What is Gaslighting? 9 Signs This Type of Manipulation is Happening to You! 

Please pray for me so I can save money and get out

I didn't realize how toxic my husband was until I stayed away from him. (Even after separation he continued to control.) The longer away from him, the happier I became! After a year I was elated! I lost 40 pounds, became social again...I started a whole new career, and I'm almost 60. My friends say I'm like a teenager. So so happy. So so worth it, though I struggle financially. As he rolls around town in his Mercedes, and I catch the train. So worth it.

1) 2:00 Second-guessing 2) 2:29 Threatened or on edge 3) 3:05 Needs to apologize 4) 3:59 Trying to make others happy 5) 5:07 Fundamentally wrong with you 6) 5:54 Hard to trust your own judgement 7) 6:45 General anxiousness/nervousness 8) 8:00 Much "weaker" version of self 9) 8:51 Afraid of expressing desires

Worst gaslighting technique is when the gaslighter tells you: No. I’m not doing this. You’re gaslighting. A new level of insanity.

A lot of people work behind the scenes pretending they are helping when actually they are abusing power and trust

Yep I have been gaslit all of my life from childhood to adulthood and I'm tired of being timid and manipulated. Time to be assertive.

I’ve been told many times to “be the bigger person” even when I was the one being attacked. One day I straight up said “no, I don’t think I will” and the reaction I got was hilarious 😂

I realized I was being gaslit by a "friend" sometime ago. I spoke out today and told them I don't want to be friends anymore. I wasn't going to be their emotional punching bag anymore.

21 years in a marriage. Couldn't pinpoint what was happening. I have finally found exactly what it is.

This video opened up my eyes. My relationship was littered with silent treatment, things we can talk about, things we cant talk about. If I would bring up something I wasnt supposed to, I'd be in for more silent treatment lasting up to a week, or days. Started out in the relationship strong and positive, 18 months later I was a weak, tragic and confused version of myself. What I learned: Never make someone your absolute everything, especially someone who is emotionally immature, keep some of yourself... for yourself. Do not EVER worship them. Stop apologizing for breathing. Dont waste time on people that manipulate and cant communicate. I'm going to the gym now! Bye everyone

The person who gaslighted me was so good at it that I didn’t even notice. And I studied psychology in school!

Controlling & Avoiding responsibility - says it all

My whole family specializes in gaslighting...and I'm sick of it!

I've been going thru this for 10 years....... Today 6/27/19 I left his a$$.

My mother is a narcissist... she gaslights me every time we speak. So we don’t talk much.

My mother; who has never taken responsibility for what she does. It has had a profound effect on me.

happened so much with my ex husband I kept googling "am I that forgetful or is he lying" that's the first time I came across the term gaslighting! that was the beginning of the end of an abusive relationship and I am about to graduate with a diploma in counseling psychology.

I have spent an entire lifetime surrounded by people who gaslighted me. My parents and brothers assigned me the role of scapegoat, making me think I could never do anything right. Even when I did good things they would make me think it was stupid to do. I began to question what I was going through when I saw that even the good things were mocked, I would think, "how could that have been wrong." Up until I went no contact with my brothers I remained silent a lot after I became an adult, because I knew it would turn into something ugly. I am 65 years old and have never had a good time with my brothers at a family gathering, I kicked myself that it took so long to remove these people from my life. Now I feel great joy since I have decided not to have contact with them.

My problem is needing others approval to feel what I do is good.

I just wanted to say that God just brought me to this video tonight. This is what I’ve been praying to find, praying to realize, praying for help. The circumstances that I found this video can not be a coincidence and the fact that this is exactly what I needed to get set on the path of helping myself recover from an emotionally/Mentally abusing relationship. I also do want to say that I haven’t been practicing Christianity very well recently but I prayed for “an inch” or a little foothold, something little that I’m missing that will allow me to finally start healing, and this was it. A true God Moment, and I just needed to share this for other people to read. God Bless ❤️

I got out of a 35 year relationship with a narcissist - I was broken, he would even tell me how I feel, saying “no you don’t !” When I would say,” I feel sad.” This video may save someone’s life! Thanks ❤️

I really related with feeling like a weaker version of myself.

