Yes! Mine kept telling me she wanted to rent out her house, buy a luxury camper and take me traveling around Europe, with her paying for everything. Maybe I'd have bought into it, if it wasn't for the fact that I hate camping 😂
Mine told me I had the family I always dreamed of and wanted since i was the scapegoat for my whole family and never felt loved or accepted just used and taken advantage of because my empathy also said we'd get married and have a beautiful life together blah blah blah
Come up with your own UNIQUE content instead of stalking doc ramani in every video of hers in a weak attempt to channel subscribers over to your own channel
Ah the best part is when after he's had his girlfriend experience and he's done with her . He leaves her money on the bedside table and turns completely cold he takes her from the side of the road sweeps her off her feet and when he'd done because it's all about him . . He buys up company's and tears them to shreds for spare parts for a living.Destroying lives on the daily for a living . And he's the best at it. It's how she plays the character after the bedside table scene That's when the movie gets good . You should give it another look Now it gets totally corny and utterly stupid towards the end again but it is a rom com after all . I do think the writer got enough of the message across though .
@@grainoig2 I read that the original script was much darker and had the unhappy ending. Of course, it ended up being made into honestly the worst romcom ever
If you ask me, being lovebombed by a covert is much worse and more dangerous. The grandiose may be effective by making you feel like a king/queen, but that same thing can also work as a red flag. It’s just too good to be true. Something’s off. Even before I had any kind of antinarc awareness, any sudden BIG move from a person that I just met, would have puzzled me. The covert lovebombing though....you should have been there to see it. Subtle, discreet, it was like lovebombing without bombing. No big gifts, no big gestures, no big social media statements, focused mainly on mirroring/twin flames, the tormented, misunderstood soul who just found another person with dignity....yeah, that stuff.
Oh god, so glad I found this coment. 100% agree. i had a covert narc love bombing- we bonded, because we are both super creative and he appreciate and supported my creative side, which nobody ever did. I supported his as well. we were "soulmates" after like 3 dates (yeah it's pretty yucky now), he told me all the time i know him on deepest level, blah blah all that was mirroring and love bombing on like soul level. Of course that literally lasted until I married him, then it turned very dark and ugly. He was very perceptive and intelligent, but unfortunately used it for the worst.
This is exactly what happened to me. Detailed little gestures of kindness, taking time to make me laugh. Being present and seeing me. And we took months as friends before dating. And even marriage proposal was normal meaningful and intimate. And after our 2nd kid I gained a lot of weight, he made me feel good. Problems started when I embarked on self development and I was winning. I trusted him completely at that stage, 7 years into marriage. And that is when I started justifying his abuse. And when I couldn't take it, he would be so loving with sobbing apologies, chocolates and be present again. OMG the evil this person is unleashing even today for me is unbearable. His hobby is to torment me even through abusing our kids because I do not speak to him
Yep, I thought I met my soulmate. I thought we had so much in common. I had no idea of was mirroring. Then he started giving me the silent treatment, and I was always wondering why. Again I had no clue that was a form of abuse. We got engaged after 3 1/2 years, then he ghosted me. It was like I never knew my “soulmate”. It was painful
Wow, my mom did that. I never heard a compliment growing up except when as a little girl she was dressing me up to look good because me and my older sisters where going out with my dad… of course, while telling us how good she was, how bad my dad was and how good of a “good girl” I could be if I was bringing information to her… so F up!
Trust me I know this all too well! My parents did that to me. They knew it was no way my older brother "The Golden Child", wouldn't never tell them anything. But, me (Scapegoat Child), knew I would tell them what they wanted to know about the other. Wow! To find this out at 51yrs old, I can say is never too late, but it sometimes feel like I’m Tina come lately. Never knew I had a narricistic mother!!!
When someone does that shit, I dip. Because NOTHING in this world is free; at least from my perspective. And I'd literally never be able to repay. I see that as a bill. :/
It was once pointed out to me once, that I had a problem receiving, it was described to me if I could enjoy receiving as much as I enjoyed in the giving of gifts etc. I realised after that why I had felt like that!! I had been loved bombed to "death" for so many years, & side swiped, believed that what was happening was genuine and really meant it this 20th /or so times. I always remembered feeling so stupid & so naive as to how I had allowed myself to fall for the BS that love bombing is yet again. On reflection what I had needlessly put my children through. I didn't have the knowledge back then, that I now have. I could watch your videos forever dr. Ramini, you cover every single little minut detail. I feel like I now have my new coat of armour!! I just need to practise the javelin skills!! As ever, always so grateful to you, you are indeed a very special & beautiful soul in every conceivable way, thank you 🙏
I had a guy (long distance) tell me early on that he wanted to take me on a trip. Shortly after, I found out that he once booked a hotel for himself and another woman and never showed up. This woman traveled out of state to meet him and got stuck with the bill and the embarrassment of falling for his bs. I got lucky that I found out about his games early on. Glad I did a little investigating. He also lived with another woman. He enjoyed manipulating women and getting them to fall for him, but had no intention of following through with anything. Turns out, he was both a narcissist and a predator (long story), but the love bombing was definitely a thing. Trust your gut. If something feels off, it definitely is.
