How to Stop People From Taking Advantage of You 

Spot on. Isn't it interesting that if we don't set boundaries (IOW, we're too nice) we end up angry and not nice?

I discovered most of my friends were only around because I was a yes person. They all disappeared when I set boundaries. It's made me very wary of having friends now. It's easier not to. It hits your self esteem hard when people are only around for what you can do for them rather than for who you are

Learning to say no os one of the best ways to prevent people from taking advantage of you.

I never set boundaries with my best friend because I was afraid of losing her. Funnily enough, when it became too much and I set boundaries, she got pissed. Lol it was for the best and I’m much happier for it but damn, really goes to show I should have listened to myself years ago.

Recently realized that saying no causes me so much anxiety. I was always available to everyone. Found myself in one sided relationships and friendships. I have betrayed myself on so many levels and it's all caught up with me now that I feel taken advantage of, depleted and resentful. Finally becoming aware and accepting that deep down because of my childhood I am afraid of abandonment and rejection. This is all compounded by the fact that I am an empath and highly sensitive person. Now to the hard part, working on healthy boundaries that I have never have.

I ended 3 friendships because they were extremely manipulative friends and just not good genuine ppl and it feels amazing.

One of the common traits of highly successful people - they say NO to almost anything, and YES to only the things they really like and love and can benefit from (I know this is kinda out of the topic here but, ahmmm I’m just sayin)

This is good.i have said all the above.but now I set boundaries because people will do whatever you allow..even children

When I finally sat down and honestly examined why I wasn't setting up a boundary with people who were treating me with no regard for my boundaries I realized the excuse I was using for not settling that boundary was that "They're acting badly enough when they're getting what the want, so they'll act even worse when I DO set that boundary." Finally they just kept pushing me so far that I HAD to set down that boundary. Turns out I was right, they did act even worse when the boundary went down and they didn't get what they wanted. The beautiful thing was that I really didn't care at that point how badly they started acting. I set that sucker down and stopped worrying about their behavior.

I had to learn it wasn't other people's job to set our boundaries for us. Its our responsibility.

I lost lots of opportunists when I said NO. It was hard at the beginning, because I lost who I believed to be FRIENDS, but then I was relieved. It is a big relief really to remove these people from your life.

When I started saying no I had some tell me that I had changed. I replied that I hope I was changing! We do treat people how to treat us. When we keep doing the same old thing it serves a purpose like you said. We get something from it. Took me years to get that but now I do. Of course certain family members label me “over sensitive” because I now speak up when something bothers me. I also found that I lost some so called friends along the way....that’s ok because some were users. I value my mental health because it definitely affects physical health. They go hand in hand. Thanks again for another great video!

This really hit home. Thank you. Healing starts now.

I have a friend that calls quite often and is in , " Crisis Mode". It can be very draining. I have just learned to turn the phone off and take time for myself. All your videos are wonderful. My 20 year old daughter enjoys them as well.

I'm sad to say that I lost 3 close people in my life last year, when I had to set boundaries. All pretty serious issues that I did my best to handle well , but nonetheless, my choices were not what they wanted. I still don't regret my choices. but's been hard. Maybe they were used to me being a rug to be walked on. and they assumed that I'd let them take my property, my income and my time and energy. Not anymore. I was as gracious as I could be though, while saying no. I'm still dealing with the disappointment.

YES I FEEL LILE PEOPLE WILL REJECT ME IF I SAY NO

My family has always made me feel rejected when I was a kid so yes. I do feel that way often.

Tbh I’ve never had a positive experience when setting boundaries. The last time I tried, the person decided to attack not only me but my business, friends, and family.

An elderly lady in my apartment complex is starting to try and get me to take her everywhere. Just met her a few days ago and already it's starting up..

I've definitely been taken advantage of. Especially at jobs. I'm seen sort of as the do-gooder, 'the one that actually works' , 'the yes person' basically...and I find myself doing practically all of the work while my coworkers just sit and gossip or look at their phones..The funny part is if *I* was sitting and doing nothing/going on my phone I would get in trouble...but if my coworkers do it...so what??! Unfair treatment at work is the toughest. I don't want my bosses to think that I can't do it, but it would be nice to get some help once in a while. Maybe it pays to be a slacker sometimes....Being too hard a worker, you get punished for it, for some reason. Weird. :/:/:/

I cried while watching this. I'm so tired of being used by family. I'm tired of being nice. Time for me to be a selfish jerk.

