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I’m a Serial Cheater (I Need Help)

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I’m a Serial Cheater (I Need Help)
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Опубликовано:

27 апр 2022

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Комментарии : 419

@linjubar Год назад

He’s 37. He said he’s been cheating since he was 20, that’s 17-years. He’s been a police officer for 9-years. It started 7-years before he had this stressful job.

@bhuff8695 5 месяцев назад

I’m going to guess he’s addicted to pornography and eventually the dopamine release from viewing porn was no longer enough. He needed to find ways to get that release so he cheats. The he goes through self condemnation decides what he’s doing is bad without saying it moves onto his next girlfriend, gets the initial dopamine release from her for a little while, until it becomes stale and then seeks out cheating as a way to get that Release. He’s an addict and needs to be in a 12 step program. This has nothing to do with his service as a police officer.

@aprilwashington3150 5 месяцев назад

Right. John totally omitted that

@Alphacentauri819 4 месяца назад

John actually said that there was some connection and some parts that were separate. He never implied that the cheating was a result of the police work. Listen again. He mostly addressed them as separate issues…although if someone is cheating prior to becoming a police officer (and haven’t had intensive therapy) they will likely keep doing it.

@cathymartin6085 3 месяца назад

Yup he totally ignored the timeline. Hopefully the girl he cheated on doesn’t fall for this excuse if he uses it🙄

@cathymartin6085 3 месяца назад

@@Alphacentauri819okay that’s what people said

@GeorgeAusters 2 года назад

If you want to be with other people then don't be in a relationship.. It's okay to want to be single

@LilNickyy 5 месяцев назад

You have to try to understand the mentality of someone who constantly cheats.. there’s another level of excitement in doing something you aren’t supposed to do. Of course it doesn’t make sense to you.. because you don’t have that mentality. But in a cheaters mind.. there isn’t the same sense of excitement. Most of the time it goes unnoticed to said cheater.. they truly believe what they’re doing is “wrong” until they get caught.. like he did. That’s when they realize “holy crap.. what am I doing”.

@Alphacentauri819 4 месяца назад

@@LilNickyythat excitement is an avoidance though. That’s the root issue. It’s the same as heroin, or escaping in alcohol, video games, whatever will create that dopamine hit . Affairs have an addictive quality and it’s due to the avoidance of real life. The escape of oneself, one’s feelings, is often the impetus. That’s why when people heal their attachment style, subconscious programming, core wounds, and really show up for themselves and reality, they often won’t cheat. They learn to face life as life is. They learn how to be excited with life in different ways.

@vikingprincess634 28 дней назад

THIS! 🎯

@hyrunnisa997 2 года назад

Don't be with monogamous women. Just accept your flaws and be with someone who doesn't mind you being with other people...just don't get made at her if she wants to be with other people. 🤷🏾‍♀️

@Bearlyhan Год назад

Lmao this is fucking terrible advice and won’t make anyone happy in the long term 😂

@hyrunnisa997 Год назад

@@Bearlyhan you don’t have to agree some people are happy living polyamorous lives. if they want to be monogamous they have to fix the cheating problem. until then its just awful to involve someone else in their drama and shenanigans.

@sakamotothecat17 Год назад

My gut says the caller wants the woman only for him. Simply a cake eater.

@quandraadams7583 5 месяцев назад

Right!

@cameronhirtle7316 5 месяцев назад

People who cheat usually don't like relinquishing that control. They like holding their seat of power so why let someone else give you the one-up?

@writeherstory11 Год назад

This man has been cheating a decade prior to this job so that’s just a terrible excuse

@Lisalisag2023 5 месяцев назад

Exactly what I was thinking ‘what a crock’

@Dapryor 3 месяца назад

It’s probably exacerbated the problem. And who knows what his story is before that.

@cathymartin6085 3 месяца назад

Yup another poor me tale!

@Keeks492 Месяц назад

Exactly! This is how sexually transmitted deseases happen.

@ga6589 2 года назад

This guy should just be honest about his track record with any future potential partners. If you have problems with committing and cheating, admit it upfront.

@weekendnomad5038 Год назад

I only revenge cheat.. I was honest with my current husband about it before we got married.. he still married me and I’ve never cheated on him 🤷🏻‍♀️ he’s my best friend I couldn’t hurt him like that This is a great idea . Just be honest

@sds6303 Год назад

Or just realize that serious relationships aren’t for you & just stick to causal dating

@Ace7of7Cups 9 месяцев назад

He won't. You Heard him. he only feels bad after he messes up, and then he treats it like a broken toy and then goes finds another toy. The guy had no sound of Empathy in history or remorse. Or dealt period I've seen more five year olds have more remorse about doing something wrong

@swannyriver75 2 года назад

I dated a guy just like him, he's a cheater, and constantly lies about everything and its not the job it's a superiority complex, and honestly most have more than one addiction cheating and alchohol, cheating and gambling, cheating and porn it's always something one lie after the next

@justinreich3486 2 года назад

I was thinking the same thing. It's great to have honesty and we can learn from calls like these but still I felt like John and the people in the comments are going too easy on him and "falling for it". It being a soft spoken voice and "desire to change". I also call BS on the job being so stressful he just HAD to cheat.