Here is my example. We are in New York meeting my husband's cousin for the first time, getting ready to eat at a restaurant, and he says to "hold up". He rushes out of the door and goes and buys roses for all the women. The night ends with him gaslighting his girlfriend in front of us. She's crying and starts throwing up. He makes her look like the crazy one. I'm totally confused, and I don't know what in the world is going on. But I realize that this cousin is not someone I ever want to see again.
I survived 23 years with a grandiose narc as well. In order to finally breathe I gave up my business, my friends, homes, bank accountants, the continent, literally everything, I proudly and finally walked away taking two things with me. My kids. Thank you Allah 🙏
I love the movie narcissism breakdowns! We grow up on these shows and movies, being told they are so romantic, and thinking this is true love. It's such an indoctrination for falling for a narcissist later on!
My example would be living with my older sister…she let me live with her for a really affordable price, but would go through my journal/room when I wasn’t in the house. She was always able to fill a room with friends, but they were never the same ones for very long. She was always ready to host, but someone always has to be drinking as much as her. Basically, you’ll never be able to do enough, but they do it ALL. And don’t call them out for starting fights by using information that they found in your private journal, from inside your backpack, behind your closed bedroom door, cause it’ll just make them angry.
No boundaries is one of the hardest things to deal with and especially if it is a loved one. I am sorry that you had to deal with that. It sounds like you "saw" her and for me, it makes it easier to process and make a decision as to how to deal with that person. It is kind of like you know you have a cough, but you don't know the cause. Once you do, you take the appropriate medication/s and get on with your life. The good thing about being able to see through people is that you can choose to have very little contact with loved ones or not at all. You have the power and not them. I wish you and your loved ones joy, happiness, good health, and most of all...Love!
Sounds like my Narcissist self absorbed sister. If you visit you better come bearing gifts She's taker and when she's done using you, she pretends you dont exist. I ended the toxic relationship and have never been happier 😁
“Pretty Woman!!” I use to find that movie “romantic.”🙄 Now, not so much at all! Lol Thanks Dr. Ramani. You have walked me through a dark journey, but we’ve made it out together!✊🏻💫
The original screenplay was trashed because it was based on a true story. The director,Gary Marshall found it too dark. It was rewritten several times before it was released.
Kind of a rant but I had a short but awful romance with what I believe to be a narcissist. I was at a lonely and scarce place in life coming out of a previous relationship that scarred me from losing the person. I got grandiose stories of their (what I now think are fake) accomplishments, stories of travelling the world, and humanitarian desires. Instead of seeing it for what it was I fell for it and quite hard. I felt loved and cared for. I got the whole “I’ll do anything for you”, “I’ll love you forever”, all the corny stuff. Coming from a childhood of not feeling the affection I needed and also being in a tough position in life I latched on. The time it took for them to completely change into another person shocked me. It seemed as though all of the beautiful words quickly turned into gaslighting, mocking, endless complaints. I literally couldn’t even cross the street right because I’d either go to fast or too slow. I’m not even kidding! I was made to feel bad for having private phone calls with my parents because “I’d just talk bad about him”. I ended up feeling the most isolated I ever have in my entire life. I was broken. By the end of it I was a shell. We kind of mutually broke it off in a sort of way. At first I was in deep mourning but now I see that losing him was the best thing that could have happened. I am grateful for the experience as now I can spot narcissistic behaviour in people. Now I am blessed to be with someone who is genuinely loving. Hope you read this Dr. Ramani! Your videos are very healing and therapeutic to many people. You’re a star. Also a message to anyone still reading this, if you’re in an abusive relationship you absolutely can get out. Even if a part of you wants to hold on, make the moves to get out. You’ll be so much happier. I love you. 💛🧡💛🧡
I had this same experience. Out of one bad one into another one. Is it possible to also exhibit anger and resentment while in that kind of relationship cause I had so many episodes and I felt like I had slipped back into (acute anger) which I had healed from. Please help
They are so impressed by their own bombing, sugar-coating..it is for their own glory. They get pumped up by your reaction, praise, and others who eventually see the grand gesture.
Yes, as you describe it Dr. Ramani. I have experienced this, a 9 hour first date in the big city, dinner at one of the most fancy restaurants, ending in the theater for The Wizard of Oz play that was amazing, I love the theater. Everything meticulous planned. He was rude to the taxi driver taking us to the theater because he got lost and we were late (red flag), he was also very anxious. I would say the grandiose is a fairly easy one to spot. He even told me "this is what you deserve" referring to the love bombing. It was a fireworks of red flags. Thankfully we never dated, it did not feel good after 3 dates. He did not take rejection well either, was always suspicious. It was not a good experience in the end. Thank you Dr. Ramani for this series, love it💖💖💖
The initial attention! The validation. The fairytale, other-worldy "connection". Getting too familiar too soon. It was all online. It went on for months and I practically kept begging for us to meet in person. And gas-lighting me to doubt my own commitment! He used to keep the video on and enjoy my presence, and revel in the attention I gave him. There was a LOT of future faking where he would sing a particularly emotional song on "our wedding", throw around names of exotic places for "our honeymoon", send me pictures of places where we would raise "our kids". It was pathetic. I saw it at the beginning, ignored a lot of red flags and ended up hurting myself in the process. Of course when I desperately wanted to leave and he sensed that, I was made to feel guilty for the "all the time he spent on me". Thanks to Dr Ramani, I learned about not just his truth but a lot of other people. A lot of past experiences started making sense and I've now begun to heal from those experiences.
