11 Brutal Truths Men Over 40 Need to Accept to Live Their Best Lives 

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Divorced an extremely toxic person after 12 yrs at 42 yrs old, with no home, just £3k and 2 young girls to bring up. I lived by the principles in this video and 20 yrs later, house paid off, career success every year, daughters doing great - it's never too late to hit that reset button.

I'm 45, after 20 years of being in relationships, I'm 3 years walking my own path. Glorious

Just turned 44 today 17 October 2022. My woman upped and left 2 weeks ago because the lifestyle we have was not "good enough for her'" I wish her a life that is good enough. This message was aimed for me by the universe.

Love your videos mate. I am 52... My girlfriend is 34... and she saved my life. Literally... I was stressed to the max, I was drinking 4 bottles of whiskey a week, my blood pressure was through the roof, I was over weight, I detested my job... I felt old and a mental wreck... What the F^*K she saw in me I have know idea. Now, two years on... I quit my job, we have started a business together which has been so blessed with early success, She has put me on her fitness program, I am now fit, healthy, haven't touched alcohol in three months... (although I confess I do still like my whiskey and wine), have returned to church... feeling freeking amazing and ready to put in another 52 years. The company you keep..!

“Fear gets in the way of living your best life.” Spot on.

I’m starting over at 47 and it’s hard, but I’m going in a direction that I’ve wanted since I was a teen. I’m focused on my health, sobriety, music, self employment and overall a balance that works for me.

I had to learn that “Life is not a longevity contest”. I had to go thru many of what you described. I’m 59, single now, have kidney cancer but I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. It’s all in what you expect out of life and what you think you deserve. Bottom line is we don’t really deserve much so be happy with what you have.

54 and loving the MGTOW life, left behind 80% of my family and 98% of my so called friends.

Seneca said, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

Great reminders. Thanks. At 54, I have hit the reset a couple of times in the last 5 years since leaving a toxic marriage. I can relate to all of these brutal truths. It isn't just those of us over 40 that need to accept these. I wish I would have learned them at 19 instead of 49. If anyone needs a synopsis: 1. Let go of people that aren't good for you 2. Time is precious 3. Not everyone is going to like you 4. Life isn't fair 5. Some people have it better 6. People will try to walk over you 7. You are not entitled to anything 8. Dating is complicated 9. Fear gets in the way 10. We are all going to die 11. There is no such thing as the perfect time Watch the video. Excellent discussion of each truth. Thanks again.

This popped up at the right time for me just now. I’m 47 and told my wife of 19 years on Sunday I can’t do it any more. I’d waited years hoping things would change. I’d tried my best. It had been sexless and pretty emotionless for maybe 10. She just turned away and refused any kind of closeness, even hugs. I always tried initiating things but she never did. Now I’m the bad person in her eyes. I’ve robbed her of 20 years of her life according to her even though I’ve paid nearly all the bills and given her a wage from my business each month too! Guys if you’re living in a cold sexless marriage it doesn’t get better in most cases and you really need to get out ASAP regardless of family situation. My kids are now 18 and 16 and I stuck around for them but should’ve ended things years ago. I’m being as kind as I can to my wife/ex wife even though she’s giving me huge amounts of anger. My kids don’t deserve to be caught up in bitterness and certainly I don’t want them seeing it come from me. I had moved on emotionally a while ago but feared the actual doing of it in reality but I honestly feel huge relief now. I’m 5 days in and now the separation itself will get hard work and could get nasty but each day I feel calmer and more driven to finally do all the things I should’ve been doing.

I turn 60 this week and I must admit it has had a strange effect on me. I am faced with my own mortality and some regret about some past decisions. Thank you for the video

Love this video. I was in a verbally abusive marriage and stayed for the kids for about 21 years. I am now 51 and living my best life with my current wife and have a great relationship with my 18 year old son and 27 year old daughter. It is never to late brothers.

Married 50 years next June and proud of the fact!!!

John my friend, I just separated from my wife literally because of what you just said she's a good person just not good for me and this was after 4 years of marriage, man this video is exactly what I needed to hear I'm doing well with it but this is extra assurance, THANK YOU! I'm working on becoming a Police Officer and she was dragging me down too far to keep climbing without letting go sadly she was lazy and doing nothing for herself for years, then cared about the 13 cats (yes that's correctly typed) and made our apartment unsanitary and just couldn't take it anymore so now I'm in a big apartment of my own and looking forward so again great video!

