5 Ways You're Subconsciously Sabotaging Yourself 

Okay, truth time - which one are you doing most?

No one is coming. No Prince Charming. And, I am not Cinderella. I grew up with the ridiculous idea and expectation that a man would make me happy and keep me safe. But that isn't reality. Because if a man can do that, he can also make you miserable and unsafe. It is entirely up to me to choose the paths that are safe and loving. I am my own Prince Charming!

1. Assuming other people are judging you ; solution - assume people like you 2. Waiting to be Happy - Thinking you'll only be happy "if x" - solution - allow yourself to be happy now! 3. Expecting people to change, or help you (without asking) - solution - ask, and if they don't change, change your expectations. 4. Stopping/Giving when life gets hard - solution - make the most of your life despite 5. You're the Expert and Boss Of You -- no one else is as invested. *I changed the language because I thought it was kind of triggering.*

"Happiness is not a destination. It is a decision." I LIVE FOR THIS ❤

I have never listened to another therapist that made as much sense as you. I have watched and absorbed many of your videos. Your logic is healing! Thanks for all of that.

“No one is coming to save you” has become the best advice I’ve heard in ages.

"Flinging mud from the cheap seats" is an excellent way to describe gossips and all round trouble makers. Loved that.

“No one is coming to do it for you, to fix you, to save you.” This is so true and one I spent years denying despite being told something similar many years ago. Once you realize this you can own your power and make things happen for yourself. It isn’t easy but it feels so much better than waiting for others (who, as you say in the video, aren’t nearly as invested in your life as you are) to do it for you. The best freedom is to take responsibility for your self, your feelings, your actions, the direction your life is going. Lead yourself. Look deeply, look and see - don’t mind read. In a very real sense, I think we can say someone is coming and that someone is you (i.e. yourself, I, me). That is what has been missing - self-love, self-care, self-direction. I’ve been looking outside, scared to death of what someone might be thinking, knocked out of the seat of my own consciousness, waiting to be restored to my place within myself. It’s up to me. Yes. Such a great video. These are the best ones I’ve seen on RU-vid and they have been very helpful to me. Thank you, Julia.

In response to 12:22. Life doesn't get easier, you just get stronger.

Must work on mind reading. Ruined a lot of good relationships this way.

No one is coming is definitely hard to accept

"Happiness is not a destination, it's a Decision " best advise I've ever recieved.

Thank you for your wisdom. "Nobody is coming", strangely made me feel I had permission to move forward without having to wait.

I learned that late in life, that no one is coming... but wow!!! Yesssss it is so liberating!

No one is coming to do it for you. Liberating Liberating. Never thought of it that way. Thanks for all your knowledge and help

Brought some tears so it triggered something. I think I spent years waiting for someone to come and rescue me from life and make everything better. I finally realized I have to do that for myself. Spent a lot of wasted years😩 I do sometimes think others are thinking bad things about me or they don’t like me if I don’t hear from them for a while. I tend to jump to the worst conclusion which I know is ridiculous lol! Thanks for another great video. You’re wise beyond your years.❤️

Happiness (as opposed to peacefulness and contentedness) is a fleeting thing at the best of times and I think people tend to chase it too hard. I find the best way to deal with those ups and downs is to focus on living in the present and commit yourself to practicing it. Gratitude for what most people consider the basic things in life ie/ a roof over your head, a warm place to sleep, food to eat, love and just the fact that you're still alive is really what counts imo....so I remind myself of that every time I start questioning my 'happiness'. Rather than tossing a ball over my shoulder for my dog while I'm sitting in front of the computer, I take time to engage with him, to really see his excitement and playfulness, far away from screens... and as a result, we both walk away so much happier and appreciative. I take time to have face to face conversations with friends at least once a week. Some people might look at my quiet lifestyle here in the Gulf Islands as "oh my, that poor girl, she's all alone...she's 'stuck' in life", but really, it's the opposite. By removing myself from all the mental clutter of my previous, rushed city life, I forced myself to get acquainted with myself, to start asking myself hard, uncomfortable questions...left with no recourse other than to answer those questions honestly. Now those problems are gone, dealt with. What I discovered after doing this, (aside from those basic fundamentals I mentioned earlier), was that everything else in life is just 'unnecessary extras'....just fluff. Thanks for the piece on 'mind reading', I needed that. I've had a couple confusing experiences with neighbours playing games with me (after not getting something from me that they wanted mind you as I'm steadfast on my boundaries these days) that had me working out their motives in my mind. Stupid really, as I can't possibly know for sure what's going on in their mind....and most importantly, as you said, "It. Is. None. Of. My. Business". lol As always, thank you so much for all your life changing insight....it really helps me through my day to day journey :)

Oh yes, happiness is a decision, not a destination. So good!

