can't earn enough to raise two or three kids. I don't believe our society is built for people to be able to have two or three kids anymore. It's also difficult if you're a woman who has goals and dreams to do something in art or whatever your passion is. I used to be told when I was in my early twenties and unsure about having kids that I would change my mind. I'm nearly forty and still going after my dreams of art and am child free, only have a cat. I don't regret it. The only thing I would wish for in the future is a spouse to share my life with.
I’m staying childfree, it is not a compromise - it is a deal breaker and a hard h*ll NO. I wouldn’t make a good mother to a human child and there will never be one from me. I respect mothers, I respect their struggles, but I can’t and it’s not for me. I’ve seen my younger siblings from newborn to adult and how hard it was for mom, the strongest person I know, so there’s no romanticism towards it for me, I’ve seen the good, the bad, the ugly and know it isn’t a path for me to walk.
Thank you for your opinion &your honesty. I agree with every thing you said, i never had any craving to have kids.guys at work would say to me "boy are you lucky, you dont know how lucky you are.I know what they ment,some would even start crying,big guys, explaining what there life is like,couldnt hardly get them to stop crying like there heart would break,not a few,many of them. My sister felt the same way as i did,she said the same thing happened to her ay work. She said at first women would shame her for not having kids but later the same ones would ssy to her wow are you lucky not to have kids.
Imagine being a single mother and the support system you have is full of narcissists and you are the scapegoat. That is something that was not mentioned in this video.
If you’re broke, have no support system, and haven’t talked to your partner about the changes that will come with having kids and how you navigate that, or love your independence, spontaneity and ability to be free, DONT DO IT.
My mum says if she could have her life again she would not have kids. I seen her struggle throughout my whole life, it was not enjoyable for her. She had no one and nothing, especially once her and my father divorced.
My (very good) mother was the first parenthood regreter that I ever met. I totally respect her feelings on it and I’m 44 and have never had kids because kids are hideous monsters.
@@lovekingdom5581 not at all. Children are separate sentient beings all their own. You can teach them something over and over and they may still go whatever way they choose. Jeffrey Dahmer was raised in a good home with very caring loving parents. And his grandmother was also very caring and loving to him.
A very good friend of mine, with having A LOT of history with, has a husband as well, said to me ‘don’t ever have kids, and never let people try to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do’ She loves and lives for her kid. I have a lot of respect for her as an individual that would come out and say that. She worries like a parent would, and makes tons of time for both her kid and her man. It’s as solid as I’ve ever seen with my eyes, because it seems like things like that don’t really have a good firm place anymore.
Thank you for both your honesty, and i think its a great thing to talk and have a understanding, even the animals talk among them selves,we cant hear them but im sure that they communicate with each other. & very little fighting if any at all thank you again
I can't understand the mom on reddit honestly how did it take three kids for her to realize she hates being a parent???....with 1 it's understandable because the first time you become a parent and experience how it feels like you're in a better understanding of knowing that you want the experience again or not
This may be because each child has a different personality, hormonal levels, being in constant fright or flight with the 1st or 2nd child, then with the 3rd you crash out completely. Living arrangements, social environment, the relationship with the Father may of change. There is so much to consider here. Overall, Mothers who are struggling deserve empathy.
My older sister did everything the "right way." She got a degree, met a guy who was in the church, got married and became a stay at home mom while her husband provides for the family. Now 6 kids later, she opened up telling me if she could do it all over again, she would've stayed single and focused on pursuing her own dreams and career path. I was already pretty sure I wanted to stay childfree but after hearing that I was CONVINCED. I've accepted that there are some things in life that I don't have to experience!
My mother once told me “ don’t get married and don’t have kids.” I said, “ why but you did? … anyways I don’t think I am I never saw that in the future .” She said “good .” Never understood till I got older
My partner has memory issues, and so do I. Fortunately, we both have the wherewithal to decide against having children. Having kids isn’t for everybody.
Magne B6. Since you are not genetically related to your partner but you both have same problem that could only mean lack of certain nutritions in food and enviroment is the source of problem.
@@rengurenge unfortunately, it’s just a part of the medical conditions we have. We do what we can to help ourselves and one another, and we accept our limitations.
