I want to have a baby.... but my partner doesn't 

I have exactly the same problem

I have the same problem

My problem is the same too ..it hurts!

Yes different timelines are frustrating. I had the same problem with my ex-bf with regard to marriage. I wanted to get married but he wanted to wait until he’s 32-35. I waited for two years, and he still could not make up his mind. I went through a lot of emotional pain and finally decided to leave him because of it. The funny thing is a year after, he was suddenly ready and wanted me back. I said no because he had made me go through so much frustration and he doesn’t just get everything he wants whenever he wants it.

This is now my life and now I can't sleep because life with one without the other is breaking my heart... I don't know how to move from here...

Damn. That sucks.

10 years wow 😳

I would have left a long time ago. Im sorry.

Stay strong. Feel you. On the same boat. After 8 years together, " I don't want to have kids anymore " He said. We both agreed to have kids when we started our relationship. All those precious years we cannot get back. 😢 I am 34 y.o now.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

OhReally I’m very sorry to hear of your experience, it sounds like you have been through a very painful journey. I hope you can find your way to forgive yourself and your husband and know that at 28 you still have a lot of life and opportunity ahead of you. Please be gentle with yourself and know that you are always making the best decisions that you can. Xx

I just want you to know that Jesus loves you🙏🏻❤️ I am very sorry for your loss and hope that you will have your happy end

It's a tough decision, but you really do need to look at what your values are and assess your relationship accordingly. Five years is a long time and can be just a way of postponing / stringing you along. Having an open and honest conversation with your partner without trying to control the outcome is essential to see if he is the right person for you or not. Good luck.

Dump him.

well I understand how you feel because I'm married for 3 years now this july will make it 3 years but my partner isn't ready to have kids yet he thinks 40 isn't old to be haven't kids and I'm having baby fever I don't feel that excited must about mothers day anymore I kinda feel sad and angry because I don't have a baby of my own it really hurts me and I am always being ask do you haves kids or when are you going to have kids I hate when ppl bring up the question and my parents are always asking when am I going to have kids they want a grandchild this is depressing me so bad I even have decided I will like to get out of the relationship because I don't want to get old where I cant run around and experience the joy of mother hood idk I'm just tired of his excuses ..

dump him, theres a whole lot of men who want kids

Dont waste 5 years i wasted 13 years still no baby. Only heartbreak now im 34 and have to start over

Ouch ! That must be so painful for you 😢

@@KylieEnkelmann yes, very. We broke up. 😣😢

@@gracyland. were you married?

@@naty1012 no, we lived together.

@@gracyland. well easier to leave, good luck to you, glad you got out

Sorry to hear that you and your wife don’t feel the same way about having children. Has this changed? If so perhaps she’s feeling insecure about the longevity of the relationship as well? I always suggest couples counseling to work through your issues and if you do separate, to do so in as good terms as possible - it means you take less baggage into your next relationship!

You are the same guy thay already has a child by your wife. But she doesnt want another one. Plz dude🤣

Oh you’re so sweet 😄 I’m so glad it has helped you

Hi M knight, that is really tough and I'm sorry to hear that. I would suggest working with a relationships counselor to help you both work through the issue. It may be that your partner is afraid that she is going to be left doing the majority of the work, or that she won't enjoy being a parent. Communication is really key to be able to address the fears that your partner has, as well as identifying what is important to you. Good luck.

Ok thank you we will talk

Omg finally some who is going through the same thing. Can I reach out to you please?

I have the same problem 😭😭😭

You basically lied to him and got married...

@@mustangedge3423 she didn't lie, people change. No reason to be rude.

@@katerinasofie6879 He doesn't have to stay with someone who isn't on the same page as him. No one should be forced to be with someone who can't make them happy. It's a free world.

I have the same problem...but vice versa....Im 29 and my husband 31. We have been together for 3 years and 6 months ago got married. He wants children desperately and I dont. I am suffering mentally cuz I dont wanna break up with him over this.... Can you tell me please what makes u want children? How come you are ready to sacrifice your body and time for it? And the suffering during pregnancy and postpartum.....I clearly cannot understand why people would want to go thru all of that😭...and there is no guarantee the child will take care of u or wont die vefore u do....after all that suffering

You are very young and having such baby fever at your age means you are trying to compensate for something else missing. You should NOT have a child any time soon, because your relationship is not stable enough to support raising a child.

Focus on a relationship with Christ before bringing a child into the world

So… are you traveling the world?