Mine said at the very beginning, 'You are going to be great for my ego". I let is slip but thought the expression to be very weird. 6 months later I realised what's up..
in my situation, the “love bombing” stage was more about him playing the “victim” and preying on my empathic nature. being who i am, i saw this as an opportunity to “save” him from his unfortunate life experiences and show him that he’s worthy of being loved. unfortunately this was the start of a one-sided relationship (me helping him with his divorce, his criminal charge, his kids, his home, etc.) while he (intentionally) behaved in ways that made me feel insecure. god forbid i addressed my insecurities with him! i was very quickly made to feel guilty for even questioning him (not to mention called names and told that it made me unattractive)! he never once addressed WHY i felt insecure nor did he ever care to address it!! his version of the story is that i was jealous and insecure, period! (something that is NOT who i am or ever was in previous relationships)! when i pointed things out to him on his phone or social media accounts, it was always turned on ME (that i was this AWFUL person for going through his phone rather than him focusing on WHY i felt the need to do that and address the concerns)! i was mentally and emotionally drained but still tried so hard to try to get him to understand how to have a healthy relationship with healthy communication! i tried more than i should have! he didn’t deserve my love or attention, but i can only pray that one day (maybe on his death bed) he might finally realize how he did me wrong!
she actually told me she felt she was 'hooking me in'...at the time I was clueless that that was one of the biggest red flags there probably is...thank the powers that be that she discarded me after three months.
I was love bombed by a narcissist. 1983. Went to Vegas, received marvelous shopping trips at Rodeo Drive and got jewelry and a real fur coat. Silver Fox. Countless pairs of expensive shoes,, makeovers,, cars,, big drug parties.This treatment made me feel like I was living in a glamorous movie. My life was a dream. Yes, the best way to put it was that I felt I was living in a dream. It turned out he was a thief and I was given a whole apartment full of furniture. Anyway, what happened to me is I lost touch with reality completely. I was given a false identity to use, and he did too. Anyway, what happened was the glamor wore off but by then it was too late, I had lost touch with reality. I lived in a disassociated state for years and joined into the life of crime. 3 babies and several jail terms later I am still trying to climb out of whatever vortex I fell into when I met this man. I was probably already vulnerable due to previous abuses and mishaps, but the 40 years of on and off history with him pushed me right off the cliff.
It started with a watch and a vacation then turned to promises of extravagant European vacations, an m4 (which was later purchased and put in his name), and millions promised from some sort of medical glove deal involving billionaires and the government LOL the worst part was the promise to be taken care of while I let my own job suffer. When I actually needed help, he turned his back on me.
I was lovebombed this summer. At the beginning, he was telling me that I was amazing and the best woman in the world. He said - I love you - very soon. At the end of summer, he told me that I wasn't the center of the Universe and started to be quite mean. Once he even told me that he was disappointed by my personality and that I was capricious. The narrative always changes, not for the best. I'm glad I have many other things in life, because a couple of years ago, it would have been very detrimental to my mental health. When he began to change his narrative, it wouldn't align with how I feel about myself (I am confident). I called him out and he didn't like it. He disappeared and I'm glad he did!
Q: How many grandiose narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? A: either JUST ONE to hold the light bulb still while the world revolves around him, or NONE because he'll just have some underlings do the work that's obviously beneath him.
Grandious narcs don't need light bulbs since they feel they light up any environment they enter. They let the regular ppl deal with that stuff after they exit.
Thanks.:) The red flags are usually woven into the love bombing. You may see the red flags but unfortunately like you said, Dr Ramini, a justification is made. Please keep these videos coming, it is priceless to be empowered with the truth. Can we get this material to the younger generation? In schools?
The narcissist I dated was a vulnerable one so I never got this experience. My stepfather tried to control us with money (“I did all this for you so you owe me!”) so if someone tried to love-bomb me, it’dtrigger that fear and I’ll run
You are right. There are also poor narcissists who can't do these kind of stuff mentioned here. And not all men who want to shower their woman with gifts are narcissists, it's basically their way to show they are reliable providers.
Next time I want to be the beloved.......its alot easier. The flowers used to be called "courting" now it has a totally different spin. Sad. If the grandiose love bombing is coupled with the victim stories, you just think that now that your person has found you, they are so excited to have found the one, it all fits together that they are in such a hurry to finally get their happy ever after, and its all up to you to make it happen. I am still healing.........7 months later.
Mine was tons and tons of verbal affirmations, physical affection, compliments on my looks and character, lots of attention and emojis and fun outdoor adventures, meals out. He knew that extravagant gifts were not high in my love language, so he piled on the non-material love language elements to the point that I really was drawn in and then hooked. It lasted a total of 75 days until I saw what was under the mask and disappeared.
@@Jojoma449 It wasn't a red flag. It was a deal breaker. I had fallen 3 times on a very long e-bike ride he took me on, had many LARGE bruises that had literally turned black. My rib cage was very sore. We had been quite intimate for 3 days straight during that same time, honeymoon. I was crying in the bathroom over my bruises and he came in and told me to "stop having a pity party". Yup. The guy who professed to love me saw I was hurting and that's how he responded. The next day he doubled down on his words. Asked if I was going to be emotionally unstable for the entire marriage. I packed my car and drove away. Thank God I had not yet signed a marriage certificate. Nothing to annul.
