Married 3 Weeks and She Shares a Big Secret . . . 

Cody is a gem. It broke my heart how he was so stoked at the beginning to be married to this woman and how he loved the feeling being a/her husband. I wish them both the very best.

Eating disorders do not arise from a lack of self discipline but almost an excess. It’s an intense need for control.

2 years of dating, withholding any disease, neurological disorder, gender identity, etc after taking marriage vows is entrapment. Marriage is already hard enough without surprises after the fact. He sounds like a nice guy, and should have been given the opportunity to see if this is something he could deal with before getting married.

The book “Intuitive Eating” saved my sanity. It took me about 3 years to actually do what it said, but I was as bulimic as your wife and now I eat whatever I want comfortably, along with doing exercises that I enjoy. I hope she can recover.

To her , Asking for help feels like 1 more loss of control...ITS THE 1ST STEP TO FREEDOM & SELF CONTROL

The sooner she gets professional help, the better off she’ll be. Don’t take her word for it.

Oooof. Love is not enough to save a marriage. His wife needs to be proactive in getting better. This can kill her.

I fully recovered from bulimia, it is possible. But, if she is purging multiple times a day for several years then she may need in patient treatment initially, not just therapy alone. At this point it is physically dangerous for her. Eating disorders can be quite baffling, but the root of it is complex trauma and extreme self-hatred.

Cody, you’re absolutely amazing! Such a wonderful, loving, and caring husband! She won the lottery marrying you. I wish you and your wife nothing but the best and I hope she goes and seeks healing for the sake of your marriage and herself because as Dr. Delony always says “you’re worth being well” ! ❤

Food disorders are an insane problem to deal with. Unlike alcohol, you can’t just quit food. I watched my mom go through this and it was hard to watch.

My first cousin died when she was in her late 50s. At the funeral home, her husband was talking and said that she always had a sensitive stomach and was always throwing up. And that before he found her dead, he had heard her in the back of the house throwing up. He didn’t know what this meant, but I knew in that moment that she was bulimic. When I look back, she’s the type of person that would be . it damages your heart and all sorts of bodily functions.

If she is bulimic, this is an issue that is known, documented, to be something made worse by bulimics being around each other. A “social contagion”. Just bc it’s a social contagion doesn’t mean the symptoms aren’t real of course, but it DOES mean that, much like alcoholism, you can’t be hanging out with other bulimics and expect to do anything other than get worse. All of them will. I’m sure the stress of getting married, looking great in her dress, etc, didnt help that if she hasn’t gotten treatment for it.

As someone who struggled with binge-purge DO from 11yrs to 21yrs old, this is also physically dangerous! I started creating tears in my stomach lining, esophageal scarring (i still get food stuck in my throat if i dont chew enough or drink water with meals), and gave myself heart murmurs from the physical stress and pressure of throwing up all the time. Praying for your wife both emotionally and physically.

God Bless this young lady and her husband! I just feel so sad for her. I have a stomach disorder where I vomit for no apparent reason and have 15-30 seconds notice, and it happens many times per week. It is called cyclical vomiting syndrome. It has wreaked havoc on my teeth and now need 5 implants which is costing me many tens of thousands of dollars to have done. I live on Zofran and absolutely hate vomiting. You know it’s a mental health issue when someone would intentionally vomit and so I pray for this young lady. No judgement- I just want her to get healthy and have a long and happy life! Hugs!!

The caller’s audio cut out around 12:40 on the video. Is this just on my end, or has anyone else experienced this?

I feel bad for this guy. His wife is very ill. More than he realizes. This will overtake their lives completely and even possibly if she gets help it may persist. Eating Disorders are very very difficult to overcome. The odds are unfortunately against her. Not many can actually overcome or alleviate this mental disorder. She needs a program and a good one.

My wife was bulimic for years before I met her. The real danger is that they are not psychologically ok. 24 years into our marriage she filed for divorce. She has struggled with control issues which rose to the point that I wasn’t even allowed to have “my food” in the kitchen. I would advise not marrying someone with such intense psychological issues.

Asking questions while dating is essential for several reasons and one of them is Identifying Deal-Breakers: Discussing important topics early on can reveal potential deal breakers before the relationship becomes too serious.

Karen Carpenter died from this eating disorder. His wife needs help.

Cody is an awesome spouse, asking a professional how can I help/ support my new wife.❤ Someone I knew was severely bulimic. She refused all professional help. The bulimia damaged her esophagus, causing her to bleed to death at a relatively young age.

