You have to ask yourself if you are really in love with the person or the drama surrounding him or her. This video is about how to let go to that attachment and why it is so important.
..but it's not true they always come back when you stop caring, that's a clichè and sugar-coated, some just never come back cause it was just nothing to them and they never thought again about you. Accepting this is the key part.
In my experience, when they come back when you stop caring, it’s best to politely send them back where they came from. You’re at the disadvantage and sometimes people in the more valued position can be opportunistic sometimes without even realizing that’s what they’re doing.
All i can say is time heals all wounds.. if someone breaks your heart and you still love them, this will eventually fade.. we cannot control who we love but like everyone else you will begin to move on.. open your eyes and you will see that there someone that is trully meant for you.. just be patient. I promise you you will be alright! Big hug for you..
I do think I have high self-esteem but it's hard when they act super hot and into you just long enough for you to catch feelings and then they go cold as ice. Fucking hate it. Young beautiful women nowadays are just vicious.
della, I know you think that now, but you will realize very soon that you can meet someone much better. You just have to force yourself to get past this.
Hey Marie, thank you. Will keeping reminding myself of this when I feel down. Thank you for taking time out to respond to my question. It really means a lot.
della foray, I know it has been 6 years since your post. I only seen it today. I know how you feel because it has happened to me also. You may not need to wait until you meet that special one to be over it, life's circumstances can alter the present crises very quickly.
I think a lot of people have low self esteem relationship wise because they have been told, by one way or another, that they are inferior if they are single. They have learned that being single is a disease, and they have no right to self-respect if they can’t find someone. I think this is especially true for women. I am only a sample of n = 1, but I grew up hearing from family members that being single was something to be pitied. They didn’t have to say it outright; they said it constantly by asking me if I found someone or by giving me unsolicited advice. Why did the conversation have to keep going there? Why can’t you talk about our interests? I recognize it probably came from a good place, but good grief, there ARE worse things than being single! Don’t let the tapes play in your head. Marie is right. If they don’t love you back, kick them to the curb. You DO deserve better than to be enslaved to someone who could not care less for you. Love yourself, and love being with yourself.
You can keep your distance and then be friends its ok. Its not bad having friends that support you. Sometimes is even better to have them as friends because sometimes people can give you more love as friends than as partners. Don't believe this crazy eyes woman.
Thank you for this. It amazes me that something that feels so unique and specific to me is actually shared by so many others. Until my recent rejection, I did not realize how deeply emotional pain could take root and just control my realty. I now feel greater empathy for my fellow lonely seekers of true acceptance by another person.
Hi Marie, I feel so lucky to come across your video today. And you hit the very important point that people might not fell in love with the person but with the drama in their mind. That totally waked me up! And this terrible man like you said ever created competition to made me realise how worthy he is on the dating market. As far as I know he is a low ego, narcissist and hsp person. Maybe his unique trait tricked me so into him. Anyway... Again, thank you so much for your videos. Thumb up for you!!!
He thought he could break me down and for a while it did. I cried like hell wondering why he would want me to be jealous. If he really like me he don't want me to feel pain
+Kristi Starr because it makes them feel uncomfortable. That's no excuse, I realize. But they find avoidance easier than confronting the issues head on.
+Marie Dubuque Thank you Marie. I appreciate your reply. And your channel. I was figuring that might be the reasoning, but it sure does help me hearing this message from you. Thank you again.
I had the same problem, he wanted to contact me for his own benefits only, for some reason I wasn't able to receive their contact, then I could and contacted him but now he's ignoring me, doesn't need me anymore.
Emma, do nothing! He is not worth it! You can do much better. If he doesn't like you that way, he isn't good enough for you! That is the attitude you need to have!