I've never gone through it, my narcissists have been covert & malignant. The gift giving freaks me out. Romance or high level oozing flashy things are a major turn off for me.
You are always ON POINT Dr. Ramani. She convinced me to quit my job and move 2 hours north to Portland for her. Everything you mention in this video I have experienced. I'm so glad I found your channel because I felt so powerless after she kicked me to the curb. I fell in love with her sons and I miss them so much now. I hope they search for me when they get older. I know they will always remember me, they witnessed her abuse many times.
That's what happened to me but with all honey moon stage I called it that phase ended quickly but that was after he had hooked me like a drug I'm still recovering from all the brain washing and future faking
Travel within first few weeks.Seven day cruise within 6 months. He knew I loved travel, and always had one scheduled, which made it more difficult to leave. Expensive gifts, large Diamond engagement ring in under a year, clothes; a great “lifestyle”, until it wasn’t….He was so skilled in identifying my weak spots and focusing hard on them. But I am gone and traveling with friends, family, and by myself! So much happier
I once had a boyfriend who for my birthday (just two months of dating) got me 2 dozen long stemmed roses, brand new Fendi shoes, custom made gold earrings, my favorite YSL perfume (the large bottle, of course), advanced tickets to what was then hard to get tickets to a Harry Potter film, AND surprised me with reservations for myself and 8 of my friends to my favorite restaurant. He footed the bill. He'd gotten the phone numbers of these 8 friends from my cell phone while I had been showering without my knowledge. At the time, I'd been flattered by the surprise and "thoughtfulness" and missed the giant red flag of his violating my privacy. We'd moved in together too quickly too. When that relationship ended, this same guy literally snatched the sheets off the bed while I was lying on top of it because "he'd paid for them".
My ex-boyfriend said that he would marry me so I would always be taken care of... within two weeks of meeting him. His family was wealthy and always going on beautiful vacations and buying the newest gadgets. He wanted me to move in right away. He hated it when I wanted to see my family and take care of my dad's dog while he took vacations.
The grandiose narcissist in my life relished being 'fought over."😒 I noticed how he would always try to establish and maintain tension by introducing his women to one another and then observed their reactions. I suppose it was a deciding factor exercise as to which one would be dismissed. He got a real kick out of this. He'd do his damage, then on to the next. Truly disturbed in my opinion.
@@NiijiAl-Haqq Mine did the same thing. She was always 'name dropping' some other 'we're just friends' dudes name. I believe it's called triangulation. Narcs are constantly thirsty for attention...good or bad they don't care, nor do they know the difference. If they're name dropping then you can bet they've already cheated on you with that person.
@@NiijiAl-Haqq Mine never gave up an opportunity to flirt with any woman within 10 feet, mention other woman constantly to keep me on my toes, because he was such a big prize. Goodbye I say...... I never took the bait, once in 5 years and I was tested, so in the end I won because I wouldn't play his game. I stand tall on that one.
Ive been blaming myself lately for not seeing the signs after almost two decades into a narcissistic relationship. “Creating a distraction from the red flags” makes sense and I now understand why I made excuses for his behavior. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and helping me understand and move forward with my journey through healing.
Had one of this kind of encounters some years ago, it took 3 eyewide open dates, listening carefully all the fairytales involving me since day one, I kept my poker face with a silent smile, and putting in practice what I already knew about the topic. I saw all the carnival of red flags! Thank to the info you bring you can prevent many for not falling into the crazy trap. Thanks, Dr. Ramani ❤
YES!!! Burning Man, the good drugs, the loud sex, the expensive hotels….and it was magic. Which is now a huge red flag. It’s embarrassing looking back at how swept up I was, but I was hungry for the attention, so there it is.
Mine showered me with money & expensive gifts. Unfortunately, I married mine & suffered for over 20 years. Now that I’m out, I see that he’s purchased expensive cars for 2 of his current girlfriends.
Thank you so much dr Ramani! As someone who’s in a violent aggressive narcissistic relationship the reason why I’ve been with him for a year is because of the love bombing and future faking he promised me in the beginning the whole world because at the time I was severely depressed and isolated from my family ,He told me it was okay to lose my job and he Would take care of me ( as he earns a lot more) and now I am in the mercy for him to have something to eat or get beat up for having an opinion. I feel stupid and dumb to believe his fairy tale and it’s hard to escape at the moment as he has isolated me from my family and friends but I keep watching your videos as it makes me feel sane against his gaslighting and narcissistic abuse. He put me in HOSPITAL and still his family and friends thinks he’s an angel and I’m the trouble maker. I never knew evil like this existed until now and I’m 25. I relate to everyone in these comments and I hope I can do better one day to come across narcissistic demons
The day I was hospitalised when he beat me so bad all his family and friends painted me as the evil one and stupidly I made myself believe it was my fault for having a concussion LOLLL
When I met my ex, with in the first couple weeks she asked me if I’d like to have a child together. I was told she’d never let me go and she’d love me more than anyone ever had, Well none of the above ever happened, we got engaged to be married and even booked the venue, since then she’s ended the relationship quoting she still loves me more than anyone ever.. She wanted to remain friends but I declined, Since then we’ve fallen out.. I still miss her but she gives the impression splitting up was so easy. She says she cares but her actions doesn’t back her words up..
