I've worked with hundreds of young men, many of whom are paralyzed with the prospect of answering the titular question: "what should I do with my life?" This is obviously an important inquiry; however, most have never been taught how to go about arriving at an answer. This often means that they will spend months -- if not years -- thinking through a solution through a process I can "chessing." Unfortunately, this effort is entirely wasted, as the only way to answer this question is by taking action in the world. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-WrXBzQ2HDEQ.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ru-vid.com/show-UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #men #life
Piglet "chesses it out" in Winnie the Pooh, mapping out a long, thoughtful dialogue with the Heffalump. But, contrary to this meticulously-laid plan, the very 1st thing out of the Heffalump's mouth is . Piglet flees.
Men are made in the image of God. While allowing for the fact that this doesn't mean we POSSESS any of his attributes in their true or full reality/expression (that is what is unique about Christ), we nevertheless display his attributes, and amongv these are the fact that there is no distance between God thinking about / willing to do / and doing a thing. As creatures there is a distance, but as men we glorify God uniquely compared to women, when we take action - thoughtfully, to be sure - without a long intermission of analysis paralysis between the thought and the action. God DOES whatever he pleases. Likewise, men DO things. We are meant to be disruptive to the status quo and change things. Women are recognized as women by how they respond to the initiative of men. Men are recognized as men by the impact they have on the world, imaging God by taking and reshaping what exists into yet more excellent things. That is what we are on earth to do, men.
I'm in quite a precarious situation. I was obligated to be a unpaid caregiver to the elders in my step family in my mid- late 20s. So all I did was work for 15 + years and the majority without pay. Eventually I had to take care of my mom as well when she was dying from cancer. She passed away when I was in my late 30s. I was collateral damage in a police chase in 2020 and the brain damage made me a less effective caregiver and person all around. I was unable to get any help and was eventually relieved of my unpaid duties and cast out into homelessness by the heir. I find myself at 43, I'm finally free, and recently worked my way out of homelessness. I have no idea what to do with what life I have remaining. I was an aspiring concept artist in my 20s, but never had opportunities to cultivate my talents because of my obligations. The idea of a 43 year old aspiring artist probably wouldn't fly. I have a lot of work experience but no life experience. I never had the freedom to go out and pursue friendships or relationships. So I'm a 43 year old that needs to pick up where I left off at 25
Well, I just remembered one of your previous video in where you stated that you found it easier to date in your 20s when you went to some sort of acting classes than now as a 41 year old fully accomplished, successful male. That seemingly means that it's more complicated than just saying that young men are unattractive to women.
For men, some common objectives should be: (1) to improve health, (2) to maximize wealth, (3) to develop new skills. *Avoid Paralysis through Analysis.*
Hot damn these ring true. Also, I have completed mostly all of these, , but I admit the last one gets me all the time. I've been planning to travel for awhile. I secured a mid-level passive income, large cash reserves, Wise Card (lol), passport card and book, 900,000 4 star intl. hotel points, STILL haven't had the PERFECT travel opportunity. WTH am i waiting on???? I have the map in front of me and get that ANALYSIS PARALYSIS.
Excellent video! I am now 67 years old, and all of this is absolutely true. I wish someone had told me this when I was 18 or 20 or 25, but instead I had to find it all out for myself. The most important thing is, don't ask what you should do with your life. That's the wrong question. Instead, ask what you should do with TODAY. Remember, a "happy life" is nothing but a long series of happy days. Good luck, young men!
You are exactly twice as old as I am and I think you are right. I am quite often guilty of overthinking things, but it turns out, that the solutions come as you go. I am not saying you should always blindly jump ahead, but you can't be too much afraid of doing mistakes. It's the harm done to us by schools. They do punish you for mistakes, but they don't appreciate you for your good work. So you learn to avoid mistakes and thus you can freeze like a statue and be afraid to make a move. Sometimes you just gotta go for it and if it fails - so be it.
I didn’t find a career until I was 35 and a wife till I was 42. Neither were conventional choices. Trust your instincts, ignore naysayers, grab every opportunity and learn from the best.
What kind of approach would you recommend to men in their 40s & 50s who swallowed the red pill a bit 'too late' and have found out about the essential truths and lies regarding women and their illusionary life these men had been living?
