My partner isn’t ready for commitment (but wants to be ‘friends’) 

Do not accept a "downgrade". You will just agree to be plan B. Cut them off and move on. It will hurt like hell but the sooner you do it the less it will hurt.

"You can be friendly, you do not have to be a friend" This is good

Another reason for being friend zoned - they want to go looking for other partners while using you for companionship cause they can't handle loneliness. Then they cut you off as soon as they've found someone else.

Time wasted in the "friendzone" means opportunities lost. The friendzone is a commitment without benefits. You are not what that person wants and your attraction to them means you are avoiding the chance for a real relationship with someone who appreciates you.

Seems like it's an American thing to befriend your exes. I live in Ukraine and I was in a relationship with an American guy. We lived together for 2 years. Things didn't go really well and we broke up because he said he fell in love with someone else. And after that he said he wanted to be friends with me. I told him to stay away from me as far as possible.

it’s a cop out, nothing more. don’t torture yourself. move on.

"you can be friendly, but you don't have to be a friend." HUGE. so many ppl will try to take advantage of your care + affection without wanting to return the favor. protect your peace + energy, always...

Stand up for what you want and if you don't get it move on

"Don’t let someone compartmentalize you for their convenience." You said this on a different video and it's true here.

1....Pain+selfworth(move on)💔 2......Pain+insult(friendzone)❣ choice is yours fellowssss

Whether it’s a man or a woman, this “I’m not ready” thing is a big lie. It really means “I don’t find you attractive enough”. You should move on and find someone with mutual high attraction.

To me, the classic "friendzone" isn't what this situation is describing. It's being friends with someone _first_ and _then_ being rejected once you try to initiate something more. Breaking up with someone or getting dumped by them is just a natural part of life that we have to accept; remaining friends is just an attempt to soften the landing. Is it healthy to remain friends in this specific case? Probably not, for your own sake. You may see a list of great qualities in that person that make them an ideal choice as a partner (beyond sex), but if they don't see you in the same way, then you're just spinning your wheels. You're lowering your own self-worth by leaving yourself open to them as an option. Best to move on like they did and find someone who's actually worth your time and emotional investment. Like Susan said, you can be friendly without being friends. Be nice and diplomatic if they contact you, but don't ever initiate any conversation. Stop contacting them, stop following them on social media, and do your best to remove them from your mind. If they ever reach out with signs of romantic interest again, _then_ you can determine if they're worth it (but they probably won’t be since they don’t see what you see anyway, or don’t feel as strongly about it as you do). Until then, forget about 'em. They've chosen to move on and so should you.

It's one of the hardest things to accept when you are looking for true love and keep getting friend zoned every time

This happened to me after 3 years of being a couple. Friendzone doesn't work.... all the benefits with no responsibility. We are now 6 weeks no communication. It's a total "downgrade".

After dating for 8 months, my ex was still "not sure" about our long term commitment, he wasn't sure about anything in his life either lol I set him free. I was stupid enough to have 8 months with him, I should have left sooner. I want to start a family in 1-2 year time and can't wait around for a confused guy any longer. Need to move on and find someone who is sure about me. Thanks Susan!

I always thought it was selfish for a past lover to ask to stay friends. They basically still want your commitment and the benefits of having you around without any romance attached.

Delete all their contact info, and never reach out.. After a month if they reach out, sure be friendly. But if you see no effort to see you, bye!

Literally 6wks after I did not accept being friend zoned I met the man I married. I think it put me in a major mind shift which gave me a higher vibe. I knew I would not accept certain behavior or less than a relationship from that moment.

"can we be friends?" after two years' worth of a relationship in which I gave more (emotionally and physically) than I received. What a coward. Such a cop-out move, while trying to still seem like a decent man.

The right move is to leave, your just wasting time. He basically just leaving his options open.

