When They're Hurt By What You Did 

I would be the bf in this situation. Moral of the story is when you keep hurting a woman SHE WILL LEAVE. You can't continously make poor choices and expect great results. Fellas learn this lesson and be a better partner going forward.

It's simple. There is no wright or wrong. If you are doing something that's hurts your soul mate then you are hurting your own soul. Stop doing it!

I am on a journey to learn how to self soothe, and no longer use my ex as a punching bag. I am learning to accept the death of his love for me because of my behaviors and to get the help that I need in order to be a healthier me for the next man who comes into my life. It's so crucial to work on ourselves before we get into a relationship. It' so important to self examine and stop blaming my ex for everything.

By hurting him...I hurt myself.....

ohh ,no , I don't want space. If this is me, I would want my boyfriend come to me and delete all the contact info in front of my face , and use his action to show me that I can trust him.

Craig this woman is right! Been excusing all of this for 8 years with his ex to get along but it doesn’t stop! Can’t deal with this anymore!

I'm with her on this one. he doesn't seem to care about this relationship enough to walk away from his ex. if he had any empathy for her,, he would've taken into consideration if she had been betrayed in the past. sounds like he's trying to save himself by saving others, you know, like healing wounded birds. also, it's not impossible to see that sleeping with his ex couldn't happen, especially in a moment of vulnerability.

I recently broke up with the guy i was seeing bc he lied to me about seeing his ex gf. It’s a complicated situation when an ex is involved bc even if you trust your partner you still have to worry about the ex’s true intentions. Your partner should understand that and put you before their ex, they are an ex for a reason. Why risk ruining a current relationship for an ex?

Craig, most guys are NOT trustworthy to talk with an ex. Also, when a guy talks to his ex, the new girlfriend is not only having to trust her boyfriend, but also having to equally trust the ex to behave and have pure intent. If there are children with the ex, the kids should be the only topic of discussion. If the guy broke up and you say no contact with an ex and no friendship to get them back, why would you then allow contact with an ex threatening the new relationship. That makes no sense. You, Craig, may be honorable, as I am, to not let an ex go too far. But most people are not. And we shouldn't be friends with our exes anyways. Why muddy up the new relationship with all that ex contact bs. If any external relationship is a detriment to your relationship, it is not worth having, stop the external relationship.

Have to say, Completely true, especially when you have repeatedly hurt someone, promised to change and never did, or the usual with my Clients, they act differently for a week or two, then slide back into the same Old Patterns as soon as they have their feet under the table as it were. Actions speak Louder than Words. Continuity is Key. Be a Rock for your Woman, security and consistency really speak to a Woman.

Been there, done that a few times. Will Never Ever get involved with someone who is still involved with their ex in any capacity. Don't even know if I want a man with kids because of this. If the shoe was on the other foot he would be uncomfortable with it. We really need to use proper judgement & discernment when it comes to relationships. Stay away from appearances of evil and treat people how you want to be treated.

Wow! I thought this video was about me!!! Every single WORD is ME! My ex was in love with his best friend and I asked him to stop contacting her. He told me he’ll stop but he kept finding ways. He kept going behind my back. Anyways, he let me go and I’m free from his lies. I also found out my ex has a mental illness SO I’ll just stay away from those type of people... the ones that lie.

She is hurt because he confided in the ex instead of her plus he reached out to her too. That right there is the double anger. If the ex is depressed then she needs to have respect for him and his relationship. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. The ex should get help and NOT from him. He should have known better. But…. he didn’t stop to think either 🤨. People just don’t think 🙄