I love my babygirl. I don’t regret having her but I do regret not giving her a better dad. I’m struggling to stay above the water but I’d always want her. But she deserves more than I can give her. I feel like I’m struggling mentally from being overworked, overstimulated, under rested? And never being poured into. I feel like I’m at a constant deficit and I’m at the point of giving up. Don’t want to go to work. Why? It all goes to daycare anyway. I can’t even save 5.00. I’m tired. I don’t regret having her but I should’ve been wiser. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone
It's not all about you either, who is to say your daughter will grow up to be happy ? Most won't because the reality is we have to work out lives away until we die just so we can have the basic necessities in life just in order to survive.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please if there are any resources available to you please try and get some support in some way. There are so many hidden programs no one knows anything about.
I am sorry you are going through this. I hate hearing this, is there any programs you can sign up for to help ? I know churches are a good resource at times.
It is. I live it daily, and felt like you most of my life but still took it on. Stick to your views and honor it. Don’t let family and societal expectations force you to be a wife and mother.
What strikes me again and again is the lack of healthy communication between partners - before having children. Pressure and expectations from those around you are one thing. But why do you get together with a partner whose plans for the future run completely counter to your own? Don't people talk about their expectations of life? My husband told me that he wanted children and if I didn't want that, then he didn't see a future for a relationship - on our first date. I found that refreshingly honest. (In our case, it worked because I also wanted children). So communicate! Talk to each other, talk to other people, talk to new parents, think about the consequences of deciding to have a child. Not just the costs, but also everyday things that are often forgotten: Which parent stays home with the baby? (We live in the 21st century. It doesn't automatically have to be the woman). Perhaps it is also possible to have an alternating model. Who takes on which part of the housework? Is there network that can support you? Grandparents, relatives, friends ... Jesus, make a list for or against having a child if you have to. It may sound a bit cold, but it will save you a lot of grief in the long run. For you and the potential children. As a woman, I think you should only decide to have a child if you have a partner who is prepared to be a parent. Not just the dad who occasionally helps out. My husband gets the boys ready in the morning and takes them to school, as I have to go to work early. Going to the hairdresser with the children? That's his job. The boys' check-up at the dentist? His job. Ironing the laundry? His job. You have to share all the small and large tasks in a household and make sure that everyone gets enough time off to avoid burning out completely. And if you decide not to have children (which I totally understand), both partners are responsible for keeping it that way!
Your 100%right about communication & and if you already not geting along very well, for god sake wait with the kids, that would just put more strain on a questionable marrage.other wise that sounds like a recipe for a train wreck
I have a daughter that I am so grateful to have and I love her dearly but most days are the most difficult (without help). I wouldn’t have another one though. The anxiety is insane. Never let society pressure you into anything just because you are a woman!
Thank you for your honesty, people try to high pressure guys about having kids also. But fortunately for me i noticed that can make life alot harder then it already is thank you God bless
I could never regret my kids no matter how difficult it's been to raise them as a single Mama. It takes a certain layer to appreciate the intensity and self less intension to raise a human being. I'm not going to begin to try understand the other end of this spectrum cause our experiences are unique to our circumstances. Some days I'm regretful of what I'm missing other days I feel like the luckiest Mom on earth... That's life perfect in it's in perfections. Motherhood is a selfless calling if you missed this calling that's okay, twas not meant for you ❤
These babies did not ask to be born. Do your best to mask it in front of them-they deserve parents who don’t make them feel terrible about being alive.
Women didn’t ask to become the singular primary caretaker when signing up for parenthood they thought that the father, aunts and uncles or grandparents would help out but no, women are expected to do it all alone while men are praised for not even spending time with the kid they so desperately wanted and doing what would be labelled as child neglect if a mother did the same
@@Dixie2945 the primary caregivers of children are their parents . They need to learn to help one another when it comes to the home and their children. Their decision to have a family isn't the aunt's, uncle's or grandparents responsibility.
as a natural born caregiver, i can't get behind this mentality. but im glad we're normalizing these conversations. the constant pressure to reproduce is a big part of why we have so many unwanted children and dysfunction.
@Chuncy566 np luv...i wrote this months ago, but I've been seeing so many posts lately with parents and child free ppl putting each other down and it's so asinine. some ppl want kids and some don't, i really don't get why this is something we need to fight about. there's enough division in this country as it is
It’s probably mostly teen parents that realized they never had time to develop on their own WITHOUT being attached to someone else. EVERYBODY has to LEARN themselves but how can you if you’re having kids in your teenage years?