@swannyriver75 2 года назад

@@justinreich3486 I so agree!!👏👏👏👏

@drewdelaney4166 2 года назад

Cheating gambling and porn. The holy trinity from hell. It sucks and drains the soul

@kimberlysmith853 2 года назад

Cheaters are Disgusting they Swap Spit bodily fluids with Numerous people then they expect their spouse to forgive them. 🙄 KARMA IS COMING AND YEAH THEY KEEP MESSING AROUND EVENTUALLY THEY WILL CONTACT GROTESQUE STDS they might be stuck with for life

@lilarose9348 Год назад

Agreed. The job may be causing other emotional issues but cheating is not one of them. He’s been on the job 9 years and he’s been cheating since 20 yrs old. It seems to be more of seeking excitement and addiction to that feeling of newness. I hope he gets the help he needs so his life can be more fulfilling and for his partners as well.

@YukiKonan 6 месяцев назад

He is abusive. Cheaters are abusive because they lie, manipulate, gaslight, all to keep the victim like the crazy one.

@charityduplechan9346 2 года назад

Kudos for him for being honest, but he is a horrible partner. Any woman should be warned about him. Just because you experience trauma and horrors does not give you the permission to be a shitty partner. My dad was an officer and he cheated on my mom for a long time. He experienced things but that still doesn’t give him the right to treat others like this.

@privacyplease1556 6 месяцев назад

He shouldn’t be in monogamous relationships. That’s the solution

@msprettypinkpanther6142 5 месяцев назад

This “man” isn’t brave…

@Nah-ah 2 года назад

Yeah nah… the streets is where he belongs!

@halnot4u2no75 Год назад

yes!!!

@kaylacombs6254 8 месяцев назад

Stressful job has nothing to do with cheating.

@mattgilstrap7295 3 месяца назад

For real. Just making excuses.

@weekendnomad5038 Год назад

This is terrible i hope he gets his karma. Being cheated on messed me up so bad. I think because I didn’t know and stuck up for Him. Affects my current marriage so much trauma

@Orenoryori 5 месяцев назад

A cop being a POS? This is truly surprising.

@Equitable_Street_Access_SF Месяц назад

🤣

@Ilovedachshunddogs 2 года назад

He only feels bad because his ex found out. I wonder if he feels sorry for the women that did not know

@brookesmith1550 2 года назад

Why would he? They don’t know and best to keep it that way. No reason to hurt them. What you don’t know doesn’t hurt you.

@lademoiselleketoret6958 11 месяцев назад

@@brookesmith1550 until you catch AIDS.

@WyvernX_ 5 месяцев назад

@@brookesmith1550 Ignorance is bliss

@matinaki1644 2 месяца назад

@@brookesmith1550the question is if HE feels any remorse not if the cheated on women are better off not knowing!

@sugarmagnolia33 2 года назад

Dr. John truly has a gift of empathy and intuition. His ability to get to the heart of people's problems and pave a path forward for them is astonishing. His wife is a very lucky lady.

@bodhisattva2348 2 года назад

I know. I can never be a therapist of any kind.

@miketheyunggod2534 2 года назад

So, you know his private life?

@miketheyunggod2534 2 года назад

@@bodhisattva2348 you can't the-rapist?

@barbieblue3336 2 года назад

Why does he always sound like he's at a sports event?

@texasowl5356 2 года назад

You call people on their bs lol. Nothing special

@leabeauty837 7 месяцев назад

I hated this call. Normally John would say.. I don’t care about your job, you are choosing to cheat. He literally gave excuse after excuse, just because he’s a cop.

@appleforever6664 6 месяцев назад

You took the words out of my mouth. I’m curious how he would’ve reacted to the call that he stated that he was married why is it any different cheating on your girlfriend?

@leejace 5 месяцев назад

You didn’t listen to John’s part 2. He grew up with distant father.

@birsancristina9278 4 месяца назад

@@leejace so?!?

@Alphacentauri819 4 месяца назад

@@birsancristina9278if you cannot connect the dots between attachment styles, the neuroscience and cheating…you are blind. The neurological impact (trauma) of having emotional neglect causes a person to have a dismissive avoidant attachment. Their nervous system is “programmed” very differently than a person with secure attachment. The autonomic nervous system (limbic system, HPA axis, and so on) are activated differently, in response to specific realms of the dismissive avoidant. They often have a very small emotional bandwidth, low emotional intelligence, are very disconnected from self (and therefore others) and this is all due to the subconscious conditioning. They didn’t chose this. Of course, once they realize, they need to get the help necessary to get out of emotionally arrested development, to process and regulate their emotions, to have better distress tolerance, and so on. None of this was modeled to them. Not all dismissive avoidants are cheaters, however a lot of the percentage of cheaters are in the avoidant attachment category (either the dismissive or fearful), anxious preoccupied can cheat too. Securely attachment style folks are way, way less likely to cheat. Why? They had attuned caregivers. They were modeled healthy communication, healthy conflict resolution, learned vulnerability was ok, and so much more. We learn what we live. You really have to be able to appreciate the immense complexity of relationships and the incredible skills needed, before you so readily dismiss the impact of an emotionally unavailable father.