This is all the more reason why I am becoming an introvert because people are always wanting to take advantage of me! This way I don't have to deal with anybody that is wanting to take advantage of me!

So many of the boundary issues originate from poor parenting. The messages about our value as human beings that our family communicates to us when we are the most defenseless and vulnerable.

The most challenging thing is when you have people in your life that actually get upset when you set boundaries and their love depends on the "yes," not as a perception or a fear the head, as a well known and express fact. Specially when is someone so close that you can't just take them out of your life and talking doesn't change anything because they don't have any problem being that way, in fact, they think they have that right over you just because they decided so. 😕 Not complaining, I already learned how say no, but is more challenging indeed, because you have to accept they are going to be upset and angry, but that's their decision and you have to go on with your life.

I am a people pleaser and I agree with you completely about having the fear of being rejected.

I finally spoke up about what I didn't like and I set a boundary. I'm proud of myself. This is the first step to healthy friendships!

I struggle with saying no because I fear people will think I am a lazy, incapable, and inconsiderate, which would make them upset and not like me. I am learning to accept how they feel about my nos because it is not my job to make other people happy, and to learn to prioritize my health and well being. Thanks Julia!

I feel personally called here during the entire video. I'm going figure out how to say no today. Seriously hate being taken advantage of. Thank you for the enlightening video.

I been scared that people wouldn't like me if I say no. But its time to be selfish. Being Selfish isn't being Weak. I am aloud to say No. But need to be strong enough too. There is fear of standing up for yourself. It isn't good for your health. Very good video. Thank you. I am a Sensitive/Empath. I feel that gets taking advantage of.

When setting my boundaries for others I've found the "F" word really helps......just saying!

Yes, absolutely I have/had a problem with saying no if someone wants something from me, for fear that they won't like me or will feel I'm self-centred. Being an HSP myself, this can be really tough for me. I'm on it though, working hard to set boundaries that I didn't have in the earlier half of my life. My Mom was the same, rarely saying no to anyone. It's true though, some people will and do reject you, but to be honest, looking back I can see that they weren't true friends in the first place but rather opportunists and manipulators. This still saddens me but I think I'm handling it a little better these days. Your videos have been very helpful to me this way...thanks! :) You've reminded me of the old days when girlfriends would call to complain about their relationships and keep me on the phone for hours listening to their problems....to which I would give my best advice... only to have them call back and rehash over and over again... but I didn't have it in me back then to say "I don't have time right now". They would call because they knew I was the one who would take a chunk out of her day to just listen to their drama and complaints. I was the "Yes Girl" that they could depend on. Guess what? Now that I know how to set boundaries, most of those friends have moved on! Which is ok.. who wants to absorb all that drama into their lives anyway? Not me! :)

My dad constantly bullies me and I am really glad I found this video. Thanks so much!

Almost cried listening to this...so on point with how I am and how I feel interacting with others. Thank you.

My heart and my mind cannot comprehend the concept of people wanting to take advantage of me. That is why I am often taken advantage of. I am the better person 😊

In the past, I have always been a yes person. However, recently I am learning to say no to people and it is getting much easier to say no.

So many people have only loved me for my yes! When I say no, that person always blows up and I no longer have a friend

No I am not worried about people not liking me if I say no or even disagree with me.

This video really hit home for me. At my job we are short staffed and just found out they are also increasing our duties and responsibilities. I'm one of the most experienced and senior people at my job so everyone's also looks go me for help. We also have a lot of new staff that are still learning and being trained. So I feel extremely stressed! I talked to my boss about it and she says she will try and get someone to work overtime, but so much more is needed. I'm worried that if I'm in charge and something goes wrong I will be responsible! I'm already overworked! I plan and saying, "I'm not able to do that" if someone asks me to perform one of these extra tasks. I will see what happens. It's not my responsibility to solve the staffing problem. Wish me luck!

