How Your CHILDHOOD Messes Up Your LOVE LIFE! 

Road*

Wow I’m in the exact same situation. I’d rather be alone, because the second guessing and the anxiousness is really hurting me smh

I left. Self-work first.

@Mariama Koroma probably mostly DA's then FA's. 🤔🤔

Omg, you just described how I feel too. When I get any signs of dishonesty or if I feel confused or drained, I just leave because I would rather leave a certain situation than having the possibility of getting hurt in the future

I was in the same situation and now I’m the avoidant type, I don’t see myself being in a relationship ever, thinking about relationships makes me sick now wich is weird because I’m ironically a hopeless romantic too

Lol 🥴

lol yes

Same

😂😂😂🙋🏽‍♀️

Lool agreed

Same here

@@evangelinemmayie6116 After a quick research you can definitely have traits from several attachment styles, it’s actually very common and depends on your childhood traumas... some people have deeper issues!

Wow i didn't know Thanks

@@evangelinemmayie6116 I’m confident we can overcome anything, and be a happier and healthier version of ourselves. Breeny’s videos and therapy have been really helpful in my case. Sending you lots of love and light ❤️

@Elisa Villalta yes Breeny's videos are very insightful Thanks sis, wish you the same

Same 😔

I’m an avoidant anxious and all my relationships have been really short 🙁

I have an avoidant attachment style too and it definitely makes relationships difficult.🤦🏾‍♀️

She got it from a book I read called Attached by Dr Amir Levine. Great book helped me with my relationship with my wife and vice versa

Same sis, same

Same here your not alone 🙏🏼🥺🤍

@@sarahortez1191 ❤️❤️❤️

That was my mother to the T. I was very angry at her for that. We had a lot of arguments but I loved her with all my soul. I wanted to save our relationship before I have a child... Unfortunately when we started to work on it because I instaured drastic strong boundaries, she passed away. I can never forgive myself now for things I told her out of anger when like you said she wanted me to remember only the "bath and feeding" instead of all the toxic behaviors that led me to have dysfunctional relationships. I wish I could have one more chance to be with her, ignore all her stupid comments and remind her how much I love her every single day. Hug her whenever it's possible because what I've learned is that she didn't know better, she thought she was actually helping me in the only way she knew because she's human too and got damaged too by her parents. I now realize when she was crying when calling us ungrateful, it was not because she was acting and reversing the role of the victim but because she truly believed she was the victim because even if it didn't look like it, she was actually giving her whole self and love to make us happy in the only way she knew. Just like when a cat kill his prey and drag it to her house and throw it at the feet of it's owner, he doesn't know it's unproper or disgusting, the cat think, this is the best way to thank it's owner and make the owner happy in turn. Should the owner kill the cat or call it the most demonic cat ever because it's not acting all sweet and cute according to our expectations? I know it's difficult and it must hurt but please love your mother now when she still have her, I called mine all kind of names even to her face, now I think she must hate me and I've been a bad daughter to her. I had empathy with everyone except her and now all I can see is how much I must have hurt her indeed.

@@Pearl.K well then I’ve tried and tried and tried to build a relationship with her!! But it last for a little while and she will do something’s that will remind me badly!! Of growing up! And that’s when me trying to talk to her comes in and that never ever goes well! I lost a baby and she walked out on me! All she wants is money! She care about her self onlyyyy! Now how on earth can I deal with someone that does not want to change or keep doing things that remind you of the haunting past!! I have to let her be! The thought of her dying while we don’t speak comes to me and it bothers me but still I already know what will happen if I dare speak to her again ever!

omg you hit the nail on the fucking head! My mother to the T, the way you expressed that whole paragraph, god bless you, we got this fam

Omg yes please

!!!

She has it already

@@Rastavibration7981 I asked for a 2021 update video, like a part 2.

@@pastry111 ooh my bad

Saaaaammee!

Same

Same. I’m disorganized attachment myself. Luckily I learnt years back and have been working on it.

Sammmeee girlll it does make u very fearful @Dinah

THIS👏🏽RIGHT👏🏽HERE.👏🏽💯💯💯

you said it like damn, I was also thinking about how they have to fix themselves before they bring a child into the world

Right

Wow thank you this was amazing! ❤️

You are on the right track of healing your inner child. Once you tap into her you will be amaze How amazing she is. Much blessings in your therapy sessions in the making of you.

Same!!!

Yes, breaking those “generational curses!” 👏🏽

@@alexag7686 sounds good!