This video came at the perfect time. I’m in the middle of fighting a crippling porn addiction and general laziness and came to the realisation that consuming motivational videos isn’t cutting it. I was in search of a deep meaning to my existence and this video really helped clarify a lot of things. Thanks Dr. Taraban
Thanks for your honesty. I don't know how old you are but if you're in your 20's early 30's I wouldn't give yourself a hard time for using porn. Men have to do something with all that excess sexual energy! Might be more realistic to just cut down on it to an hour a day, for example. Re: procrastination, I'm sure you have some good skills which you can develop into means of making a livelihood. Sometimes it's very useful to get out of the comfort zone & do some travelling overseas for a while. A change of perspective can work wonders. Enjoy life & all the best mate👍
Bro im struggling with porn addiction so bad too , just im getting amphetamined and watching it on that stuff too is so hard to quit it .. but im trying
As someone in similar situation, I learned that it’s best to go through a dopamine detoxing towards repairing your dopamine receptors by desexalizing women based on your exposure to pron or anything related to it. Also, sexual discipline will be imperative towards solving this issue through transmutation of your sexual energy into something beneficial than pleasing yourself too. Keep up the good fight and all will work out eventually. ✊
The psychology of thinking versus doing. Some even say 1 hour of doing is better than 10 hours of thinking. I think of it like a feedback loop. Action > Review > Improve > Action. In business I think this is called the "fail fast" principle.
@@chuntathecat4222Probably do the same as suggested in the video, with the key difference that current social judgment won't treat you nearly as harshly in regards to career choices or performance, and your career achievements play a minor role in dating, and with the difference that hypocritical social norms will judge you harsher in regards to partner choices (dating lifestyle), although social rules do erode in that regard currently.
What I'm doing with my life: -reclaiming and healing my body after 6 years of neglect. -relearning social skills at the age of 38. I wouldn't wish this on my mortal enemies. -relearning how to take care of myself. -relearning how to do things people take for granted (cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, sleeping, saying 'hi' to the cashier.) -quitting my vices and so called copes (videogames, alcohol, adult entertainment, junk food, caffeine, prescription pills I've been on for 20+ years, etc.) -waiting for social services in my country to do their part, and supply me with support groups where I can be my broken self, and engage in some damaged social interaction. While I'm waiting, I'm working out, changed my diet, and spend the days overcoming my traumas through introspection. My goal is to hit 85kg before spring, then book hostels in various cities in my country. Crash course in learning how the modern person here works and communicates. Once I'm past this goal, I'm going to book tickets to various EU countries, and mingle with the locals, while getting a well needed change of scenery.
Don Antonio Machado says this beautifully: “Caminante no hay camino, se hace camino al andar” which translates as “Walker, there is no path, the path is made as you walk”
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Unless you have the practical means to wait until you get more information. If so then waiting and doing nothing can be a wise move but only if the deadline is at a later date.
Unless you have the practical means to wait until you get more information. If so then waiting and doing nothing can be a wise move but only if the deadline is at a later date.
Hi Orion--I have applied exactly what you are teaching on this video but I have phrased it a bit differently. I learned when I was 19 years old (I am now 71) to figure out what pisses me off the most and then DON'T DO IT. I taught this rule to all 5 of my sons and all 5 have diligently applied it and all 5 are doing very well in their lives. All of the women in our lives have screamed FOLLOW YOUR HEART. My response is ABSOLUTELY DO NOT FOLLOW YOUR HEART. Stay away from what pisses you off the most and you will end up exactly where you should be.
As a chessplayer and chess coach myself I loved the chess analogy. Not only it's true, but also works quite well. I would have loved to hear this video in my twenties or teens.
The other thing I have to add is that as someone who is 38, I get really sick and tired of ageist advice. I constantly see lists and articles for “men in their 20s” as if when you turn 30 you suddenly have it all figured out. Not only is it ageist it’s also deeply classist. People don’t have the same starting point and for many men just surviving is succeeding if you come from a background of poverty or abuse. I’m sick of men who are 23 and having a full on existential meltdown. Every young guy thinks by the time he is 40 or 30 he will be rich and have it all together. I can assure you that life comes at you fast and most things are not in your control. Stop saying oh I’m 25 I’m a failure oh I’m 30 im a failure. Stop being so obsessed with age and just keep moving. How you tell your story and how your understand your life believe me you have always been doing your best. Its your mental state and your mental health and physical health and the resources you have available that provide the results in life. this process of not knowing never ends. Even if you have a very secure career path and aren’t in need of a career change, you will always wonder and not “know what you want” the idea that you just try and fail and then find your way once is wishful thinking. Men in general not just young men need to know that you always need to just keep taking action. And if you haven’t been able to take action for one reason or another to pick yourself up and keep doing what is needed because remember life could always be better and life could always be worse. Just keep moving , anyway great advice doc
Thank you, I am not 20 yo as the target of this video but someone in mid 30s hearing for the first time. Your comment spoke right to me. It gets discouraging when I am hearing advice for people in their 20s for the first time
There are very few times in your life where you will have freedom of action. Mostly you will be constrained by necessity and/or obligation. But when true freedom arrives, most people will give it away, because it is far more comforting to blame failure on circumstance than on yourself. Freedom means the possibility of failure. That's what makes success so meaningful. It also means that success is not the point; using your freedom to act as you see fit is the point. Thank you for your work Dr. Taraban.