@Alphacentauri819 4 месяца назад

He never, ever said that he was excusing it because of his job. He said the issues were partly connected and partly separate. He spoke to the work burnout and showed compassion to that and then addressed the cheating more apart from that. Be more discerning and aware, pay attention.

@NalaMahal 9 месяцев назад

My 45 yr old male coworker told me that he’s cheated in every single relationship he’s been in since he was 18 yrs old. What boggles me is that he can go 2-3 years without seggs but as soon as he gets into a relationship, we wants multiple seggs partners.

@brendaleverick3655 5 месяцев назад

"Seggs? Seggs?!". 😄

@YoYo_Ma Год назад

Some folks aren't made for monogamy. They should accept that and stop wasting other people's time.

@vikingprincess634 28 дней назад

🎯

@weirdnomad8868 Год назад

Someone who cheats on their girlfriend is willing to do other ethical violations. Check his reports for false arrests

@Keeks492 Месяц назад

I agree

@Diana734 2 года назад

Stay single instead of inflicting hurt on others!

@vikingprincess634 28 дней назад

Exactly

@SM-fm4eb 2 года назад

“The Body Keeps the Score “. Incredible book on how traumas effects all of us. It is also called “love addiction”. All healing starts from within… self.

@motoryzen 2 года назад

Well it's simple...if you can't be loyal to one woman or one man...DONT agree to an exclusive romantic relationship aka being a couple...it's not rocket science and it's not like it's a big damn mystery

@thundersnow93 2 года назад

I had no problem staying loyal to my ex-wife who cheated on me. Sure, the mind wanders, but I would never imagine acting on anything like what she did.

@dewilew2137 Год назад

@@thundersnow93 did you want a boutonnière?

@otiliamanuelajurj 5 месяцев назад

This kind of people like him want a partner who is loyal to them while they are not.

@Geletin911 Год назад

A good portion of this call was groveling over him being a cop. Pathetic.

@dblueguy 4 месяца назад

Wow a cop that's a cheater and abusive, so shocking.

@suek7086 2 года назад

He wants to change. Props to him. Finding out about yourself is the first step. There are no excuses for bad behavior but those who face the demons are to be encouraged.

@barbieblue3336 2 года назад

I don't think he wants to change

@thundersnow93 2 года назад

17 years of cheating on and taking advantage of women and now he wants to change?! I guess he feels that he's lived the good life up to now and finally wants to settle down?

@omara1854 Год назад

@@barbieblue3336 then why call?

@martusia4594 5 месяцев назад

@@omara1854so he can have a proof that he's seeking help

@TheLuxeTraveler702 2 года назад

This was an eye opening call. Thinking back to my past, I've dealt with men like this. I don't hate them , but now I know the signs to look for. Hopefully these types of men can really seek help and get the healing they need.

@thundersnow93 2 года назад

For whatever reason, women seem attracted to men who are cheaters or serial cheaters, jerks, abusers, etc. I think they confuse arrogance with assertiveness? Either way, the "nice guys" like me end up being cheated on by the women we see, and/or end up alone.

@TheLuxeTraveler702 2 года назад

@@thundersnow93 I wouldn't necessarily say that I was attracted to cheaters but I was never taught what qualities and traits to look for in a man and ended up with emotionally unavailable men. I had to put in the work , see my value , to attract a quality man I am with now. I probably attracted those types of men because a part of me was unavailable 🤔

@thundersnow93 2 года назад

@@TheLuxeTraveler702 Emotionally unavailable vs. cheaters/abusers are polar opposites, IMO. I could be considered the "emotionally unavailable" type, but by no means does that translate to cheating or abuse. We tend to be in our "own world" and have trouble relating to others intimately.

@dewilew2137 Год назад

@@thundersnow93 they are more related than you seem to want to believe. My dad is like this, four of my best male friends are like this, and at least two men I’ve dated are like this.

@edithandlez Год назад

It’s okay to hate them. It’s okay to hate people who cause harm to others knowingly. I think fake positivity is toxic. I’m sure people have sympathy for them but I don’t and both are fine.

@Hamyhamster24 2 года назад

hes not addicted to cheating, hes addicted to the thrill/chaos it brings. and will continue be drawn to it. Everyone seeks for pleasure in different ways (healthy or unhealthy). unfortunately for him, he found the pleasure in lies/deceits/chaos. i think he should learn to be honest with himself and find other ways to find pleasure such as skydiving, bungee jumping, climb mt.everest, have an open relationship, etc. you still get the thrill without deceiving others 🤷‍♂️

@FallenSummer84 4 месяца назад

Yup! Positive change. I agree. Chaos chasing never ends. It's a void within him he can only fill himself. Not with multiple victims.

@justincottrell2684 2 года назад

Honest opinion stressful job or not, a lot of people have stressful lives/jobs and they don’t go out and cheat. PLUS he said he’s been doing it since he was 20 before he had his job. I wish John wouldn’t have let the caller lean on his job so hard as an excuse because nothing got solved he just got to blame his past and his current on why he’s too immature to commit to someone.

