@@mmrttv3263 As if I need to explain it further, once you're friends with someone or they become your significant other, it's important to periodically check yourself if you're in a toxic relationship.
I’ve had this recently and it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done, I was keeping friendships for the sake of them being ‘ old friends’ and ignoring the horrible stuff they re doing.. you and anyone reading this, you do not need owe anyone anything for removing yourself to becoming healthier and grow
This is my exact situation right now. We met recently and she referred still to me as her best friend. But we had a fight this year where we didn’t talk for quite a long time and the stuff she told me was awful. She apologised but I can’t forgive her. In that time I realized so kuch kore like the little comments and the way she held me back. So we still meet but I don’t find happiness meeting her.
@@salyx6687 This is called sunk cost fallacy, look it up, i've known my friends for 6 years, that still didn't stop me from cutting them off, it hurt at first, but it's been 5 months, and i'm so glad i did it, every month that passes by makes me realise even more how great that difficult decision has been
Walking away from a close friendship last year was one of the best decisions I've made. It sounds brutal and harsh (because it is) but sometimes you don't realise how much someone has drained you until it's entirely over and done with.
The ghosting thing is so real and also regardless of what it says about you it doesn’t give you any closure at ALL. I ghosted a person who was important to me at the time a few months ago and they literally haunted me afterwards cause i had so many unanswered questions. It got to a point where I developed some sort of obsession w them, thinking about them almost every day and i ended up reaching out to them again MONTHS later just only to realise once again that they were, in fact, terrible. I really can’t believe I spent 4months of my life being obsessed w a horrible person who did me no good just bc i didn’t have any closure. I give ghosting -5 stars, would NOT recommend!
I have the same problem, but I cant stop thinking about them even after seeing them in person. I feel like I am down bad in life and they are getting better without me even if they did me wrong. Karma isnt making any moves….
@@guccisnacc4893 they sound musty asf tho TvT If the reason why you’re obsessed w them is lack of closure then force it out of them. That’s what i do w everyone ; forcing them to tell me word by word stuff that its uncomfy for them to say if we’ve drifted apart :)
I ghost people if I sense something toxicity from them and if anything they're the ones who would be obessed ( especially they knew they did me wrong , in narcissism ways ) not other way around.
This is what happened to me I was ghosted. and I so well know I didn't do anything to my "bff." atleast having closure makes me understand that it's over instead of saying hi then ghosting us and expecting that nothing wronged happened
This came at the best time you have no idea I’ve been procrastinating ending my toxic friendship for a long time now I’m just terrified of confrontation
Do it AND make sure to tell them how much of a dick they are. I skipped this part and now they're not in my beautiful life but I still feel the burn whenever thoughts of them cross my mind bcuz I still wanna tell them how much of a loser they are looking Straight into their eyes
not sure if you're still in this situation now, but i was here a little while ago too. i had this really shitty friend, she was so horrible to me and always caused me a lot of anxiety, and i just didn't know how to end it. she also kind of isolated me from all my friends (and honestly even my family) so i felt like if i wasn't friends with her anymore i had no one left. what i'm trying to say is, i've been there. i get it. wanting to end the friendship, and recognizing that it's toxic is already a huge step. honestly, i just ghosted my friend. gave one worded answers to texts, if any answers at all. didn't pick up the phone, if she asked to hang out i was busy. prioritized making new friends who made me feel good about myself. it sucks, and it hurts, and it leaves you reeling, but it's worth it. i'm so much happier right now than i've ever been, i have good friends, who i can talk to when i feel hurt or uncomfortable, and vice versa. i promise you won't regret it. good luck, love you lots :)
The bit about lying at the end was profound. When someone choses telling you a lie over the truth, that them saying they get to pick what is best for you. Wild isn't it.
absolutely. also, no one who’s done something of the sort should be able to just flee from the responsibility of dealing with the consequences of their actions. otherwise they might never change for the better.
I ended a close friendship last year and it took me almost a year to get over it. She was one of my best friends and we did everything together, from studying to working out to painting to crying together. However when I started to date my current boyfriend, she tried to get really close to him. She was constantly texting him (which he showed me), she would tell me that he doesn't care about me and that he could open up to her better (which never happened), she would ask him to pay for her in restaurants, always wanted me to bring him along etc. It got to a point where she destroyed my self esteem and the peace in my relationship, so my boyfriend and I both broke off contact with her. It was a really hurtful experience to have someone so close to you just stab you in the back like that. I'm really glad I got out of it though. If anyone belittles you or tries to take things away from you, walk away! You deserve better.
From certain point you had to tell her that your boyfriend need privacy for both of you all way mean only u nd him nd if still she continued it cancel her
Went through a similar thing, but she even slept with him :) Also it happened while she was in a relationship to make the situation even worse (thank god I never actually had real feelings for him, l never loved him so it didn’t hurt as much but still, she’s a horrible person)
The validation is SO valid! Abuse victims of any sort are so gaslit and trained to gaslight themselves that they need someone else tell them their pain is real. I feel this so hard.