Every woman in my life who has kids hate it and vocalize it almost constantly and in the same breath want me to have kids as well lmao i like kids but not that much to be stuck with one forever. Like people have kids where i live to be seen as more desireable its hard to explain but they have them kids for looks and a handout from the government. Its disgusting. Nobody really thinks shit through where i live they have kids because they think its cute
My mother regretting having me for my good for nothing father who thought his part in child rearing ended at conception plus his cheating and abusive ways. But mostly because she,was expected to be the breadwinner and still do everything. I was born in her last year at nursing school and she was lucky to finish her course by paying for a nanny outside London ( UK). My dad who was twice her age was desperate for kids and had just a low paying part time job didn't lift a finger to help with childcare, three years later my brother joined me at the nannies. That all fell apart when my mum left him and he could not pay for the childcare.
Sooo much of this stress is a result of our choices in whom the father of our children are, we were not meant to do this alone, having no village is extremely difficult and if you choose the wrong man, and you haven’t done the work that needs to be done internally, cause as women there is so much healing that needs to bw done, you will regret becoming a mother cause being a mother tears you inside out, and it can be amazing and extremely beautiful or it can be a total nightmare! I had an excellent father, trust me, that shit makes a difference.
I had 2 pregnancy loss, I see so many Women with kids. Bitter, unhappy, Angry. At least when you are childless, you do not have to be stuck. You can go out and have fun, plus you have a lot of free time. 😊 You can focus on the things, you want in life.
Mama of 4 littles and i am so thanful for these children. God gave them to me to train up for Him. Yes motherhood is hard but hard isnt the same thing as bad. Hard pushes you to do better, to be better. I do agree that mamas dont have near the help they would of years ago but you can still figure iut ways to help your days run smoother.
I’ve put a lot of time, money, effort into dealing with the severe mental health issues I developed from my parents being toxic as fuck. I’m not risking all the work I put into healing myself for anyone.
I had an interesting conversation with a woman from Morocco about how demanding it is to be a mother and basically her (very true and smart) point was : The problem is western women convinced themselves that doing the work of 3 people is normal and that if they fail at it, they're failure as mothers.
my mom loves kids, she loves me and my sisters, but we (and our shitty father) ruined her dreams. ive never felt unloved, and i didnt feel like my mom regretted me growing up. but i know that our upbringing was absolutely NOT what she had dreamed of. she wanted to commit suicide for most of my childhood, i think. The good news is that she finally divorced my dad, im fully grown, and my littlest sibling is in high school. shes back in school and shes back living with her family and shes doing great!! shes healing!! her nightmare had a light at the end of the tunnel, and if youre in this dark place then there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you as well. ❤ if youre not in this situation yet, TAKE HEED! do NOT have kids if you are a fence sitter. the baby fever will come and pass, and your boyfriend does not really want kids that badly. men just never really think about it much, truly. i know that theres a genuine inclination to want to pass your own genetic material on, but adoption will always be an option later. you wont run out of time to share your love with children, even if its just to be a nanny.
My grandmother hated motherhood and took it out on her children. My mother also did. I'm not going to do the same mistake just because society expects me to have children.
Just don't have kids. I didn't and at 41, I sleep as much as I want to. Go on trips anytime I want to explore. I have time to do art, indulge in various interests and hang out in third places. Life is amazing!
The point of mothers need help, it’s no one else’s responsibility to help you with the people you chose to bring into the world. The people you want help from had no say in the decision of you having children. Yet mothers always expect it. People need to start taking sole responsibility for their decisions.
This attitude is so f**kup tbh and I say that as a childfree woman. This society is pathetic and anti-female if this “you’re on your own moms” attitude is acceptable and ratified in the culture (which it is). It’s bullshit misogyny and we need children raised within support structures so women are able to flourish with or without the choice to have children. Especially in America who is disgustingly behind for a supposed “developed” country on motherhood and child supportive society. I don’t have time for the motherbashing - these women are being abandoned by a capitalist society running out of ideas and American women are losing their lives due to “you shouldn’t of had sex then” attitude of law-makers. Enough.
This is only true in modern societies. In societies of old children were raised by the whole village mothers were surrounded by other mothers and entire communities to help. Only those who are really strong ask for help when they need it.