The narc in my life used to pay for lunches & dinners, and even the times when we would go to the spa. She would pick up the tab for the massage. Went on a day trip with 4-5 friends to San Diego, and the narc picked up the entire lunch tab at an expensive Italian restaurant. 😮 Wow! What a gal! End result: narc turned on me with a smear campaign & turned those people against me. Went no contact & none of them are in my life now including the narc. The end.
Thank you for this topic! That absolutely describes my dad: He lovebombed all his wives and girlfriends with huge bouquets of longe-stemmed red roses, and also with expensive jewellery. And he got soooo angry when my mom did not like the jewellery, because there were so many other things that she was unhappy about...
You know what really got me was not the love bombing but the mirroring, allowing me lose my sense of self and erode my boundaries as I opened up to this person I thought I could trust. then came the projection of insecurities onto me, where all of my good qualities were really owned by this other person and all their bad qualities were actually my fault. very wild ride.
Once, my father purchased my mother dozens of long stem roses of various colors. He had me cut & put them into vases. Her reaction was so confusing: she was NOT impressed. She didn't even care. I later found out that he wanted something from her. Transactions! So, I am highly suspicious of this kind of behavior. I can see how I could fall for lovebombing, but it wouldn't be apparent to a narcissist, unless he did some serious homework. But, thanks to Dr. Ramani, I will be very wary of revealing anything.
He was more covert, and he quickly ascertained my wounds and then lovebombed me with attention, mirroring, and the usual standbys of charm and charisma. I was hooked in a very short time.
For the 1st year.... Eating out at nice restaurants, trips, activities, going over the top with my son trying to do everything to make him happy. 6 years later and apart, he has told me that first year was all pretend. After that year, everything went downhill, to the point of my son moving to his Dad's at age 12. The show ended and his true self came out after that year. He use to say he wanted to help me experience things I could never experience, then it turned out that he really just wanted to feel like a hero, it was just a selfish act. So yeah, this video hits home.
Oooh, great topic! I experienced a few workplace love-bombing cycles from a grandiose narcissistic boss. I agree that this can activate those feelings of neglect from childhood and flood us with the cognitive distortion of, "I'm finally getting the recognition I deserve." As you alluded to, the love-bombing gifts and activities distracted from the shady baseline treatment I was receiving and set me up for being asked to perform beyond my comfort level and boundaries in order to reinforce and feed the narcissist's grandiose image. Thanks Dr. Ramani!
I got love-bombed by a hiring manager and board members during interview process, but that company was actually one of the worst place I've worked for. The business failed due to bad management, but they didn't take any responsibility and gaslighted me. So I had to leave there in just a year.
I had a grandiose love bomber. He promised me a bunch of stuff, asked me out repeatedly and the moon and stars. He didnt get very far because i recognized the act and kicked him to the curb. Part of me wanted to see how far he would go, but the love bomb clarity told me no.
This happened to me before I even knew what Narcissism was (10 yrs ago). When we started dating, he would buy me concert tickets to my favorite band, my favorite beer, my favorite candy, buy me new tires, take me on a shopping spree and spend hundreds on me, write me checks to help pay my bills, buy every time we went to dinner, etc. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world! But little did I know, he was trapping me. That was hands down the most horrible, abusive relationship that I was ever in. It only lasted 3.5 yrs because I wised up and got out! My favorite was when he would get mad at me because I offered to pay for dinner, because he insisted on paying every time. Then he would go to my family and tell them what a free loader I was...
I had unusual grandiose lovebombing, but he tailored it to my situation. He drove through blizzards to sit beside me in hospital where I had my knee replaced, bringing iced treats to eat that he hand fed...he'd appear at the rehab hospital during visiting hours bringing pie for the nurses, helped wheel me around carefully, tenderly. This man who I had had 3 dates with prior to surgery was all over it.......BUT red flag I noted but ignored he wasn't able to take me to, or pick me up from either hospital which was a huge problem for me. So the repeated visits were lovely but I needed transportation....and after I paid for a service to drive me the 3hrs home....he showed up at my door 45 mins later...from his home 4hrs away. Arrgh.
Interesting that in the original “Pretty Woman” story, the rich guy throws her away at the end. She doesn’t do exactly what he wants. He realizes he doesn’t own her. So, he calls her a whore and abandons her. She drops to her knees, and cries as he walks away. The original writer WAS writing a narcissist tale, but that never would have worked for the movie. ~Nice catch. I didn’t see it until you pointed it out.
Grandiose narcissist will give you the whole world and everything you NEVER asked for...then they will turn around and call you a leech and a user. And IF they ever realize how bad they have hurt you they will try to buy your love back with money and gifts...she even used her kids to get me back once.
Oh Yes. So true. My partner told me I wasn't romantic whenever I did try and do something romantic for him. He would bring up all the stuff he did for me in the past so nothing I did felt like enough. This is so spot on.
@@brittanyv totally agree. This is one of many ways they make you feel like you're not enough, so you try harder each time.... your efforts this time are now the baseline for any in the future.
“You get anything you want” I heard that a lot. Yes the charm and putting in a show for everyone! Wish I learned about “love bombing” early in my life! Yes they try to take away the “bad things” they do
Dr. Ramani, first of all thank you so much for your amazing content. Secondly, can you please do a video on the show Succession? The show presents a narcissistic family dynamic that I feel is soooo accurate.