I can now recognize when I'm being manipulated, but I dont know how to handle it. If I say anything, I hear 'when u point fingers three point back at you', or 'when u suspect someone it's because that's really how YOU are'. Even my sibs get over the top mad at me if I try to stand up for myself, bc I only started doing that slowly, a couple years after my divorce. No matter what, everyone ends up hating me. Srsly. Two ppl I thought were close friends paid me back money I had lent them but to get it I had to sign a paper they wrote up saying I would never contact them again. Omg. When so many ppl dont like u well u just want to know wtf is wrong with u, that's all. I'm quiet, easy going, and I've found that sometimes it's better to let some thing go bc it isnt worth a fight or hard feelings...it's just a 'thing'. I do know I only have one friend who is worth having...I've known her 30 years and she doesnt pull things on me or cause me confusion. I just avoid ppl.

I have been a victim of gaslighting countless times. Things would happen and people would try to convince me that they didnt, that I was crazy etc.

Crying because this is me and I didn’t know it ! 😢

I just watched the movie gaslight(1944), with actress Ingrid bergman. I would recommend this movie to all the victims out there.

I dealt with this the 1st 30 years of my life. My mom was the narcissist. I was physically and mentally abused as well. Thank you so much for sharing this video.

I am crying on the inside right now. 😭 My gaslighting experience was from a former pastor I served under for several years. He would get after me if I stood up for myself to a couple of patrons that disrespected me and my husband several times. He made it seem that my feelings were wrong and invalid and that it was a sin to defend myself and my husband. Well I say all this to say this. I don’t care if you are dealing with a teacher, a priest, a pastor, a millionaire or a celebrity you don’t put up with anyone’s shit just because of their title or that they claim to be a “man or woman” of God!

I have everything you said. Been gaslighted my whole life since childhood

I've been on the low I been taking my time I feel like I'm out of my mind It feel like my life ain't mine Who can relate?

I really needed to hear this. It hurts to hear the truth specially when everything you said is on point. It took me 31 years to know I wasn't the problem. Having healthy boundaries is the only way to avoid the gaslighting. The pain is terrible when you are all you got. I've learned to start setting healthy boundaries because I made a vow to myself that no matter how hard life gets to just focus on one positive thing. It's better to focus on something positive then drowning your self in depression. That's why I try to be kind to every soul I meet because no body deserves to feel unloved and I would never want someone to feel the way that I did. Watching your videos are really helping me and I just want to say thank you for caring and sharing your knowledge!

I’m so mind blown! So let me share my story. First off I have no friends. I really don’t. And telling my personal business to people is something I don’t do. So a guy that I know at work we’ve been talking and hanging out a few times. For about a year. I told NOBODY. And as I stated before, I DO NOT tell anybody anything. So these past few months I’ve been noticing like he’d been acting different, but I didn’t know wtf happened. So I paid it no mind. So a few days ago I told him I was coming to see him. I went to see him and I’m thinking we’re cool. As soon as he seen me He immediately said “Aye, let me ask you something...” so I’m ready, I got comfortable and relaxed and was like “wasup?” He says “somebody said that you been going around telling people that we been hanging out and all this stuff” (That wasn’t a question but ok lol) so calmly I said “Where’d you get that from?” He says “You know who you talk to” not knowing I literally talk to nobody and especially about my personal life outside of work. When I tell you he swore I told somebody something he stood on it 100% I’m swearing to God, putting it on my life, on my mama and he still didn’t believe me. Come to find out he confided in someone and just in case it came to me he already had it set that I to blow the focus off him and make me think that I talk to someone so much that I might have forgotten I told them. And he’s literally holding a grudge against me for what he’s done. I didn’t know what gaslighting was until today this happened yesterday and I am mind blown. Now I just look at him as crazy. He has no clue that I enjoy learning about psychology smh. Jokes on him.