I heard a similar analogy to the chess one used here. Sit on your bike in the middle of the street and turn the handlebars, nothing happens until you start peddling. Just start peddling and once your moving you can go in any direction you choose, take a wrong turn, turn around and go someplace else. Nothing happens until you are in motion.
@@trentvlak Yes, but there is a distinction between unnecessary suffering and suffering that is required in order to be successful or make important changes in your life. If you're stuck in a vicious cycle of destructive/depressing behavior then there is a lot of suffering and not a lot of happiness, no matter how long you wait.
We fixed this problem long ago with the patriarchy. The young mans' job was to take care of the family as the dad got old. The dad even passed resources down to help get you started. Your job/life responsibility was given to you (forced on you in a way) and it provided enormous self worth and guidance in your other life decisions by extension without you even needing to waste time looking for it. If you didn't like this, then you had the option to study other ideas and trade, but this required internal motivation. If you're sitting in your room pondering, you most likely don't have this self motivated personality type (which is fine, even natural) and you would be much more productive with a job delegated to you which brings us full circle to the patriarchy. This new system of every man for himself at 18 years old is not optimal to everyone and it shows. And its destruction by western ideals is shame. It's also why Immigrant families out perform other having not been tainted by the post modernist theories.
True but pointless statement, things are not going back to the way they were in either of our lifetimes, so you are just 'chessing' about the good ol days.
@@MickyAvStickyHands : If you took Orion's chess analogy to heart, then one could safely assume that instead of thinking about cause, effect, and the consequences of every move, one would use whimsy as one's guide, while letting the chips fall where they may (to whatever end).
Agreed. I come from a long line of farmers on my dads side but my dad instead of following in his fathers and brothers footsteps he went to college and moved to the USA. Sometimes I think it would have been nice to learn my dad’s trade or my uncles farming trade when I was young instead of trying the carousel of jobs.
A smart man learns from his mistakes, whereas a wise man learns from the mistakes of others. I don't need to experience everything to find out who I am and what I stand for. I'd rather look before I leap, and consider my steps, than to throw caution to the wind. That said, I believe in living life to the fullest and being the best I can be.
I have found what’s worked for me is put myself into as many interactions with strangers and humanly possible. I am 27 now and I have a career and network I didn’t even think about in my early 20’s. I have also taken every job and trip that has come my way. It can be scary but I’ve never regretted introducing myself to someone
My mistakes: - wasting time - not reading enough - not working out enough - too much alcohol, partying etc. I did little, I wished I did none. - thinking how to be attractive to women instead of how to attract high quality male friends. I terms of my values and people I want in my life, these are similar skills.
Agree 100%. “Just do it!” “Doing”, moving and maintaining the state of flow will prevent most of the psychological symptoms people complain about while “sitting”!
Trying something and finding out you don’t like it is a valuable lesson. You can cross that off the list. My childhood dream was to be a Veterinarian because I like animals. A week working in a clinic when I was 15 cured me of that. I’d rather be a pet owner than a vet. Finding this out quickly saved me from investing my time and money in the wrong goal.
I'm 30 years old and begin to lose hope about everything. Suffering from panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder since 2010..my life was consumed by the physical aspect of anxiety. It's HELL
Exposure therapy worked miracles on my anxiety I am nearly fearless nowadays. I remember the turning point is when I went to dance bar and asked every single girl to dance and by the end I wasn’t even hurt by the rejections. Of course I am a skilled dancer and many said yes once they saw other girls having the time of their life. 😂
@r3dp1ll You're right ! When im at work i barely notice anxiety until i consciously begin to give it my attention but when im working from home and in my days off..im more panicky than ever.. I'll work on that.