Hi Marie, First of all I want to say thank you that you made this video. There is this girl that I've been interested in for the longest time. We were just acquaintances in the same social circle before but around a couple of years ago we finally got chances to spend time together and really became good friends. That was when I really fell for her. I didn't outright confess though because I wanted to work more on our friendship but I became over eager enough to tip her off and she confronted me with it. She told me that she didn't want to date someone who was a friend's ex. At that time I guess my head was still pretty clear and I managed not to fall apart but it did hurt bad. Fast forward to today and I managed to somehow be friends with her still. Even went on a trip with her and some mutual friends. But I do still have feelings for her despite the fact that she even has a boyfriend now, which she even reluctantly informed me of back in December. Lately though I've been thinking if I still want to be friends with her or just burn that bridge down completely. I've been making progress in not interacting with her proactively by keeping myself busy with stuff I like to do but from time to time she would still initiate contact with me. I don't know if it's alright to keep things as they are and still be friends or will it be better in the long run to just go up to her and say "I don't want to be your friend anymore." The things you say on this video just hit me so hard.
Wow I love u Maria u are amazing person. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with world, u helped me go through rejection n help me get my confindence. Thank God some like u exist in this world, God bless u n keep on sharing n thank u
Crystal, keep doing what you are doing. Kill them with kindness! This person is obviously jealous or intimidated by you for some reason. Don't let them know that their rude comments bother you. Still, keep your distance, be friendly but a little cold.
I'm so grateful to come across this because I'm in desperate need to WAKE THE HELL UP. This guy at work I used to have a crush was so mean to me and now he's trying get me to notice him! I feel like he wants me to chase him and he even tried to make me jealous. Red flag...immaturity at its finest. Who needs that???
Trust me. It is going to be roughin thefirst week. You would be constantly thinking about it but you will start to move on from then. Its painful I know. Stay tough!!
Gee there, Marie, You may not be "perfect," but damn if you are not the fount of good advice. Seriously, I love watching your tidbits of advice, keep them coming......
"If you really love somebody they would treat you right." I don't think attraction works like that. It's like saying, "If you treat somebody right they will really love you." There are so many other things that cause attraction besides a person's behavior. It's a lack of attention from the person that keeps fueling attraction for them. Unless you get a better partner than them you don't really get to say, "You had your chance look at me now."
Marie, you know I saw your videos on here a while back but for some reason I decided not to give you a chance. I think you are right on the money here. I probably like a girl who doesn't care about me and she hasn't come to me and doesn't seem to talk to me when I talk to her. So, yeah, I deserve better than this. I know a lot of the problem is the lack of respect I get on this job. It translates into how much respect she also has for me. I am not treated well on my job by my coworkers or my bosses. It turns me into a fool in other people's eyes. I am not esteemed and so they don't esteem me in return. They treat me the way others do and that is badly. I just wanted to be valued in part by someone who has KNOWN me for a long time as opposed to getting a date online. I want some esteem from my peers. I want respect from my peers.
I really don't feel worthy of love, respect. I'm not blaming this on anyone . After my first rejection I have lost my confidence, self worth. But now I am trying to win myself back
It's a dangerous game going by/ trusting natural feelings like this. Essentially we give away our power, way more than we want to admit like this.... but it's true. If we entrust our feelings/ emotions/ sanity fully or even most of it to somebody else. Who most of the time doesn't even deserve it! /deserve to live rent free in our mind and heart It's not always easy, valuing ourselves & our judgement first (society seems to downplay this as icky and codependency as always beautiful, etc) But life is complicated, and cruel. We need fall back strategies, because too much is at stake to completely be broken or numb in my opinion. Just my 2 cents. Best of luck to anyone reading this
I even checked on Web MD I did not know what was wrong with me. I was actually and physically love sick. It's pain like I never had before. My friend said just like you to just "move on" But, I have no where to move to. It's like I'm a lost soul.
Thank you so much Marie for this video it made me very emotional because I have this problem I'm always attracted to guys who are jerks and end up breaking my heart and I realised this is because I have low self esteem it's like these guys seek out girls like me it's so sad but I'm going to work on myself this new year it's my time to put me first in 2014 thank you again :)
one way I've learned to cope with this feeling is to have a different outlook on life. when I was rejected I always convinced myself that I was probably not good looking enough or that I was a bad person and don't deserve all of the nice things. cynycism is what kept me on my feet, I basically look at myself like I was a bad guy who deserves to be in solitude. There were times I would contemplate suicide but could never bring myself to do it. It's alot of self control and a lot of negative Introspect. it's kept me going though. You'll feel depressed most of the time but if you can learn to channel that strong emotion into commitment, you can pretty much put it to good use. I've actually written some jazzy compositions, I've written some pretty cool heavy metal inspired leads over it too. the only thing is you're going to feel that way forever. I've haven't had a happy day in my life for a long time now. I'm always feeling sappy, I sleep 11 hours at a time (even naps), Im always eating, and I'm always writing songs about my emotions and I know songs like that can get really old and drive away a fan base but, it's really my only way of coping genuinely.