Why are we calling this 'gaslighting'? Why not call it what it is, emotional, mental and phsychological abuse. This is abuse. I lived with it for the first 40 years of my life. Have spent the last 25 recognising it for what it is

Thank you bunches for sharing. I'm a survivor of Domestic Violence (DM) . To put my kids and my safety 1st, we lived in a Women's and Children's shelter who specializes in helping survivors of Domestic Violence for nearly 2 months. The Women's shelter, I gained several friends and new insights. They helped my 3 younger kids. Extremely thankful. There's many resources out there to help women who's been physically assaulted by their husbands/boyfriends. There's hope. God makes all things new.

I was gaslighted by family , friends, my coworkers, and department heads at work.

I have felt off my whole life. And I apologized for everything growing up. Even though I know I didn't do whatever it was i apologized for. I just wanted the yelling and tension to stop. And as I got older, I could never get my life together. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I've lived in a grandiose delusion. It kept me going. I always felt strangely off, especially at my brothers house. I'm finally seeing it, 2 brothers gaslighters. And I, being the oldest, was told to be there for them. But they were good covering it up with acting friendly. And have done secret criminal money making schemes. This has been long. I'm 62. I've lived an OK Life. Bobbing and weaving through it. But never getting anything career really going. I was care giving my mother the last six years of her life. She wanted me to have her condo. My brothers, of course, manipulated getting 2/3 ownership. I've had 2 heart attacks, an they are still trying to get me out. They don't care. All the gaslighting signs hit. I'm scared I'll never get it together, but I'm hopefully going to turn it around somehow. I just found you Julia, and I feel like you're talking to me. I'm going to keep watching your videos. Thank you for being there.

Eye opening video. Thank you so much. On Monday, I went to a mental health place for inpatient therapy and meds. Today is day 5. My therapist explained this foreign term gaslighting to me and I didn't know what it meant. So I'm researching it and came across your video. 20+years of having experienced this with my husband. I can't afford to leave and start my journey of living on my own just yet, and my 18 and 16 year old girls have also been manipulated into believing that I am worthless because I am disabled with 5 failed back surgeries and Major Depressive Disorder. Everything that happens is always my fault. My bed has been my safe place for years and years. I'm now 38 and want to get better. I'm an emotional wreck. He believes he is GOD and does no wrong...ever. I know that is just not true. He used to be physically abusive until he bit a chunk out of my leg when I was 22, I was pushed to have him go to jail because of it. He came out and hasn't touched me since. However, he has replaced the physical abuse with major mental and emotional abuse as well as tons of gaslighting. I used to be happy, helping everyone and anyone for that matter because I believe with my entire being that I have a huge heart, an empath (to my detriment), and I love giving, helping, listening. Basically, having said all of that, I just can't do life this way anymore so I got help. I start my meds today, and I pray the tools that I learn in inpatient therapy will help me. I have already learned so much in so little time! Thank you again for this video. Progress, not perfection...right?

I recently left a 54 week marriage due to this phenomenon. I had to! I’m 47 years old, I didn’t exactly like the idea of being single again and starting over, but given the option of years of frustration and general unhappiness with a sick person, I had to end it.

Wow. Never heard this term gaslighting untill recently. In 2002 I "woke up" and realized one day that I wasn't the person that I used to be and the reason why was because the doubt my husband at that time had put into my brain about who I was and what I was (not) capable of. As soon as I vocalized that to him he began to physically abuse me. After putting him in jail for hitting me, I divorced him within a year. Our child is currently 19 and I was able to raise him with minimal to no communication with his father. I got out of that abusive relationship , I am stronger than I've ever been, and my son now is as well. He took my lead and makes healthy boundaries with everyone as a result of what he saw me do with my life. Even vocalizing his boundaries to his father and halting communication and relationship whenever his father became manipulative to him. I am so proud of the young man he has become. It wasn't easy to make those choices and live by them at the time, while it was all happening, but now that I'm on the other side and my son has grown up, and taken those skills into his own life, it was definitely worth it!💪We stand strong together!

18 years later I am jist today realizing my mother in law is a covert narcissist. I feel so free now! It explains it all🙌🏼

Jeez....do you have a hidden camera in my house or something? SPOT ON!

