What You Get Wrong About Self-Esteem - Dr K HealthyGamer 

Can't wait for the full episode!

Alan Watts spoke about this experience (of waking up) at great length, should check out some of his lectures

Wish it was monday right now

4:19 how cool is that shot :O

Looks like a movie 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Yeah I loved that too😂

The world would be a better place if more people were willing to admit "I don't know"

And he probably did understand, but did a favour for people like myself

🗿

I think it's good to say "no, I don't understand" or "what's that?". To not know is the 1st step. If you never admit to not knowing or understanding, you will not even try to find out.

To me and others is the therapist that help us who cannot have a therapist for some reason or financially cannot afford it

Some heavy clone activity coming out of India lately, this guy is uncanny. And they're both K's

@AuroraOctane you mean Jiddu?

Fr

Totally Agree

I agree with this statement. Personally I’m so paralyzed by the results that I end up not doing anything at all. This is kind of a problem of becoming too cognitive. We need to sometimes think less and do more. Life is all about balancing acts

Someone call the police … because I’m stealing this.

Also my responsibility is my action, not the result of my action

He didn't say that.

I'd like to add, self love is also thinking of yourself in the right moments where you matter

@@spikeboy101 agreed. It's about the proportion to which we apply.

Very well put

Would you say that someone who hates themselves is a narcissist? Since they are really thinking about themselves and comparing themselves a lot and beating themselves down all the time? Basically they think of themselves a lot

@@tree490 oftentimes people that are self consumed have some narcissistic traits. That's not the same as Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Agreed. And the "no" is only awkward if a person let it be.

I think this is cribbed from Hume.

@@midwinter78 I'm pretty sure this is standard Eastern Buddhist/ Hindu doctrine. Given that's his bias, I think it's more likely he got it from that than Hume.

Buddha defined the sense of self as this first before Hume

Was thinking the same thing😌

Meaningless, meaningless, like chasing the wind…

he learnt this from Bhagavat Gita " karma karte ja phal ki chinta mat kro " your dharma is actions stop thinking about rewards of your work

@@GEO_________________________24 sorry I don’t know if this is what you meant but what does Ecclesiastes have to do with earning a reward?

Or Epictetus "Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our actions. The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed."

I can feel him physically holding back the word Karma xD

or stoicism

Who knew the ancients knee psychology.

oppenheimer reference

​@@CDragonGDr K and Oppenheimer 2 reasons I got in the mood to learn Sanskrit

I wholeheartedly agree

Me too. I hope Dr K will have a life full of blessings.

I'm a fairly secularist person Dr. K is about the only one that I can listen talk about spirituality in a way that even skeptical self is like "alright, that actually makes sense, you might be on to something"

That's the most beautiful way of putting into perspective this subject I have ever read.

Except the clouds in the sky have a visible, physical, real presence in the world. I can look up at the clouds in the sky and accept them because they really do exist, and if I needed more proof all I would need to do is physically feel the rain. After all, rain itself is formed within the aforementioned clouds. While it is a pretty combination of words, the metaphor rings hollow due to the physical and objective truth of the cloud’s existence, as compared to the intangible and completely subjective and interpretive nature of one’s emotion.

i'm the same

This man is a treasure fr

exactly :D

Same

And a lot of the times when i don't understand something Chris hasn't too, and he is brave enough and humble enough to ask for clarification, man i love that. And when he brings down the conversations to practical everyday actions with questions like: "Okay so what should a ... do in order to ..." . Such a great interviewer.

Masses? 😂

@@laurapavone3513 There have been 450million views on this channel. I don't know what a single "mass" would be, but I'd say there's at least 2 in there. 😉

haha, that's a great one. if i had coffe in my mouth i would have spat it : )

I am still learning this thing myself. But to me, there is a hidden layer to all this. Where do you draw the line in blaming yourself or not. If your action leads to a direct outcome that you can control, then you should take accountability. But if it is not, especially given the circumstance, then you should be compassionate to yourself. This applies to you being seen or not seen, judged or not judged, liked or not liked.

If you _believe_ you are making the right actions but always fail, you have space to reconsider your actions. Then you can reflect and change course if need be. Then confidence grows as you realise you're on the right course of action. Is there something in particular you're confused about?

There's no such thing as failure or success, just actions, if you're doing what you love and that gives your life meaning, that's what's important. You have to choose whether you pursue personal fulfilment or economical success, two very different things andrarely they go hand in hand

Thinker1985 wrote, _"The problem is that outcomes are often the measuring stick of your actions' effectiveness."_ The **imposed** measuring stick. This is a crucial distinction. Just because someone may resort to this or that outcome as a measure, doesn't mean that it's a sensible or relevant metric. Think: _"If you do your best but always fail, what does that say about you?"_ Perhaps nothing at all. Suppose I work out 3x a week and I'm doing the very best that I can, but despite my most conscientious efforts, I gain little or no muscle. What does that say about me? Nothing. It may point to a biological dysfunction of which I'm unaware, in which case it would say something about my body, but not about me per se. Think: _"Dr. K. is essentially asking people to believe in themselves..."_ I don't get this sense about his perspective. My understanding is that he's asking people to realize that 'who they are' is not in any legitimate way attached to the outcome of 'what they do'. There can be some correlations that may, or may not, strongly suggest causation but for the most part... we do what we do for a reason, and that reason needs to be detached from the outcome -- at least to the degree that if we get what we were hoping for, or if we don't, the outcome says absolutely nothing about our worth. Think: _"...it is a bit easier to be self-confident hen you've already achieved some measure of success"_ Except that this is circular reasoning. 'Success' is not something you can control. That's the point he keeps returning to. So to address your take on this: you're imposing 'success' as the metric by which you measure your self-worth. Dr. K. is saying not to do this because, as he noted, if your sense of worth is tied to outcomes that you cannot control, you're never going to be a happy, fulfilled, contented human being. Offering my perspective here in the hope that you'll find something therein helpful to your understanding of all this. Cheers!