My biggest problem is not really saying no, or saying what I dont wan't or like but that my close family members get upset and feel sorry for them self when I say no and don't respect it- and then I feel guilty and like this BAD person. I see a girlfriend having the same problem, saying no to her grown-up son, who never respects it! I feel I loose power everytime I let someone Walk over me. Thank you for great inspiration. And great to watch this the same day that my girlfriend and I just agreed to support each other in setting bounderies

I have felt that way yes! Confession . I have been scared people wouldn’t like me if I said no. I don’t want to seem mean.

I am an empath and have a hard time setting boundaries and saying no. Very good video. You are brilliant

I can’t believe I found your channel when I need it the most! This is a big wake up call...I’ve already watched a few videos and every one is something I’ve done or have had happened to me. I’m balling my eyes out. This is helping me so much. I have been crying and crying over the end of this toxic relationship and watching your videos really makes me realize what I was doing. I’ve never been to therapy before but I feel like I’m sitting down with you in therapy right now. I’ve been writing down in big key things I need to work on that I’ve done and that Will help me change the way I think and the choices I make in a note book that has been that I bought that has been blank for years. I can’t thank you enough for making these videos

Great video! I grew up in an environment where there weren’t any boundaries. I’ve been learning how to take care of myself and setting boundaries with people is part of that. I can say no, but usually feel guilty afterwards.

As a mostly-former people-pleasing yes person, the practice of setting healthy boundaries and preserving margins for the unexpected have been so freeing! Thanks for this great video Julia!

All of the above! Its part of me to love helping people... I am very enthusiastic by nature, and when people tell me their projects I am instantly happy for them and eager to help! BUT... I have learned the hard way that yes, good people can take advantage of me if I don't say no. I am afraid to appear selfish. That's the one that it's the strongest fear I have. But also, my best friends don't mind to hear "no". My family members, on the other hand (husband included), will push me so much even if I am telling them straight that I don't want to do things. I don't even understand why people would want me to be there for them almost like a "doll", knowing it is not making me happy. I keep trying to escape but still do things out of obligation. And yes, it makes me physically ill, to be there "for them". Something to work on, Julia :)

Damn my heart beat was racing at the speed of light while watching this video half way through out of anger and remembering my past friends and family. I am so glad I am not in contact with anyone of those toxic friends and families anymore. I am working really hard on knowing myself & practising in front of mirror. Thx Julia Kristina for these videos. I subscribed to your channel. ❤️ These are the things every father & mother should teach to their kids.

I have been facing this for years and I have learnt that I should not fear to say No. it’s a good thing to set boundaries. Thanks Julia. I’m inspired. 🙏

Thank you for your amazing videos! This one really hit home! I have recently started standing up for myself and said NO to my in-laws. & giving other people's responsibilities back to them! It's not mine! I didn't create it & it's not my fault! I'm not a bad person for saying no! Thank you these videos have really been helping me!

Very well said! You have touched on the fact that much of the quilt that drives our day-to-day decision-making, can be founded in the details of being manipulated by others. Repetition caused by many years of conditioning has blurred the lines where genuine happiness and repetitive abuse can exist. I have found that just saying NO.. to my loved ones. many times is manipulated by the phrase "You are so selfish." I have some big fundamental changes to work on! This is a much bigger problem than I have been willing to face as there are childhood connections to this condition.

I Have learned That I Do The Very Best I Can Daily and When Problems Occur I Deal With Them!

You're the first person too make me tear up in a long time, because you spoke straight to my heart tonight, I feel I have no voice, no matter how fair i am with my kids and my step kids

I thank you for such deep insightful teachings. I have mostly been a yes person. I am actually a shell of myself. I wish I got this training from my youth. My family has just been misusing and exploiting me. I am an empty shell. Now,I know I dont blame them. I blame myself

Yes! I agree with it becoming part of your identity. When people started helping me after I set boundaries, I got really scared that I will be erased.

I'm finally learning to set healthy boundaries and respecting myself along the way 😊

Thankyou - I have just done this in a counselling session with someone and I went an hour and a half over time for them and they didn't pay me. I was very drained. They also then texted me further questions demanding further time as I was trying to get down time that evening. It was also Christmas Day. I felt so angry afterwards - upset and used and abused. I'm far too compassionate but expect a quid pro quo but didn't get it - this is someone who calls themselves my 'friend' so it hurt the most - I also feel a dumb dumb as I now feel that the 'friendship' is to use me to the max.

