i wonder if someone could make this a 10 hour loop of just phelous reviewing this movie over and over again. you know, edit the ending so it actually is the beginning of the review again.
I loved the "JAY-SON!!!" exclamation, as my friend and his wife are fans of Heavy Rain and randomly yell it the same way. Gotta share this review with them.
Heavy Rain is hacktastic garbage made by one of the worst game designers of our generation with a raging rape fetish that he plasters all over his derivative and asinine games.
The virgin Mamba: -boring competitive dice roll race. -misleading naming that contradicts motif -kills the losers, leaving no replayability whatsoever -can cause paradoxical time loops if morons get their hands on it. -so boring that people can never finish in one sitting. The Chad Jumanji: -encourages cooperative play. -augments reality in meaningful ways that get you invested -can be played across time and space. - creates stable time alterations that can't loop. - Got a video game adaptation that expands the lore and provides years of entertainment. -later editions let players retain memory of the game, allowing for hooking up in the present day for replaying. -flying horse as one of the playable video game protagonists
I think the reason Eliza Duzkhu's character came back as the witch is because she is implied to be the reincarnation of the witch who made the game or something like that and that's the reason she had that seemingly random flashback to the witch being tortured in the inquisition. However, it was really poorly explained so I can totally see why Phelous was confused.
ok so that crab part reminds me of that one italian movie, i can't remember the name of it but a guy falls in a library and gets trapped under the shelves and tarantulas eat his fuckin face. zombies come out of the wall in the basement of this house and i wanna say it has a blind woman. unless im thinking of another italian horror movie too lol. i also laughed at the ending with the eliza dragonfly cgi monster ghost thing
They couldn't even make the CGI snakes look like actual mambas. Real mambas have creepily coffin shaped heads, would think that would be appropriate for a horror movie.
Wait, so why did the witch go back in time with them? Is she just lonely and really bored or something? Or does she find his dumb wish just that funny that she wants to see it again and again and again?
Better question is why did the guy not wish for everyone to win from the night they played to when they finished. Best case scenario everyone except maybe him gets a wish and they all live, worst case scenario the witch decides to go all monkeys paws on their asses, though you can just waste your wish on something dumb or mundane.
This is like that other movie about a magic board game where players roll dice and get random cards with rhyms that are about the bad shit that's about to happen IRL.
The main character just being too stupid to understand how words work in the end is almost as infuriating as him getting a big head about himself and thinking him getting into this mess by being stupid is more important than the fact that those brothers sought out the game specifically to help each other
I know this is unrelated, but i remember passing by cartoon network, and there was playing a movie which was like a Jumanji rip off, but the surprising part is that the evil creature inside the game wanted the teenage girl to reveal that she was having sex with some guy of her class... now that is weird for a Family Friendly Movie Picture.
JukaDominator It wasnt Zathura, it was way way way more lowbudget. and Zathura did not had a teenage girl fighting with her mother because she was having sex with her boyfriend. the girl with her boyfriend, not the mother with the boyfriend
it doesnt look like that either, i just saw the ending, but it was mostly about a family of 4, a daughter, a kid and the parents. and the point of the board game was to solve the family ralationship between each other, and survive the magical boardgame.
So the key to this game is: play with people you want dead, and stack the cards in your favor. Then give the game away to the next person, but make the wish that the game will never cause any deaths or have any supernatural powers again, ending the curse and making people you wished were dead actually dead without any evidence it was you. Plus then the next person you gave it to has a weird game to play with people that won't be anything more than a game.
Just finished "Beyond the Gates." It was low budget, campy as all Hell and didn't do as much as I would have liked with the concept. It was still enjoyable overall, paying tribute to VHS games like "Nightmare" and "AtmosFEAR." It felt like a lost episode of that 90's tv show "Monsters." Don't watch this expecting a masterpiece, but one of those low budget movies that used to fluff video store shelves. Regardless, I figure it's better than "Open Graves" and a better sequel to Jumanji than "Welcome to the Jungle." :P Regardless would love to see this concept with a bigger budget and some more imagination taking them into weirder locations, have them fight off more than the 3 or 4 zombies the movie could afford and of course while the creepy "wide eyed" host was good for a chuckle, would've loved to see a proper gatekeeper knockoff,lol.
***** Blood Omen was actually my favorite of the series. Gameplay had some issues but I liked it more than Soul Reaver. But, fair enough. As I say, despite what a game offers, if you don't enjoy playing it then the game isn't good (to the one having issues). I just happened to enjoy it more than you. Really if they didn't have the menu load times it would be so much better.
0:35 That stock voice of a woman screaming is used quite a lot. It is, for example, used in Carmageddon 2. Also 3:43 a lie is told. Open Graves is not good.
Cactino Bah, the clip went off sync and I missed it. This is a problem with premiere deciding to handle a file differently than it would in a previous version. Once in a while there would be a glitch in my footage and I had to fix the sync on a clip, but the current version of premiere doesn't make it go off sync from that glitch so my old correction now instead makes it go off sync.
Wasn't this movie on the horror channel? I remember seeing the advert for it along with some other seemingly crappy movies like a movie about a nazi hunter and other shit.
*The following is the opinion of a Salty SEAGULL named EARL who just shows up in my posts whenever he feels like it!* [EARL the Salty SEAGULL:] "He should have listened to MAMBA DRAGONFLY ERICA! Kinda reminds me of how ETERNAL DRAGONs like SHENRON point out that a wish is pointless or won't lead to the results they are hoping for (like when Shenron informed Sorbet that he couldn't revive Mecha Frieza intact as he can apparently only repair fatal damage, which for Frieza means he was brought back in pieces due to having been cut into pieces by Future Trunks before being blown to smithereens which killed him & couldn't put himself back together due to his lack of regeneration, & it was only Sorbet's insistence due to possessing medical machine technology capable of healing Frieza! Additionally, Shenron was the one who suggested resurrecting all the victims of King Piccolo & his Demon Clan instead of just Master Roshi, Chiaotzu, & Krillin to Goku's friends which they agreed was the better option & informed Oolong that he couldn't defeat the Saiyans for them cause his Power Level was the same as Kami, thus he can only kill someone Kami can which makes such a wish wasteful & pointless)! Still, I guess she realized he was too stupid to listen and thus deserved to be doomed to a time loop (unless he somehow managed to break it and/or she got tired of playing with him & his stupid friends)!"
Not only would using snakes over dragonflies have fit the game's name better, but they could have used it reference Ouroboros for the ending...I mean, the movie still would have been bad and the ending lame, but at least it would have felt like they did any of it with competence.
Wouldn't wishing that the game never existed create some sort of paradox because of the game never existed he would never be able to wish that the game never existed. I'm probably complicating things but that's what I think
So when I clicked on this video, I actually assumed it was that movie with Sharlto Copley about a bunch of people who wake up in a mass grave and all have amnesia. Then I realized that was called Open Grave and was actually a descent movie which don't seem to make way onto this channel. Silly me.