If you cannot feel it you cannot control it, literally

Dissolve your ego

The more that you dissolve your ego the more content you'll be

You are a bundle of sensory experience that lives your life, and that's all you are, the rest of it can change And this is where I hate to break it to you, but a judgement by youR mind is not reality, a judgement by someone elSE'S mind is not reality

Fuck no they're thought's, Synchro: thoughts are not reality

The hardest thing is staying at something, i agree with that so much, even starting is a little easier in my opinion .😅 Why do you think public speaking and debating skills are important? Should someone prioritize them over other skills?

You are judging yourself against the person you want to be, not who you are today. Like the Dr says, you are only in control of what *you* do, so do as much as you can every day to feel happy with your actions. But be realistic with yourself. If you are not Usain Bolt, you can’t break the 100M world record. You can only take the actions that you can take; you can’t decide the outcomes of those actions

Also consider the opposite: things you're doing that you DON'T want to be. Sometimes we have more immediate control over stopping something negative. It might even free some space for the positive things that might have been obstructed.

Free will in this context is Synonymous with ego. It implies that there is independent separate “center” that “controls” and drives who you are. While the buddhist and non-dualistic concepts he refers to here such as “Sunyata” and what would be called “dependent origination” or “Mutual arising” (think Yin Yang), are telling you that there is no central separate “you” that drives you around (that’s just ego), just as we say scientifically that there is no organism that is Separate/independent of it’s environment. This “free will” you call “you” is the idea you buy/form/believe about yourself (ego) enveloped by the backdrop of your awareness and consciousness that contains all of your “real” as well as “imagined/believed” experience. That’s my understanding anyway.

​@@Beeso If for whatever reason you start reflecting on your ego, like most of us here. You feel like you've more understanding of your behaviour, choices, and consequently you're making choices which bolster a sense of satisfaction or growth. Couldn't that proof free will, as in being able to make the choices they want to be making. Or shouldn't I call that free will?

@@tonywoutrs Possibly, you could call that whatever you want. Usually that is simply referred to as awareness or mindfulness. I think the concept of “Free Will” as what pertains to spiritual or philosophical discussion dips more into the religious notion of a separate “self” or “soul” that is supposedly your “real”/ “higher you”, while it could very be just another abstraction (ego presenting itself as “higher”). Ego does one of two things; either inflates itself or defends itself. Alan watts always pointed out the futility of actively trying (by force of will) to get rid of your ego because you would be trying to “kill your ego WITH your ego” and you could potentially (and very easily) delude yourself into thinking that when ego has simply “escaped to a higher level” much like thieves attempt to escape from the police by running to the next level or floor. All you have to do is know what your ego is by simply watching it. Then forget about it and be as present and attentive with whatever you are doing.

@@Beeso Okay yea, I know what you mean. I was indeed moreso thinking in the context of self help, rather than the religious portrayal of it. Just calling it awareness or mindfulness might indeed be more fitting to avoid getting into semantics. As for your last remark: Do you mean we should forget about the ego because it's a distraction if it's too much reflected upon?

@@tonywoutrs Potentially, Yes. There is a level of discernment here and that is where all the “living”, growing, learning and maturing is. Reflection, contemplation and introspection in themselves are not the problem, getting hypnotized by our thoughts about life and living, even ourselves at the expense of actually living through all our experiences (both good, bad uncomfortable and painful) is. That is overthinking/rumination where we fall in the trap of attempting to escape or “solve” difficulties in life that can’t be “solved” by any amount of thought, instead we get trapped in cycle of a dissociated, numbing, self-separating vicious cycle, unconsciously sleep walking through life, then we end up in depression; that is something Dr.K has talked about extensively, never getting out of that infamous “default mode network” you become detached from reality. And I’ll use this quote to drive the point through: “A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts. So, he loses touch with reality, and lives in a world of illusions. By thoughts, I mean specifically, chatter in the skull”. And I’ll also point to the observable fact that whenever you are truly engaged with something or someone you have no “sense of self”. So just look to balance things outs. Be free to feel all you feelings and just watch your thoughts like they were clouds in the sky and more importantly just live, do what you have to do, do the things that really interest you and talk and engage with people without ulterior motives.

Yes. You will have those feelings anyway. They are part of the human experience, and they should be. But when you learn this way of thinking as described in the video, those feelings don't control you. You can observe yourself suffering, and have compassion. And then, you can move forward. We can have a positive influence on other people, but we can't control it. Sometimes we do it when we don't realize. Sometimes we can put in a lot of effort, but the other person actually needs something else, or someone else. You shouldn't tie your selfworth to the outcome. Because both positive and negative outcomes will happen, and then your selfworth gets thrown around.

Thanks for your answer:) In my perspective, there is a time (we can hope) where you will be on the top of the wave, surfing easyly with life. Because you have success, because you reach your goals. Probably it won’t last, and their will be lot of up and downs.. but I think we should enjoy this moment and also realize what we have accomplished. The Ego has succeeded! If it was aligned with your passion, with your higher self, well done! And you should be proud of what you have done. And inevitably it gives you more confidence in your intuition, in your strenght. So in my perspective, be free to nurture your esteem with it (but not only) and just know that the game is not finished. There will be down times, know it, embrace it, and know what you’re capable. It will give you more ressource when times becomes harder..

😁