I would add constant learning, finding people who are ahead of you and who you respect and admire to learn from and improve on their work. Buffett said that he learned more in ten minutes by the feet of his teacher (Benjamin Graham) than in ten years of "so called independent thinking".
Buffett was in the age before the internet. Now we can just pull out a sheet of paper and look up information and then quiz yourself if you want to know more things from memory. Even more so now since we have copilot and other GPT AI tools.
I just turned 50. When I was younger, there were a lot of years wasted trying to figure out what to do. Now, I have more experience, self-knowledge, skills, and a much clearer idea of a great path forward. BTW, I play chess with a club that ranks 4th in the nation and I'm a good player.
Straight facts as always. As someone who played too much “chess”, I can say I regret not taking more action and gaining more experience in my early and mid 20’s.
One of the biggest issues with a lot of advice given “to men in their 20s” also relies on this assumption that people have infinite resources. Studies show that almost all people who start successful and highly profitable companies are people from wealthy backgrounds. People who can afford to just take jobs and “experiment”. Most people have to take whatever job they can to survive. I understand that it’s general advice but for some people the stakes are higher than for others and pressures from outside put demands on you to stay at some jobs over others. And it shouldn’t be advice geared for “men in their 20s”. Life is not just a buffet. In an ideal world if you’re raised in the suburbs and wealthy then yeah great advice just quit whenever you want and let your 20s be a time of “exploration”. Just something to keep in mind people don’t start with equal access to resources of all kinds in life
What does this comment have to do with this video? Orion never mentioned anything about starting your own business or becoming wealthy. Dare I say so, almost all of the things Orion said are applicable to women as well, and on top of that, these are things that poor people can do as well, not just the rich folks. Please elaborate as to why this comment has to be left under this video.
This is 100% spot-on and very well formulated. That said, having arrived at the exact same conclusions through my own life experience, I strongly doubt that a young man without corresponding experience can ever truly comprehend the message :)
Fits with my experience. The jobs I ended up doing, I didn't know existed when I went to university. Some didn't. I couldn't have chosen at 25 to end up where I was at 35. But the choices I had made left me with the right talent stack for the opportunity when it came.
@@user-uc7qb1su4e I studied engineering and went on to market and trading risk management with computer simulation. Risk management is all the rage now, even taught at universities, but in my day it wasn't a thing and certainly to this day isn't part of engineering, business schools have taken it over. Also the computers were just becoming a thing so back then we were writing our own models on Win95 machines.
I'm in quite a precarious situation. I was obligated to be a unpaid caregiver to the elders in my step family in my mid- late 20s. So all I did was work for 15 + years and the majority without pay. Eventually I had to take care of my mom as well when she was dying from cancer. She passed away when I was in my late 30s. I was collateral damage in a police chase in 2020 and the brain damage made me a less effective caregiver and person all around. I was unable to get any help and was eventually relieved of my unpaid duties and cast out into homelessness by the heir. I find myself at 43, I'm finally free, and recently worked my way out of homelessness. I have no idea what to do with what life I have remaining. I was an aspiring concept artist in my 20s, but never had opportunities to cultivate my talents because of my obligations. The idea of a 43 year old aspiring artist probably wouldn't fly. I have a lot of work experience but no life experience. I never had the freedom to go out and pursue friendships or relationships. So I'm a 43 year old that needs to pick up where I left off at 25
You're right, I came to the same conclusions after 10 years of searching. My only regret is that this video wasn't made 10 years earlier :D But at least I didn't get into irreversible obligations. All the best
Not so easy. *Things are more than what they seem to be.* First: you don't start from nothing -- by the time you start thinking about this, your "passion" has been conditioned by circumstances that don't necessarily have anything to do with _you._ Next: passions are often external forms of underlying qualities -- you may want a fancy car, but underlying it might be: status (show off to friends) or aesthetics (how neat it looks) or sexuality (get girls). Etc . . .
@@QED_ Don’t overthink it…. There are no problems, only solutions. It all depends on the attitude you choose to have every morning when you get out of bed. When I said “passion”, I mean interests, your aptitudes, what you are good at, etc. Approach life with a childlike curiosity, and you’ll soon find it.
Career wise: I knew at age 5 what i was going to do. In college, I decided teaching was the most rewarding aspect of my vocation. So I took every job that would help me get my prof's job. They all retired. Now I'm looking at retirement from the college in a few years. I don't want to though. Hopefully some students are thinking like I did. Been a great gig, helping thousands of people get amazing jobs.