This could be a problem of eating the wrong food. Look into the book “Dr. Mozzi’s diet”. It’s a revolution for humanity. Food effects mood tremendously. If let’s say you eat too much carboydrates and not enough proteins you get depressed. But it’s cool that you channel your discomfort in creativity. So cool. Biggie small says “girls used to diss me, now they right letters cause they miss me”. It won’t rain forever.
I was accused of putting a guy upon a pedestal. It felt as if I'd committed a crime. he said he wasn't ready for a relationship when I just want anted to hang out. People seem so damaged and mixed up now. I dumped him
The person did treat me right and I don’t try to date anyone but I actually fell in Love I can’t stop thinking about her. I told her I have feelings for her and she said “oh”.
Could you please go over the topic "what to do if you are scared to get in another relationship because of past ones"? I admire you very much, and you have a natural talent for advice giving :)
There is this turkish guy I fell in love with him. We had a fling, he says he likes me but he does not love me and is not interested in any relationship besides that fling. And two weeks ago he moved in another city that is 500 kilometers away. I feel like SHIT! and I hate myself for still wanting him in my life! I think maybe I see something in him that I dont find in myself, he is very handsome and athletic.
Thanks for your support Marie! I really needed to hear that, I just cut out a guy who I had been chasing for months. Good riddance. My therapist says that my attraction to unavailable men is linked to my Childhood Emotional Neglect and my absent, dismissive father. Do you have any advice on how to stop falling for or pursuing absent detached guys?
This is the exact cycle that i'm having to go through with this one guy, I , I really, really, like still, but he rejected me for personal reasons, I mean, he rejected me and now, I have to suck everything in, and it upsets me inside, it makes kme want to hurt him, but at the same time, I can't becuase it's not worth is, but it will always hurt me inside but I'm trying to accept rejection, it's just really hard to do it. though. . I love all of your videos, please keep them coming.
You are doing AWESOME teaching everyone to have self respect for themselves and to not tolerate the assholes of this world. lol. I take it this way: everybody has some sort of baggage and in this world for every nice person there is a jerk who wants to throw their baggage on us at some point. its not our responsibility to sort through their issues for them to find us "worthy". If someone can't put away their crap and disrespect you then whats the point?lol
How do you handle a person that you didn't know never liked you,never had any dealings with that person or any friends ,etc.whatsoever, but they just found you unattractive,disgusting and so insulted that you would like them,they intentionally lead you on until they knew you had feelings for them then lied, humiliated,hurt and embarrassed you in front of everyone as if they never had anything to do with you - as if though you were harassing them -all for no other reason than they were so disgusted and insulted that you liked them... And they did this thing to hurt you as much as they could - again for no other reason than they found out that you liked them and they were disgusted by it so bad, they did that to you rather than not be lowdown and dirty and let you know they were not interested... Then you find out this narcissist creature told others what they were doing and why they did it and helped this person spread lies about you behind your back while smiling in your face.. How would you deal with this other than to be extremely vicious and violent to anyone that they cared about, then them? And please, before you start, there was no misreading or misinterpretation of what was done.. Just like this happens everyday; a man will pick up a woman for no other reason than to have sex with her and never see her again afterwards - he will do and say whatever it takes to get her in bed,no matter how long it takes - to make her feel like she has found her "soul mate,." then pretends he doesn't know her days afterward, or until he gets tired of her and gets rid of her.. When she confronts him, she is just lied to and told she saw and heard what she wanted to see and hear.. There is no way this low down animal and it's partners are not going to answer for what they did..I just want your opinion on it..