first off, being that I tend to start throwing comments like crazy on your videos when I'm not even 5 minutes into the video, and then afterwards as I watch the video I can't help but laugh and see how the things I say perfectly align with the way the video plays out.. Big coincidence lol.. you guys have taught me so well, I see the patterns as they're just starting.. I do really wish to see these people all do the work for their own sake and for the sake of their loved ones.. now here's a little tough love for the folks out there, yes the videos are a blessing, they are great for learning through everybody's cumulative experience.. but if you guys don't want to do the work, guess what's going to happen.. You're going to have stories just like these and some of us are just going to say wtf is wrong with these people, do they really want to be miserable forever? when you people are ready to wake up and smell the roses 😁 ... flowers really are nice aren't they.. just do the work people, don't kid yourselves.. eventually we all should be taking some time to grow up, it's more than worth the effort, people that try to say they don't have the money, that's ridiculous.. I think I actually have an entire $3 to my name at the moment lol... there's no excuse. Life is what's precious, money does grow on trees so I can go make some right now, not exactly a big deal. these insecure people accusing their partners of all kinds of nonsense.. it's ridiculous, yes the word ridicule.. maybe you people have heard of it... I was one of those people getting accused and manipulated and having no boundaries respected.. My ex's would like to reconnect with me and many have tried, I do keep a healthy connection with them as friends.. I keep in touch with all of my exes except for the two that dumped me, they have major major issues.. The only one by choice that I don't keep in touch with is the one that was always accusing me, unfortunately she's still miserable. That's on her. we may not be able to choose our upbringing but we can choose to take responsibility for our own healing and growth.

The girlfriend said he, the boyfriend, was depressed and talking to his ex for comfort. The boyfriend gave the impression the ex was depressed and he was helping her. If the girlfriend is telling the truth, the guy was emotionally cheating on her. Why would you go to an ex for emotional support? In this case, was the ex a trained counselor? Unlikely. And if she were, there are clear boundaries in professional ethics discouraging treating close family or friends. Same applies if the boyfriend was telling the truth about wanting to counsel his ex. I doubt he is a trained counselor, but it makes him appear like he is 'just helping' and a victim in this situation. I don't buy it. The girlfriend did the right thing by talking to him and setting boundaries, which he violated. She showed her self respect and I hope she stays strong and doesn't take him back. It seems like he still has feelings for his ex and she picked up on it. Good for her.

Good for her establishing strong boundaries! He needs to grow up.

Love that clouds in the sky comment about women's feelings !

I unintentional hurt my ex wife of 23 years. I love her loads and she is angry,mad and hates me. We have been apart 4 months and I still love her dearly. I have done the begging and pleading. I have lost 42 pounds and working on myself but she still doesn't want to know. She said to me the other day that she is seeing someone else. I dont know if this is true or she is just wanting me to feel hurt as well. Like i say i never meant to hurt her i love her

This video was really insightful.

Question:. Why in the hell would *anyone* have to hold the hand of their *ex* ? Exactly. He's at fault.

I can completely relate to this video. I think this happens a lot. I also disagree with a lot of the comments here. Although I don’t condone talking to an ex under such circumstances, if the guy is telling the truth, and there was absolutely nothing going on there, I think this girl was way over reacting out of insecurity. I think that’s on her. She has to be confident enough in her own security to believe what he says. It’s certainly not a reason to break up. Otherwise, this break up is pure manipulation on her part to get him to stop doing something that causes her anxiety. I would think he would want to do that, but even if he didn’t, do you break up with him over it? Seems way over the top extreme. My situation is similar, but in my situation my girlfriend is definitely overreacting. I tried to do what she asked and removed what I thought were all of my exes things from my house, but she found a couple of things that I missed and went berserk. To me that’s way over reaction, and now, she broke up with me because she believes that I am still tied to my former marriage, even though I’ve told her a million zillion thoughtful ways how I’m not. She just can’t trust what’s right in front of her. Two little objects sent her into a tailspin. Part of me wanted to hear what Craig would say if he presumed that the guy was telling the absolute truth, and the girl was over reaction. As he said, there is some trauma there. If that’s the case, what would you do then? What if the girl was overreacting in every way?

I'm on the other side of a similar situation, and all I can say is - you go girl! I too tend to drama and probably early childhood drama. But I am furious and incredibly hurt and yeah, i'm with her on this!

Sometimes couples like to make their partner jealous. I think a little what's good for the goose is good for the gander works miracles.