I heard somewhere - Passive Knowledge vs Active Knowledge. Many people take in lots of info/knowledge - but never put most of it into action. Action creates motivation!
Great video. Young guys need to get out there. Everybody has that first day on the job. Get used to that feeling. I must have worked 20 jobs before I found an awesome job with great benefits
"Your path in life is the one under your feet, and so your path in life is only revealed in the walking. You cannot determine this in advance of the journey. You can only recognize this once you have made some progress along the way." LOVE it !!!!
Dr. Taraban, I've never watched a video of yours without learning something, but I must say this is hands down one of the most powerful videos you've ever produced. Thank you for your work.
At age 20, I was in a leadership position within a group, and my 19-yr-old (first) gf stayed with me a year, until I lost that position. Then she went for a pretty boy new to the group. First devastating heartbreak of a lifetime. 50 years later now, I can see consistent elements of my personality from back then, but I certainly had no way to see them at 20. Nor did my gf, or the next few. Hints maybe, but it was hit or miss for such a long time. Many red flags ignored. I really should thank all those who dumped me. Oh yeah, the first one finally rode off on a motorcycle with a Hells Angels wannabe...
In the old days, people were willing to take you under their wing and guide you. I'm finding these days people would rather give you their money than their time.
For those who are seriously ernest...nondual approach..self enquiry...put your toys, distractions aside, spending as much time alone as possible in silence... exposing the mortal dream....."no one home", keep truckin.....
I’m 62 and still don’t know what my purpose in life is apart from having fun! I had a 2 jobs before I joined the Military (army infantry) at 17 and stayed till I was 21. Since 1983 I’ve had hundreds of jobs and moved from town to town looking for the excitement and variety I had in the Army but nothing ever compared. I work for myself now but still drift and luv being with women etc but would be nice to meet a long term partner for the time I have left. I’ve had a life full of variety and I’ve enjoyed it my only regret was my marriage ending because I wanted my freedom and I should of stayed in the Army longer which gave me the variety and excitement I needed
You won't learn chess by thinking about what might happen - but neither will you learn by just playing moves: you ACTUALLY need three things to learn: (1) some training (or good books) (2) practice (try playing a few games (3) thinking (spend some time thinking deeply about what you've learned and about what happened in your games). So I'm not in agreement with all the positive comments about this video.
Not long ago I was wondering about which path in life to take. My father gave me almost identical advice. I didn't agree with him but now I see his point. Gonna call him tomorrow and thank him. Also thank you. Hope I'll have enough willpower and courage to search for my path.
Excellent video. One thing that was missed, though: You must always be honest with yourself along the way about what you are doing, why you are doing it, and how you truly feel about it.
Here's a little biscuit of wisdom: "Type 4’s vice is envy. 4's often compare themselves to others, contributing to their sense of lack and shame. 4's tend to believe that others have what they themselves do not and they also believe that things come more easily to other people. This vice keeps Type 4' heavily focused on what they believe they’re missing. They spend considerable time yearning for something outside of themselves that they feel would benefit them-often the love and approval of others. Type 4's are sensitive, creative, and expressive people who are interested in finding and understanding their own identity. But this search for identity can be a major source of stress because Enneagram 4's want to know they have a special purpose in life, and they want other people to recognize that as well. It’s important to be yourself, even when you’re facing stressful situations. Trying to act like someone else or pretending that you’re not overwhelmed as an Enneagram type 4 is not going to help. Understanding who you are and what causes you stress, however, can help you to find the peace and fulfillment you’re looking for and avoid those situations that get your head spinning. As Type 4's move toward personal growth, they start acting like a healthy Type 1's, the Perfectionist, a serious, responsible, organized person who seeks to make the world a better place for others. Enneagram type 4 needs to feel valued and accepted for who they are and to recognize their own unique identity. By taking time out to reconnect with themselves and using their talents and drives, they can leave stress behind while they become the compassionate, creative artists they were meant to be".
