THE FEELINGS THAT TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST 

When you live with a covert narcissist, you are the one who is angry all the time. The passive aggressive behavior makes you ill. You are always the bad guy.

I would say the moment that you see them either smirk or grin while their manipulating you is a feeling you will never forget. It's like they take pleasure knowing that they are hurting you in whichever way they are. See people for the behavior their showing, not in the way you wish them to be, is my advice.

Definitely an important sign is the feeling of feeling unsafe. Genuine love and care is the opposite- creates safety.

Sometimes we don't "see" the red flags because we feel them.

"The only thing that keeps you in these circles, is your need for clarity and your need to be heard". 100% true. I stopped chasing after the need to be heard and understood, when I realized he was incapable... And I had the power to validate myself. I've been free, happy and strong for 1 year, 6 months now.

They want to change the subject

When you work under a narcissist, the only solution is to find another job. This is gutwrenching, especially if youve been with the organization a long time. And surprise, you may wind up with another narc boss.

I mostly remember feeling like walking on eggshells. Felt like what I said wasn't heard.

They are jealous of happiness and joy in even their own children! So sabotage it.

The eyes going black is something I definitely witnessed.

I just wish she had not caused me serious internal physical injury before I realized how she really felt about me and how I felt from the way she treated me

You explain these situations in concrete, relatable terms. It’s so difficult for people who have not lived through it to understand. Your videos are like talking to a girlfriend who actually gets it.

Wow…..your example of him demanding you try to sing a song out of your range was so distressing! How demented and abusive! Im so sorry u experienced this, and so proud of you for using what you endured to help and heal others!

YES TO EVERYTHING YOU SAID; MENTALLY LAZY, SUPERFICIAL, CAN'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING COMPLEX; THE FEELING OF BEING INFERIOR AND SMALL AND ASHAMED THAT WAS THE WORST! NO THANKYOU, NO SORRYS, HARD DISDAINFUL EMOTIONS AND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS MY BIRTHDAY WAS THE FINAL STRAW, BEING SPOKEN TO LIKE A 2 YR OLD AND SHE WOULDN'T LOOK AT ART WITH ME BECAUSE I WAS TOO SLOW AT ART GALLERY! I DON'T TAKE HER CALLS OR HAVE ANY CONTACT W/HER/I RECOMMEND! THESE PEOPLE ARE FULL OF DEMONS AND LIES AND BAD STUFF!

Queezy and nauseas feeling is my immediate gut signal.

I'm an empath and I refused to have stupid conversations with the covert narcissist I was with for 4 years. I would either get quiet or walk away.

I sure don't miss that all day abuse channel.😂😂

When I asked my narcissist why he was angry he’d say “I know what you’re thinking”. He imagined entire situations where I was tricking him. If I fought, I was trying to escape discovery. If I didn’t fight, I was guilty and didn’t know what to say. The same argument every day.

I would bring up an issue, of some disrespectful way he treated me, and he would respond with some word salad, and then I would try to explain even further, usually in under 2 minutes, and while I was doing so, he would make annoyed gestures, and then when I stopped speaking, awaiting his response, he would rudely say "Is it my turn? Can I talk now?" Then more word salad and strange unrelated things would come out of his mouth, along with how it was all my fault anyway. Then I'd get advised of never listening to him. And whenever he talked about ANYTHING and I listened for what seemed like hours, I'd respond with my viewpoints, and he would say "You don't understand!" "You're still not getting what I'm saying!". And this didn't even have to be about "us". Could be anything! It was so frustrating that I'd leave there, or hang up the phone with him, feeling like exhausted, sad, overwhelmed, have anxiety and a general questioning of my own mind.

This was awesome. I saved this so that I could replay it again and probably again....and again 😂😂 Your ability to so accurately describe the situations of everyday life with a narc....and then pair that with the feelings, thoughts, and pain of the victim....the frustration, the skewed reality, and the anxiety and fear......🥺🥵makes this video worthy of an award. I was right there with you , experiencing those moments. Just know that your reward is the people for whom this level of clarity and thoroughness of awareness will never be reached....whatever the reason....and that you have thought it through for them and explained it from your heart so they can save themselves. Thank you...and BRAVO. I think this must be divinely inspired. You have certainly been a gift in my life. ❤

I have experienced everything you said..with my ex covert narc. That's why no contact is a must!