Redn, remember, you are not alone. I am sure he has done this to other people, and will do it again. I know that is no consolation for what he has done to you, but you can take solace in the fact that you got out of his clutches when you did. He has a serious problem. Don't allow his mental illness to affect your self esteem. There are good people out there...this man is just not one of them.
I am having so much trouble letting my best friend go. He treats me not so great, calls me names and I can't get over him. He now has another friend who he is putting first. They truly deserve each other, but I fall to pieces everytime I see them together. I can't live without the person its like an addiction
The problem is its not my problem. I was not rejected this way, she was very nice to me, we could discuss everything, I could talk to hear honestly about my feelings for her, no embarassment, even a second time she listened to me, helped me and we could really talk about everything. The problem is simple and we both know, she has a boyfriend already and she really has one, thats it its simple and we both know it that there will be nothing between us, I even accepted it, I know it and that causes the pain. I rationally understand the situation and accepted the fact that she has a boyfriend, I certainly know that is the reason and its not like "sorry I like you and everything but I have a boyfriend...", the problem is that my feelings didn't go away. First time I confessed to her before that I talked about it with my boss since the girl I love and I work together in the same position at the same place at the same time, my boss told me she most likely has a boyfriend, it wasn't guessing, my boss remembered she probably had a conversation when she mentioned his boyfriend. So before I talked to her I was like whatever her answer will be at least I'll know it and I can finally calm down and the stress and the feeling will go away. But after that my feelings just became even stronger day by day, every day I see her. We are not even together and yet I already become jealous when I see her close to my other co-workers. The second time just yesterday after about 1-1,5 months since the first time I talked to her I decided I talk to her a second time and ask her again. I told her "I know it sounds ridiculous and pathetic but I still love you. I thought since the last time we talked about this and I got to know that you already have someone, my feelings for you will go away but it just became much stronger. So I just want to make sure that everything is fine with you and your boyfriend or you just simply don't like me but there will never ever be anything between the two of us." She was kind again, she told me she doesn't want to give me false hope, she really has a boyfriend and everything is fine between them. She even came back to me just a minute after and we discussed something else aswell that happened in that 1-1,5 months between us, I wouldn't write that down now its complicated, but it was not simple rejection it was a totally honest helpful explanation to me about why it won't work. I told her I just wanted this to end, I want to make sure that its not possible we will ever be together so its pointless to feel attachment. And yet nothing changed, I still love her and now that we talked again I feel even stronger bond between us, every time I talk to her, got close to her or did everything in any way my feelings just become stronger and stronger and it won't stop. Now I just start to think something is wrong with me, that it will never go away, I don't want to leave my job because fortunately I love my job but I considered leaving it just because I can't stand seeing her every day while having these strong feelings, its slowly becomes physical pain, I feel pressure in my chest, my heart rate goes up if I think about her or planning to talk to her about something and it not just a feeling, my smart watch shows my heart rate goes up usually 10-20bmp. I seriously start to think that I have some real problem, that its not normal or a mental issue, I even considered suicide that night like while I know it sounds like just self-pity but so many things went through my head, I'm not even sure I want to stop having feelings for her or not. If the case is that I have to accept the fact the she has a boyfriend so we can most likely never be together but it won't make me stop having feelings for her, then it won't stop, it will just become worse. Since the first time I talked, I somewhat deeply hoped that she doesn't have a boyfriend or some way she likes me, something will happen between them and then I'll have a chance but now I know there is no hope and finally accepted it, it worse than it was before. I'm 20 years old, she is my first crush, the first girl I told I love you, the first girl I just seriously fell in love with and I don't know what to do if the feeling won't go away. I don't want this one insignificant stupid thing to destroy my whole life, my job, my desire to do things I love, to get depressed.