Type Four-Levels of Development Healthy Levels Level 1 (At Their Best): Profoundly creative, expressing the personal and the universal, possibly in a work of art. Inspired, self-renewing and regenerating: able to transform all their experiences into something valuable: self-creative. Level 2: Self-aware, introspective, on the "search for self," aware of feelings and inner impulses. Sensitive and intuitive both to self and others: gentle, tactful, compassionate. Level 3: Highly personal, individualistic, "true to self." Self-revealing, emotionally honest, humane. Ironic view of self and life: can be serious and funny, vulnerable and emotionally strong. Average Levels Level 4: Take an artistic, romantic orientation to life, creating a beautiful, aesthetic environment to cultivate and prolong personal feelings. Heighten reality through fantasy, passionate feelings, and the imagination. Level 5: To stay in touch with feelings, they interiorize everything, taking everything personally, but become self-absorbed and introverted, moody and hypersensitive, shy and self-conscious, unable to be spontaneous or to "get out of themselves." Stay withdrawn to protect their self-image and to buy time to sort out feelings. Level 6: Gradually think that they are different from others, and feel that they are exempt from living as everyone else does. They become melancholy dreamers, disdainful, decadent, and sensual, living in a fantasy world. Self-pity and envy of others leads to self-indulgence, and to becoming increasingly impractical, unproductive, effete, and precious. Unhealthy Levels Level 7: When dreams fail, become self-inhibiting and angry at self, depressed and alienated from self and others, blocked and emotionally paralyzed. Ashamed of self, fatigued and unable to function. Level 8: Tormented by delusional self-contempt, self-reproaches, self-hatred, and morbid thoughts: everything is a source of torment. Blaming others, they drive away anyone who tries to help them. Level 9: Despairing, feel hopeless and become self-destructive, possibly abusing alcohol or drugs to escape. In the extreme: emotional breakdown or suicide is likely. Generally corresponds to the Avoidant, Depressive, and Narcissistic personality disorders.
I have 541 tritype, with 4 5 6 over 95% match. Out of the bunch, 4 has given me the most identity but also has caused me the most trouble. Before I was aware of it, I had episodes where I was being extra EXTRA melodramatic, like breaking down sobbing at spilled milk - the literal kind. My poor friends had to console me over a meltdown like every single month, on minimum. Just putting this info about there for anyone with core 4 or strong wing 4 to gain awareness.
Hey Orion, enjoyed your interview w/ James Sexton on SWU! "what do i think?"...i think i need to listen to this again at least once a month..& im over 70! Thank you
Holy smokes, such clarity. This is line w/ the notion that purpose is created and can't be found. 🤯 I put this in a video playlist called "clarity" and it's the only one lol Great vid
Get well soon Dr. O ( you have cold ? ) As a girl as early as during elementary I'm aware that we are poor and it becomes my biggest motivation that I need to change our situation . My desires to change our situation makes me unhappy most of the times that being in relationship with a man was not on my list that a man is a distraction on my goals.
Your path in life is the one under your feet. Profound. You’re really good at what you’re doing. Truly. It’s impressive. I’m glad I found you & may your name & influence be spread far and wide. It’s the hard truths that are the toughest to hear, and then to accept when we can by the Grace of God. No doubt the role of truth teller - well it’s an act of service. And you’re really good at saying things so that they can be heard. Especially the things we don’t want to hear. God bless.
I don't even think about what to do with my life as I already decided to do nothing beyond the basic stuff practically necessary to pay the bills and save some. This video was good comedy by the way. Thanks for the laughs Dr. Orion
Your life, your choice, use your time and energy in whatever way makes you happiest and, ideally, doesn't do harm to others. Living a meaningful and satisfying life doesn't have to just revolve around a job or career, as long as you have something that gives you a genuine sense of purpose and really feels worthwhile to you, that you feel the time you've spent has been spent well, then that's good enough, and when you die, as we all will, hopefully it'll be with a smile on your face.
I like this take. Step by step. One day at a time. One choice at a time. Life cannot be charted as life will vehemently unchart itself. The regret of not having done something is bigger than the regret of doing something (in most cases). So mulling over your future will have been a "not having done something."
Excellent discourse, Dr. Orion. I haven't heard the maxim: "Winners quit a lot," but it does make sense the way you put it. I have heard "Winners fail a lot," and I can attest to that: that I need to fail often, fast, and hard to learn what not to do and what to lean into, and I agree with your thesis. You don't 'chess out' life, you live it and experience it and learn as you go, accumulating expertise, until years, decades, later, you are the expert and you can say: "this works," or "this doesn't" and people now listen. That transition was amazing for me, but it took me twenty solid years of learning the skills then mastering the skills to get there. Another thing: leadership is showing up. For the young men, you may not have what Dr. Orion says you need to 'win,' but you have your time. You show up, and you volunteer, and the leaders will recognize that and appreciate your efforts, then reciprocate, gladly, to set you on your path, because you did what many do not: you showed up and were willing to help.