Excellent John. My life and self actualization improved dramatically letting go of toxic friends, getting my self out of toxic work relationships, dramatically reducing time with toxic family members and focusing on people and situations that leverage my strengths.

50 year old here- after a 20 year marriage, I’m so glad To be away from that toxic woman. It’s as if a boulder has been removed from around my neck.

I'm an old guy. 69. I was happily married for 35 years. My wife just left in the morning before I got up one day and never came back. We both were 60 at the time. I never got over it. How do you do a re start at 70 years old? Who even wants to? I understand what happened to me has happened to many thousands of guys your age. I hope you can help them not end up like me.

I found a decal last winter that helped me a lot about my perspective of my self-image and public image. It says, "Life is not about FINDING yourself. Life is about CREATING yourself."

I love your comment on "some people aren't good for you,& you aren't good for some people". That's a "brutal" truth I've focused on lately. Through my journey of becoming my best version I can be, the reality is that even at my best.... I'm not necessarily "IT" for that one I had the desire to be with. Some people are in our lives for just a season. It's life!

I would add one thing; You can't save the people you love. Whether it's their smoking habit, their continuous difficulty in romantic relationships, or just the fact that something about them makes them a shit magnet, you will never be able to move the needle on them solving their problems, even when the answers they lack seem obvious to you. Everyone has to do their own math.

Not quite 40 but something that has followed me through life was that “you shouldn’t be rewarded for what you’re expected to do”. You’re absolutely right, we’re not entitled to anything. And if you really want to set yourself apart, take accountability and show humility.

I left my closest friend of decades because he turned into someone I don't recognize anymore. After a nasty divorce, he just turned crazy. We stood by him for years after but he kept spiraling down and turned on us, including lying and stealing from us. It got to the point that none of us could be around anymore without being dragged down to bad places, so we all left.

Topics you discussed are all there out in the open but we all need a good reminder when we’re going through a rough patch in life . Keep up the good work, will keep on supporting, have a good day.

Legend!! Thanks for this!! At times, I fall into the bad habit of comparing myself to others, which is so easy to do when on social media. I'm progressively learning that I am An Original who copies nobody, and I'm not meant to fit in, because I was born to stand out!!! Thanks again!! 👍🏾

Great video! So much truth in what you said. I turn 58 on the 22nd and this past year has been brutal. I lost my wife of 35 years to cancer last year and my life has changed completely. She was amazing in every way possible and it feels like a part of me is gone. But by taking it a day at a time, I'm doing good. I guess what I am saying is we have to face things head on and not let the truths beat us down or hold us back.

I'm 45 and after almost 30yrs of heavy drinking I'm one month sober. Gutted I've wasted so much of my life and not reached my full potential but I'm going to make the most of what time I have left on this planet

Very true. Recently I broke ties with a supposed good friend after years of dealing with his jealousy that he attempted to disguise with sarcastic humor. I must say I feel much happier with that toxicity removed from my life. I now wished I had blocked him many years ago when things started to really transform into a blatant one way friendship. Many of the examples and analogies you gave described his personality disorder and his selfishness to a T! Oh, and his poor wife. She’s such a kind soul. I have no idea how she hangs in.

Great video John and I am glad you spelled it out! I once heard someone using the metaphor of relationships as a train, some people stay throughout the whole journey while others step in and out of the train. Thanks for all the great content you create and share on your channel!

Your statements about "waiting for the right moment" hit close to home. In 2009, I went on a Caribbean cruise with a group of ~90 people. One afternoon I decided to ask one of the ladies out, so I wandered around the ship to see if I could find her. (~2,000 passengers. How hard could it be?) When I found her, she was having a conversation with another man who I *knew* was interested in her. It was a less than ideal moment, but it was what I had. (What were my chances of randomly finding her twice?) So I walked up, apologized for interrupting their conversation, and asked her if she would like to see the show with me that evening. She accepted, and that's how I got my first date with my wife. The other man had spent most of the day around her. That afternoon, he was still waiting for "the right moment" to make his move. In contrast, I took the only moment I had, and made the most of it.

Great advice John! Sometimes to live the life you want you have to let go of the people and things in your life now. It may sound selfish but it's not.

This is an excellent video. As you said it's nothing new or at least it shouldn't be but it deserves to be said over and often. Toxic people, relationships, and situations need to be ended. As a 64 year old disabled retiree I've had to severely limit interaction with an older relative who believes I owe them my time, efforts, and should be available for their needs 24/7. The answer I gave was no. It wasn't easy but it was necessary. You can't sacrifice your happiness for the toxic miseries of someone else. Again, excellent video, John.