Its insult to me when your boyfriend at time says can we just be friends its hard but you have to walk away. If you have feelings your going to get jealous when they meet another woman( if they don't already have a new woman) and i think they want to be friends to string you along as a back up! Good video Susan.

Just walk away bro and don’t look back. Friends come and go. Don’t be friend zoned ever!

He's just not into you, period.

I was in the same situation, never backed down, She left and guess what, she is committed to me. Don’t ever beg kings 💎

Sometimes during that off time you windup finding someone else. In other words, they did you a favor. Accept what it is. The one time I can remember this happening, this person became less emotionally important to me pretty soon!

After 4 years of being in a relationship( wonderful for the most parts) , engaged and living together for two of those years he ended the relationship with me. Saying that he wasn't ready and needed to find his purpose. I agreed to be friends as we were close to each others family, but I realised I don't want to be down grade plus he is still very affectionate , not knowing what he wants . I still love and care for him but it's time to let go completely.

It’s going no where ... just like you think... he’s experimenting & exploring other options.. he wants you to be sort of the door mat or the dish towel

To me it's a set up to be used. He knows I love him, the power imbalance isn't healthy. I deserve to be seen as worth the risk, because all relationships are. I know I'm a good catch and I also know you teach people how to treat you. I understand his fear, but I rather us work on our issues separately if that's the case. It's probably up there with the top ten hardest things I've ever done. Especially when you walk away form a fire burning bright in your heart. IV had two other huge things happen recently in my life at the heart 💔 was number three. It made it even harder to go through atm. But I have a good feeling about my choice I know it's right. ✨✨✨ Step by step to better days.

I was in the same situation 4 months ago. it started to get better in the last few weeks.. I personally couldnt be friendly and wait, because it hurt too much. in retrospect it was the best decision to completely stop seeing that person. I needed to heal and I couldn't do that with him around. even if I only saw him every other week. Out of selfrespect I got the courage to delete his number and stay strong, even when he tried to text me a couple of times when he was drunk... what a weird and hurtful experience. I am glad 2018 is over :D

Well wow. Very helpful and reaffirming. As hard as it is to walk away from someone you care about deeply, it really isn't fair to either one to carry on something that inherently brings on mixed signals. I think the "let them miss you" idea is the better. If they do miss you, they need to think about why. And if they don't, then what's the point anyway?

Take a step back and reevaluate what YOU want. Think on it ..meditate on it..then let go. Love yourself and be Happy no matter the outcome. 😉

Hmmm. I'm not sure about this Susan. Many people offer friendship not because they genuinely want to be friends. They offer it because it lets the person down gently without any awkwardness and they can reassure themselves that they are not an a-hole, especially in circumstances when they were blatantly leading you on. Also, what happens when the person who downgraded you now gets into real relationship with someone else? Now you've opened up yourself to unnecessary hurt and pain. Sometimes they're even leaning on your shoulder for advice or to complain about the person they want to be in a relationship with. Nope! I say cut the cord and move on. Hardly anything good comes out of accepting the downgrade. Especially if your feelings for the person are strong.

I think Madonna had a song, iT had the line “second best is never enough”. IT applies for me to all arrangements which can be detrimental to your heart and self esteem (being friendzoned while in love, being the other person in a relationship while wanting to be the partner etc). Men and ladies: dont settle for less and move on!

Pretend to be their friend. Act like you adore being friends with them and give em that fake smile. Then after a month disconnect.

If your ex acts like an asshole by breaking up with you out of(supposedly, nowhere). Leave immediately! Do not even go into no contact. Do not accept friendship, it’s a low ball offer, The key to deal with this is: Never contact the ex for any reason They are not worth your time whatsoever. Leave!!

to remain friendly but not friends love this perspective. in my mind, I am walking away for good, with high value.

Sure you can be friends! But don’t get mad or sad when they text you they’ve met someone fabulous, and is going on a date. Remember, YOU agreed to be friends. It doesn’t matter that you both had an occasional shag twice a week, YOU agreed to be friends. So, wish your friend well in his/her new relationship, and be prepared to hear how happy they are, or be the shoulder to cry on when things do not work out. That’s what friends do.