Hi Bellabimba ahh dating is tough right? The following is my opinion because you’ve asked for it, but I highly recommend talking with a therapist if you need help in getting clarity on what is in your heart and what is true for you. Three months in you would have an idea of his values and life expectations and how closely they align with yours. The problem is that his have changed over that period of time. Now you could take what he said at face value or you could tie yourself in knots trying to understand what made him change his mind. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter. He has communicated to you as honestly as possible that kids are not in the foreseeable future of this relationship. It’s really important that you place your needs and values above the “potential” of this relationship and know that there are amazing men out there who want the same thing you do. There is no point wasting your time with someone who doesn’t share the same values as you when you could be discovering the world with someone who does. This is easy to say not easy to do, so get support and tune in to what’s going to fill your cup and do what is in your heart to do. Good luck x

Thank you for your advice, which I will take into consideration. But I‘m sure you know when there are feelings involved it is not easy to think rationally. 😔

@bellabimbaXO what did you do?

Sorry to hear about the ectopic pregnancy and relationship stress ❤️ there’s a lot going on but you’re stronger than you know... heal that heart, regroup and regather sending ❤️

@@KylieEnkelmann we have already talked everything out and he is saying yes again. Pretty sure he is proposing on valentine's day lol

Update: he proposes to me on valentine's day

Persephones Charm happy for you ! Make sure he’s not trying to pacify you with a marriage just to never give you the child you want.

beautyintheskies sorry to hear that. At this point I would suggest focusing on open and honest communication, if that’s a struggle try couples counseling. Also working through all of the logistical details about how you as a couple would manage parenthood (time out of work, living on one income, time out for each partner, date nights, individual roles etc). If your partner is clear that this is not a life choice for them, then the sooner you move on the better. Sounds harsh but the window for children is finite, and if there is an irreconcilable difference in values then staying together means someone is being seriously compromised. Goodluck!

@@KylieEnkelmann I feel bad "forcing" someone to be a parent who doesn't want to be one. I worry that could end up damaging the relationship down the line anyway. But yeah DP does understand that it is time-sensitive. I'm in my early 30s.

@@beautyintheskies i think you're right - you really can't force someone... all you can do is be really clear on what your values are and decide what you're willing to compromise. If you're not willing to compromise on having children and your partner feels the same about not having them then all you can do is respect the situation and move on. Unfortunately the 30s seem to fly by so I simply encourage people to be very clear and intentional with their relationships. Good luck

I'm in the same boat as you, been with my husband 12 years and in my early 30's. I've always told him I wanted kids but HE wanted to wait until we turned 30, well when I turned 26 I told him I was done waiting and either we try or end the relationship, we tried for about 2 years with no success of getting pregnant. But because he didn't want it as badly sometimes we would go weeks without sex or i felt he wasn't even trying (if you know what I mean) hear I am almost another 2 years later holding back what I really want a FAMILY to make him happy.... WELL I'M NOT HAPPY so how is that fair.

@@brittanybriggs3806, thank you for sharing your story. It is a hard situation to deal with especially if you, like me, adore and love your partner sooo much but obviously you have your biological clock ringing in your ears. I didn't mind waiting.. everyone said to wait anyway.. now I feel like I am waiting too long now though. My 20s went by in a flash. I have a 15 year old dog and I've been thinking that when she passes on, it might be a good time to start trying (I've been thinking this since she was 10 years old. She appears to be immortal LOL.) Obviously I love her but she is an old dog and having a dog and baby at the same time seems a bit overwhelming. It is odd because my partner is a serious Catholic and otherwise very family oriented so the lack of wanting children is just so out-of-character. I don't mean to be forward, but have you had his sperm count tested? I wonder why you wouldn't conceive if you haven't used birth control for years.

Fuck it, get healthy, fertile, track your ovulation and make love as often as you can. It’ll happen 😊

Sounds like my husband. If all else fails, I'm your woman. 😜

Hi Elisa, that sounds really tough and is a good question! To be honest, many people go to and fro with this, especially as you get closer to that “time”. All I can suggest is try to keep the communication open and perhaps talk with a therapist / couples counselor, together with your partner if possible. Having kids can put a lot of pressure on a relationship, so this initial conflict is good to explore. Good luck!