@dewilew2137 Год назад

THANK YOU!!!! I hate how he’s coddling he his 40-year-old BABY. It’s nice that he wants to address the difficult, stressful work that cops do, but there’s just as many violent, manipulative, cold, psychopathic cops as well. There was just a study on this recently. I’d say that cheating (which is practically a part of law enforcement culture) is a bigger indicator of psychopathy than it is of PTSD or burnout. Psychopathy is wildly overrepresented in law enforcement personnel, military personnel, surgeons, CEOs and politicians.

@privacyplease1556 6 месяцев назад

@@dewilew2137cheating and domestic abuse. the police force attracts bad people and then enables rhem

@kristinacollins8380 2 года назад

This guy is the worst. I can't believe he got so much sympathy. I hope karma bites him good.

@123marchello 2 года назад

They’re was a show he did with a women who cheated on her husband one time and the whole comment thread bashed her. Dog pilling. Horrifying. I do wish them both peace & resolve.

@kristinacollins8380 2 года назад

@@123marchello I didn't care for Dr. John's advice here. It felt like he couldn't look past the guy being a cop and see him for the monster he is.

@123marchello 2 года назад

@@kristinacollins8380 John’s got a good heart, building rapport, I get it. I just wish I saw the same amount of empathy in the comment thread towards the other women who cheated on her husband that felt deep regret.

@quadzilla561 День назад

💯🩸

@quadzilla561 День назад

It will come

@bethanne5781 2 года назад

Really appreciate the sensitivities Dr J has for any caller, whether he laffs, jokes, plays, he's truly touched by anyone's experiences and helps them to feel valued. I've listened since day 1, but with Nathan today, telling Nathan he loves him, that was a personal first and Nathan felt it and we felt it, thank you

@VirtualTransit 2 года назад

This guy needs help, not judgement which is most of this comments section. As bad as infidelity is, I applaud this guy who's willing to be honest with himself and Dr John on such a public stage. Again, this guy is asking for help, not judgement. For those judging him and criticizing him (which is almost all of you, you know who you are!), ask yourself honestly what are you really trying to gain by stoning this guy. Do you guys really want him to get help or are you just flexing your own ego by judging him under the guise of moral values? I'm not trying to attack attackers, I'm trying to get people to really think about what you're doing and the words they're using.

@WildHuntress 2 года назад

I think most people do appreciate that he called, but I think they are more upset with John's response overall. John to a lot of people seem to act as if he just has a vice that is triggered from a high stress job and goes to 'kick the dog" out of frustration when it's far more than that. Maybe a lot of the listener's don't really think his job has anything to do with his underlying personality and that he'd be a serial cheater regardless of his life circumstances.

@Rob-fn1kp 2 года назад

no......he needs to stop cheating. It's a horrible thing to do

@sbentsen2714 2 года назад

Dang well said 👌🏼

@avilla4013 2 года назад

I attack because it's the first thing that should be said. Too much empathy/sympathy will make it too easy to get away with in this world and people won't learn. I agree with being understanding but that comes next. There's a reason people go to jail for wrong doings. Without it there are no repercussions

@probablynot1368 2 года назад

@@WildHuntress I think his behavior is a product of both on-the-job stress and underlying personality issues. Dr. John chose not to jump all over him, but to quickly dive into the stress inherent with his job, and then he moved onto opening the guy’s mind regarding the absence of a strong male figure in his childhood. I believe this has opened the caller’s mind and heart to seek professional counseling to thoroughly understand and correct the reckless behavior in his personal life before it backwashes into his work life. If Dr. John had jumped on him at the start, telling what he already knew (cheating is wrong, you’re a bad person for hurting multiple people, etc), then he would have shut out anything more Dr. John said. I learned something new today about how our first responders see & deal with the unimaginable and they’re left to cope with it, often on their own.

@thecommonsensecapricorn 2 года назад

I had a very similar upbringing to this guy. My dad was an abusive alcoholic and when he wasn’t raging, he locked himself in his bedroom. I always used to say, my father is here but he’s not really here. I have the same problem as this man but I don’t get into relationships. I was in one long term, and though I think I’m better because I didn’t physically cheat - I emotionally cheated on him the whole 1.5 years we were together. I was talking to another man who lived long distance. So no, I’m not better. I don’t want to be this way. It shows up in every area to my life. Not being able to commit. Not being able to be happy with stability. Constantly needing a new rush even if it’s self sabotaging. I won’t be this way forever.

@cucar8363 2 года назад

I am right there with you!!

@gingercougar 10 месяцев назад

Brave of you to admit it. I'm almost 60, female, and had zero insights as to why I do stupid things. Eye opening

@andreiaholland926 11 месяцев назад

Trying to justify a cheater...... what a joke!!!

@cathy7824 2 года назад

I bought a house with a liar and a cheat. We are good friends to this day, infact he's staying at my house right now because he's sold his due to a bad relationship. He will tell you all day long what's wrong with himself then go find the next victim. I hope this man changes, his poor choices are not only dangerous to his partners but he's a horrible person for doing this.