This is such a nice video. Fear is the biggest limiting factor that stops so many people to go for what their true self wants.. But fear is very important for me, especially in those cases where my dignity and self respect is at stake. Apart from that, as Mark Twain said, we worry about most of the things that don’t even occur. As I have crossed 40, I realized that my peace and contentment matter more than being cool, being hot, being the it for anyone or anybody in this world.

Great video! Great information! I forwarded it to the 21 year old girl I am teaching to call square dances and I told her the only thing she needed to ignore was the men's face products commercial!

After almost 14 years in law I took a sabbatical for one year at 41 and moved half way across the world over 15 years ago. Met a woman and settled down, sold house and bought land in her name. Had a kid. The past less than 5 years have seen that marriage break up, she sold the land, my father died, I had some serious health problems that required an operation. Discovered our son has a chronic health condition and he's had two tumours removed. Two new bosses in three years - each with own set of ideas and agenda led to stress at work leading to stage three hypertension crisis where thought going to have heart attack. Mother died. Have just had a prostate cancer scare. All in under 5 yrs. 56. Sometimes feel like it'll never get better. One thing after the other but still get up every day and get out there. Life can be hard but then I look at people born with disabilities with their whole life a massive struggle and I think that I ain't had it so bad after all

I’m 59 and I did realize that my life is somewhat paradox. Even though I did chose the wrong way in probably all important decisions, my life is really good.

Excellent focal points that we can center ourselves around to give us clarity and to be honest in our own personal sphere helps us to achieve the improvements we want to make in our lives thanks for sharing this video!

I finally broke away from my older brother; it took decades, but I finally did it-- easier than I thought!

That was well done. I’m encouraged by being reminded of a number of those things that, while I know them , are easy to lose sight of - Thanks

You give such good advice..I had so called friends and family that were so negative that I moved on and got new friends thru clubs etc .. life isn't a rehearsal, it's a one time event to be happy and make other people's lives better and as happy as you can assist them.

I'm 48 almost 49 and have tried to find the right one, being the nice guy but just keep riding the marry go round , then just got off of it and threw in the towel. I have learned to accept that it is what it is and just move on and do my own thing. Normal relationships will never recoup what they once were in this day in time, no matter how honest, or truthful you are in todays world.

I'm fifty five and retired and at the point of needing to re-invent my life. It seems that life changed all of a sudden and now I'm having to figure out what to do next.

When I got divorced in 1994, I knew it was the right decision. It was hard of course especially as we had 2 kids of 12 & 2. Now in 2022, I know that it was the right decision and now those young children are adults and both say words to the effect "how did you (i.e. me their dad) get together with mum? You are so different". We speak when we have to nowadays but live 120 miles apart so no chance of just bumping into each other.

Great advice, I pressed my reset button at 65 and I am enjoying my life forward.

I'm 41, married with 2 kids in elementary school. Not only is this good advice for someone like me, this is pure gold for my son to hear before he hits the real world as an adult (he's only 11 right now, so still has some time to enjoy being a kid). Keep up the good content!

I agree. At the end of my 30’s I moved and stepped away from a lot of people. Loved them all dearly, but they were holding me back, so in some regard I’m glad a few incidents happened to propel me into moving forward without them. I’ve spent the last year or so trying to stay more focused on my goals, as trivial as they may sound to greater society. You called it focusing on your path I believe. Sadly, since I got off my path to follow the, “norms”, of society, I didn’t ever fulfill my true goal at 19/20 years old. But it’s weird because something inside me told me I had to go back and work on that goal I once had, that that was the key to the next chapter forward. And, I can say that the last year, despite all the tv lies and evil being perpetrated, was one of the best of my life yet. And, I’ve done lots of things and have had some incredible years; times I could write books about. But something about going back to this long lost goal I had as a young man has given me more rooted, deep, satisfaction than many other things I’ve achieved in life. To be honest, the last thing left for me is to meet the right girl and have a family. But at 40, that’s getting more and more daunting as time seems to slip slide away faster than ever before. I pray to God it can still happen. But, I know I’m on my path. So that’s everything right now. Luck is when opportunity meets preparedness, and I hope when opportunity strikes, my heart is fully prepared. Until then I will stay focused on my path and keep the same high levels of uncompromising discipline I have.

I recognise most of what has been said here and lived a lot of it - Enjoying single life and business is good - Thank God.

Being 46, your video hits home brother. Thank You for what you do!