This movie is nothing more than GROOMING tool to present the prostitution as something very thrilling, lol. There was another movie back then with Teresa Russel which was the realistic view, about the same profession but the critics called it vulgar... interesting!
My husband started grandios (he forfilled my wishes without me needing to tell/sometimes I even didn't know. We both finished our school/training so we hadn't much money. So it was one expensive red rose but there was also a very romantic text. He knew I love these little things. Also he calling and texting me. But it soon started that he was rude/ignoring/rageous when I got to 'secure' of his feelings. So I had to please and fight for him. So he tricked me in the belief that he was/is something special bc it's hard to hold him (as if there were many other women who would have wanted him. There was not one but I realised it way to late!). After all these years I forgot so much what happened to be able to stay in this relationship (I thought I was doing something good to my daughter to keep her Dad in our life - so she wasn't alone with her Mom who can't do anything right and is probably insane). Now I don't have proof to anybody (the court /divorce) what man he is. (Funny/sad fact: my daughter is begging me to divorce bc she already is getting ill and can see her Dad as who he is.) I try to greyrock and after 'lovebombing light' and rage we are back to grandios lovebombing. How I wished I could get back the early days - but now as I can see it myself (THANK YOU DR. RAMANI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) it makes me sick! (But I have to admit his lovebombing helps me overcome my fear of him. And his rage tells me I can't stay.) Greetings from Austria!💜💜💜💜💜
What should it have told me when on our first date my future husband took me to see "The Silence of the Lambs"? His narcissism didn't become evident until about seven years into our marriage, after we had three kids. He walked out on me and divorced me after 23 years of marriage. As one of my sons later said, "Mom, you should have divorced Dad; he was an awful husband."
This was my entire second marriage to a surgeon. The initial love bombing is so overwhelming that you think wow this is amazing! He/she must love me so much! And then you start to realize these people only know how to buy love and not really feel or give it.
I have never lovebombed in the way that you described here maybe because I have never been attracted to gifts or dream vacations. My narcissists were much more dangerous. They lovebombed me by intelligent compliments that made them so charming to me. They told that I was the one who understood them implying that I was the soulmate. They pretended that they cannot stay away from me and always wanting to hear from me. They were really intelligent and texted intelligent and creative compliments in daily basis. They always talked about the movies, books and all kinds of intellectual stuff I was interested in until I fell into them. After they got me invalidation and discarding phases came out. I was always attracted to intellectual narcissists. So they also invalidated and discarded me intellectually :D I am an academician, but I didn't know anything about narcissism and my tendency for trauma bonded relationships until watching your (and two other psychologists') videos. There are so many narcissists in academia. Thanks to your videos I learned how to stay away from all of them.
Red roses on every step up to his apartment, roses everywhere for months was surrounded by bloody roses. Fancy meals.. 7 months in and hit me in the face during sex 3 times ! Dumped me only to gain control in getting me back, the little put me downs … glad to be out of the emotional whirlwind
Videos of himself sent to me during the day along with the hundreds of text messages with proclamations of the love he has finally found. My. God. Its been bad. And sickening. I'm out after 90 days.as of 30 days ago...I I'm disgusted with myself...hes now out prowling around like Mr.Goodbar after our " tragic breakup " lol Ps I knew at the core of my being it wasn't real.....but thought it was more about the big dopamine rush that was happening...but JUST finding out about narc. We already went thru the rage and devaluing stages...
@@boony29 yuuuuuup. It's defies the imagination. I'm curious about all the PDA and the constant need for constant physical contact. I mean.. If they don't give a damn about us... How is it that they can muster the phoniness to always want to be touched ? Is it some sort of childhood attachment thing ? Thanks for sharing your painful experience.
Yeah ... surprised by a 10 days holiday in Santorini it was certainly a grandiose gesture for a middle class couple like us .It was overwhelming for me because until then it was only a dream . And ,of course I paid that huge bill next years of our relationship . I learned my lesson , grand gestures are never for free ..
I dated a grandiose skydiver for about a year and a half. He gave the best gifts ever, sometimes for no reason except that I mentioned liking something. He took me on the best dates. Then, one day, he said I should break up with all of my friends, move in with him and pay rent, put all of my belongings into his garage, and just hang out with him and his friends. He said he saw the love die from my eyes at that moment.
I’m not sure if he was a grandiose narcissist… he was a broke dude but he said he wanted to take me to a nice hotel, that he wanted to buy me a nice outfit. He said he wanted to make me pregnant on the first date. He said he wanted to make my dreams come true… later I come to find out he’s broke and has lots of debt cause he couldn’t even keep his money in the bank or they would take them. He said he was smarter than 90% of people, he had a big head he said, he was a genius and could well be the smartest man alive… 🙄 he
I think this is also done to set the bar very, very high. If I didn't match his level of thoughtfulness, or romance, any attempts I made to do something special for him were undermined. He would bring up all of the romantic things he did for me, and how I couldn't manage to do the same. It was sad. I would work so hard on something nice for him, and he'd just belittle it. I remember once, when he was fighting with me about me not doing enough romantic things for him, I brought up the fact that I have actually wrote this man love poems, many times, and he says "Do you really think you're the first person to do that for me?" My heart broke. It was just awful :(
wow. just wow. What a jerk! I feel ya though. quick story- My first gift ever to my narc stbxh was an expensive pair of boots. I didn't make a lot of $ at all but I searched and got a good deal on a pair of thhse boots bc I knew that brand was his absolute fav. He complained because the boots I got were newer and manufactured in a different country than his 'originals' and therefore weren't good quality. The 1-2 times he wore them he complained that they hurt his feet due to the low quality. lmao what a clown. So anyway, I know what it feels like to pour a lot of thought into someone that you genuinely care for only to have them belittle it.