Over the year i realized that when you decide there's a good reason to stop any relationship (especially with "friends") it's better (for me) just stop them without any arguments and long nervous discussions. You just leave and nothing more. Avoiding hot talks and hard feelings. Leave in silence
It happenes with me. Friend suddenly gone and i ask what happened and she just said reflect it yourself. The worst you can do to someone is not giving them any explanation when they ask and when you are the one who ended that relationship
@@joebug8984 if i were asked "what's wrong", I'd explain of course. Often no questions are asked. Yeah, I'm "the one who ends the relationship", but I'm not the root cause. My unexpected silence is only the logical result of another person's misbehaviour. That's how i see it. Peace to you!
@@joebug8984 Yeah, but in this day and age, you just can't explain because everyone is so hyper sensitive. So now I ghost. I called one friend on his garbage, he not only ripped me one, but comes out of the woodwork every five years to continue insulting me. Another, I try to talk to and it's, "Why are you doing this to me?" So, I can't talk to her anymore because being honest is "doing this to me." If you can't be honest with your friends, it's not really a friendship to me. I had another friend -- this one was a great one -- we'd argue on occasion, but I never had to second guess that we were friends. We'd get stuff off our chests and always make up. He was like a brother that I never had and sadly he died a few years ago. I cherish the memories of him because we could say anything to each other. I miss him terribly.
I've lost a few friends over the years, some I've ended and some that have ended it with me. It always hurts, but I always remind myself its for the best
when things go toxic, you end up destroying yourself. that feeling when your back on the start line is just you healing. I recently learned these hard facts and speaking with friends about it helps
“I was suddenly on block one. But what I didn’t realize was that I was on block one of a completely new chapter” I totally agree with you that what happened to us was a blessing and without it we wouldn’t be who we are now 💕
girl, these podcasts make me realize so much about myself and who I am and just make me self reflect so much I love these and I'm so grateful for these
One of the hardest things in life is known what to hold onto and knowing what to let go of and I feel the only way you will learn is by letting go of things you should’ve held onto, and holding onto things you should’ve let go of. Emotional maturity is an ongoing challenge and the older you get, you look back on situations in your life and the choices you made and it makes you realise how much you’ve grown emotionally and how emotional maturity growth never truly stops.
had a friendship break up 8 months ago and i just can’t get over it, can’t stop feeling guilty about how it all went down. i’m really in 2 minds about reaching out to give them an explanation on why i left but i don’t even know what to say, i also don’t want to disturb their peace if they’ve moved on and are doing better (which i hope they are genuinely)
@@maisiekellyreid4168 i agree its definitely not black and white like that however if you think it would make you feel slightly better then go for it tbh the worst they could do is not reply
if you feel like you have something that they deserve to know/have explained, its ok to write a text telling them that. You can also make it clear in this text why you are sending it, and make it clear that your intentions are not to disturb their life or peace, and you simply felt the need to tell them this or something. And who knows, maybe they want certain answers or explanations and that would actually help give this person closure or smt. Even just sending the message, whether they respond or not, will give you some peace of mind. Either way, you do have to try and accepting whatever has happened as a way to make peace with it. be honest with yourself about who did what wrong, and make a decision to not repeat these behaviours, then try to forgive yourself. Or if they did something very wrong in the friendship and you never got to confront them about it, maybe even mention that. Just take it easy on yourself. Sadly some things don't turn out well or how we'd like it to, but try to think of what lesson you can take from this entire thing. even if it was/is painful, it can teach you something for your future friendships, help you handle things better next time, etc. keep telling yourself 'it is what it is', whatever has happened cant be undone and its not gonna help you or them to just stay thinking about it a lot. maybe sending the message will help you move on from this. Good luck, i know its complicated.
What if you are the "bad side" of a friendship? I explain myself better: You aren't a bad person but you are the one who ends a friendship not because your friend, or friends , are awful or did something wrong (so they don't even deserve it) but just because you can't handle the friendship anymore for some reasons and the "pressure" of it is too much. That is rough.
i get what you’re saying but that doesn’t really make you the bad person in that situation. it’s definitely hard for both sides when neither has particularly done anything bad but i think it’s best to realize that we are all people. and that we have to do things that are better for us, even if that means ending friendships for “no reason”
honestly that's the saddest part, when neither of the people did something necessarily wrong, I'm currently going trough it and it's been hard to face the reality. Tryna get the strength to end it.
im going through this right now it's so hard especially having many mutual friends. since there is not a big reason for why we are parting apart idk how I would even explain it.