Thank you you are phenomenal that was like a year of therapy saved

“No one is coming”....(sound of crickets)hmmm well I better just get on with taking care of myself! 😂. Nothing like a good ol slap of reality! Thank you soooo much! Love your channel!👏💕

“There is no rescue boat coming, keep threading water, ride the wave to the shore, and save yourself.” I got off my ass and started to heal when I wrote this to myself. Blessings to all on their personal journey.

All of these. But the two biggest were the expectations we put on others, and NO One is coming. So good. Thank you, Julia. Eye opener for me.

"No one is coming!!" What perfect words to hear. I am 100% alone in this world now. It's gonna be a challenge I can already tell but I accept.

No one is coming is the best thing I have heard. Wow wow wow. Game changer !!! We got this !!! Love life and succeed!!!!

Valiable message! I actually have come to that conclusion. No one is necessary to keep me afloat...only God I walk with Him. My comfort always lies in praying and reading the Bible.

“Happiness is not a destination. It is a decision.” That was a good one! Thank you.

I love the idea of happiness being a decision and not a destination. I really needed that today. Thanks!

Mind reading and assuming that people are thinking negative things about me...it never comes to my mind that someone might be thinking something positive about me. Thank you for this! Your channel is really helpful and your videos are often exactly what I needed to hear :) Keep doing what you're doing. 💗👍

I LOVE that being HAPPY IS NOT A DESTINATION- IT IS A DECISION!!!

Much love and thanks to you. This resonated so much with me. It's incredible you are creating content like this for free. Please keep doing so. Bless you.

"Flinging mud from the cheap seats" - as a person who thinks heavily in metaphors, I am totally adding that to my mental self-talk library, and not allowing the behavior it describes to infect my outlook. Thank you for that, Julia! And thank you from all of us whose lives you are touching with your spot-on, thoughtful, and caring guidance. Love your heart!

very clear and beautifully delivered............

WAUW, you nailed it again. To the point, I love it!!!!!!!!! It sets you free😃 You are responsible for your own life. So you better make something beautiful of it. I'm 65years old, so I don't let anybody spoil a second of my time. And anybody means also myself. In the past I let people run over my. I don't let them do that anymore. I'm not a people pleaser anymore. I noticed that I've gain more respect. Life is treating me well these days. Thank you for being a part of that😍

I was following you and observing your videos. It is amazing to see how you are improving your content while keeping it minimalist, black&white, no rework or cutting, it is just amazing. Thanks Julia ! 🤗

First time here. I'm genuinely impressed Julia... you hit every nail on every head and framed it in a way for me to deeply understand. Thank you

No one is coming....is a bummer, but so true. Thanks for the much needed reminder.

Fantastic ! Wonderful, life-changing, wisdom here; thank you as always, Julia!

I just watched this video and you other video on motivation. Thanks for these, they are really great. Keep up the good work!

You are most definitely my favourite self-improvement teacher so far! Sharing all over the place ;) The most important truth for me here.. no one is coming.

Thank you for making the time to create this video since I can definitely relate to a few of these points currently in my life. I appreciate what you are doing and the friend who recommended me this video as I am currently “stuck” in my life for the time being.

Thank you for this, Julia!

When you said "it's none of your business" it weirdly clicked with me! This is a great video! Keep up the good work!

Expecting someone to come! That statement was beyond liberating. I am struggling with co-dependency and I always had this fantasy that someone was going to come into my life and make it all better. Little did I know. So hearing your statement about this was confirmation and it gave me that extra boost to get me to fight this another day. Thanks Julia!

Everything you said is So liberating I swear I don’t feel as stuck as I most of the time feel! Thanks 🙏🏼

Changing from assuming others have negative thoughts/feelings about me, to assuming they have positive feelings....so powerful!! That will definitely give myself and many others such confidence!! I see so much good in others, so I'm sure they must of me as well :) thank you!!

Hey Julia, my name is Dakota and I only started watching your videos this past weekend, and I cannot believe how you hit the nail on the head with so many EXACT thoughts I've had and it makes me feel so normal to know I have regular problems and there are solutions for them! So encouraging and thanks for all your time and effort for these videos!

Totally need this ..love this! Awesome pep talk! Thankyou!

I am soaking this in - excellent talk - thank you, Julia.

I can't even express how much this speaks to me. I never thought much of self sabotaging but holy cow some of this is SO me! Love how this brought more self awareness! Thank you!!

Nobody is coming to the rescue. It is liberating and inspiring. Thank you.

One of the best gems of RU-vid. Thank you so much 😍😘

Wooo! Thank you so much for doing this, it helps and you are making the difference you’re aiming for

I so love this, powerful stuff. Thanks Julia!!

Love it. Thank you Julia!

No one is coming - this hit me straight in head. I have been watching your videos lately..Julia , I must say.. U say all that I am going through and teach me how to get out of things. Thank you .

love this -- thank you, Julia!

This was a wonderful suggestion about wondering what other are thinking of me. Never thought about it that way and its so true. Thank you so much!

Very liberating. The statement that no one is going to come for us. Thanks

Thank you for this Vid. I learned so much about these processes, and how I need to incorporate them into my life. Makes my outlook appear so different. Glad I watched.