I am in my 20s and this is great advice. Hopefully by the time I am in my 40s I could look back and be happy about the way things turned out. 🙏

John, I'm 43... That hit in the feels.... Just wow... Much love my friend... #hittingresetbutton #legend

Now is the time! Thank you, John.

I've fired a few people in my career - in every case, they were not shocked, they knew they were in the wrong job, and they were always relieved their nightmare was over. They always moved on to better things in roles that were suited to their skills and personalities - and I've always been happy for them. On one occasion the guy I'd just fired shook my hand in gratitude admitting he hadn't slept for days due to the stress and he accepted this was the right thing for everyone. And yes - in my long career, I've been fired a few times and in every case I learned from it and used it to improve my career path. I learned my true limits, and stayed within them thereafter. Getting fired is often an opportunity, if you choose to view it that way.

This is some of the best content you have put out. Gold

Well I turn 60 today and I live my life the way I choose too. I selling my place after 6 yrs for twice what I paid for it and I am moving to Italy and will surround myself with the zest towards eating the best foods and enjoying the culture.

I love how outta nowhere he busted out with the pitch of the face product. We having a nice time listening all of a sudden Buy! Buy! Buy! LMFAO.

I'm 36 and in a bad place right now, but this video helped me out so much, thank you.

After years of accepting friends who simply weren't good for me, I'm now able to see the bad stuff early on & keep my distance. This is part of the self discipline I was finally able to develop after a life time of mistakes, all having to do with impulsive pleasure seeking. I'm now on the right path. I try very hard to stick to what I need, rather than what I want. Not easy, but I'm slowly getting introduced to myself, meaning the man I was meant to be. Big surprise, I had to rescue myself, because no one else would. It only took me 60+ years to figure this out :)

So true ! I turn 40 next month my husband is 48 and we met 3 years ago and married at beginning of yr. We have the most amazing relationship and both had to let go of bad relationships, marriages and other people and was just enjoying life doing own thing then it all came together. I retired at 32 he is still working hopefully will in next few years. But life is short and too short to put up with BS and waste time and energy and money. I have 4 son teens to early 20s and try teaching them all these lessons now to make life easier. Find someone who shares way you think and goals. Find people who are mentally healthy and available not holding on to past experiences and excuses. I never hold him to anything someone else has done or past relationships. We love doing things together and have fun and communicate like adults. I see so many people go after wrong people when they should have listened to red flags but ignore them . Sometimes what you think you want and what you need doesn't line up and should what you needed becomes everything you want. Good luck to everyone.

Thanks for your positive thoughts as always,even though it's not but it's giving a shot for my own growth-Thanks John

I was married for 18 years and we had 4 children. In the end she wanted relocation so she claimed domestic violence. It was the only accusation in AZ that allows for relocation with kids. Horrible to be accused of that as family court puts the burden of proof on the one being accused-unlike criminal court. We had been together for 25 years with 4 children and lived by family for years. Never a claim prior, no pics, no witnesses, no diary entry, no mention to a family member and I still have to prove I didn’t do anything. Amazing. She just wanted to hurt me by draining me Financially and by keeping my kids from me. I spent 10 years in court and spent over $250k fighting for my kids plus she got half of all my things. Women are for fun. I don’t think I would ever get serious again. I have been extremely happy for the past 8 years single.

Dated the girl of my dreams. Fun, outgoing, extremely attractive, and sexy. Felt like we were solemates. Single man with three children. Now with her.....I felt my life was fulfilled. However the red flags were there, I just ignored them. Money missing from my wallet, dishonesty, entitlement attitude, jealousy when I spent time with my kids. I finally couldn't take it any longer. To this day I still miss her, but I'm so happy I made the decision to move on. There's a song on the radio called Gorgeous Nightmare. It always reminds me of her.

John, you would make an excellent life coach, counselor, therapist. I am in sync with all you have said and I pretty much live my life that way. By the way, love the shirt.

I’m past that age now but good advice for 40’s and at any age. Thanks for the video.

Thanks John, the effort, time and creativity you make... is appreciated. Cheers to you sir 😎

Much like how we should be choosing our clothes, it’s really about quality over quantity. Having a select number of close family and friends is far more fulfilling than a large number of inauthentic or worse toxic people surrounding you.

Life is precious and time is priceless. Thank you.🙏🏼☺️

I knew the answer to my question, you just verified it! Kinda nice hearing it from someone else. You earned a new subscriber! Great video!

Great advice to live your best life. Being single with no kids always gives me the chance to start fresh with no baggage.