I felt like I been taken advantage of my whole life causes me extremely bad depression. I noticed they only stick around if u give give give.

Yes. I have absolutely avoided saying no, setting boundaries and being honest about my feelings because of fear of rejection. And you know what, the day came that I had to start saying no and within 6 months most long term friends were gone. I learned a valuable lesson. Be true to your feelings and communicate your boundaries from day one. You see these long term friends met a whole new person when that change took place in Me and they didn't like it. From now on I'm honest about me and ready to accept the fact that some won't like it but I will know who my true friends are.

Julia You are so helpful! You express yourself, your thoughts and ideas so clearly. It's pleasant to learn from you. Thanks

this hit home.. wow! thank you

Last week I told him NO. I won't have it anymore and walked away for good. I feel so empowered now ❤ I got my self respect back

This is so me, especially the last part. i downloaded your 25 ways to say No immediately. Thank you for all your help.

I’ve always wanted to be that person to help others but I do have a strong personality too and finally did tell my mom to stop telling me others people’s problem and that she should help them if she wants to. I’m glad I realized that on my own but I do feel your videos are very helpful and help me to understand why and how to deal with things in a mindful way.

Thank you Julia Kristina

No problem with speaking up. In fact, I enjoy it.

U have described me as a person than i could ever explain to people or even to myself...i literally thought i was the only person in the world who thought the same way i do or who wo would even understand me!!! I look forward to. Watching more videos! I know i have only watched one. Of your videos but i feel like u know me more than any of my family. And friends... It. Is SUCH. A relief to know that i am NOT the only one in this world!thank you!

I was used again by a friend with a favor and I was so upset when they took advantage of my kindness that I took a shower to cool off randomly found your channel lol you were so right!! I texted them how I didn’t appreciate how they treated me. I was not rude at all. I felt so much better getting it off my chest. And they have lost out now on a friend that was willing to help them.

I was so seriously raised to be polite and that you do what your boss tells you, that I don't even know if I'm afraid of not being liked, versus just being a bad person. It's so weird. You are right about how you say being the go-to person is something some people like. To me it was simply what nice people do. They help others. IT's taken a long time for me to see that being that person doesn't necessarily get you friends. Recently a borderline narcissistic boss, has given me the opportunity and motivation to learn more about myself. I was being way too nice and helped him TOO much. However he did things like pay me extra cash for favors (don't worry, I don't mean sexual!), but he started assuming I would never say no. He even started to make jokes about it that weren't so funny. I did allow it to make me feel like a shell of my former self. I stood up to him a few months ago, and boy did I get him nervous. Also I used to be scared of my father when I was growing up. I yelled at him in my car when he tried to tell me how to drive. In both cases, I set these guys running! They didn't leave me. I DO think they respect me more now! HAH! I LOVE IT! But I need more sessions. I still get nervous. I don't want to lose my winning streak!

Excellent topic, definitely pertains to how I feel.

Awesome! All 3!!! Thank you for this!

Julia Kristina i have listened to a few of your videos this morning and it has helped me start my day really well. Thank you xx

Just wanted to say i listen to your videos everyday and they are spot on

True story... A guy told me to my face, "I'll love you forever if you never tell me No"...He then asked me to do something soon after that I said no to and I felt awful for saying no. I could tell he was upset that I said no to but I did because it was something my dad told me to never do for anybody no matter who it is. The more I sat with that statement the more uneasy it made me. BUT being a people pleaser I kept quiet about it but its always been in the back of my mind. This video has really hit home with me & shine t things I've dealt with. I'm no longer going to disrespect myself by not setting and adhering to boundaries. I like making others happy but I deserve happiness too. Thank you for this information, I needed it!!

Been listening to a bunch of these. Setting my boundaries that was hard, I’m a people pleaser. A man I dated ended up homeless in winter, has lived with me ever since, total passive/aggressive behavior so hard!!!

This is beautiful. Thank you for your insight.