In short, Men will only begin knowing what and who to be and do after some considerable time lived, since its done backwards and not in advance!... (30 -35 years going forward).... I now understand why you always advocate for men to marry after 35 Orion... Deep insights indeed!
Truth. Get out there. Get into some good messes. See what you're made of. the same goes for friendships. Test them in the world of activity. Get into short term messes together. See how well you work together to reach solutions.
3:43 : “you’re actually making hypothetical decisions based on who you think you are or who you’d like to be. And the chances are good that these decisions will not align perfectly or even mostly with the reality of who you really are.” This is so me. And yet I always wonder why the things that sparked me at once, I start to hate. And I become angry for yet making another decision that falls back.
Oh man, I wish I’d had this intervention when I was ~28 and realized I hated the career I’d trained for. I suffered until about 35 when I finally gave myself permission to leave. Except I’m 40 now and I still haven’t left! Golden handcuffs + fear that I won’t find something I like better. I think/hope/plan that this is the year to do the exploration and experiments to find a compelling alternative.
Thank you for the advice I'm currently 18 y/o jist graduated highschool. I tried to join the navy but got disqualified (medical reasons). Contemplating whether i should go to college or not. Will definitely recommend this to somo of my friends. Thank you for your time and creation of this video.
I love psychhacks. This was a really intelligent way of thinking about it. In college I learned how to say yes to almost all opportunities presented to me. Grew a lot. Then later on in college I learned how to say no. Sounds simple but was a life changer for me.
Well, well. That's a very interesting notion. The idea that we figure out what we're going to do with our life after we've lived it. So, in other words, action, decision, experience, learning through reflection after doing things, then course correcting as needed. Rinse and repeat. So much better than attempting some big, clueless grand plan. Now that I'm about to hit 70, I think I may have enough real-life experience under my belt to figure out what I want to do with my life 😀 This is really a good video. Thanks, keep up the good work.
I’m 72 and your advise is very good. Luckily I found my way through with bumps along the way. I consider myself successful and I’m content. One area I regret is walking away from an excellent relationship I had with a particular woman. Not only was she beautiful, we got along so well. We were pretty close to equally in love. There was a serious misunderstanding which wasn’t her fault or mine. I was too proud and walked away. Later she approached but life moved on for me too quickly. I chose not to go back but it killed me. No one before or since match what we had. I regret not taking it further to see if I was what it seemed. Otherwise I’m happy with a life long wife and great offspring. Really good relationships are far and few between. Taught to play hard to get and lots of fish but can you miss the one? When should you know? Is it just fantasy?
Life happens as the chips fall david. Even if you had gone back to the woman,it would not necessarily have meant that things would have worked out.A big bump further along the road could have caused you to separate from her anyway.....which means that you would have missed out on the life which you in fact had up to now,about which you seem to be satisfied with.....The chips fall/fell exactly as they should/ should have,relative to each one of us....ask Einstein,everything is relative to the observer...Cheers from another old dog....
At this point of my life (I'm 36 yo)I really understand the main point of this video, unfortunately I consider I haven't gone through the right path in my life. Though there's still a "but" which is; I'm still single, I don't have kids and it seems that I won't get married, so I could get some benefits from it
F.I.R.E strategy. Financially independent retire early. Focus on yourself first and protect yourself at all costs and don’t have illusions of grandeur most life is routine and there were 100bn souls who came and went before us. Don’t get too sold on the hustle self improvement culture. We made life today defined by how much you can get done measured by material goods and it’s causing people to get sick and isolated.
When I was 7 years old, my classmate told her friend that my life was backwards. I can't believe she could read me at such a young age. I feel like I am walking on the escalator but I never reach the end. Back to square one is so frustrating! 🙂
I don’t believe that she could read you at such a young age either. Actually I’d say it’s impossible. She probably heard the term “backwards” from her parents.
I really like this. But there is more: Sure, you need to listen to yourself how you feel when exploring things. But you also have to embrace that early on you basically suck really bad at almost everything. Everything is harder than it looks and much harder than it looks on the internet. Just because people have done it before doesn't mean it is easy. To make any meaningful progress, you must struggle. So often young guys come with entitlement and expecting the world to be how it would be easiest for them. Well, it isn't, deal with it.