Towards the end of the call the callers audio is lost. From the point dr. John asks how long they’ve known each other , the voice of the caller is not heard anymore.

I am an eating disorder survivor. Recovery is possible but it often costs thousands of dollars of intensive treatment

On the last few videos, the middle to end of the video, we can’t hear the caller.

My husband said that about porn. It was a lifelong struggle for him for the 28 yeats of marriage. Addiction doesn't go away. I trusted him and what he said but he couldn't deny when presented with proof. It was distructive to our marriage

My " brother" and his wife took me in for a year. They just got married. And all they did was tell me the truth. I walked out of that house free,free ftom guilt,shame,hate,self-loathing and with a new Godly idintity. Everything just fell of my shoulders one morning. I felt free. It safe my life. More than 20 years later I still love them to the moon and back!

Eating disorders are sooooooo secretive. She needs help. She will keep everything a secret as much as she can and it’s not her, it’s the ED that does it. She wants to keep it to herself to not let it go

He’s such a nice caring husband.

Caller audio gets lost by the end of the video

Why did she wait until after they were married to tell him? The guy is loving and understanding. There is no excuse for her not to tell him earlier on. She lied by omission to him about something that will fundamentally affect their relationship so that he wouldn't leave her. Thus maipulating him so she could get the ring. That's the aspect of this that needs to be addressed, too.

Best thing is to hook her up with proper support and take that out from between the two of you except to follow her advice.

At three weeks into marriage, you can still get an annulment. I wouldn't blame this man if he filed for an annulment due to this.

It is about him though. She knowingly entered into marriage without informing him of her reality. Be responsible & don't bring children into this. I am the child of a bulimic & it's terrifying for the children. It warps our view of womanhood, of self. And it's rarely the only issue.

Honestly, as a woman, if I had bulimia and just married someone I really wanted/loved, I'd not want to get help either. I'd be thinking "it worked, now all Ihave to do is manage it". I overeat and that's so different, but not nearly as outwardly acceptable. But i can understand how she feels and has been reinforced to think she's okay and can handle it.

is this a sound problem on my side or did the sound of the caller cut off towards the end?

This episode struck me in a very unique way. I’m dating a man who comes from an obese family. Every single one of his siblings is obese. Although he is not obese- and he changed his diet before I met him he lost about 50 pounds. However he still treats Food like a drug in someways. I come from multicultural family. I’ve traveled the world and love all types of food, including really healthy fair. he simply likes American southern home-cooked food and soul food. He is practicing a type of eating where basically he waits to eat around 11 o’clock at night every night he wants me to eat with him. I’ve had numerous talks with him about how this causes me to gain weight. I prefer to eat breakfast lunch and a light dinner before 8 PM. My career is heavily based on my fitness. But discussing food and choosing food with him is incredibly stressful to me. Food should be a joy. I don’t know what to do. Moreover, similar to my family growing up he encourages his children to “clean their plate “ his daughter is obese as well and I am concerned about her and childhood diabetes. He does not want to even discuss it. He never encourages her to eat vegetables and he wants to have children with me. I am slightly overweight, but more of average weight and his sisters make jokes that once I have his baby is going to “blow my figure “incredibly unattractive idea they boost themselves and Patty each other on the back for gluttony. It feels so classless. The tough part is because he has made some changes. He is very proud of himself, but doesn’t see that there are more changes he could do. I don’t try to change his eating at all. Is not interested in eating the types of fresh foods that I like either, except for on occasion.

I know someone who was secretly bulimic from the summer before her senior year in high school, to the end of her freshman year in college. She recognized it wasn't healthy, didn't want it to control her life, and stopped on her own. She never told anyone, until years later. Thankfully, she never returned to being bulimic. Fear of her life changing from being in high school, to venturing on her own to college out of state, was stressful. She said this was the one thing she felt she could control in her life. She said the idea of throwing up came from a friend in high school who told her that this was how she controlled her weight.

My high school/college gf had an eating disorder. It was super tough and actually rubbed off to some degree due to the huge empathy involved trying to understand and you care so much and want to help. Man it is a hard thing. Good luck brother. I can pick it up in people I meet in minutes it seems like now.

These comments terrify me and I hope half of yall don’t become therapists , some of yall i love yall and i hope you have a good day

Great great advice, you guys are doing awesome ❤

My eating disorder started when I was 9. I got treatment when I was 22. I’m now 25 and it still haunts me and there are seasons it is a battle to implement everything I learned during treatment. It is possible though! 🎉

My girlfriend did this. She was already slim and lost 25pd to be her husband’s dream girl. It worked they got married had 3 kids. She felt safe went to therapy to become her non thin self and he cheated with a girlie at the gym. She got him to admit that he wasn’t attracted to the healthy Version of her and that he and his big belly could no longer attract what he really wanted. They’re still together.