This is soooooo true!!! I went through this in the last year, communicated what I had to - I was very honest and kind but firm, and made my peaces. Was it uncomfortable? Yes! Did I feel sorry for myself at times? Yup! But it was 1000% worth it. And now I am feeling a trillion times better, opportunities have flowed to me, I am much more comfortable in public spaces and challenging myself. Really the benefits are beyond words. Ideally I would have done this years ago but I doubted myself until one of them did something heinous and the rest of them showed their cowardly colors. Having a therapist helped me navigate all of this. I wish everyone the inner and outer support they need to make these decisions.
"i deserve to know my own lifes fucking story" couldnt agree moreeee!! i complelety relate to this point, i have been obsessed with answers in my life! which is y i have become analytical as a defence mechanism i guess and also i realised that we have all the answers within ourselves! i was able to know lots of things that i needed to know and i was able to find out, you have to believe it, asking others isnt gonna give u the real answer you yoursel is the only one who knows from ur special perspective bc its ur own thing ur own issue!!
I think a good way to look at this situation would be to treat friendships like dating. People will keep friends forever and just accept the differences even if they are not good for you. It is definitely acceptable to "Break-Up" with friends just like you would with an intimate partner. It is all about perception. A relationship is a relationship period. The context of the relationship shouldn't matter. With that being said, when there is a problem within the relationship, either type, it is only fair to communicate your position for the other person to listen and reflect. Whatever happens after that is in their hands. As always, I Love Your Channel!
came to this video after a yt short i saw of yours maddie, and conveniently ive literally just ABRUPTLY lost what i thought was a close friend over their betraying behaviour and i felt like i was not myself for a while, thought my life was over because they were my only friend.I'm happy to say ive gotten better thank god but watching this after everything made me realise how my feelings are heard and understood.Maddie you are my comfort person thank you
Thanks for this video . I had a friend for 7 yrs and that was literally my best friend for this long . We used to talk everyday , share everything about each other , laugh together and pretty much everything. But this year i saw the true colors of that person . The disconnect started happening . But my breaking point was when our mutual friend told how this friend of 7 yrs was using me for their personal Gains and there is no true friendship . I stopped talking completely and blocked that person . It was so hard i cant even express . But after disconnect with that person completely, i felt so much happy and light in my head . Im glad i did it and i hope people would also find a way to stay away from such toxic people . Amen 🙌
theres something about your voice that is just so comforting especially talking about stuff like this it makes it so easy to actually listen to you and understand what you're saying, literal comfort person
I've re-watched this twice now, and I cannot get over how eye opening your advice is about myself and situations I have been in, I genuinely feel like my life is going to change after listening to this and I've just learned so much about myself and friendship.
listening to this made me think a lot. i feel kind of bad because my friend was basically how u described yourself in the past, she would kind of just trauma dump and rant to me constantly while she was in a relationship, to the point where by the end of the year i was soo irritated and drained 90% of the time we talked. I was struggling with my mental health a lot too and struggling to improve my life etc. so one day i basically 'snapped' cause i was like wtf i literally don't want to hear about this before and i basically sent her a long text explaining why i want her to talk about her boyfriend/her feelings less to me. i wasn't super rude or anything i think. it really does sound so cruel, and tbh it is, but at the same time i actually do feel so much better that i don't have to constantly open my phone to a long text about her boyfriend. another part of me thinks that since i've been friends with her for 7 years i should be able to just suck it up and be there for her. but also idc i need my own therapist i cant afford to be hers for free all the time. this didn't end our friendship, which was good cause that wasn't my intention. we hung out and everything was normal.
i love friendships where people give emotional support. but like. if i barely see you in real life, i'm already struggling myself, and i know you're not gonna change, i cant afford to use so much of my energy comforting and consoling someone like that especially over text almost everyday. how can u actually get anything done or take care of yourself
@@carlaespinola5364 thank you for replying i totally agree! a friendship and our lives will only improve if you start trying to talk more about growth and positive things sometimes instead of just all issues constantly. You're totally right, we have to try and consider our affect on the people around us
i’m literally watching this while drunk because my only friend is hanging out with her other friends. i’ve been feeling so alone recently and just genuinely a debby downer bc i can’t handle my best and only friend rn making her own friends. and the sad part is that IK i’m being selfish and unfair to her but i can’t help feeling this way and crying about it like everyday ( bc she’s recently been “ditching me” to hang out with her friends). im just so tired of feeling like an option to her and having to wait for her to come home (she’s also my roomie) so that i can talk to someone and not feel alone. I want my own friends so bad but it’s so hard. honestly watching this video is like therapy or smthn idk man i’m rlly drunk rn idk if i’m making sense but writing this and telling someone how i feel (bc i don’t wanna worry my roomie with my selfishness/ also i don’t have any other friends to talk to) is pretty nice even if nobody reads this lol. ok hope this doesn’t leave a digital footprint for my future job.