@ViolinfanaticOriginal 2 года назад

Whew, good for you. It would be hard for me to remain friends with someone who lied to me and put my life in danger (STIs).

@thundersnow93 2 года назад

We spend so much time these days building up the ego of cheaters and liars, digging into their past to heal trauma. Meanwhile cheater victims (myself included) endure our own trauma and I guess we're supposed to toughen up because our perpetrators were traumatized earlier in life and that's why they couldn't stay loyal to us? Who talks about the victims of cheating in relationships anymore and how devastating it is on our own egos, self-esteem, etc.? I feel like I'm nothing of a man now, I only see our kids half the time, pay child support, and I was the faithful one. I seriously doubt that I'll ever want to risk a relationship again. It truly feels like nice guys finish last in this life.

@AllThingsSoul 2 года назад

Responsibility for cheating goes both ways; you have to own your part in picking a cheater because I'm almost certain there were signs that you ignored before you married the person. I'm divorced from a gambling addict, and you know what? There were signs that he had a problem before I married him and had a child for him. Move on with your head high, don't give up on love, don't ignore signs and pick better next time.

@lelo46 Год назад

I am in the same position. But I am a woman. I have my children full time now as dad gets summers. And that also angers me because I wish he was here with us full time. I wish he was sharing the load, bonding, teaching and growing with us but he’s more focused on women and his current relationship. It truly is a traumatic experience. I’m left to pick up the pieces while he’s on a beach with his girl friend. It’s very unfair and sometimes I don’t understand how it’s beneficial to be a good person. Funny thing is, I was in absolute love with him, I’m a beautiful fit woman, have an amazing career, I make great money, I cook clean, loved the sex, cared about him deeply, amazing mother and wife… and now I’m left struggling to really believe these things about myself. My self-esteem is SHOT! My confidence is gone, I don’t trust a soul and I feel lonely even when I’m “enjoying” life…. It’s just a bad feeling. So, I agree with your comment wholeheartedly.

@thundersnow93 Год назад

@@lelo46 So sorry to hear this. My heart hurts for you, but at least it may help knowing you're not alone in this journey. Wishing you God's blessings moving forward!

@reginasemenenko148 Год назад

I'm so sorry to hear this, Johnathan. I truly hope things get better for you.

@reginasemenenko148 Год назад

@@lelo46 Wow. That is rough. So sorry.

@jcstuart6978 2 года назад

Love how Dr. John knows the uniqueness of this situation, unlike most of those in the comment section. Fantastically handled Dr. John!

@miketheyunggod2534 2 года назад

The caller is an asshole. Simple as that.

@dewilew2137 Год назад

Just what he needed, a coddling session by a grown man.

@reikoviolin Год назад

I agree- The comment section is the worst isn’t it 😂

@daphnemccalman5344 11 месяцев назад

Don’t forget about the nurses because we’re the ones dealing with the dead and dying on a regular basis

@WordsPictures997 2 года назад

Well done Dr. John! Thank you! I've learned so much from this call.

@toya7163 2 года назад

This man cheats on all his girlfriends because he is a womanizer

@edb484 2 года назад

He said he was picked on which is the same for most cops. Most cops are the kid in schools that got picked on or either the bully themselves

@suzannewilliams759 6 месяцев назад

Cheating is a choice. Its not forced, its not coerced, & unless someone has a gun to your head, you CAN walk away. My husband chose NOT to walk away. He chose to DISRESPECT & DISHONOR his vows. And, yes, he chose to lie about multiple INTERACTIONS behind my back in our early years, & later got careless doin the same right in front of me. The man I once revered as MY HERO, made many choices to be a ZERO. He's blamed me, his friends, his parents, & a anyone he feels the need to blame.

@tristanrodenhauser5267 2 года назад

Cops should be rotated regularly None of them should be in the thick of it for years on end

@JustinCase780 2 года назад

Yes, he is getting rotated regularly...reason why he called.

@mightymouse9001 2 года назад

@@JustinCase780 lmao stop it

@same.7939 2 года назад

@@JustinCase780 😂

@drewdelaney4166 2 года назад

They stick it out for the retirement. My buddy from the navy is a cop now in Nj. He single 35 years old and miserable. Makes great money works OT all the time but every time I speak with him he can’t wait to retire and get out of NJ.

@jtahoe81 2 года назад

@@drewdelaney4166 same for 2 friends i have that are NYPD.

@mrdee2454 2 года назад

I hate when cheaters want to be the victim. NO, you cheat it's YOUR fault stop being selfish. This whole call was a narc, humble brag.

@troyspears6470 2 года назад

Or when they say “im a sex addict” ahhh the devil made me do it. Lol no youre just a lying, deceiving, cheater

@CRobinsonpk 2 года назад

Your misplaced use of the word “narc” reveals your baggage and intent

@JustActNormal 2 года назад

💯

@TheAgentmigs 2 года назад

Yeah, I think Delony let em off the hook because of his law enforcement background.

@zeal4god402 2 года назад

So he isn't only chasing criminals but also...

@veggiedumplinn 2 года назад

tail

@BG-nm5xt Год назад

Hi Dr. John, You are awesome. What a great way with words, and from the male perspective. Thanks for helping people and the listening audience learns and appreciates it. Best books on trauma?