I have family members that have Gas Lit me while I lived with my in-laws. And Now that I don't live with my in-laws I am finally finding ground to say No to going to events that cause me anxiety. When I have to be around these people , I choose to be extremely happy around them. They hate that. It is the biggest and best revenge to give someone like that. Be happy. Show them it didn't affect you.

I have been gaslighted for 18 years with emotional abuse and mental trauma and labeling me as lier and cause of problems in others but in reality it is they are the problems. Last 7 years have been really hard on me yet I am greatfull of it for showing me the brutal reality of people around me.

I would tell my husband, "You're hurting me, lighten up, please." He'd always deny and say he never hurt me. He would scare me with his careless ways. When I addressed it he'd say he never lifted a hand to me physically, all the time I'm hearing, I want to hurt you, I want to rough you up, you used to like it. Ugh.

I just loved this, it totally confirmed my suspicions and made me realize I'm not paranoid.

I feel like a shell of myself.

I have been gaslit however, I’m solid in my self love and view of reality. I never felt like I was going crazy or second guessing myself or feeling like something was wrong with me. I always knew he was crazy and was incapable of truth or normal behavior. It is possible to be gaslit and not have these symptoms you’re describing. I did have that on edge feeling around him. But I am out now and feel amazing. Just gotta be strong minded and never ever fall for their manipulative bs...

“Something just feels off but you can’t put your finger on it.” Amazing. That was me. I broke up with her twice because of that feeling. Than when she had the emotional meltdown down in front of me I felt like maybe I was over thinking it or reading in to things too much. Second guessing myself. So I apologized. We got married. My gut instinct was right. Ten years later. Hindsight 2020

I just realized I been gaslighted by most of my family...most of my life

I can't begin to thank you enough for making this video. the first time I watched it, I had tears rolling down my face. I replayed it, with a pen and pad and went through each gaslighting sign and took down notes right to the very end. I'm sending you an abundance of gratitude. I needed to hear this today. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 👏🙏💗

Ive finally understand what I was going through with my sister..she is a narc and she gaslight me all the time...no more...I set my boundaries and stop thinking it's all my fault and leave her thinking I don't know what she's doing...I'm now aware and no longer feeling something is wrong with me...

I was crying while watching the video. It has happened to me as well and recently broke up with my EX gf that did this to me... Anybody who shares a similar experience perhaps we can talk while we recover?

THIS IS GOING ON AT A LOT OF WORKPLACES IN THIS COUNTRY!!! I USED TO GET THIS IN MOST THE PLACES I WORKED!

I was married to a malignant narcissist for 21 years and I struggle so much even though I've been out of the relationship for almost 11 years.

I didn't realize how toxic and how widespread the abuse was... and that this has been going on my entire life. Time to start digging myself out

I've been getting gaslighted all of my life by many people but I am working on boundaries and working in recognizing gaslighting....

Please pray for me. I have been through this my whole life...and I need to save money to get out and build a wall against these people.

I cannot believe this was happening to me. I cried watching this because every symptom you mentioned happened to me. I stopped that relationship but now dealing with depression after the breakup.

Trusting one's memory. That is such a great point.

I've definitely been gas lit by my own damn parents :( So glad they are out of my life.

WOW! It was scary how many of the signs that became clear as you explained them. I only clicked on to get the definition of the term gaslighting and was amazed how so many fit what I am experiencing in my life even at my age. Thank you for this video! I have subscribed and am about to watch the rest.

I've been gaslighted by my parents for 33 years (1986-2019).

Was gaslit by my mom. Set up a life-pattern. But actually I was blamed for everything. I didn’t necessarily feel that it was all my fault. But I was TOLD it was all my fault.

I was definitely gaslit by a former significant other and didn't realize it until I moved away and back into my own home. I literally exhaled a huge sigh of relief when I shut the door to MY house and realized they weren't there. Controlling, manipulative, believes they're superior, never accepts responsibility for any wrongdoing (and never thinks anything they do is actually wrong). When we met, I was confident, lively, and fun to be around, but somehow I lost that and started second guessing everything. Even though I realized something about me was "off" a little bit into our relationship and attempted to regain my sense of self, they called me out on it and made it seem like I was wrong for needing independence. I swear they wanted to monopolize everything about me. My lifestyle isn't what it was when we were together, but that's okay. I trust myself again, and I trust that I'll regain everything that was lost. I have inner (and outer) peace now.