@@itsallgood986 i’m reaching out to people i met at the club i’m that desperate. but at least i’m trying and it’s actually working bc we’re making plans to hang out!! i was so upset seeing all my hs friends making their own friends in college and me being all alone but it’s nice to know im not the only one who feels like this 😭
okay i totally get this but it gets easier. every day gets a lot easier. you can also talk to her about it but also there I recommend apps like bumble BFF where you can meet people with similar interests and love to go out and get drinks! and the best part about it is they're all on there looking for friends just like you!
I know this sounds really hard, i understand where you’re coming from completely, I’ve felt similar things when my friends started college and i didn’t. The thing that I’ve had to accept is that relying on these relationships is not good and i should not feel this way just because I’m alone. Don’t get me wrong being alone is horrible and really hard, at least at first, but it’s just as important to be able to be by yourself and have a relationship with yourself as it is to be with others, if not more so. This year has really taught me that, and i really didn’t want to hear it but i would have really wanted someone to tell me this sooner. It really is freeing to just let go, i know the first thought is to make new friends in this situation but i think it’s super important to just be away. If you ever need to talk or want advice I’m here!
Thank u for this. Came in time. I feel so drained from outgrown friendships who walks all over my boundaries and I find myself giving them excuses for their bad behaviors. Xx
I dunno how she doing it, but all of those videos relates asf. And it's crazy how we all struggling by template, we somehow need to break this and be more selective with who we get with
I've been friends with this girl for 10 years now. We used to be closer, but now we're more like acquaintances. We used to have a lot in common and enjoyed being in each others company. But around 3 years ago, our friendship started to fall apart. We started to text each other less and see each other only from time to time. This was during lockdown, so it was understandable that we weren't able to see and communicate as much. But when we saw each other again in person, we were completely different people. We don't have the same interests anymore and she has many new friends that she has gotten closer to that she has more in common with. It hurts that we've drifted away, especially because she's been my friend for so long and I don't have many friends. But lately, she's made me feel worthless. Idk if it's just all in my head, but regardless friends shouldn't make me feel this way. When we saw each other again, I tried to make conversation. But it feels like everytime I talk to her, I'm annoying her. I feel like I'm a burden being around her. She ignores me and pretends that I'm not there. Maybe if I had contacted her more, we would still be close friends but the damage is already done and I think it's best if we both went our separate ways.
OMG!!! I am going through this exact phase with my best friend of 12 years, he use to be my safe heave, we would share each and everything with each other even though we use to see each other few times a month but i always felt connected to him but lately his attitude has changed towards me out of no where, when ever we meet now, he is always in a rush to go back home, it feels like annoyed by me. We have stopped having meaningful conversation or conversation in general, even if we do, it always feels like I am the one driving the conversation and he just reacts. I am literally so confused , i don't wanna end a decade long friendship like that but also he has not done anything horrible for me to able to justify ending our friendship. I wonder if i am over reacting.
@@airiwuuu I'm doing much better! I realized that a part of growing up is changing and that's what we did-change. When you're younger, you think everything will stay the same. But as you get older, the things you thought mattered won't anymore. For awhile, I tried to cling to a friendship that was already broken. But then I recognized that she didn't make me feel happy anymore and had a negative influence on my life. Since we've gone our separate ways, I've been focusing more on myself and my future. I'm glad that I put that friendship behind me as I feel happier now :)
I've been watching so many videos on how to let go of toxic friendships because I've had a friendship end about a month ago. It ended in the span of a couple minutes, but it kind of feels like it was gradually ending as well. In the end I was the one to state my complaints about him, and it cost me our friendship. The friendship was toxic, however it lasted for so long because I felt compelled to talk to him everyday. We talk about everything, and laughed so many times, and I tried to hold on to that feeling for as long as I possibly could. There were times though where he would make fun of me, or just be rude in some way. It got to the point where he did something, and it made me so angry. To me he valued what I didn't want him to do over our friendship. I had enough, and I finally cut off all ties. It's been very hard, and I have had a hard time moving past it. I think about him everyday, and I always think about where we would be right now if I hadn't ended the friendship. This video has been a great help. Thank you for posting it.
babes you came at the perfect time you are an ANGEL. dealing with this right now, shitty friendships literally make you feel like you’re going crazy because it’s you against them and everyone else they tell. I notice the people that are toxic or jealous have a great way of painting you to be the bad person. Like the way they talk just makes everyone around them believe it to be true. I also felt so unmotivated being next to these two specific friends. I know a thousand percent im not an unmotivated person, and it was only until I become friends with them that I felt this way 😂 CUT AND BLOCKED.