❤

proud of you you are precious and worthy of being loved

Damn girl, we’re in the same freaking shoe.

Same here

Yes Please Breeny

Hey, my degree is in Psychology but if I were you, I would ask myself why i avoid legitimate intimacy and seek "relationships" which lack the real fundamentals of relationships and love which is mutual intimacy and trust. Are you ready to have mutual intimacy and trust someone? Was your father absent and you created this ideal Father who would be there for you and cares but the real life father always disappointed, creating a fantasy man. This fantasy is easier to believe when the man is rarely close to you or present because the reality would pop that bubble and sometimes loving someone who loves you back can terrify folks who feel undeserving of love or fear they have a hidden bad, shameful spirit or secret that actual closeness may reveal. Intimacy is terrifying and this generation has made many platforms for keeping people from having it. Ask yourself maybe why you dont want to actually connect it's like eating a snack instead of a meal, you know you're short changing yourself but what are your motives? Unrequited love is usually a behavior from folks with a savior or martyr complex but the thing is you're just doing a masochistic, spiritually self harming dance against the image of another. I would recommend spiritual solutions...namely Jesus Christ is the perfect example of unrequited love but our normal human suffering cannot make even a love object suffer less. Actual love brings peace to someone's life but they have to accept it. Unrequited love usually comes from a childhood of neglect, being close not too close yet being afraid to be punished for not acting well, despite having little opportunities to play or be happy with parents. Basically like behave but we are not going to love you or comfort you how a child should be.

@@Iwillsurvive95 😥

@@Iwillsurvive95 i looked it up and yeah ur right subconsciously im prob just reliving my trauma but consciously i dont see myself afraid to real relationships or intimacy like i would be happy if anyone felt the same way for me but maybe im just blind to what’s really going on but I believe God will help me get to that place

Lykke Li 💖

I have the same experience! Personally, I’ve noticed that going through toxic & abusive relationships have turned me from anxious to more avoidant. I used to crave love & affection, & be so emotionally thirsty. But after those toxic relationships, I’m more guarded & put up walls to protect myself from getting hurt again. Although, I still crave intimacy, it’s just hard. I’m working on it though, I’m tired of going through the same cycles. I want to have healthy relationships!

@@alexag7686 Thats the same exact boat I’m on. It’s so exhausting! I feel like I can never win but I’m hopeful in the universe

@@saris1685 Stay on your healing journey & things will definitely get better in time! I suggest checking out “Personal Development School” on RU-vid. Thais has very informative and insightful videos on attachment styles and how to heal and become more secure. I’ve been watching them, they are very helpful. Blessings!

Saris I support you unbecoming and becoming is great to help you grow stay focused and give yourself affirmations.

I can too

I think I’m the fearful and dismissive type

Me too , I’ve been anxious person since I started dating, and it explains why I haven’t been in a long term relationship.

same ugh going through it now

@@AndreabelievesinJesusChrist I’m in therapy now to heal and handle my childhood horror. I think that’s the best way to handle it

@@XavianneNailz I realize a lot of my triggers through the relationship and talking it out with my partner and also understanding what he went through from his dad and his mom, and I hope we can make it work, because we both really love each other, but it’s all about communication and understanding, knowing your triggers, and the times that my bf hurt me and didn’t understand me, my therapist did, and that’s the beauty of having someone you can talk to openly

@@AndreabelievesinJesusChrist yeah I know exactly what you mean, the guy I just called it off with. He told me he doesn’t “chase” or court women. And he wasn’t doing the same with me. I constantly asked him questions to try to get to know him more and it was like talking to a brick 🧱 wall. But when it came to discussing sex, he would be able to talk for days about it. When I mentioned to him he made it seem like that’s just how he was. He definitely has avoidant attachment and I have anxious attachment. When I told him I wasn’t happy on Jan 4,2020 he didn’t respond to my text and we haven’t spoke since. It hurts like hell 🥺 but it is what it is 🤷🏽‍♀️

This👌👌👌 and then I saw the flag🇿🇦, then I saw the name. Lol too relatable. We've got this girl, let the self love continue to prosper.

@@thabaindigontamo9828 Heyyy lovey😄nice to see you here. Look at us ,watching some wholesome and informative content 💕

The dismissive avoidant gets what they want and ignore others needs. So they are normally in the better position until they self reflect and start trying to be vulnerable

Yh I agree I definitely can be avoidant at times. Being raised in a nuclear family had its pros but sometimes somethings would be swept under the carpet or taken for granted.

@@corellejackson5717 2021 is about healing for us 😳