@brightpage1020 2 года назад

He showed a lot of insight saying he recognizes he doesn’t want to be there anymore but doesn’t have the guts to say that so he moves on with someone else hoping the cheating will get her to break up with him.

@Rob-fn1kp 2 года назад

This guys been cheating on partners for 17 years???? And he gets sympathy??? Wtf.

@COINsimp2024 2 года назад

This is biblical counseling, Jesus loved the sinners.

@TheNocturnium 2 года назад

I'm not sure about that either, however, maybe John doesn't think that screaming at the guy would help him think and act differently in the future. If you shame them into oblivion then they'll never seek help again. It's interesting that he mentions feeling remorse after getting caught, but not before. Maybe never having to face the damage he caused before now has shielded him from how awful of a life he's been living.

@truth.speaker 2 года назад

@@COINsimp2024 u sure? Didn't God say to stone all adulterers? (The "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" story isn't actually found in the oldest Bible manuscripts. That's why modern Bibles leave these verses out. Because they are fake. ALSO, the Pharisees definitely would have thrown stones. They did everything they could to condemn others and they lived in a culture where they all sought to appear righteous. They basically were narcissistic. The person who added these verses I to their copy of the manuscripts didn't understand the Pharisees and just how self righteous they are)

@amde8554 2 года назад

John would not get anywhere with the caller if he didn’t empathize with what he’s dealing with because he’s not going to get to the root cause of why he might be making bad life choices so that he might get himself the long term help he needs

@CRobinsonpk 2 года назад

Man… God forbid someone try to admit and address a problem…maybe he should just do like you and hold it in secret forever so that virtuous icons like you won’t chastise him out of some misplaced sense of cosmic justice?

@barbieblue3336 2 года назад

But, if he's choosing the wrong people, he's doing it to avoid "being known." He works on keeping distance, control. Maybe he wants to seem "perfect"

@Dapryor 3 месяца назад

I don’t understand how someone cheats and doesn’t confess. I couldn’t keep something like that inside. It would eat at me.

@jillc1369 2 года назад

Powerful Dr Delony!

@RoyalMetal9 2 года назад

He made women his God because he’s angry at his momma. He needs to go to her and forgive her and apologize for hating her so he can drop the anger. He also needs to stop judging himself.

@moonmagick8182 2 года назад

Why’s it so hard to stick to just one cereal?

@dbacks2023- 2 года назад

When you walk down the cereal aisle at the grocery store, it’s hard to fight the temptation

@zeal4god402 2 года назад

Others have nuances in sweetness too

@TheAgentmigs 2 года назад

Lucky Charms for life.

@arc3337 2 года назад

You guy's are hilarious 😂 😃 🤣

@Ethiodawg 2 года назад

Y’all are silly 🙃

@Chartlaub5 2 месяца назад

Everyone's always for John helping only the people they approve of him helping. The second we get to something sticky then everyone wants to like the person on fire

@Rodriguez88m 2 года назад

Absolutely beautiful. Same with EMS. 👍

@foedeer 11 месяцев назад

So impressed, great advice for men and with digestable language

@blizzardUZI 2 года назад

This was such a powerful and amazing call. I feel privileged to hear this man at work with someone who needs his help.

@AllThingsSoul 2 года назад

I agree! The brutal comments from hurt people is astounding here, but not unexpected. He who is without sin, cast the first stone. We're all broken. When someone reaches out for help, support them. I applaud him for being a Police Officer in this day and age.

@LightlyLilyAsmr 11 месяцев назад

I think people are being hard, because most of us never really see cheaters change. It's a long process, and you'd have to know the person through that. I feel like most people never truely change their habits. The only hope is doing your very best and being empathetic when people make small mistakes.

@halnot4u2no75 Год назад

this man is doomed for the rest of his life good luck

@rossta3949 10 месяцев назад

This guy shouldn't have a gun and a badge.

@mrod87 5 месяцев назад

Zero self control or empathy for how his actions impact others. I would be interested to hear his long term partners and children speak of how he treats them, likely equally as selfish as his actions outside the home.

@OfficialMrWallace Год назад

As a serial cheater I never thought about it as a conquest to feel alive that’s mind blowing.

@reasia18 Год назад

Do you ever feel you would want to go seek help for that? See a therapist?

@gageparent9189 Год назад

@@reasia18I’m actually seeking therapy for it now

@reasia18 Год назад

@gageparent9189 that's so beautiful. Proud of you! A step in the right direction 👏.

@gageparent9189 Год назад

@@reasia18 been having such a tough day, you don’t know how much that means

@bc2647 11 месяцев назад

That's the key.. I get it now... everyone needs a break ...especially from the people we work around .... But thank you to ALL the people in uniform....

@ChrisAndCats 5 дней назад

"Caught me cheating on her so obviously that did not help with my situation, it made it worse". And therein is the problem. The first thing is not "I really hurt me ex girlfriend" but instead, "me, me, me". Saying he hurt her was way down the line like an afterthought.