your experience is the same as mine, thank you for explaining these things, im so lost right now, just like when you were driving on your car. thank you so much, you made my situation felt seen, ive been trying to find someone or a video that can fit my situation to learn from them but its so hard because no one talks about these things (your past friends spreading lies and basically dehumanizing you and everyone believes them and you are so powerless in this situation and when you try to say something, no body listens.) thank you so much for making this video. and thank you about talking about envy, just thank you, thank you, thank you so much. you made me feel so much better
it’s been almost two years since i’ve ended my friendship with two people that were considered very close friends. we all went through sht together which brought us so close. too close that our personalities all reflected each other the good & bad. neither of us i believe were in the best versions of ourselves we thought that if we had each other then that must mean we’re good people but truth is we were not. in our vey last interactions before we never spoke again, we finally for the first time we truly saw each other like it was the first time. we recognised each other’s faults i was even told i needed help from the person that never told me this, i was told that & at the time i was very upset to hear this but i didn’t realise then that this chapter ending was setting the scene for the new chapter of my life that would become the best. i did actually go to get professional help & i have been since, i achieved several personal lifetime goals i never would’ve imagined, i accomplished so much even personally i’ve discovered new & old parts of me that i never seen in myself before. i genuinely feel that i have found myself for a first time all because i removed the blockage in my life that held me back from my personal success. i’m happier now than i was then but by no means will i stop working on myself. everyone can look in & decide that they deserve to be better for yourself & everyone else that i care for who also care about me too. i do hope the best for these people in life too as i always have.
Did a friendship breakup recently, she unfollowed my sister and instagram, only would be obsessive with me when she didn’t have a boyfriend, constantly bitched about other people, would stalk who I follow on insta and follow them herself (jealous if I had other friends/matched with someone on tinder etc) long story short she had to go 😂 just stopped messaging her back and she eventually realised and unfollowed me on everything.. no explanation was needed on either side
This video came across at such a right time for me, honestly thanks a lot! You really helped me realise that my well-being matters so much more than thinking of what others might think of me
Madeline's candid discussion on ending toxic friendships and choosing self-growth resonates with me. It's crucial to prioritize personal well-being over maintaining unhealthy relationships. Such insights are truly valuable. 🌱💭
i already considered leaving my current relationship but i didn’t cause the reason why i was not feeling ok was just the people around always giving their opinion on my relationship. telling me that my boyfriend is gonna cheat on me and stuff like that. your video kinda helped me thank u sm madeline
OH MY GOD... this couldn't have come at a perfect time. I recently cut off 2 of the most toxic people in my life and I'm finding it really hard to move on. this is crazy
@@Renu-700 So, every situation is different and needs different advice. But, generally, I'd say that if you are a people pleaser, instead of asking "do they like me?" start asking "do I like them?". This will take the focus off of what they think and put your power back in your hands and you'll gain your confidence to leave. I'd also say write letters to each of those friends telling them exactly what you don't like about them and then tear it up and throw it away or burn it. I would also start prioritize yourself and do a LOT of self care. It will take the energy away from those friends and onto yourself, making you more magnetic to people who align with you. Hope that helps
Thank you so much. I will difinetly try this. This girl is my best friend for many years but truth is something else. She has been using me for her convenience since years even till today now its enough. My heart cry out remembering how emotionally financially I invested in her that too for nothing in return
I wish I had a friend like you to talk in the car when it rains❤everything you say matches with my life experiences and conclusions. Thank you for articulating your feelings it helps a lot of people who feel the same but are silent.
This is the most import video I've ever watched. It's not that this information is completely new to me but focusing on sometimes unsaid things or just listening someone else unwire the thoughts that are lingering on your mind is just incredible. I have no words, this is everything.
Thank you so much for having the courage to start this channel Madeline, you don't know how much it is beginning to help me. I can relate to your experiences very strongly and many of your opinions make complete sense to me. I have been trying to find more people like you to be friends with after realizing that I was also in the company of people who just like to talk shit about others all the time. I also know about needing to seek validation from others as I am familiar with the concept of "gaslighting" and feeling crazy or confused. Truly, you are inspiring and you are able to voice the things I don't say.
i remember in my university years, i met this long term 'good' friend and we decided to be roommates because why not, we know each other for longer than we knew all the other classmates in uni? the way she talked to me always had some backhanded compliments or snide and snarky remarks, she would invite people unannounced, stay up late until 5-6am in the small apartment room we shared talking out loud playing games and at one point, even leaving the apartment door OPEN while she went outside with no regard for my safety. as someone who had struggles setting boundaries, i let those behaviors past by as though they were nothing and kept on even hanging out with people she invited over despite it disrupting my sleep every night, and even threatened my safety. long story short, she suggested that she should move out because she needs ''privacy'' and i was feeling as though i was the problem for even raising concerns over her behaviors lmfao. the people in her group that i hanged out with stopped talking to me and even started to give me silent treament after she moved out, god knew what kind of story she told them to make me look as bad in their eyes lol and again to me, they weren't really friends if they weren't willing to hear my side of the story and dictate the other girl's story as the truth, no thank you, I don't need that type of people in my life either so i just found it to be another ridiculous incident in my life looking back, i regretted not setting boundaries and ending that type of friendship any sooner but we all learn, so remember guys, trust your gut, and set boundaries to protect yourself whenever you can and even if you fail to do so, take that failure as learning opportunity so people can not take advantage of your kindness
Yeah... I’ve been dealing with feeling like I’m growing apart from some of my friends that I’ve been with since like forever! They’re good people and have never intentionally been toxic to me but I feel so disconnected from them and I’m unsure if I’m maybe the one who is causing the disconnect. Thanks for this video! It’s made me think about some things
I came across your video, and let me just say. You bring out the good in people. Listening to you gives me an analysis on what to think about moving forward and how to be mature about every situations rather than letting it get to ur head.
