How Do You Handle Contempt?

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While in recovery from affairs and infidelity, contempt can be a struggle for both the unfaithful and betrayed spouse. Today, continuing the 4 part video series discussing the four horsemen, Samuel addresses contempt in part 3 of his 4 part video series and how to diffuse it.
A video from: www.affairrecovery.com/our-blog
GOTTMAN, J. M., & SILVER, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, Three Rivers Press. - amzn.to/2cBjZkI

Опубликовано:

6 апр 2016

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Комментарии : 18

@blueberrydefendersuperb1606 2 года назад

It was when I saw contempt in my husband 's eyes.Then I knew he didn't love me anymore even though I love him.:-(

@katceeee 3 года назад

My unfaithful husband does every single thing you say NOT to do, and none of what you say he should do. Sooooo emotionally abusive. I'm so sick of being treated this way. 😭

@lorishu48103 3 года назад

You can’t fix what you didnt break.

@k1ngmackdaddy447 4 года назад

Thank you man. This helps me get past being petty. Trying to break it off and keep any communications to the minimum. Hopefully I'll get over it in the coming months. Much love.

@stephmreal88 2 года назад

I have a friend like this and she is so amazing and I'm so happy she's in my life! I am the betrayed.

@bittehiereinfugen7723 Год назад

I realized today that in a way I have contempt for a character trait in my husband. Not against him as a whole person, but for his (still) attitude that prostitution and the use of "sexual services" is basically okay, regardless of the fact that a "customer" cannot know whether the woman actually did it completely voluntarily and independently, self-determined. He doesn't see the clients as responsible, but compares it to other jobs that you wouldn't always do with fun and desire. This attitude and the resulting conflict in me eats me up and I notice how it weighs heavily on my love for him. So there is that one does not have contempt to a person as a whole, but only parts of the character. I don't know how to deal with it.

@bexsolo369 6 месяцев назад

My partner whistles circus music at me when I try to tell him he hurt my feelings. I kicked a hole in the wall

@jaymzbeaman6116 2 года назад

Does anyone know why i havent seen the relationship between sadness and contempt? Google and youtube both pushed articles recognizing and despising contempt, which is fine, but i'd like to know what it means when contempt and sadness co-occur in the same person at the same time.

@anissaholmes4495 Месяц назад

I think sadness may follow contempt but I either am raging/ anger and it’s so intense that about a half hour later I’m sobbing crying.

@deepierson1968 5 лет назад

How do I get past the feelings I have . When he wants to kiss , sex , touch all I do is see him doing these things to her and I want to be sick . He has broken up with the same girl from work 3 times now so he says I think he never left her . He says he don’t love her yet he continues the affair knowing it has broken me

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

hi dee, will take recovery work. have you looked at our harboring hope course here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope that will help you heal for sure.

@lorishu48103 3 года назад

The only way out is through. You are trying to destroy your own heart and natural feelings in order to numb yourself to the constant betrayal. Dee I don’t know where you are now. I see your comment is two years old but I hope things are better for you. You obviously love your partner and you can’t stop hurting until you stop loving. Sounds like he’s not going to change. Hopefully I’m wrong. God bless you.

@TerrelleCheers1 3 года назад

Thank you.

@franciscarvalho2273 6 лет назад

What if it’s a personal attack on me & my family & my upbringing & my religion all of which have nothing to do with the affair. My BAD choices we’re responsible for the affair. It’s verbal & emotional abuse and I’m tired of it. I ended the affair and disclosed about 2 months later. Where do I draw the line? He doesn’t believe in time outs.

@samshealingpodcast 6 лет назад

hi there. at some level, it's understandable he would have anger, yet there is no place for abuse. he's probably emotionally flooding so he lashes out and loses it so to speak and you're caught in his path. if he doesn't believe in time outs, you'll need to create one. leave the situation. leave the home. walk away if you feel unsafe and have your phone in your hand for safety reasons. he's probably attacking all that as he's angry and wants to attack anything to do with you. you've got to get to an expert third party for help, safety and boundaries. if he won't do that, then i'm sorry, but there isn't much hope. you need safety and you need expert care to help you both not do more damage and create more collateral damage emotionally in both of you. i hope this makes sense.