@christophertrojanowski2769 Месяц назад

When he said first responder it was obvious that he was a cop to cheat, I wonder how he cheats at his job

@jaylove3487 29 дней назад

There are certain jobs that attract a personality type. Police officers, firefighters, teachers and medical workers. Enough said !

@b.c.158 2 года назад

Circumstances in your life shouldn't cause you to cheat. That is not fair to the women that were hurt. You were being selfish. I disagree with the comment about the ones that never found out being hurt more when the relationship ended. Betrayal is a horrendous thing to face. I have more empathy for the one that discovered what type of man he is and what she felt when she discovered he cheated on her. It is good that he realized where his life was headed. Get that help and work on becoming a real man because quality men don't cheat under any circumstances.

@brookemoore8369 2 года назад

Classic narcissist? The entire time he mentioned how cheating and getting caught hurt him and ruined his life lol. Strange….. That’s all I can say lol.

@mrdee2454 2 года назад

He GF should cheat on him in order to get perspective

@jmlnursing1084 2 года назад

Absolutely a narcissistic personality

@funmir4440 2 года назад

Narcissism is thrown around quite frequently. If he was a true narcissist, he wouldn’t even have called. It wouldn’t bother him one bit.

@dahliaherrod4301 2 года назад

How is that strange? Cheating does ruin the cheater's life whether they recognize it or not. At least he's self-aware enough to know it's an issue. Hes dead wrong and the man is trying to get help. Why are we crapping all on him. Should we leave him to his misery?

@bensondentalassociates8690 2 года назад

He literally said “I noticed how much I hurt her”

@CC12398 Год назад

it seems like lately the common refrain is he is a narcissist. Sure they're out there but often it's a lot more nuanced situation. I love how this caller had the courage to come forward for help.

@devin3607 Год назад

Hes a cheater and should be married to a cheater woman. Thats justice

@MoekoBrooks Год назад

Police officers...always cheating...lol I know there are some who don't, but I know a lot of police officers who definitely can agree that most of them do (both men & women). I'm a teacher and often get propositioned to get to know one & I respectfully decline...I could be missing out on a good man, but there are plenty more out here.

@Alphacentauri819 4 месяца назад

Addressed many things very well. Too many commenters are clueless, to the nth degree regarding people’s behavior, motives, etc, and you can see the ignorance pouring forth. Can you please add to all you said here, in maybe another show…about the connection between attachment style and cheating? Also, cheating, as an avoidance behavior? That’s what I’ve seen, come to conclude. The majority of cheaters are very avoidant prone. Conflict avoidant (ironic as conflict is created by avoiding it, and by cheating), feelings avoidant, deep conversation avoidant, facing reality avoidant…and on and on. Cheating is just one of the many potential dopamine hit producing avoidance tools, that those who struggle with accepting life on life’s terms. They don’t know how to be ok, joyful, in the now, and create their own satisfaction by learning who they are, being in alignment…as they are so unconsciously preoccupied with running away from discomfort.

@couchtater4621 2 года назад

Oh please, he just needs to grow up. He's a child, a man-baby. Babies are naturally selfish and lack empathy. But it also speaks volumes about the women who get involved with this guy, there must be telltale signs along the way, and yet.

@JustinCase780 2 года назад

It takes two to Tango.

@cucar8363 2 года назад

This really touched me close. I don't cheat but like Dr John perfectly said, I get bored!! I ask myself why?? I have broken up with good men that love me to death and I just can't continue the relationship and I move to the next one. I know i need help.

@rabbi619 11 месяцев назад

Try staying with one dont give up

@matinaki1644 Месяц назад

This is different. Guys and women like him stay with their "partner" while keeping others on the side. They don't move on at all. They keep deceiving.

@SarahR2D2 2 года назад

This seems to be common for LEO'S

@lisanixon9284 Год назад

Just like surgeons switch out after so many years of specialized repeat surgeries, the same should go when dealing with a traumatic job.

@exceedinglyaverage1179 9 дней назад

Poor guy, I also love cereal. 😔

@gardengoddess5606 3 месяца назад

There’s usually past trauma that has not been resolved.

@rory644 2 года назад

Its called growing up he's 37 this is what happens, as you get older you realise life don't last forever & he now knows he wants something better

@thundersnow93 2 года назад

So this serial cheater who has "lived the life" and gotten his way with women over the years, should now also get a lovely faithful woman to be by his side for the rest of his life? He gets his cake and eats it too while faithful guys like me end up divorced from their cheating ex-wife? What's wrong with this picture?

@asya4553 Год назад

@@thundersnow93 yeah you are right @rorygallagher3429 is a great example why this never changes. As a society we allow this, especially for men. We have to shame this behavior and stand up for good faithful people like us.

@thundersnow93 Год назад

@@asya4553 Amen brother!

@Melissarouge 2 месяца назад

You can say stress exasperated the cheating issue more, but it’s not an excuse for cheating. He still needs to take accountability for his actions and understand that this has influenced his behaviors but it’s not an excuse for his behavior. And I think that’s very important to say to someone like this. He should definitely get therapy to work himself out. But this isnt a get out of jail free card. Trauma is not an excuse to hurt people.