I. Stay away from people like that

I am surprised I have never heard of gaslightning until now. I'm 27 y/o male and went through some emotional bullshit as a kid. I don't like to dwell on it because everyone goes through stuff, but I think it really messed with me because I made some really stupid decisions later in life that I feel wouldn't have happened if I just knew how to stand up for myself better as a kid. I can relate 100% to all the symptoms you described, just thinking about this person makes my hair stand up and really developed my cruel side so I can defend myself. I don't think the guy is even totally conscious of it; not that that's any excuse...in any case, I stood up to him recently and he apologized for some of it. Don't let people manipulate you! Be confident in your words; and if you say something stupid, you learn, and try the next time to be better. People will walk all over you unless you make yourself known!

This is been the story of my life since I was a child. Thank you so much for making this video and I will definitely check out more about your community! It's so hard for me to stand up for myself because of lifelong learning that I was not allowed to do that. All psychological and terrible :-(

This is my whole life. Thank you for explaining this so I can recognize, and end, the cycle.

Is gaslighting when someone says something insensitive and you react. Then that person says you’re too sensitive?

Wow! Exactly on the mark! Basically, I keep feeling like people are trying to keep me off balance and distracted. Constant attempts to argue about meaningless things. Just pointless arguments, in which people try bating me into, but there's no point.

Confronting the person who gaslights you is so hard because they try to flip the switch. As hard as it is don’t even bother to confront them just leave. As much as they try to make you feel like it, you are not delusional.

When I was with my ex, I always questioned why I was hypersensitive... Like, why can't I just "act right"? Why am I always bothered while they're carrying on like it's a regular day? Why do I always feel alone? Something about that relationship was off but I could never place a finger on it, so I blamed myself a lot and it lead to years of emotional suppression and inner turmoil. Lesson learned: when you know, you know and the sooner you leave, the better.

This reminds me of a frenemy that she was so unhealthy manipulative and toxic jealous she has to make problems for me I could go down the list that I had to finally cut her out of my life to save myself. This was very informative thank you.😀😏

yes my ex was gaslighting me sent me to a crazy hospital luckily people had sympathy for me and was able to spot it when i couldnt

Felt a majority of these sadly! Healing and limited contact with the source makes such a huge difference!

Thank you Julia. I am now 51, and have a brother three years older with schizophrenia. As kids he would make my life a living hell, he still tries to. It’s through people’s helpful advice ( like your own advice in this video) that has helped me keep it together. I owe a lot to good people, I want to just say a thank you for your advice, and whether someone agrees with you or not is irrelevant so long as it helps just some ONE. That’s huge ! Great video I’m subscribing 😊

I LIKE THE WAY YOU BREAK IT DOWN.THANK YOU!...

Hallelujah! The "lights" are coming on! The Lord bless you for all the good you're doing!

Didn’t even realise what was happening! Thanks for showing me!

My heart goes out to all who have gone and going through this by people.These videos are eye opening.

This comfort me so much!!! Every thought/self perception you describe happened to me after an experience with gaslighting!

I can see my old self in all those signs and im so happy and proud that ive overcome some of them. Im still not completely fine bc im still living with this person and i cant leave for the next couple of years(im still a student). But i realized a while ago that something just wasnt right and researched about this topic. Now im still feeling uneasy and unsafe but im no longer thinking that its all my fault.

When I finally knew about this and understood it was what was happening to me, I started taping our conversations, if for nothing else, to prove to myself that i wasn’t going crazy. Worst form of abuse. It’s horrible.

She’s so authentic. It helps me trust that she’s doing her videos for the greater good, not for money.

Have I ever experienced this? You've pretty much described my childhood.