Not my story, but the biggest love bomb i know of was with my friend years ago. Her boyfriend of a 1-3 week paid for her tattoo sleeve and bought flight, hotel, and front concert tickets to Brittney Spear's shows in Vegas. He made her biggest dream come true, and then turned psycho...
Oh yeah....unending bouquets delivered into office for days on end.being flown to house on the wild coast for holiday.presents (clothes.accessories) dinners.helicopter ride.katamarin outing in ocean.etc etc....the drop was long and extremely painful.took years to recover.
Then you have the "lovebombing" that is not for you but that is there for others to see how considerate the narc is and how much he cares done only to show others that you are subjected till whether you like it or not. That torments you bc you know better and you know why and if you say no, you'll get attacked by the bystander's. Everyone is charmed except you who's trapped. He gets to torments you and get's admired for it while you know he enjoy's doing it just bc you're trapped and both knows it.
Dr. Ramani, you have such a gift for explaining things and talking to us like we are intelligent enough to understand. Thank you for that!! My 1st husband was definitely not a narcissist, but he was definitely a super-duper co-dependent, which actually helped me hit an emotional bottom and go to Al-anon. I remember him voicing an expectation that was news to me. "I did this for you..." That was his default. I told him at about the 2nd or 3rd time (when I was sure it was a pattern) that when someone says that, they really didn't do it for the person. They did it for themselves. I also responded with, "That is what I would call as something similar to a business deal and is ok, but you need to tell the person up front about it before ending the conversation. You have every right to do that, but you don't have the right to manipulate or trick them into doing whatever it was that you wanted from them. If they don't want to do it, then you can say no to them and no one is manipulated or upset because of unspoken expectations." He was honest after that. To address the Al-anon comment, my mom and stepdad were active alcoholics for a few yrs in my mid teens. My mom got sober when I was 17, and my dad and I followed shortly after. It was such a Blessing! That is a whole other comment. I am grateful for people like you who share their Gift of discernment. Either you are a natural at it or you are not. I have had both and if I was someone who didn't have good self-esteem or good input from a good therapist, I may have gone off the rails, because the bad ones were the worst, outside of sexual and/or verbal manipulation. You are probably more aware than I am of the types of people that go into any type of career and that is to genuinely help people or to be in control. As a former medical transcriptionist, I worked for an office that specialized in worker's comp cases and some personal injury cases. There were times that I came across some unexpected dictation from our drs to others. Well, drs do say bad things about each other, they just don't say it to us. That being said you were probably way more aware of the types of people in your field in either direction. Unfortunately, the last few experiences were devastating and if I didn't have the ability to discern what they were saying, I may have just be in prison. One was to do with too high a dose of medication which actually made me violent. I am so not that way. I am someone who walks away from people or situations that I don't need to be in. And, another dr lying to me about what I was taking after I had told them the experience with that class of medication. They still prescribed the new medication anyway and didn't mention it was in the same class. I knew it right away and at least the psych-tech didn't lie to me when I asked if it was. Please take care of your Precious self! Thank you again for sharing your Gift.
Oh Dr. Ramani ever since learning about narcissism I don’t enjoy romance movies or romance novels. Those novels were the worst normalizing narcissism as romantic(love bombing, bullying, humiliation, discarding)I used to read those novels in boarding school fantasizing about Prince Charming coming to my rescue. Yikes!
great conversation Pretty Woman premiered in 1990. My jaw drops when people say it’s their favorite movie. I have problems with Cinderella stories in general but this one is just awful in my opinion. One thing I believe I have noticed about love bombing (I’ve experienced it once but seen it happening to others) is, the person doing it seems almost impulsive, not concerned with sincerity or how over the top the attention is, like it’s not about you at all. Once you see it you can’t unsee it. For compliments as well as insults, I believe people shouldn’t give you attributes you haven’t earned.
My grass needed mowing. At MY house, he mowed my name in my backyard, then climbed up on the roof of my house and took a photo of his handy work. I was bowled over! This was before digital photos existed.
The hockey tickets to sit behind the glass at one of the most expensive venues as a Christmas gift 2 months into our relationship. Oh and the massive bouquet of flowers for my bday delivered to my work. Oh and also the over $500 Michael Kors smart watch for my bday
I also forgot to mention that I'm not allowed to buy the jersey of my favorite hockey player because said narc thinks I'm legit in love with the player and live in a fantasy world lol
For a Christmas present he named a star in the Leo constellation after me. Gave me a ton of attention and affection, presents, flowers et al. It was intoxicating. The red flags showed up soon after. And then, when it was over, I no longer existed to him. Admittedly, I was broken hearted. Not for a long time. But long enough to remember and be weary of anyone else who would have tried the same tactics. I totally get it now. Your channel and your videos have been tremendously helpful. Thank you.