When a narcissist talks they're not looking for a conversation, they're having a monologue--they only want to hear themselves. I worked at a small Jewish, private school for two years, and for two years my narcissistic MIL would pronounce the school name in her own way, because in her head she knows Yiddish (or other Jewish languages). That always annoyed me because no matter how many times I'd correct her, she'd hear something else not me.

Great video, I watched it twice and took notes. My family treats me in all of these ways, the only exception is that I'm not confused because I know I'm dealing with narcissistic people.

They are relentless.. really enjoyed this perspective. The fear hit every aspect of my life. I couldn't trust him at all. Ty! Your videos helped me so much.

I think your videos are fantastic. Thank you for the genuine effort that you’ve put in to helping people figure out this narcissism psychology fight 💎

I've been told that I ask "mean questions" which made me feel extremely confused and like I was living in the Twilight zone

Awful! My narc ex refused to help out around the house or with the kids, anytime I asked him to help with something he literally through a fit, yell at me saying something like "quit being a nag! You're not my mother!" Sometimes he would do what I asked but with anger and would do a half ass job. It took me awhile to catch on but once I realized he was just trying to scare me so I wouldn't ask him anymore, then I kept asking him anyways. 😂

Trust your gut...

I can truly, truly appreciate what you are saying, I have experienced this so many times, and I am glad to say someone else know and understand my pain, thank Almighty God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He had a bad accident and totaled his new truck. I told him not to go on the trip because I had a bad feeling. Later he blamed me for the accident and called me a witch.

Wow. This was extremely helpful. I am just now starting to take back my life and accept that he will never change. I keep setting reminders to tell myself that i can not change him.

My partner would pick up all the " faults" in my language, then torture me with all the put downs and criticism. The more I explain myself the more abusive he usually becomes. In the end we completely miss the point of the conversation , and the comment that I made that drives him crazy was not even that important. This usually happens when I have an opinion about our relationship or I was trying to let him know that I don't like something he does. By the way, if my partner ask me to do something ( like what you said singing a song that is out of your vocal range), if i refused for whoever reasons, he would not be " mad" at me on the surface but to pressure me to do so. For example, he would say, "oh come on, you can do it." " don't be too uptight", " others women can do it, you can too if you put effort into it"...... He would keep pushing, try different ways to " encourage " me, but It always left me feel uncomfortable, i can't even put a word to discribe the feeling

💯💯💯 irrational anger is a huge sign that you were dealing with one of these people. I remember being so confused, because like you said, I would do some thing that warranted anger, and in those instances, sometimes he didn’t react at all, or acted like it was funny then I would do some thing very minor and inconsequential, and I would see this eruption of irrational anger. That was scary. I lived with him for 21 years always hoping that it would get better and it never did. I finally had to divorce him after trying everything. I had a female counselor tell me that maybe I should try to do things that wouldn’t anger him….lol ok as if that was even a possibility! 😂

I have not listened to this in its entirety. However, I have lived through decades of abuse. Narcs genuinely, don't care what we think or feel. Simply, the victim does not matter. I always have to shock them with I love you and I care. The proof is you're still alive and not hospitalized. and we will not continue these acts. and I remove myself. Time & place do not matter. This is how my narc operates. I dealt with them from the early 60s. Being a Christian and marine on many levels enhanced my position. As a youngster/ adolescent, I competed in sports. Some of us went to professional. I say to family really I went to HS for a major in IT before they named it and I'm homeless? Our narc arranged it. I know I tick them off by rebounding into another global financial institution. But they're so brave they're densely ignorant. Bring charges against them to leave your children alone. Keep your PEACE. Keep your LIFE. This does help.