Hello from FINLAND 🎉

Before you have kids or acquire any assets, think REAL HARD if you want to give your life to this. There are lots of women out there, you don’t have to be the sacrifice to appease someone else’s demon.

Why is the first thing some people say is get a divorce? He loves her and wants to be there for her. Show support people not distrust and anger.

Sounds like a VERY mature young man. I wish them the best.

If he can actually come across with this in the right way, he could be her real life hero. Talk about a swoon-worthy gift he could help hand her.

Please note ..... She has an eating disorder is totally about her feeling like she has no control. Eating disorders are something that makes a person feel like well even if I can't control what is happening to me.. I can completely control what I allow into my body.

the sound is cut out

Who hurt her? Bless her heart... I went through my phase of not eating properly (not forcing myself to throw up, but not eating), it was bad but not _that_ bad...

How is she your high school sweetheart if she doesn't tell you everything. Also you need her in counseling. These issues have causes. This is so scary to me, because I am very upfront about all my issues because it's not fair to get them tied to you without showing all of yourself. Which I guess is why I am being so gun shy about dating.

He sounds like such a good guy. 😔 I’d say it’s shame and control that drives the ED. I had anorexia for a while and I hate to say this, but like anything, I needed to make the decision to eat, get better, etc. Of course, I was in patient somewhere when this revelation came, but still. Purging is really dangerous though. I never did that bc I’m scared to throw up (emetophobia), so one small “positive” there.

I'll share my perspective. I'm Catholic and in Catholic Church hiding mental illness before marriage is actually grounds for annulment. Of course I'm not saying anyone here needs to be Catholic or anything like that, I'm just sharing that perspective to underline that's how serious it is. Not just the sickness but hiding it. To be honest, I think John brushed over that part, and that was definitely a form of betrayal/dishonesty on the wife's side. And I get that it's difficult, but you have to tell such things before entering the covenant of marriage.

Couldn’t hear the replies of the young man starting at the 12:42’ish point! Love the show very much!!!❤

I’d love to hear about John’s tattoos

She lied to him, she deceived him, and he married her. That's actually selfish and cruel of her. Now if she refuses to get help or refuses to change, and he gets tired of her disease dragging him through the mud, he could lose half of everything. For God's sake dude, DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT. She can't even take care of herself properly, and now you're married to her. She's no different than an addict in some regards. She'll continue to hide and lie and try to make him believe she can handle it herself. It is her thinking that got her here, so what's that tell you, sir? It is a mental illness. Super sad. When he finally opens his eyes to what she's done, he should be disgusted.

Fix the audio

Young man, I am so sorry as your road ahead is going to be long and hard. I hope you have supportive parents who you can turn to in times of need. Love usually conquers all but after her not telling you for 2 years, phew hope you are strong emotionally.

Cody ...you are a good man.

This is an epidemic problem. If men knew how many women barfed up every meal to stay beautifully thin, they’d be appalled. When I was at Pepperdine, the girls were lined up at the bathroom after dinner so they could barf up their meal.

Eating disorders create a health risk. I recently read Catie Couric's book. She had an eating disorder that she was able to give up.

What a beautiful man and husband! Your wife hit the jackpot.. Just be supportive and know that this is her disease that you are going through WITH her. Good luck and God bless you both.

This is a lot for a very young, newly married couple to take on. It’s awful that she lied about the situation.

SOME people absolutely need professional treatment. Some don’t. As someone who did indeed overcome multiple ED’s on my own (they aren’t gone but I am stronger than them even when they rear their ugly heads during times of stress especially). It’s disempowering and inaccurate to assert that *nobody* can overcome an ED without therapy or in patient treatment. It’s simply not true.

So according to the comments if Cody had a sex addiction it was okay for him to omit that before marriage? He loves her, provides for her ,is a good partner but his illness pushed him to have sex all the time with whoever is available because he is sick! Is that ok? Or his partner deserves to know the truth and be given the possibility to make a choice before entering a marriage?!🤔Just curious.