Yes, the idea that others are supposed help in raising a child is insane. The village isn't going to raise your child, there's lots of other kids running around. Parents putting their children on pedestals drives me nuts. I don't care if your child can play the flute does, he/she really want to?
@@tuffguydoe7937You clearly don’t understand the concept then. We’re social, pack animals at heart and our ways of living have becoming increasingly unnatural since industrialisation and hyper capitalism. We know from observing tribes and some of close relatives in other species that we now expect too much of mothers and nuclear family units when it comes to raising our young. Within tribes still intact from modern influence, a crying baby is held by someone other than the mother 80% of the time. There is supposed to be a village and mothers sense it is missing when they are left vulnerable and isolated in our modern and regressive set up. Child rearing really is on hard mode in an individualistic capitalist set up without any structural support such as free childcare. It’s literally unnatural not to have any village when humans are that vulnerable during early motherhood and infanthood.
Honestly, these comments about not helping mothers sound so American and regressive. By that I mean - individualism can’t helping your country flourish in the long term and it shows in your decreasing quality of life.
Moms who get alot of help with their kids in general love their kids a lot. That whole idea that a mom should constantly be around her kids is not okay. People think that when moms shouldn't be allowed to miss their kids which is very wrong. This is very important for mom. Allow mothers to miss their kids for some hours or days. I
it doesnt sound like a lot of these parents regret being parents, it sounds like they are overburdened by how the expectations of parenting. I've been to other countries, and honestly it seems like americans (compared to "eastern" people) put a LOT more expectations on parents, not to mention parents being constantly overloaded with dangers and the fact that you are held severely liable for kids safety (compared to other countries where kids are allowed to roam free unsupervised.) I've seen people who were okay with their kids and suddenly feeling imprisoned as SAHM after coming to the U.S. !
Helicopter parenting is also prominent in my country, in Eastern Europe, and no - children under certain age are not allowed to roam free,it's regulated by law. We are also painfully aware of dangers lurking at every corner, and our civil liability.
@@vintarusproximus2854 I didnt say eastern europe lol, I said eastern world. Europe is still considered part of the west. There are a lot of countries were its okay and safe for kids to be out. When I went back home, I saw kids as little as 4 out picking up groceries. People felt comfortable doing that. Parents fear for their kids everywhere but here in america past the age of social media, it was become anxiety central. Almost everyone with kids is constantly dealing with overstimulation and want a break from their kids. Whereas just 25 years ago, our parents would send us outside and wouldnt know where we were all summer.
I would have love for my late mom to have a space to share with someone her regrets regarding motherhood. It was very obvious that she didn't enjoy having to be selfless, she resented us a lot for giving us just the bare minimum and she was extremely abusive, she lacked the self-awareness to realize that her anger came from her own regrets regarding her decision to have children with a man who didn't want children, resulting in our father being largely absent. She was far from a family and didn't have much social support if at all and our father didn't give her any financial help. That's a shame that she put so little thoughts in deciding to bring two human beings on this Earth (I know that because she decided, an evening after work, to give an ultimatum to my father, without a proper discussion about it and my father reluctantly accepted). If she had been able to articulate her feelings without shame, I'm pretty sure she would have been less violent towards us as a way to exteriorize her anger. My sister asked her once why she was beating us and our mother responded, while she was beating my sister, "because it makes me feel good!!". We were never perfect enough in her eyes. We are still traumatized and our health is affected badly.
For all people judging child free women and men saying that they are selfish for choosing not to have children that they don't want and don't want to be a parent, I hope they get to see videos like this. The funny thing is many of them condemning and shaming child free people for their decisions are the ones that already have kids themselves and are lowkey regretting their decisions of becoming parents because of things they are dealing with.
It is funny to me when parents say to us childfree people “You’ll regret it when you’re 60. “ when parents regret having children. If that is true, I would much rather regret not having children than to regret having children when I’m 60. #childfree #childfreebychoice #childfreepower
I have really complicated feelings about this. I adore my son, I don't regret him, and I think on balance I am actually happier than when I was single and childless. But nothing, NOTHING prepared me for how much I would have to sacrifice and how hard this is. Financially, I feel like I shot myself in the foot by having a kid. And I hate that I can't just pick up and move somewhere else if I want, because I now have other people to consider. If I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now, I'm not sure I would do things the same. And I will be sticking with one child, because I cannot do this again.