I watched the film about Jonestown and Jim Jones was a heinous narcissist. His son and few others escaped and still haven't forgotten his ability to get his way. He used GOD to LOVE BOMB which would validate his behavior, in his drugged and malcontented state of mind.🏹
Thank you for the video, this is exactly what I went through. Where do I begin with the examples to give? When we were still in the “talking” phase before we even went on the first date he was telling me about how he saw a future with me and couldn’t wait for all the great things we’d do together. Throughout the relationship he’d constantly be sending me the sweetest/longest text messages about how much he missed me, how he loved me so much, how he didn’t deserve me, how beautiful I was, etc. For birthdays/anniversaries/holidays, I would always receive expensive gifts from him. Every birthday that I had, he would plan something special. One year he surprised me with a trip to the salon where I got every service done that you could imagine. Another year he surprised me with horseback riding. He would do things for my family too. He bought my dad a new washing machine for our house, and he would constantly show up with gifts for my grandparents. Of course this was all mixed in with the abusive behavior. He’d call me gorgeous but then he’d insult my appearance (he’d say you have hair on your face/you have gray hair on your head, he didn’t like my clothes, he didn’t like my makeup, he didn’t like my nails, he’d insult my weight). He’d also have complaints about how I didn’t please him sexually. He’d call me lazy if I needed to take a nap. He’d scream at me after social gatherings because he didn’t like how I behaved. He would say he can’t trust me or that he’s “carrying the relationship.” He’d insinuate that I wouldn’t be a good mother in the future to the kids that he INSISTED that we would have to have. It was such a confusing place to be in because half the time he seemed to hate me and the other half of the time, he was treating me like royalty. All of the lavish gifts, messages & experiences that he gave me made the guilt so overwhelming when I decided to finally leave. I left about 2 months ago, and the guilt is still difficult to deal with at times.
Oh no, I'm being lovebombed now!! Expensive weekend in very expensive hotel, flowers, showered with compliments, and this is second time, after I walked away first time. I do have been sucked into it all again, thinking he's changed. Dr Ramani, help me see sense, because I can see the red flags but I'm ignoring them.
Your current situation is sadly textbook narcissist plays. I don't know how long you've been following Dr. Ramani or other coaches but those red flags you're ignoring?...yeah, millions of us survivors saw them too but ignored them. We have lifelong regrets now because we chose to believe the best only to ultimately be decimated on a fundamental level. When you take a narc back it sends the message that they've got you hooked, and they'll do it again, and again, and it will get more and more psychologically brutal every time. The more you accept their behavior the more they resent you for being the kind, loving, loyal, honest, dedicated human they can never be. The don't know what any of that is, other than to say the words as manipulative tools. Listen to your gut. Trust me...it will hurt to break away and end it; which is 100% normal, but you'll be relatively intact. If you stay and keep selling off parts of yourself to keep them around you WILL still end up without him but he'll have damaged you to the very core of who and what you are. You'll be damaged so badly that everything you are and everything you think about Love and relationships will be forever badly corrupted. Is that what you want for yourself?...heck no. Because you're normal. But it will if you ignore those red flags and think your love is enough to 'fix him'. They are damaged beyond repair. Don't let him use your good qualities against you.
Three different ones, similar traits. Each relationship lasting under a year, thank goodness. From trying to rush the relationship, sending dozens of romantic cards, being overly affectionate, and telling people after 2 weeks of dating that we were soulmates, to starting arguments for the sake of arguing, pressuring me to "keep up" and fit into her lifestyles, degrading and embarrassing me in public, then rejection and quickly moving on to the next guy. I'm not a wimp and I've also had other more normal relationships, but I often seem to attract this type, and still do.
I recently got love bombed by a friend I’d grown up with, drifted apart from, reconnect with and then moved in with as an adult. It was a very eye opening experience. Since being told about this channel I have discovered I grew up with a communal narcissistic mother, my most serious relationship has been with a overt narcissist, and the aforementioned friend I’d been drawn to when healing from the other narcissistic relationships, is a covert narcissist… I never knew there were more than one type! Thank you Dr Ramani for all this sharing of knowledge, it’s been really fascinating learning to understand how a narcissist behaves.
I remember saying, I’ll break up with him after….There was always something fun in the wings. They usually show up just where they need to to keep the fish swimming toward their bait.
It ONLY feels like sth. is off, there is no joy in receiving all those expensive gifts when there is no emotions involved; It makes ppl doubt their reality and gut feelings!
Another aspect of this topic is the effect it can have on people already in established relationships. As a matter of principle, I’ve never pursued a women who is already in a relationship. That’s my standard. A few months before we separated, my former partner got a new boss who’s a grandiose communal narcissist (thank you so much for helping me recognise the patterns). Sure, we had challenges, though it seemed at the time we were progressing. I had noticed she’d been getting distant for a couple months. Unbeknown to me at the time, he’d been love bombing her and she fell for the apparent fairytale. 14 years together and after a few months working with her new boss, one day she suddenly left, unannounced, and without any conversation, to be with him. They moved in together a week later, at his insistence. Three years later, with plenty of future faking and other red flags, those I know who are close to her say she has a facade of happiness, seems unhappy, angry and withdrawn, with little if any of the genuine joy, life and exuberance she used to exude. Though I don’t like the way we ended, I feel blessed and grateful for our time together. Your series has helped me in multiple domains of life, personal and professional, thank you.