Hi Marie, your videos have helped me a lot to explain with words what many of us have been through. I will totally move on, I will cut off the contact and focus on other things, but should I let her know this? I mean, I tried to be a friend after the rejection (because she wanted it) and it really sucked, but just when I was about to cut it, her father passed away and she needed me as a friend so I stayed there for her. Now some time has passed and I don't know if I'd be a jerk by moving on. She is a really sweet person and after such a trauma I was her mayor support, we are indeed really good friends, but now I want to find my number 1 fan and if she is there I won't be able to find that person , should I state my intention to her or should I just walk away? If I tell her I would feel like stating an ultimatum of our friendship and I don't want to hurt her feelings she is very important to me (I totally understand that if there's no both ways attraction, then there's nothing I can do)
@Marie Dubuque : Thank you so much^^~ Well now I'm kinda in a tough situation, to be in the same class with him so I can't avoid facing him everyday, and to me he's like one in a billion (or more)... He just fits all my ideal standards perfectly (and this list is really long) so this makes me feel like I'll never meet someone like him again... Everything about him is just perfect, except one thing that...he doesn't love me. And this is the most important thing... Seems like no matter how hard I tried, he will not come to me anyway :))~ So the best thing to do, obviously, is giving up and moving on... I know, but it's just too hard to do :))... Anyway, really thank you for replying
It makes me feel like it is a competition with them they like me first as their favorite now I think they put their favoritism ahead of me which is wrong I was the sweetest one they could think of now when I see them on my Facebook showing an event but not near me I start burst out crying it makes me feel like they don’t care about coming back again
Hi Marie, I'm back for more advice, lol.! Anyways, do you think I should unfriend & unfollow a guy that I used to like. I thought I was over him, until I saw him liking another girl's picture on Instagram. I know she likes him but I'm trying to convince myself not to care. I don't want to worry about him anymore, but idk what to do
Ashely, definitely unfollow him. You can follow him again when you can look at him completely objectively...and I think that will take a while. It will happen! At some point you will think to yourself, what on Earth did I ever see in him? At that point, go ahead and follow him.
But what if you're not sure where you are in the girl's heart? While there's someone new in the building who is more charming, better looking and everything else is "better" and you get the impression that the girl you like "appears" to be after this new guy? Shouldn't you try to compete and pull a better game in this "love triangle" (if I can even call it that)? Anyone please?...
Hello Marie, Back in October I asked a girl out who's two years younger than I am, and it didn't go as I hoped it would. After I asked her out she rejected me, but never gave me a reason. Eventually I gained enough courage to confront her about her decision, and found out it was because of my age and that I was too “clingy". Being 100% honest when she rejected me it was no big deal, but I just wanted to know the reason. More importantly I told her that I hoped that my feelings for her wouldn't affect our friendship. It seems like ever since I asked her out she doesn't talk to me anymore like she used to. What should I tell her to be able to rekindle our friendship?
Jon Conners I would treat her the way you used to, like this never happened. That way she will realize that you are your old self. And you can get back to being friends again.
I ran into someone who I asked out on fb messenger a year after. He never responded to it which was a rejection imo. I was walking uptown and felt an energy from my left side. I turned left and there he was with his sunglasses on. This was three days after I prayed that he stop coming to my mind. I looked at him and did not know what to say and neither did he. Ten seconds later he looked down on his phone and I walked away. I think he wanted me to say something but meh.
"Well, enough tears and helplessness and your love turns to something else." "What...what does it turn to?" "It turns to steaming piss." - from the movie, The Sweet Hereafter
What do I do if I think there is still something that I am doing to make my friend uncombable. I used to follow him every where at school but I stopped that but not sure if he is scared to be around me or not. Should I ask him?
I just switched schools a few weeks ago and there's this person who's constantly insulting me and being extremely rude even though I'm super nice to them! This person is always putting me down. Also, they seem to always embarrass me in front of the people that would embarrass me most. What do I do?
well my school is very small. so to let the boy be with the other girl what will i do? talk to someone else and ignore him. the funny thing is when i leave i am actually going to another school. They might come back to me but I'm scared of giving WAY to many chances
My problems is that my crush and i used to be in the same buddhist group. She show signs of attraction to before we started flirting and continue d showing signs. Now she does have a boyfriend but didnt sound happy with him. Then in January i asked her out. She asked me how i got her number and that she has a boyfriend. Then said see you. I have only seen her at one meeting since then. Should i try talking to her saying can we forget that phone call and be friends? And see if she changes her mind?