My husband of 25 wonderful years started out as my friend. There is nothing wrong with being friends first. In fact at times when I would get ticked off with him as my husband I still saw him as my best friend. If you are just friends then date others. Now that my husband has passed on I have to say that if God said to me you can have him back but only as a friend. I would say 'OH YES YES" in a heartbeat. The embers of romantic love die down over the years but a true friendship with a your best friend always stays warm. You people seem to just see a relationship as hot sex. Ha good luck finding that for a life time.

Some men hang on to the friendzone so they can circle back around for sex. Diseases are something to be very concerned about! No Contact. It's the best thing to do for safety and happiness. Make your life a huge priority in 2019 and beyond! 😄

He wants to be friends, that's ok. I'll be his platonic friend (no friends with benefits or physical intimacy allowed), while I date other guys.

Perfectly articulated. Yep walked away no friendship

I've been looking for a video just like this for a while. Thank you so much for making it more clear. Friendly, but not a friend. Perfect!

This topic is exactly what I'm going through again with the same person. The word "downgraded" helped me make the decision to walk away. I'll try to do it with a smile on the outside and fade away. Thank you Susan you're awesome !

Great video Susan. Please continue to help relationships

"always know what your goal is" and act on it. Thank you Susan for your wisdom.

Your channel has the best, ,most concise, true, and direct relationship advice on YT.

I just found Susan online last night and although heard this advice from others, hearing it from her just cleared all my self doubt. She’s describing a situation that I am in perfectly. Just the fact others are going through the same thing made me feel better about myself. I intend to “binge watch” her videos this weekend

This is perfect advice. I managed to come upon this strategy myself - in the process now, exactly as you describe it.

Thank you Susan W for reminding us .. no friend zone is best for our Heath and peace of mind

Very very VERY timely! I cannot thank you enough for this advice, it confirmed what I was thinking and action I need to take. Thank you again

I needed this so badly! Thank you Susan!

What an amazing advice, thank you so much! This will help me so much while being rational and protective towards myself!

SUSAN I'M SO HAPPY OVER YOU, BEING HERE FOR US ALL, YOU KNOW HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE THAT'S ALL READY DOWN AS LOW AS THEY CAN GET, AND I THANK YOU, WE ALL HAVE FEELINGS,YOU LIFT US UP, AS ALL WAYS, WE DEPEND ON YOU WHEN WE ARE DOWN, THANKS FOR THE GREAT JOB THAT YOU DO, WE ALL LOVE YOU, YOU HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND,

You can be friendly, but don't need to be friend. Good advice. I love it. Thank you. This video really answered my question. Thank you, thank you so much. God bless.

Susan, you are a GENIUS.

I have to work with him. He hated it when I pulled away and he kept approaching me. I flat out told him I would stay professional, but I didn't need to be friendly. LOL! He still tries to find ways to approach me everyday and I have gotten so good at non reaction. I know what I want. I won't settle for scraps.

being put on the friends zone it's hard after dating for 6 months I was offered a friendship relation from one day to the other lover to friends my answer ... thank you but no thanks it's been 5 months no contact , I decided to move on and it's been for the best

Thank you Susan. Seriously talking like you are a true diamond out here! Thank you soo much!! All your videos are straight up A+ without a second doubt! Happy new year 2019 and keep on going young lady!!

Simply said, you are a great coach. Your information is so well explain, clear, and really opens up my mind. Thank you for making my brain a bit smarter 🙂

Thanks for your clear and concise advice. Perfect, and actually you said everything I thought but wasn't sure I was right.

Thankyou for your wisdom. I always find your videos very helpful.

Another great video. Thank you Susan!

Thank you again so much. You always help to clarify a situation I find myself in.