The only thing I did not agree with was what you said about ghosting, I have cut ties with family members because of the evil they did to me and my late mum, I gave no explanation because they know full well what they did. Nobody owes anyone anything, I have had many friends walk away from me for no reason and I did not cry about it all I did was review the situation to make sure I did nothing wrong and just moved on. If someone is toxic and you want to cut them off you don't owe an explanation. Everybody has the right to defend themselves and do it in a way that is fitting for them. The only ghosting I do not agree with is if the person is nice and you treat them like that.
Can I give you a counter argument? I do agree that ghosting can sometimes be the most effective thing you can do in a bad relationship. However, people are always the hero in their own story so not everyone will immediately see what they did wrong in a relationship. You proved my point by saying that you always check if you did anything wrong when people ghost you and it sounds like you don't feel like you've done anything wrong in past relationships. A little bit of closure/feedback from the other person would go a long way in that regard. A last conversation and then eternal ghosting seems like the best solution imo.
All my life I wasn't a ghoster. I prefer closure and honesty. BUT nowadays, if you want a heart-to-heart talk, you get gas lit. You just can't be honest with people or they freak on you. I'm too old to hear someone who is also my age go psycho. It's just not good for my nerves.
i just wanted to add on your section on ghosting and telling that person a reason why. i agree that you should let someone know what they've done to upset you and why you end a friendship so that they can grow from it. however! i do truly believe you need to be able to show that you are capable of taking that without invalidating or immensely gaslighting that persons feelings. I wasn't able to end a friendship with "a reason why" since they showed me in multiple scenarios that they just never respected me or my feelings. sometimes there are friendship endings that just end with: I don't want to move forward in this friendship. i wish you the best. bc that's protecting your peace rather than giving them another chance to invalidate and hurt you once more. but ofc that just only one of an experience I've had and most of the time your not a shaking chihuahua in your bed to send one text lol
As one who has been on the other end of this. I believe that regardless you should try to formally provide reasonings especially if the friendship/relationship was long term. By formally I mean not those half assed reasons with no sincerity. Why I say it like this is because you've been with the person for months days, in weeks exchanging conversation and trying to provide each other peace in this life so the absolute power of ending it is such a destructive position. Unless the person is a genuine psycho with lack of empathy, you and the other person should end the conversation in having respect for each other and not live silently in remembrance of your actions. Its easy to walk out of the room, thats what I say to myself. You can always do things the easy way for yourself but real humanity and logical thinking or a "real one" would actually try to handle things properly for everyone. Really take this into account. If someone else was just making assumption after assumption about what they perceive you are doing to them with these terms but you know 110% that none of this is you because you don't actually have awareness of your actions in these friendships both parties can become vulnerable to one another because thats their comfort zone and thats why they might start to sound/act different without realising it that doesn't mean you just run away from everything its so easy to do that.
@@Yamin1348 I'm just gonna say this, I understand ghosting is usually known as running away however commonly people ghost due to unsafe environments created within a friendship. they have experienced pain and uncomfortableness via the other party. it's unfair to label that persons reality as "assumptions after assumptions" again, people that ghost do not feel as the other party will value their vulnerability if they were to have a conversation. fear and shame are very powerful emotions and are not just coming out of nowhere if someone else's actions have affected a person's mental state. certain toxic people it's best to slip away from them without giving them a reason, because it'll cause more drama. some people thrive on drama. people you trust you should talk to and lay it all out, thus getting back to my point: vulnerability .