No, she misled him into believing that there was no issue, and now she still doesn't really want to get help. She has abused him. Moreover, she is completely out of control, like an addict. Like an addict, they lie and hide things and abuse you

I guarentee her Dad or Mom or a significant authority inadvertantly helped create this issue. Could be a trauma response. Many people are forced to clean your plate or mom and dad , or one was were size obsessed or she got the message fat was bad. Or her enviroment was so controlled she felt she had none. Women have so much pressure on them to be "acceptible" the perfect looks or shape or compliance. She needs a eating disorder theraphist that will unravel the knots that created her need for control of a situation by excessive unhealthy control of herself in an out of control enviroment.

Honeymoon’s over

Eating disorders are a big deal. I can see why she hid it from him, but it’s a huge concern on dishonesty.

Maybe "playing house" is not such a bad idea after all🤔

I truly hope they got help. This is clearly above Cody's pay grade.

Second vid from this particular day’s show where the caller’s audio cut out right around the 12:00 mark. So disappointing.. The other one was the traumatic birth caller.

I wouldn’t call her friend group, I would call her family.

While I love the way Dr. John MEANS “I don’t know how to live your life through this,” I’m a little worried she might take it as “I don’t know if I can live you through this” or something to that effect. I love where he’s coming from but I feel like someone who hasn’t heard it phrased that way before may take it the wrong way.

Great advice from Delony but again, no accountability for what was essentially the wife deceiving him. She lied to him and Cody blamed himself and Dr Delony didn't even call it out as wrong that she lied. If this had been a male with an eating disorder who lied and hid it from his future wife, I'm sure Delony would have held him responsible for lying and keeping back the truth. Women must take accountability.

She’s afraid to go to therapy. She doesn’t sound ready for therapy.

This guys life is going to be full of struggle and drama. But he wants to be a White Knight so that's on him. Toward the end, John even said caller and his wife is in over their heads and that wife is at the point where she's not ready to heal/fix her ED. This guy is going to suffer, in the years to come. But that's on him. He choose it.

Im not a huge advocate of therapy because it's casually thrown around rather than someone just knocking it off, but this might warrant it. I'm not really sure why the wife couldn't find a chart that showed her daily caloric needs and follow that if she's worried about weight gain. If it didn't do hell on your teeth, it'd be ok, but taking care of your teeth is ultra important, so she definitely should get some help.

Please don’t recommend better help they are a scam and sell your private information

I have to ask, is obesity an eating disorder? I feel like it has a higher death rate. Not to put this aside, but America is suffering from diet issues.

Tough

I would be pissed. Because this is a huge mental problem that she kept from him. He says she was being violent in the bathroom. I think she was doing that on purpose. She was intentionally being loud so he would hear her and bring it up. Because she eants to tell him. But the problem is she refused to do this before they got married. Thats shady and wrong

Control not shame

Talk to her about the long term affects of this. The list is long….

Look, I know she’s sick, but she was dishonest and broke his trust. I don’t know how that can move forward. If he hid a porn or gambling addiction from her, no one would be as understanding.

Bulimia is an addiction, the deception is appalling. If she's not getting herself into rehab that is a huge red flag. Can you imagine your brand new bride saying "oh hey, I'm a herion addict". Probably something she should have mentioned before your wedding?! ..

Playing John Bingo. Does he ask "What about you* made it unsafe for her to tell you the truth"?

So she’s been making herself throw up for two or three times a day for two years and you never smelled it or had any inclination?

That's a hell of a secret to keep from your partner..... bulimia is very hard to overcome and can destroy a marriage. I hope he takes this seriously 😑 Hopefully his wife can get the professional help she needs before they have kids. Also: he CANNOT actually help her. That's the really hard part, only she can do it.

I hate when John says “gross”. I know he’s joking but it’s so immature and off-putting to hear from a counselor.

John I can hear you are burning out go take a vacation❤

Karen Carpenter rest in peace.

I'll be the bad guy here... this exactly the kinda bs you invite into your life by getting married. Shes lied for years, got that ring and now its YOUR problem too. Marriage just removes your ability to easily dismiss a troublesome woman from your life. Run. Send her packing and get back on YOUR path and purpose. Lift heavy things, eat right, grow that career and be the best version of you, that you can possibly be. Or keep dragging this anchor behind you and pop out a few damaged children. Choose wisely.

She sadly isnt ready to married to anyone.

Sick of it all 🫡

She lied and covered up a major issue. Divorce.

Plus infertility issues

They're high school sweethearts. How did he not know? I mean GAWD! Really what's the deal here?

Maybe add, not wise to try for kids while she is in disordered eating.

21??? Ugh...

❤️🙏❤️