Thank you, Julia. This video has really helped me so much. Isolated in the Outback so it's hard to see a counsellor, it really hit home. I can now make some of those changes!!! I feel empowered, fingers crossed it goes well.

Oh yes, I have been & am a person who has a problem with saying no to people & friends recently because I am afraid of not being liked & I am afraid they will get mad at me. Just recently learned the word no & how to use it more often plus I have also learned how to let people & friends know that they have to leave at a certain time & not use my apartment as a crash pad, & letting them know that they can't any longer take advantage of me anymore. Although sometimes it bothers me to say no because of fear of not being liked & people & friends being mad at me It also feels real good for me to use the word no alot more often than saying yes, It is actually helping me to learn & set more boundaries too. I also just last night put a note on my door to keep some other people out as well. I hope the note idea is good idea because I remember when I use to watch my Dad write notes and put them on his door and it worked. I Loved it.

Thank you for your message! I needed this! 🙏

Yes Girl! preach! Painful.....Powerful! Thank you! All of them!! I will change my life ... 💕😇❤️

I had some people who took advantage of me. It makes me angry. I had a friend one time who turned out to be a fake friend. She also tool advantage of me also. I didn't trust her anymore. Toxic people manipulate and take advantage of other people. I avoid toxic people. Thanks Julia. Good video

I'm happy with the comment section to know that I am not the only one going through the thing. Though we people need improvement I'm happy that I can share my distress with some other people too.

Levels above in every aspect of this presentation! Gratitude Julia.

SPOT ON!

Yes it's true I realised that Being too vulnerable causes pain, because some people only used people for there own selfishness And they see vulnerable people are easy to manipulate This video just really hit me deep in my heart I have to remember myslef that not all people are like me and always Keep this in mind Thank you so much!!

Folks, comes crunch time, our “no” will be tested so let’s be firm with it (no wavering unless it’s a matter of life and death , hehehe) Thanks!!

Thank you Julia. 1st time here and I'm thankful for your counsel and the download on different ways to say no!

This is good info Julia... seeing people as they are in a nonjudgmental way is not easy... this isn't to say that we should be dry and mechanical... however, conditioning our minds to see people as processes in action in the moment and also seeing our own process in action as we engage with people in the moment gives us new options to prevent people from continually taking advantage of us.... Spot on. Love your channel.

Thank you for the question

Its like you can read my mind. Thank you

Thank you for spitting facts, I needed to hear that!

How i love these types of videos! It's so helpful.

Thank you so much for this video! I'm struggling with setting boundaries and people take advantage all the time.

I am ready to challenge my life by standing up saying no and keeping my boundaries

YOU; are just too awesome!! Thank you so much for these videos, your helping me with the problems I have had forever. Each and every day I learn something new about myself. Have an awesome New Year

You’re awesome keep the vids coming!!

I'm in a roommate situation, and she is very sloppy in common areas, and does not do ANY housework, none. So I tried talking to her, got a blank stare, she said not one word. So I'm very resentful, I know the stress is terrible. Today, it's been 4 days that she's left dirty dishes in the sink and oven. I'm tired and at end of my rope as I'm not her momma. She is 48 yrs old so she definitely knows better. So I'm saving money to move, stat.

Good series of your short to the point videos, I love them, thank you!

yeah I'm completly done now. I've voulenteered for the last year and a half helping people who struggle with their mental health through covid. Last week I lost my phone temporarily so I wasn't available as usual. The backlash I received shocked me so much (shocked me that I was right because I knew deep down that would happen). This is my time now, I need to take care of myself which really doesn't come naturally.

Oh man. Such great advice. Can be painful to hear and implement, but it's so critical.

I love being needed it’s the only way I feel that I have value. I’m so ready to break that habit

My favorite definition of "love" is: to will the good of the other, *as other.* "As other" meaning for the sake of the other, _not_ for the sake of then expecting something in return---without conditions. Another way to say it is: to will a person's good for _their_ sake _alone._ We all deserve authentic love. We all deserve to immerse ourselves with only the style of people who genuinely "will our good" for *our* sake, and, of course, those who choose to include _us_ in _their_ lives deserve the same.