@@wolves868 as I've said, if the person is a total psycho manipulator that you could infer from first glance then it makes sense. The type of people who are gonna get revenge on you for not staying with them. People with evil intentions. I have no idea how you can come to the conclusion that its "unfair". If you or me were ghosted and the person said nothing and you had no clue what you actually did and all you got from asking was vague nothingness comments then you can't deny that you would also believe that they are making assumptions of what they perceive you as. No it isn't necessarily overthinking its the natural process of being cut off without being told anything like what else would we be thinking? Its either that or you trained yourself to just not care about the person anymore and move on straight away. In my case, the person had moments of toxicity which I looked past and they made assumption of things I possibly did that I actually would respectfully defend myself from. So it isn't far from the truth that they made a lot of maybe statements of me and other people influenced their decision. All I ask everyone to do is not to be so brittle to confrontation, do you know why the word love has such weight to it. It's because it means you won't just drop everything and leave it means you have a real interest in keeping things together. I'm not invalidating the crazies people were able to scurry away from but the way people describe themselves in these situations most of the time clearly shows that they don't even give it a chance anymore. Can we agree that ghosting and cutting people off and showing this "I'm moving on from you" is a prominent culture in the west that has been influenced by the things we see in media. Its become more culturally pushed than anything. "People not valuing their vulnerability" is of two things, one being that it falls back to being an assumption that you want to believe probably because you just dont want to talk to this person anymore or two, a cope for not having to explain themselves. It is disrespectful. It's why you feel guilt afterwards. You can't defend this. Now if we are talking about mental health, oh boy oh boy. This is my opinion but you'll have people not mention their well-being once and then as soon as the time to ghost comes its like a get of jail card because a good person would understand the severity of mental health. If you are the person ghosting who do you think is going to suffer more and get depressed? The one who was ghosted or the one who made the decision. Some people don't even get over it and it becomes a prolonged course of negativity. My point is, mental health is obviously considered but it can also be used as a strategy to just get people to leave you alone without explanation again. It's another way to just leave without conversation. I'm going to be sad asf if I've spent so much time with you and you just left me. People say mental health and don't touch on anything because my personal thoughts. But you and the person were suppose to be good friends remember. And yes dramatic assholes would just make you dig your own grave so most definitely yes but I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about a big amount of people who are just doing their thing and then this happens and suddenly the trust and "vulnerability" as you put it is gone.
Yeah you can absolutely cut someone off without a reason and without regrets. I’ve ghosted people and have been ghosted. You owe nobody anything (not saying be a horrible human being) but if owing them an explanation means the destruction or uncomfortableness of you then don’t give them an explanation. Sometimes you have to be incredibly selfish in order to move on/get away from some people.
@@Itsalyssaaa13 thats such a cop out, as a friend or ex-friends. It doesn't matter who your going to ghost, the person could be the nicest person you've meet or a horrible gremlin, your going always feel uncomfortable because of that knowingly felt guilt. Why would you want to compromise your self respect by opting to just run away from confrontation. The part about being selfish is exactly what I mean. Why is the person that did a wrong/did you wrong equal to cutting them off. They are another person just like you are. Can't you accept that they made a mistake, went down the wrong path. Thats how people change and develop themselves for the better. Ghosting them will make them open their eyes about people who abandon others but project themselves as caring. But I also feel like I understand it to some length. I socially matured later and as you grow people especially in the UK tend to be so competitive and deceptive you gain trust issues real quick and people "ghost" to show that they attempting to save themselves or one up themselves. But I swear all it takes is a conversation with boundaries, if the person can't respect that then they actually can disappear from your life because they clearly don't respect you. Hate stems from this stuff.
This made me cry! My emotions have been blocked & this had me bawling. (In a good way) this is like watching me talk about my current situation. Thank you for this.
these videos come just in clutch because, firstly i just learned a lot about my past friendships and why i was such a social justice warrior in the past right after i stopped being friends with my bet friend lmaoo. also i've been really confused around the topic of friendship, my friends are the kids that get borderline bullied so i thought maybe we could get along and they were just being misunderstood and, no tf they weren't. And no after years of them depending emotionally on me i feel so drained, i became so damn bummy and very much loser energy, but i guess the universe put me in this place so i could be finally confident, and i am. However my friends although they also grew, i feel resentment for the friendhsip, because now i realised because my dumbass never aked for emotional support and never trusted them, they used me with my "consent" to become emotionally okay, but now that they are thriving i feel like they literally stepped on me to step up hence i feel pissed. However now i am left on the floor, and although i do value myself now, i have dongrade a bit, at least discipline-wise. so thanks madeline for the clarity. i hope i am brave enough to cut them off, they are nice to me but i am not sure that after what happened i am still willing to be their friend.. Xoxo
Two days ago, I ended my friendship with my best friend. Our friendship was getting toxic, she would ignore me, tell me we'd hang out and then act like we didn't have anything planned at the end, play hot and cold etc. And it got to a point where our friendship brought me more pain than joy, more anxiety than peace. So I ended it, but I still feel sad. Because I have good memories with her, because I loved her so much and we had been there for each other in the past, we were extremely close. I need to get over it, because I know I did the right thing, but I wish it didn't turn out this way.
I truly feel for you. I just ended a toxic friendship that was like yours -- hot and cold. I have a few more like that, which I'm phasing out as well. It's too painful to have to second guess where you stand in someone's life, yet know that they have other friends they treat better.