Thank you for your input.very well said, very interesting ,very honest,down to earth, I have been pushed hard even threatened to try to make me go ahead and have kids even though i didnt want them.Im glad that i went with the way i felt and not let someone forse me to do something i didnt want to. Now i see that.would have been the makins of a gigantic train wreck. Thank you for your help,I wish you the very best for your life
This - i became a first time mum this year and i regret it - i hated pregency, hated the newborn stage and its only getting slightly better now 8 months later. Like i love my daughter and i would never would want her to know how i feel but i deeply regret the role of parenthood 😢😢. I have ptsd from my pregency and childbirth as i was treated like dirt and my c section got infected. Just so many things have gone wro g you do think was it worth it ? But im not allowed to vpice my opinion/feelings because i will get told well why did you do it then or well your daughter was worth it like noone seems to care about me anymore or my feelings Yup every time my husband does something he gets all the praise in the world. I say anything i get told im Overprotective/Nagging /Im a mum now so thats my job 😡😡😡😡. Just the other week my husband was going off to watch football (fair enough) i said i cant wait to have break in frint of my mum and i got told well you are a mum now 😡😡😡 so ???? This isnt the 1950s anymore 😅😅😅
I'm so sorry, dear. Have you considered divorce and giving him 50% custody so you can have time alone to take care of yourself? You are FIRST, not last, in your life.
Being a parent rn is terrifying. If I got rich and had a partner I wanted to raise kids with I might maybe change my mind but the idea of reliving my childhood from the other pov sounds like hell
Yeah I feel the same way…mothers try to clean it up by saying they don’t regret their kids but they do cause they regret the role….their lying to themselves or maybe they feel guilty for feeling regretful
It's not lying lol. You can like a person and not like being their indentured services. I'd rather be the aunty vs mom to the same kids. The roles are different
I am so glad that people have an outlet for this particular conversation…I didn’t have this and suffered in silence and could only confide in a best friend….i only had 1 kid for this very same reason….people use to push me to have more kids because raising my son with no siblings was considered selfish but I followed my own gut and said to myself that these people are not gonna be around to help so I’m not gonna listen to them….now my son is 27 and yes I got my freedom back but so many years was lost and I was completely miserable and exhausted….no help from the father and no family support….I definitely regretted and resented it and don’t understand how women can just keep having babies….like why would you wanna have 2,3,4 and 5 kids? I just don’t understand mothers that do that….a manager at an old job of mine had 5 kids and she said her piece of mind is when she’s at work and how she hates going home….i empathized with her so much….even tho I couldn’t stand this woman I still felt sorry for her
When I was younger (16->25 ish), I wanted kids, because I was naive, everything pink through my eyes When getting older, face the world, I changed my mind. Once I met my husband who is childless, he cant have children, when I knew I cant have children, I cried a lot, sadddd, omg thinking that we won’t have any kid is a sad thing. But now, you know , thinking back I see myself as stupid and childish 😂. Sometimes now I just feel so lucky that I met my childless husband. So yeah, I changed my mind from wanted them to don’t want any.
I say it every day and I'll say it again. It's NORMAL to feel some kind of regret having children. Now we can accept that these feelings exist and come and go and are complex and often still filled will love for our children - how can we help women get support. Denying these feelings exist is how resentment builds and mental health gets damaged. Speaking from experience here.
I wanted kids my whole life. The first months of my baby I love it!! I wanted more but the more my baby grew the more hard it felt and then I got pregnant again and I became extremely depressed. If I knew I swear I would not have kids!! But now I do and I have to constantly invalidate myself to be a good mother and idc how much it hurts I’ll give my kid all of the best of me I can but it hurts and it’s eating me alive… sometimes I think I’ll not make to 30
Not equivalent. They don't regret meeting their child They don't regret their child's existence. They just don't want to be in the relationship of MOTHER in relation to the child. If you can't get it, you need to be a deeper thinker.
I had a nervous breakdown not being able to have children and then my husband and I divorced. I had to do a mind switch to survive. Now I’m so glad to not have children. Between the medical problems during pregnancy and infancy to someone molesting your child to human trafficking, your child hating you, they become addicted to porn, maybe someday they become a serial killer, autism, organ failure, teen pregnancy, eating disorder, drug addiction, dying for any reason ect. I’m now feel blessed not to have children.