I feel that I could never talk to anybody about what I have experienced at the hands of a woman I thought I knew and trusted. I was on the edge of actually letting her talk me into killing myself. "might as well do the world a favor do nobody else has to put up with your worthless excuse of a man" everyday for over a year untill I just walked out with nothing but a few clothes and no direction. And scared as hell because I believed that everybody knew I was less than and I couldn't make decisions for myself I almost turned back when I got to the end of the block. Keep in mind I'm 50 and I've had my own business oversaw the day to day operations and kept financial records to withstand an audit drove semi truck and scheduled pickups and deliveriex. Anyway I was so surprised one day that I could breathe without her there. Totally lost. Carried it and still do some of it but youtube and people like you have given me the strength to not go back. Thank you. It's good to finally be able to tell someone who understands.#JuliaKristina

I just want to say thank you SO much for opening my eyes. To make a long story short, I knew my parents were abusive but was constantly denying it. They acted like they had changed but really didn't. They were gaslighting me, denying the abuse, and making me question myself. No longer do I question myself after seeing this video. I realize all my memories are real. Thank you so much. I am now homeless because of them for a second time but will get out of this situation somehow with the help of my care coordinator and case manager.

I'm in just complete shattered brokenness that I'm crying hysterically feeling so hurt, broken, lost and utterly hollow and alone right now after watching this video. That from the first word spoken to barley making it to the end the amount of hurt and tears that's flooded me to the point I can barley take it has been so much to bare I can hardly stand it. Even though I am hurting and feeling so overwhelmed with sorrow and pain I feel a bit of hope starting to begin in my soul. To finally think u may understand what's wrong with me or to feel I can finally understand and for it to be ok to let this all out and that someone understands how I feel and to know they get it is liberating. As you spoke I just stared into ur eyes beging for u to save me. For I need help beyond words can say. To the point of everyday it's become such a battle to make it to see the tomorrow's. I just want to give up, I want it all to stop, I just want to be done, I can't do this anymore. I can't hurt like this and make it and yet I feel I've been given a life line right now to hang onto. I thank u so much from the depths of my soul for being u and making the video. For I believe u just saved my life. May u be blessed and showered with all ur heart needs and desires for saving me!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!

Terrific video! Thank you for making this. It definitely provides clarity and understanding on what has lighting is. Keep up the great work!

So he does things and i notice it and i mention it to him.. and he twists it and somehow makes me believe im imagining it or or im crazy.. tells me i need to see a doctor and that i seem to think everyone is against me! I am simply aware of everyones bullshit and they dont like when i ll them out on it. Its time for me to leave, ive got enough strength now. Just need a plan that will help me leave this relationship without any drama as he always manages to talk me round then treats me same way.. he lies constantly and acts shady. I have just recovered from the anxiety and wieght loss and mentally im ready to walk. This video helped me confirm what i already know thankyou

Oh my! I now have a definitive description referencing a detailed explanation of what I have been through. Thank you I am grateful for this

This is me. I have felt this way all of my life. It 's like you have looked into my life and you are talking about me.

Thank you so much. Learning, thinking, analyzing, improving.

This is a late comment, but I realize that my sister has been gaslighting me for years. She makes me second guess my decisions. The way she speaks alot of the time comes off as...I don't know how to describe it.

All 9 apply, gulp. You perfectly describe one of the most painful relationships in my life. Thank you for your clarity I look forward to watching your advice on dealing with it.

I am so happy to have found you here! I am a 64 years young woman with an older sister who unbeknownst to me has been gaslighting me for years! This past weekend was a family reunion between siblings and their family(only 11 people total) and I stayed at my sisters home which has always been uncomfortable. I never want to go back and now I know why. Looking forward to your helpful videos!

This shed a lot of light on my past. Thank you so much. Fitting all the pieces together.

Wow this explains all the things I have felt and felt I was such a worthless piece of crap. Thank you ❤️

The fact that so many people gaslit me just makes me question myself even more

17 years of it, I just went though deep trauma treatment, yay and now UNDERSTAND i dont have to be abused, I am worthy and I WALKED AWAY from the gaslighting, Amen,