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@jeffrey , I think that’s my husbands fear. He already pays loads of child Supp over 2k a month to his two other childrens mothers we have one girl together and I came into our relationship with a girl. I want a boy but he said their is no way to compromise on a baby he is about to be 40 and doesn’t want anymore kids. It’s frustrating for me but I’m trying to empathize. He told me if I need to move on to get what I want out of life he will understand because he doesn’t want me to hate him but that frustrates me more because I never got into this with the intent of breaking up our family because of wanting to make it one person larger… I appreciate your perspective however because it’s very valid. I just wish my husband would at least try to compromise Lols After all I don’t do the CS system our daughter is 4 and I would never but after reading your experience I’m wondering if maybe this is why he is skeptical

Oh Sarah I’m so sorry to hear that. 12 weeks is a lot of time to feel connected to that baby. Let me know if you’d like to be supported in your grieving process. I’d also suggest couples counseling to unpack what has happened. Your partner may also be grieving and in avoidance. Take care ❤️

Kylie Enkelmann - Energy Healer Thank you for your reply. 💗

I have the same problem....Im 29 and my husband 31. We have been together for 3 years and 6 months ago got married. He wants children desperately and I dont. I am suffering mentally cuz I dont wanna break up with him over this.... Can you tell me please what makes u want children? How come you are ready to sacrifice your body and time for it? And the suffering during pregnancy and postpartum.....I clearly cannot understand why people would want to go thru all of that😭...and there is no guarantee the child will take of u or wont die after all that suffering.

@@RockyFerg None of that matters to me. I have always wanted to be a mother. I have so much love in me that is designed for children. To me, the thought of all the body changes and any difficulties during pregnancy is worth being able to carry and love my baby. I want to be there when they cry. I want to be there to teach my kids good morals and do my best to raise mentally and emotionally healthy adults. It's hard to explain this love I desire and have a need to give to my own children. Weather I have kids of my own or am able to adopt, I can't see me ever living without children. Kids are just so special. I want to nurture them and teach them to love others, love nature, love the world, love God, love themselves. I want to be there for my son or daughter when they have their first breakup or their first job. Every struggle I will be there and every achievement, I will be there. I will be there to support them through it all. I want to be a mother. A mothers love is unlike anything else. And I have that love to give. So to think of a life without sweet babies to love. It breaks my heart. I don't care about my body changing. I don't care about if my pregnancy is difficult. I don't even care if I end up being blessed with a special needs baby. I love kids. All kids. I know being a mother is tough. It's the hardest job. But to me it's worth it. Being worried about my children for the rest of their lives is worth it to be able to share this love I have with them. It's all worth it. All the inconveniences, all the tantrums, all the embarrassing moments, all the simple tasks made difficult by having a child. It's all worth it to me.

@@sararichardson5350 thank you for the detailed explanation. I understand now that I dont feel anything like u do and ....and I dont like children .... 🥺 Some ppl say I will like my own.....but I highly doubt this as Even if i agree to go thru pregnancy....i will not agree to take care of a new born ever....and i will blame for any difficulty my husband...bcuz he is the one who will put me in this.....i guess ill make things worse in my life if I agree to have children even tho i dont want them 🥺 I was thinking maybe I should agree and see how it goes....bcuz my husband will hire a live-in nanny for that child....but i still dont see why i need to give birth to a child I don't care about.... 😭

@@RockyFerg It's okay that you don't desire to have children. And it's okay if you don't like kids and don't want them. Having a child is a life long commitment. Not something you're able to try out and then decide later you're not cut out to be a mother. A child deserves a loving and caring parent. One who will be there physically, mentally, and emotionally. Not a nanny to take the place of their parents. That child will grow up with insecurities. Your partner shouldn't be making you feel like you have to have kids if he is. I would say that you should talk with your partner about how you feel and how he feels after listening to what you have to say. Would he be open to the possibility of a life with his partner without children? Or is his need for children closer to mine where he couldn't see his life without having kids? These are some serious questions you both may have to ask each other. It's not an easy conversation. He can't be mad at you if you had mentioned that you were really not interested in having children but were still considering it and then realized you really didn't want kids. That's a gamble he took coming into the relationship if you had told him your feelings upfront. And you can't be mad at him for having that need to have children if that's how he feels. As for me and my relationship, My partner and I are staying together currently even though we are still on separate sides. The reason being is because neither of us are ready to have kids. He knows how I feel and I know how he feels. We don't feel we need to end the relationship yet. I'm not asking my partner to give into having kids when he truly doesn't want them. Yes, I desperately want him to change his mind but I know that he may never. So we may eventually end the relationship because of this. I hope that doesn't happen because he is the love of my life and I couldn't imagine my life without him and losing him would absolutely destroy me. But I also can't imagine my life without kids. I doubt I'll ever change how I feel. I do try to imagine a life without kids. Would I still be happy with only my love for the rest of my life with no kids? It hurts me to say that that may not be enough for me. I just don't see that being possible for me. But, for now we are enjoying each other until we feel we need to make a decision. Some may say that's not healthy but I feel we are doing what's best for us at this time. I wish you the very best of luck❤️ I know this is not easy.