@changetocome100 Год назад

Interesting, something tells me this is the profile of the average cop, I quote, in need of adrenaline with thin egos...God help us.

@vikingprincess634 28 дней назад

If he was a police officer for 9 yrs and has been like this for 17 yrs, his behavior has little to do with his career. This sounds more like a maturity issue, an integrity issue, and an unhealthy need for attention. If he doesn’t learn some self control, he’s in for a long, lonely life. I would also suggest switching careers because most people in his profession tend to be serial cheaters too, so he’s immersed in a culture that accepts and continues his bad behavior. But he’s been like this for a long time and it’s unlikely that he will be able to change. Being a serial cheater is a personality flaw that is difficult, if not impossible to fix unless you do some serious introspection and make a conscious effort on a daily basis to control your impulses.

@tianaburnett1225 3 месяца назад

I feel like he never addressed the real issue, which was him cheating and knowingly hurting people. I feel like he tip toed around the real problem.

@barbieblue3336 2 года назад

This was a good clip 👌

@Luna14Smith 21 день назад

A cop that considers himself a serial cheater. Imagine all the law he has broken during his job. If you cheat in your partner, you cheat in all aspects of your life.

@Bionicbunnywabbit 5 месяцев назад

A man that has no integrity shouldn't be a police officer. Period.

@channielavonne8254 4 месяца назад

Another way to describe this is habitual cheating. Because he has been doing this for so long it has become a habit, and habits can be difficult to break. Being intentional, taking practical steps to not revert back and therapy are good starting places to begin to break the habit

@drewg3924 Год назад

I’ve had this problem too

@ZayingIt 2 года назад

As a student of psychology, oversimplification is not the solution to this problem, as some of these comments suggest. I would even go as far to say that people that imply this approach may have not uncovered their own mess or resort to a default response that doesn’t address the root. It’s multi-faceted and requires attention, in however that looks like.

@thundersnow93 2 года назад

I'm sure you're correct about the psychology of the matter, but the heart of the matter is very simple: Follow God's commandments and these things never happen.

@ZayingIt 2 года назад

@@thundersnow93 I don’t disagree, however, people don’t default to this response as countless people have shown us throughout the Bible. A lot of people know that they’re doing wrong but it does not deal with the shame that sin brings. Put it simply, to give law without love yields no fruit. Rather exploring the shame from a point of connection, relationship, and truth allows us to overcome even our deepest struggles, that is, not that we won’t ever fail again but we’ll know what to do when it happens. Thanks for sharing!

@sarahsincerely9599 2 года назад

F n awesome advice.

@Hunter2847 Год назад

Cop riding around lyimg cheating and steling out of the evidence room

@JAYCEE-xm5dd 3 месяца назад

I feel for him. Being a dude in this generation is tough. Constantly bombarded by perversion from early childhood affects the male mind. We already have high drive and testosterone. The struggle is real. Even males with general good morals may struggle in this area. King David even though God himself said he was a man after his own heart, struggled here. I’ve personally struggled here won many and lost some battles. This area needs more awareness, more help from churches, and group supports. It’s often brushed under the rug though it affects many men. Men that many people would never believe are struggling here. All the ones in my group are there only after getting caught.

@AllThingsSoul 2 года назад

Dr. Delony, you are awesome! You were like the Father this Police Officer needed, but never had. I love that you were not too "macho" to tell another man in pain that you love him, he's better than that, and his new day starts today! This is what women have been wanting from men for centuries; a man who can express his feelings but still remain a confident man. You have a gift, thank you for using it to help others.

@mk1mcqueen277 2 года назад

Brave men

@renatelewis538 Год назад

Do most People follow your advise and get the help? What's the percentage? Or do you follow up on these people?

@AlphaAchilles 5 месяцев назад

Every LEO and military member I know is a cheater. Including me…I’m not proud of it but I think it’s the personality type that’s attracted to those jobs. I am married now and haven’t cheated but I used to be.

@habuzee 10 месяцев назад

Omg I read that as “I am a serial killer”

@summerdowlig 2 года назад

Stop getting into committed monogamous relationships get some help or be in honest open relationships.

@WildHuntress 2 года назад

That's a very interesting point. It would in some sense be far easier to have a revolving door of flings off of people who don't care or have affairs themselves, but he chooses to get close to people as if the relationship is real, then intentionally sabotages it by cheating. If he wanted to simply sleep around I'm not sure why he needs to magnify the betrayal and the heartache by doing it this way.

@motoryzen 2 года назад

Open relations = dating only...but yes...I completely agree.

@summerdowlig 2 года назад

@@WildHuntress Nothing wrong with being with more than one person some people can't be monogamists that's okay just be honest you know.

@AZ_TONY 2 года назад

How can I contact the caller, I'd like to connect with him

@coconutwater4531 2 года назад

Good luck, he probably won’t be faithful to you either.

@nickywaggs8672 2 месяца назад

No. He just needs to be single.

@julieludwig8927 9 месяцев назад

Cops have too big an ego with a Badge & gun. They do NOT have one of the most dangerous jobs in our Country so constantly saying “Thank you for your service” only elevates that ego.