I really needed this advice, thanks!

It helped me so much !!! Thank you Susan . 💔

Such a beautiful grown understanding woman thank you Madame love from Algeria 🇩🇿🙂

Your advice is always spot on. I love the way you speak and dress,very classy! Younger women could learn a lot from you on respecting themselves and leaving a little to the imagination. Again you're one Classy and Beautiful Lady. Thank you for what you do!

Thank you for this question and answer! I have been going through something similar with a 3 year relationship that has now taken a step back for various reasons. Now that i have stepped back, i can see more clearly how he really views me, and how i view him.

3:20 Spoke to me, I was spending time with someone non stop for 3 months only to be "friends", it ended up she had ex-bf baggage and was heartbroken most of the time. I said those exact words of i'll be friendly but its definitely dependent on the situation. at the end of the day, Im dating the girl now. Doesnt hurt to be a friend, just dont be friends with someone you have passion for.

Thank you for this video it opened my eyes up to what's going on. But I still feel stuck and I'm feeling stupid.

Thank you Susan. You are amazing

Great advice.

Just wow. Thanks for helping me see things clearly.

Wow This was very helpful. Feels like I'm stuck in this grey area with my significant other. Thank you always for the Great advice.

Ms Susan; Only want to write you a BIG thanks. Your advice is timely and important to remember. "You can be friendly without being friends" This is alot better than being in front of judge or worse IF it should ever get to that point! The downgrade HURTS of course but ultimately it was for the best. SHE wanted it! So the fade began and eventually after awhile I did move on. Truly I want to thank her I was more mad at her not a happy person. Now there is joy in my life again. Strange as it seems SHE wants to come back! Should have seen the look on her face when I said "let's be friends and friendly" Pretty much ended and now? Blue skys shinning on me. 🕶

Friendship works best if it's mutual. If you both decide you don't make a good couple and decide you're better friends that is one thing. Often that happens when you started out as friends in the first place or were together for a long time

Excellent advice

Thank you. Wish I found this video before things blew up

Great advice Susan thanks

I really needed to hear this. Thank you

This is why I call bullshit when someone tells me that they are friends with their ex. One of you (if not both) wants to get in the other person's pants

Thank you, Susan!

Great advice 🎯💯

Every video I watch of yours it's like you are talking to me specifically and I watch them all so I must really be a mess. Just kidding but thank you so much for your time and effort to comfort and guide confused couples.

@Susan Winter I think you are brilliant!

I agree to be friendly showing them that you are not a bitter person and you are not affected to their action and but not be friends means their is no attachment at all anymore

I have been there and it is not a good situation. First test the waters, flirt a bit by touching and tease with words. If that doesn't work best to walk away and never look back. Also remember being in the friend-zone or platonic relationships will prevent you for moving on to find someone better.

Good one! No downgrades, only upgrades. ;-)

Finally an advice I can use :)

Susan, I love your videos and your approach on relationship topics. It is so refreshing to hear your opinion as it differs to most advice you can find online. Lately I have been stumbled across the "no contact rule" after a break up on youtube (it is everywhere) and would love to hear your opinion about it, I am not sure if you have already talked about this topic specifically .....Lots of Love

Thank you for advise , very helpful

So on point!

You are a good coach....

Thank you susan ❤️

Thankyou for your advice

I was friend zoned to someone who was shopping around with many women. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't speak to him. He kept trying to talk. I didn't budge and saved myself anymore aggravation.

Well Said, Ma'am..👍🏼❤ People Should Talk/Discuss Clearly Abt Their Own Intension To Enter In A Relationship With Someone At The Stage Of Begging Of A Relationship & Definitely Shouldn't Let Them Play With Ur Emotions If U See/Sense They're Player Jst Stop To Waist Ur Tms & Energies With Them🙂

omg susan u really ateee

Yes absolutely helpful this video for me thank you Suzan!!!:)

Congratulations