My mother has no interest in a relationship with me or my sister or her grandchildren. She became a mother because it was expected of her. As soon as we left the house as (barely) adults she lost any interest in our lives (she kicked us out as soon as possible). We served our purpose giving her purpose. She fed us and made us into healthy, respectable adults which I am grateful for. But now she can't care less if we are alive or not. And I can't even be mad at her because she had no choice back then. I know that she resents me because I have that choice and I choose against children. She resents my sister even though she chooses to have children. Maybe because my brother-in-law is a great husband and father. Having children for the wrong reason will only hurt everyone involved and more. There is a thing like generational trauma. Therefore, choosing not to have children is not selfish in my opinion. Having children should not be viewed as the default goal in life for every abled person. Makes no sense to me since there are already too many people on the planet. And so many children without parents that no one wants.
Most moms love being mom, as in the title…but not the responsibility and sacrifices that come with it. Realizing this at such a young age, made it very easy for me to decide to not have kids. You can’t regret something you never wanted, and I never wanted motherhood.
I have kids and I feel how hard it is, all the time! The problem with this kind of outlook though is that it is a CHOICE. It is a hopeless outlook. How you choose to feel about something difficult if your CHOICE. These women are choosing to be pessimistic and hopeless. We all have the power to make the most sour lemons into the sweetest lemonade. Children are good, and a blessing And this world needs more goodness.
Motherhood is HARD. I do not regret motherhood. For many women its best part of their life and they welcome the challenges with the joys. I am glad the women that dont enjoy motherhood are speaking up. Motherhood requires support. Modern life for women does not support motherhood at all. I can see how many women regret it because they see how responsibility is optional for others but mandatory for moms.
Being a single mom is the easiest job on the planet and you get plenty resources provided by the government to take care of that childs needs it wasnt like that before women dont get shamed for cheating or for promiscuous behavior you claim strong and independent then turn around abd play victim when things get real
This does not surprise me at all! The number of people whom have pushed me that I “should” have kids when I’ve said that I’m not interested in taking care of people and not willing to make any sacrifices is beyond me. Like it’s just expected that people will do this even if you already know that it doesn’t interest you
In the heat of anger I’ve even told my son how I wish I never had him and it created a lasting effect on him and a part of me don’t even feel bad for saying it because it’s my truth….even on my best day I still feel the same way….i was a good parent tho….he was well taken care of and fiercely protected but underneath all that lies the truth and I wish I never had a child
I don't regret having children, I just wish I could get more time to myself and solo holidays with my husband once and a while😅 sometimes I can't be bothered because its been a heavy month at work and I just need a recharge.
If you can offer to help to a mom - especially a single mom but not only single mom - please do. In this world, anything really valuable/important is not going to come easily. It is going to suck or be exhausting at times. Hang in there, Mommy. I promise it will be worth it when all is said & done.
I wish had heard this, I was on the fence, but had my son at 39. Yes, the father bailed at 6 months. I became what I dreaded most, a single mom. When my son was 10 months old , I discovered he wasn’t meeting his milestones. After an evaluation. He is a SP NEEDS kid. Fortunately I’m a nurse, but w/o going into details. I agree. Love him, but if given the choice would not do it again.no friends, no help, no invitations, social isolation, no bf, no sex, just work/custodial care. Motherhood is for the Uber wealthy😂😂
As a mother and a grandmother...having children is difficult, especially if you're a single mother with little to no support system. However, it is no different from any other thing in life. Having a career is difficult But would you rather be unemployed? Having a home is difficult But would you rather be homeless? Anything worthwhile aint easy! Motherhood is hard. I was a single mom I was homeless at one point I struggled financially. I had a child with special needs But I am glad I made the decision. Motherhood has brought me joy and made me into a better person. Any hardships ( finances, postpartumetc) is only temporary! All of the older women I know who chose not to have children ( abortion/ adoption) deeply regret they aborted or they are actively trying to find their children. Now my child is an adult and I have the blessing of being granny!
Notcie how few mention their partners, the father of the children? Thats because they don't have husbands. Women will become depressed and overwhelmed and wish away the babies if they have to shoulder all responsibilities and sacrifice their life. Mothers are supposed to have simple and supported lives, provided for by the husband and community. This 'regret' over having kids is downstream of the breakdown of the family.
I agreed with everhthing minus the "village" aspect. You didn't involve people in your family planning decision, and they certainly didn't lay in the bed with you. Why should they help you raise your kid?