I relate so hard to the ghosting portion of this. Like you're seriously going to cheat on me and ghost me without ever telling me why you wanted to end the relationship? And I had to find out for myself and from my friends that you're with someone else. Absolutely not. People need to stop ghosting others, it is childish, selfish, immature, and irresponsible.
This hits so hard, what u said made me think so much, because last year i had a big friendship breakup with several people, it was a moment where i was healing from something, focusing on my life and on what was going on, taking a break from social media and everything, which i told my friends about, but who i thought that was my best friend completely forgot abt that and started to get close to a girl that hated me while i was away which i thought was my friend since she always was interested in my life and drama, but apparently she was interested for a reason.... (i learned that later on), but this all was happening for months and i had no idea that those people were talking behind my back for months calling me big names with the excuse that "you are ignoring me", "you are a bad friend", never talking things out. Ofc after this, one random day this "best friend" starts ranting on me and saying so many lies and awful things to me (not considering my words or wanting to talk it out), she blocked me and thats how i became the evil person of the friendship. So with what u said, this people, people you had this type of issues with, they want you to forget what they did to you, they want you to not talk about what happened, to not expose them, to not speak your emotions or side of the story, to never find a reason on why that happened, if you do, you are "obssesed", you are "stupid" and a long etc, you become disgusting to them. Honestly after that happened at first i left like i just had to forget it since its what should be done right , but ofc i wondered, why this happened, why she said this? how did she get to this conclussion, which made me find out things with time that made me view the whole story, even tho for them thats not what happened, since u forever are awful to them. But thanks to wanting to learn this, you learn about yourself and realice a lot of things about behavior on other people and which people you should never get close to. If they never tried to hear ur side of the story or try to talk things our properly, they will never change their views on you, never, they dont want to listen to how they hurted you or how they were manipulated or how they were not considering you . After losing this friendshis, i've been feeling my best and only good things happened, makes you really realice how stupid you were for not ending the friendship earlier, how good it is to always hear 2 sides of a story, along with learning that it is very good to not forget things like this, makes you mature, learn from past actions and people's behavior.
I started reading the comments because i felt that i might find alot of people who i might relate to and i wasnt wrong,i would like you to read my story in the comments(newest)everything recently happend these two days and i feel traumatised، i feel like im the evil one, because when 6 people tell you that you are yoy think to yourself if it was true or not,im just glad to find people i could relate to it makes me relieved
I had to do this to a long time friend of mine last year. I don't miss him, but we were like brothers at one point. I hated what he became and I saw it happening about 5 years before it did.
watching this video rlly made me realise she never even viewed me as a friend, just someone to hang around in hs & competition. the whole 4 yrs she never stopped making backhanded comments on my weight & appearance, projected anger towards me bc apparently I was popular around boys “I don’t even know why they’re going crazy over you” “why are they only looking at you and not me” I felt like she was subtly trying to compete w me in every aspect of her life…. flash forward 4 yrs later she’s clinging onto multiple failed online relationships, getting drunk & confessing her love towards my brother, taking her bra off infront of him like some weirdo, drunk kissing our guy friend around me, then after hs graduation j cut me off out of nowhere. when I asked her (for closure) she told me that she didn’t care and to move on and it’s already been ‘5 months’ when she was chatting sht about me on her meme acc. even my brother told me she seemed to ‘resent’ me and wanted to ‘one-up’ me, now after us splitting she still denies hitting on my brother, making back handed comments ab me & told me I’m over dramatic. yet after our friendship ended she got a new job, her drivers license & is still w her boyfriend… I feel like karma hasn’t done its thing yet it makes me feel so disappointed w where I am currently but I trust in the universe to do it’s thing
also not to mention the fact that she was a deeply insecure person and driven w hatred which she later projected onto me & I constantly felt miserable… she even openly confessed that she would give up our friend group for some male validation in return. I understand her to some extent bc she was labelled as not subjectively beautiful & w our friends getting asked out except her; I truly hope she finds value in herself w/out clinging to male validation.
I told my best friend that i want a break from the relationship cuz it's getting toxic. Now it's been almost 3 weeks since we last talked and my life is much more peaceful and I'm way happier. I've started making new nice friends too.. I'm definitely not going back to that friendship and I'll most likely either not text her and talk to her in person again, or I will say to her that I want to completely cut the friendship off!
I feel heard, you speak so articulately and well! For your next video can you talk about career & purpose? I’m 22, I tend to jump job to job and I’ve recently entered another 9-5 office job for a steady income. Knowing me I’ll probably become depressed in a few months (praying I won’t), but I’m trying to stay present and accept this blessing as a lesson for the next stage of my life. You touched briefly on your life 5 months ago before RU-vid so it’d be interesting to hear how you journeyed through different work environments and how you navigate yourself when you feel lost.
this is the first video ive watched of urs and its just so comforting-- i have no clue how to explain it, but it just is. this is so late, but please keep doing these. love you.