I look forward to you videos. Always so helpful. Glad to see you back. 💙💕💙

Thank you a lot for this! 💜😊 It helped

You are so passionate and inspiring!

Thank you. I needed to hear that.

The last one was genius! Incredibly liberating but really devastating at the sametime

The way you deliver the message is superb! Thank you! I learned a lot.

You are speaking to my soul. Truths I need to hear and remind myself every day. Thank you

Expecting things from people that they are not offering hits home especially when you mention that it's putting my happiness on their shoulders. And when you mention that it may be coming from those of us who are more empathetic and in tune with other people's emotions it strikes a chord.

Wow....I can’t deny that I’m guilty of them all. Probably the biggest being mind reading. I often assume something only to find out I was completely and embarrassingly incorrect. I’m so glad I found your channel. Just the fact that you give so much good advice for so many is a comfort. Thank you.

You have really made me think about so much! Thank you!

I enjoy watching your videos. You're so upbeat and direct. You resonate with me. Thanks 😘

Thank you so much dr. Julia kristina 🥰

The last one is fantastic! Something that I have recently realized. I am much more content now understanding this concept.

Thank you for these videos. The topics are so poignant and clear.

Definitely a wonderful video; I subscribed from this! I learnt a lot of changed perspective with the first one(I realized how I still need to continue learning how to address my problems or upsets with other people because it's something I've & many other people have not been taught to do; so thankfully because of this & even my own past researches into psychology: I'd be continuing to speak up over myself & what I may not like- it's either addressing it or allowing people to have that negative opinion over us because it's none of our business what other people think unless it does impose a means to intervene), and even bits of each one, especially the last one. I find it liberating, with the last one, though it definitely is a means to have a self-wake-up call. We're always going to be the ones who decide on a consistent basis, to show up for ourselves, and direct our decision to self-improve, and help ourselves. The last one does make me think though, I feel it's still important to know sometimes to know when to reach out for help, or interdependent supportive roles in our lives, because though it is in our own power to redirect our lives, therapy genuinely helps. And am sure you would agree on this one! Lovely video, and am very glad I've come across your digital page here! Very helpful. Thank you!

Totally inspiring and liberating full stop! Yes!

Thank you so much for these videos I really like them and the way you showcase topics.

So powerful. Thank you 🦄

I can listen to you all day. I’m crying and happy all at the same time.

This is really encouraging for the crisis I am going through. Thank you.

A characteristic example taken from my life is the following: Last summer I was working as a waitress in a famous hotel. one of the guests was from Prague. I had a constant notion that he was not liked me, he was hating me, I guessed it from his face, I thought. He stayed for ten consecutive days, all these days I had the same feeling, I was so sure for his feeling. BUT the day he left, he came to me , he told me that the service was great and he would be glad to meet me the next year, he gave me a GENEROUS tip. Many thanks from Greece.

Hi Julia! Thank you!! Amazingly insightful

Happiness is a decision not a destination!! U are one of my new favorite ppl.

ALL very good points! !! I look forward to what's next.

Totally inspiring and liberating Julia you are wise and hugely informative you have lots of tools thank you so much for your beautiful spirit and knowledge xx

That last one was definitely both for me. Apart of me sank, but overall I felt myself raise even further. Thank you so much for this eye opening video, you're wonderful ♥️

Thank you Julia. You really help me alot. Well done!

Thank you for this amazing video!!!❤❤

On my way to a better ME! Thank you for your videos!

Your video is like a warm light of wisdom. Thank you !!!

Hi Kristina, I've watched several of your videos so far and subscribed right away. You have a very fresh and inspiring approach to all these difficult topics and I love love love the way you present. It's super easy to digest and apply your content. I have been appreciating very much everything you have to say. Thank you so much!

I am so, so happy I found your videos. Thank you for what you are doing.

I needed to hear this thank you!

I appreciate all of what you said!!I really felt that when you said...you may feel life is too much and hard...but you want to live and have a good life!! Yes it's so true!! Sometimes we feel that our giving up is valid because of what we've been through and are going through, but it is so true, we want to love life and live better( do better for ourselves instead of sabotaging ourselves)!! That woke me up!! Thank you!!

Thank you beauty for this video ♡ for me I have been through the first one and because of it I fear doing anything in front of people and even I am stressing while eating in front of them

Those are the foundation of emotional sobriety and at least in my case they take a concerted effort. Thank you for reminding me one more time what I need to do today....

OUCH, to "no one is coming". Truth at all costs though. Subsonciously i was expecting someone to come. Thanks Julia, that was an eye-opener for me.

Great video Julia! Thanks😊

This video and it's advice has blown my mind, thank you so much

You are Awesome!! I recently subscribed to your channel & it was 1 of the best decisions I ever made.

I know what some people think about because of the things that they tell about me behind my back. But what u teach is very important .thanks for your teachings