@@sararichardson5350 thanks for your kind message💕 Its helpful in this difficult situation. Wish you best of luck too💕. I hope we all take a right decision which will make us happy💙 May God help us in this. Amen💙

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know how much heartache a miscarriage can cause! Have you had some grief counselling to help work through that pain? Also have you ever seen a fertility specialist? Sometimes recurrent miscarriage can be caused by hormonal imbalances, although there may be other reasons. You are both young so it is unlikely to be egg quality, but something else that is at play. Either way getting help to talk about it openly with your partner is important to maintain connection and nurture your relationship. Good luck and sending

Kylie Enkelmann - Energy Healer no never had any help

tml136 let me know if you’d like to work with me on this. It can take some time to get through the grief, but I find energy healing incredibly helpful in letting go of the pain and finding your way back to your natural joyful self.

Kylie Enkelmann - Energy Healer thanks we’ve now separated not in a good way but it’s for the good

Why would u love non-existent children more than your wife? I dont get it...why ppl break up over somebody who doesnt exist...what exactly makes u want children so much?

​@@RockyFerg Those who want kids also do not understand what is wrong with people who do not want them. Be understanding if you want to be understood, no party is better than the other

She gave you one child.be happy.you want more children because all its taked you IS to cum. You will never bé 9month prégnant or suffer when giving beg,or sée you body destroyed with fat and stretchmark. Or sée you daily routine mess UP because you have others life to look After.

It's important to get clear on your personal values, rather than accomodate someone elses prefernces. How does a 5-6 year time frame work for you? Is this the person you see yourself committing to in the long run? Is this relationship the right one or the one for right now? If in 5-6 years your partner changed his mind and didn't want to have another child, how would you feel? Does he hold a vision of having a child with you? Only when you answer these questions honestly to yourself can you relax knowing that you are with the right partner for you or what your next step needs to be.

I’m 24yo. Have a girlfriend who is 21 and had serious conversation about having a child in the future. She told me that she doesn’t feel like becoming a mother which broke my heart. We’re still together tho, I love her to death but that one thing still kills me from inside. I Neve used to say this but I’m scared. I’m scared that our relationship might end because of our different opinions about this topic. Maybe it’s just her age, maybe she’s just too young and that why she doesn’t have the urge to be a mother of our child.

Your husband doesn't love you. If he loved you, he would have cared about what's important to you. If he was not on the same page as you, he would have left you to find a man who can fulfill your desires. Please divorce your husband. Please don't waste your life with this selfish excuse of a man. He is gaslighting you.

Same situation. We both agreed to start a family and have kids one day. 8 years later, " .. I don't want to have kids anymore" I left him 3 weeks ago. So pain, so angry and all those precious years that I cannot get back 😌

@@DiaryErnesstaDiAustralia Let me guess. He is begging you with gulit trips to come back.

​@@OliverOrange You have a very warped idea of what love is. She is the one who doesn't love him if she divorces him over this. When a woman says, I love you, but if you don't give me a child then I'm leaving, what does that say? It says my love for having child is greater than the love I have for you, the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. You wanted her to divorce a man she claims she love, in order to have a baby with someone else? Thats sick.

You need to go to psychotherapy. It happens pretty often. She doesn't really want to have another child, her desire deep down is based on filling the hole that appeared after your kids have left the nest. She got used to live taking care of someone else for 19 years. She probably feels being lost and has no purpose to live for. You both can find it in some other activities aside of raising another child. Good luck!

It looks like a midlife crisis.

At you age, I understand your reluctance. You wife if threatenng you with divorce? It is better to take a financial bath during a divorce than to be pressured into having an unwanted child. Stop having sex with here to eliminate the chances of an accidental pregnancy. If your wife is givng you an ultimatum over having another child, your relationship is already troubled enough.

Hi Caterina, you can contact me through my website - a good place to start is with the clarity workbook: www.kylieenkelmann.com/fertility-coaching

Thats great you’ve been able to talk it through with your partner.