The bottom line is that the only person that can have an impact on your life is you! Focus on the things you control and not on the things out of your control.

thanks so much, john. once again, terrific content and so "spot on". i retired two years ago from the san francisco bay area where i had long term friends (35 years and whom i considered family) and several of them exiled me for leaving (especially to administrative support my 90 year old mother. this was such a disappointment , but you are absolutely right. (the moment i became an "afterthought", it was time to sever those ties and move on. i am happy to say and with subsequent events, my transition was, absolutely the right thing for me to do. i have time with my mother that i WILL NEVER get back or my accomplishments cannot be taken from me. i have a rather beautiful home (at least, i thinkg so lol!!), and a job landed in my lap that allows me to continue to use my complete skill set. However, the sadness and disappointment are still very much there. it is just nice to hear that i was not alone or "crazy". thanks so much again.

Just great truth and advice. All apart of better living a better life and one’s best life.

awesome video, thanks for being here

Turned 57 yesterday-you're not wrong. Good reminders for anyone.

Legend. Great points, John.

That was a great video man! You told it like it is. That’s how we should lead our lives.

Excellent ideas and topics. Legend. I have always found it best to surround myself with people who are more successful than I am. Therefore I'm in a situation where I am learning from others and that helps me aspire. And I've also eliminated the toxic people who are jealous. And because people love to talk about themselves and their successes and what's happening it's very easy to be around people who are inspirational. So as a result, that's how I take getting rid of toxic people in my life. It's also why I am not on social media. I really could care less where somebody went on vacation, or if they painted their house, or got a new car. I compete with myself. I don't compete with others. That's the healthy way to do it, I don't need to shout to the world the minuscule things that I'm doing so I can feel as though I'm keeping up with the Joneses. Now if I could only do that with women!

You said a lot of things that I wanted to hear to move on with my life. Thank you good sir, you just got yourself a new subscriber 😁

Im 36 looking for a jumpstart on 40. I’ve lost over 20 lbs, I’m getting in shape, I’ve got a skin care routine, and my finances are in order. I’m gonna make my 40s awesome.

This video is bustin' at the seams with valuable wisdom!

Great video glad you posted keep them coming thanks

8:00 We all know we all leave this world at some point. What matters to every man is when that time approaches to a near he will want to leave with no pain, no guilt and no regret! Most of us that hit over 40 have gone through some real tough battles in life. And whether or not we got through it, the one thing every man doesn't want lingering over his head is I should have done this better or I wish I would have made that decision ......The only thing I can tell every guy out there is what ever you do you should exhaust every option before you end up feeling sorry for yourself or having any kind of regrets.(love, finance, career ect.)

John, one of your best and most meaningful episodes yet. Peace.

I don’t even know how I ended up here, maybe it was the thumbnail lol, but I love how you’re helping men live their best life! ❤️

Nice video John. Regarding fear, there is a simple acronym to explain fear: F.E.A.R. = False Expectations Appearing Real. Just wanted to share that. Steve

Sound advice. At 59 years young, I still stumble. Lessons along the way.

I'm 26 yrs old and i facing this problem for couple years.and its true,letting go is hard.but its worth it.

Good advice. I just turned 60 and I enjoy hearing this message. Oh my pic, I was 50 there.

All so very true. I am a bit older than 43 at 64 and somedays I think about my existence but as my daughter says we are all made of stardust (which is kinda true when you think about it) so I look up at the stars and think hey I am lucky to be here. I find as I get older I don't care if people don't care about me.....I just want to be happy with everything I do.

“People will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'WELCOME' written on it” Andy Partridge XTC.

Some very wise advice. I really like your channel. It's not just fashion tips, it's lifestyle tips. I was a mess as a young man. As an old guy, I am finally getting it together. Your videos are helpful.

I really needed to hear this today.

No man is worth more to anyone but himself. A very hard lesson.

I'm 40 and have had death anxiety pretty much most of my life... Well it did stop for a long time but it's back again...But I think it's because I have already died from getting hit by a car when I was a teenager and turning 40 a few months ago kind of messed with me. It doesn't stop me from getting things done but man... Living with it on my mind so much sucks

So true, really gives us something to think about. Be wise with your time gentlemen

This video came across my feed at the right time. I really needed to hear this. Thank you

Great advice as always John 👍

Gees, another on point video and a lot of good points.

Very motivational and very uplifting indeed! We need people like you who can do a sort of 'spiritual re-charging' 👍👍 God Bless you.

This video couldn't come for me at a better time ... guidance and inspiration to move on ...thanks