I haven’t read that much into the comments but I do wanna make mine anyways. First of all I will say that I only have one child and when I was pregnant with her I wasn’t ready to be a mother and I never really wanted to be one but the father of my child emotionally guilted me into having her and I can’t thank him enough to this day that she is here! However I was a terrible mother. I only had her because I was in love with her father and he wanted me to have her. He was a Jehovah’s Witness and didn’t believe in abortion. However it turned out he did believe in abuse and abandonment. Long story short I ended up having to raise a child on my own that I never even wanted. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. However throughout her childhood I had ups and downs in being a good mother I didn’t really get my shit together till she was like 15 years old now she’s 24 and she is my rock! I have worked really hard at repairing our relationship in the past 10 years however I still don’t feel like I deserve her forgiveness but she gives it to me anyway! I really do feel blessed even though I did not want to be a mother and I was certainly not good at it I finally got it together in time enough to salvage our relationship. I know this might piss some people off but I gotta say even though my daughter turned out to be my saving grace she had to go through a lot of heartache and bullshit in her childhood because of me not being a good mother. So my question is this: Should Women have children when they don’t want to? Is it fair to the child to grow up in a home where they are either abused or not abused and taken care of and loved but it’s kind of forced and the kid can always kind of feel it??
The fantasy of having a happy family is what I would love. But this is reality not a fantasy. It won’t be like what I imagine in my head. I’m 21 when I was 19 n below I said I wanted 4 kids. But seeing videos like these changed my perspective. It is true women are expected to do all the “child work” and it’s not even seen as “work”. Unless you have a husband that makes a lot of money and you can have ur own allowance that seems reasonable. But most men don’t make enough money for you to live that way. So you will have double the work bc u most likely will still have to work at a job and take care of kids. Nah… I’ll just have a man and a couple pets. Plus my body will be ruined and I’ll have to go through feeling insecure about it. I’m already not that confident and for something like that to drastically change my appearance I might just get incredibly depressed. And what if my husband doesn’t treat me the same bc I look different. Not all men are gonna be this perfect husband and find u extremely beautiful after having kids. He didn’t get with me when i had this messed up body. I looked the complete opposite and that’s what he was attracted to. I mean men know it’s inevitable for our bodies to change. But what if they weren’t expecting u to look THAT different. My sister is 24 and 4 months pregnant. I will get to see how motherhood goes for her. And what I examine will have a big impact on if I would ever even think about having kids. She’s like my experiment fr. And she’s also not married to the dad. They are together but we will see how everything unfolds.
Yes fellow tired worn out moms i feel your pain. I have arrested development and am 42 but feel like a child, yet i am a mother of 2. Mothers sacrifice and we give and give, but it is 2024 and we are living in a very different time. We need help, all kinds of help. I live in India, and am happy about having maids, but still being a mom is hard, it is a non stop thankless task. I literally feel like i have an invisible shackles on me. But the only women that seem to have a good go at motherhood is when their husband is amazing. When husband helps with kids and enjoys interacting with them and playing with them and disciplining and really leading the family, those woman are so fortunate i get so jealous. But we don't live in an agrarian society. Women need other women. And we should stick together. It does take a village to raise well rounded children. I love my kids but even my body reacts to the constant demands and my shoulders are so tight and i feel unseen boulders on them. I don't mind doing my dharma, but like i never get time alone inlu when they're at school. My favorite time of day is when everyone is asleep. I thirst for silence and solitude. We need that or ur eye starts twitching and then somwtimes i freak out and start cursing at my kids, and my husband gets angry, shen actually that anger im feeling that makes me freak out, is the fact that he is always home but does never barely help with the kids, meanwhile i am always with them and i have to share my bedroom with them and ofgen times sleep like a dog at the corner of my bed because they take up the space. He barely interacts with them, and i bug out having to care and care until i get sick because my immunity goes down from endless days that seem to bleed into the next. While my husband even though an entrepreneur and technogeek, he has plenty of time throughout the day to text other women, play games on his phone on the oculus, and never cooks. Why is it always up to women to cook? My father he used to cook most the meals for my step mom, and i don't think men realize how much more we would love them and give them more sex if they would do things that were caring like cooking, at least washing their own laundry, spending even 1 hour a day with the kids, like take them somewhere for the love of God. Women are people too and we need a break.