I’ve heard the N say--(maybe not specifically to me but this is a pattern I’ve noticed) You’ll not intimidate me!! You’re just trying to get a rise out of me! You’re sadistic Some people are just evil I don’t trust you as far as I could throw you/him/her. Don’t put the pressure on! I cannot be rushed! Have you no empathy? I was entitled to it! And many many more

My ex put me through the singing crap too. He fancied himself a music/voice teacher. He was hellbent on getting me to sing a grunge version of 'Hello Darkness My Old Friend' that was in a bass range. I'm a metso soprano! I was just home from church and that was his agenda! A song, that when sung in that dark, deep manner, is like a song about meeting up with the devil. I was deeply upset by the experience and believe it was his demon at work on me. I resisted and walked away, leaving the man ticked off at me for not trying.

Without a doubt, the biggest feeling was constantly being made to feel like 💩. If you're happy, they'll quickly make you feel like 💩. Clean the whole house and cook you're made to feel like 💩. Buy them something nice you're made to feel like 💩 In fact, it's not a relationship at all. It's a relation💩

They don’t get joy from helping others. I believe they enjoy withholding help. They hate joy and goodness and development of others. Crazy 😜

Sorry for all the little comments but I totally agree about it doesn't matter if they're a narcissist or not because we're not professionals most of us what matters is identifying the pattern of how they treat you and putting an end to it

Talking to a TV is a wild but true 😂😂😂

After she escalated her attacks on me while i was asleep to a very hard kick and then denying it! When questioned told not to tell my mother which for a 49 year old man is absurd i realised the childish mind i was dealing with that couldn’t bring herself to apologise or admit doing it but only cared about how she looked(and in doing so kinda told on herself!). I felt unsafe in her flat and left even though she threatened me that i could never return there. Her tantrum of an hour or so could have attracted Police or an escalation of violence which i would have to control somehow by force. She didn’t physically stop me going! It’s almost like she wanted the reverse discard to occur. I think with a narcissist every behaviour is exaggerated to its most extreme level. Say a regular woman wants to make her boyfriend jealous (which is not healthy) she might just engage in a conversation with a man in front of her boyfriend but she’ll take care to introduce her boyfriend as her boyfriend. The narcissist will have given another man such a suggestive glance and indicate that she’d like him to hold her hand while looking for your discomfort. Everything is more extreme with a narcissist! The flirtation will feel unsafe for you and her. She’ll often just run off and leave you with some stranger man whose really expecting to get something from your girlfriend. Whereas a regular woman will point out that she has a boyfriend and not be giving the stranger to heavy signals in their body language.

Love that this brings the focus back onto the person experiencing this, less on the narc or the narc'behavior. Love that this encourages us to check in with our own feelings and refocusing off the person we can't control to listen to the one in the power position of our lives: ourself.

Great video, I liked the part about how you are made to feel like you're in control about how the narcissist feels about you but you are really not in control and they could bring up some thing you might have done in the past because we're all human and we're not perfect and then they'll make you feel like that's the reason why they hate you now... And it can make you feel so guilty and so bad but you really don't have any control about the ups and downs of their disorder

You reach right into me,and speak to my dreadful relationship with a narcissist. You have first hand insight and are able to relay it so well! Thank you❤

Always, to me, it’s the discounting of you, by kind of ignoring what you are saying.

You nailed it again!! Great video. Yes, this does help.

They come a long with dark energy to poison beautiful souls. The day she moved into my house, I could feel my entire body shaking, extremely sad worried too much exhausted family and friends avoided me thinking I was crazy 🤪

He baits me to react to his mistreatment and uses my reactions to his advantage to make me feel like I'm mistreating him and that he is victim then he uses that as justification for why he feels I don't deserve proper treatment from him. This makes me feel sick to my stomach like I've spent too long on a carnival ride and can't get off. But he gets off the ride and walks away like nothing happened while my seat is stuck in the locked position with no end in sight tovthe dizzy sickness.

Excellent video. You bottomed lined it well ! ❤

Spot on. How someone treats you, very important. Loved this video 💯👍. Your knowlege is so helpful. You may not be a professional, but understand the Narcsstic personality disorders so well. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. You say it as it is. I can relate to everything you have said. I have recoverd now. All blessings to you. ⭐⭐

Just hearing this makes me feel so much hate, anger, and sadness. I put in 5 full years believing I was the problem. As soon as I started understanding narcissism, it all made sense... but sucked every ounce of optimism out of me. I've fucked up in my relationship several times and that's why I bought his bullshit. He is evil incarnate. Passed down from generation to generation

So helpful!!

Excellent video!!!

It’s not about the narcissist at a certain point - it’s about your relationship with yourself. The only reason it might be “your fault” is to recognize this reality and that you have agency - not to change them, but to change your positioning in their life, by putting distance between you two. They might be stubborn but who’s more stubborn if you stay? Knowing they’re a narc just helps realize this won’t change and helps you come around to the reality of the situation. Make your relationship with yourself as important to you as this one was and protect your relationship with yourself, your own self respect, your own value and worth paramount in your life, instead of trying to hunt for it by how you can effect theirs. Because you won’t effect their reality. That’s their work to do. Do your own. Keep your eyes on your own paper.

Brilliant.

Just wanted to say thank you for your videos.

I really love your style, just subbed!

Every word you said I experienced! Excellent video again, thank you!!

Another thoroughly excellent presentation. Much appreciated.

Thank you so much for these videos. Challenging days need these realities you describe and explain so well.

This channel is one of the most insightful out there about narcissism.

The thermostat! Yep.

How can this be true what your saying!! This is exactly what I’ve experienced 😮WOW!!!!

Thank you for sharing. This is what I told my husband, it's how you treat me not if I still love you. This is my confirmation that I was spot on. Thanks again

Right on point 👍🏻. I’m sure I’m not the only one thinking EXACTLY 😁. Thank you for the validation goes a long way 😘. I have an idea for a video for you. R Grannon said it in a short and I was like YES! So maybe you could expand on it ( I don’t know if that’s possible but thought I’d suggest it). You are the moral backbone of the entire relationship. You are held to the highest standards AT ALL TIME, the narcissist…. NEVER. Thanks again 😘 take care

I went for my test came back correct no problems

Talking to the TV... Oh my... 😂 It'funny because it's true.

Oh, it’s the newlywed! 😀💕

I was married to a narcissist for 35 years. Now I'm dating a guy that may be a narc. Not a bad one like my ex. But has some narc red flags. It was a really bad relationship in the beginning. But got better. But doesn't respect some boundaries. Caught him lying lots of times. But also has great things he does. The worst thing he did was ruin my birthday. So I just take it day by day. He lives with me in my house.

After 15 years she discard the relationship and left

👏

Yeah you feel like you're living in the Twilight zone they try to tell you who you are even though it's not the truth whatsoever it'll try to pay you like you're such a horrible person and you had no idea that they felt this way cuz you thought that they actually loved you and cared about you but they just were pretending they had a mask up. It is so creepy.

I have cut off one npd sister but the other one is even more malevolent, she needs to go to, i got off phone yesterday and the feeling of pure malevolence was palpable, this one is a psycho, they both are really but why am i talking to this hateful thing, evil 😈 is a good word and this one makes me agraid whereas the other one makes ,e feel ashamed, 😂its just lovely isn't it, i think i'm a bit too outspoken for this lot!

You were allowed to ask questions? 😮

My wife told me that IAM are narcissist but my maths is correct

Also you might have a smear campaign brought against you if you try to work a problem out like what happened to me at my kids school the whole PTA and all the school staff thought I was a problem because I was trying to make sure that my child wasn't given free chocolate milk several times a day because he has ADHD. Basically no one would answer my emails and then I ended up getting a little bit assertive with the food administrator over an email and then no one at the school would speak to me ever again and treat me like garbage

👌💪🙏🇺🇲

Is it common for a narc to drug you pretty sure my narc ex did that to me at least twice