Watching this video has really helped me understand my emotions. I am in a similar situation as the example you've read in the video. I made a mistake, an unforgivable one according to my ex, and he chose to leave me, when he found out by checking my phone. Everything was so perfect just a minute before, sure we had petty arguments, but there wasn't anything we didn't work through together. I messaged a past fling when I was feeling isolated, insecure and anxious to confide my feelings. Because I felt as if I couldn't talk to my ex. Despite the fact that I knew, my ex was very insecure about my previous partners, and asked me to block and delete all of them. Which I did, until my own anxiety took over. I felt driven to a corner, and I made the worst possible decision. I went on my phone, I hit the unblock button, and I vented. I vented all my worries, anxiety and frustrations to my fling, instead of my ex. Although the conversation I was having with my fling was completely platonic, I lied to my ex that I have never slept with my fling, and that my 'fling' was just a regular friend. Because I was being self centered, and afraid that he would lash out again at me if he knew. I was alone, living in my exes's house, with him and his family, away from my own family, country, and friends for two months. I had no one else when I was there with my ex, I relied on him for my safety, and accommodation. And throughout the two months, we had constant petty arguments, and he repeatedly lashed out each time, by saying he wished to break up with me. Even though he didn't truly mean it. However, the constant reminder of breaking up whenever we fought over something silly, built an insecurity within me, I begin to think that perhaps, he was just finding excuses to push me away. He didn't love me anymore. And at first, I texted to my friends, and my mother about it. My mother only reassured my fears by agreeing with the fact that perhaps, he did want to push me away, which only intensified my anxiety. And when my ex found out I have lied, by going through my phone, and finding an old conversation and video I had with my fling, (this old conversation with my fling occurred before my ex and I got together, and it completely slipped my mind that it even existed). He flipped out. He was angry, he yelled at me that I lied to him in his face, called me unpleasant names, and said, how dare I sit on his bed, and messaged someone that I've fucked in the past. He bought a plane ticket for me immediately, and chased me home. He said, while he was sorting out own his issues and trying to change, to cope with his extreme jealousy, because he realized I was unhappy, and he did change, he did get more patient with me. I had betrayed him, and I lied to him, i couldn't be patient to wait for him, or mature enough to talk to him about it. And, he is right to be angry at me, as I have hurt him immensely, and terribly. I ruined what could have been a beautiful relationship by a silly action, and mistake. I should have respected his boundaries, and emotions. I should have handled the situation better, by talking it out with him like a proper adult, instead of acting toxic and childish, by turning to a fling for advice. I wish I have stumbled upon your videos earlier, before I made that mistake, so I could be aware of my own anxiety that has been building up, and making me insecure, and acting out childishly. Because, you are right when you said, people tunnel vision when they're sad, and angry. And I did, I tunneled vision so hard I stopped thinking about what my ex was going through, and I focused on my own sadness, and insecurity instead. And I acted out selfishly, and hurt him irreparably. For anyone else watching this video, I wish you don't make the same mistake as I did. Because I regret it immensely, I have broken his trust, and he will probably never trust, nor forgive me again. I have hurt someone I loved and thought I was going to marry terribly, and I regret it so so much. I still love him so so much, but I no longer deserve his love. Because I have lied, and betrayed him. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Never lash out, and do something toxic, just because you're feeling negative. Always try and work things out, talk to your partners about the issues you're facing first, or seek professional help, instead of friends, family or past flings, because they give you bad advice. Talking to my mom and friends only intensified my anxiety, as they didn't understand the situation. Understand your own feelings, and try and accept your partner's feelings. Don't turn to toxic actions, because in the end, it accomplishes nothing, but push you apart from the person you want to be with.

Sometimes they accuse u of things u never did. N I used to be very transparent

I wish i could afford a email/video session with you Craig, I'm in such a bad place

How long does it usually take to get a response for an email coaching request

Good valid points.

I dumped my husband of 7 years . We both moved out of our apartment and after 2months I called him n told him I'm sorry and I want him back. I was just tired of his yelling at me for the last last 2yrs.I started no contact because I begged n pleading with him for 2months. I'm know I have to do no contact for a long time but I told him I'm sorry n and I haven't heard from him yet. I'm staying string for my marriage.

This video is so great

Why are they always considered when it comes to feelings? What if u get hurt..

She already forgive me, but can we start over? Its been 3 days now..

Extremely useful

If they are still in contact with an ex dump them now!!! It won't end well....

Amazing job

In this situation I'd tell my previous ex I had some stuff to sort out and I couldn't contact her for a while. I'd try and figure out why my gf was so worried about it and would ask her if it would help if she could be present when we talked. Personally I wouldn't stay in contact with an ex unless it had been 5+ years or the relationship was from when I was a kid

Yo coach Craig. Have YOU anny advice about a long distiance relesionship ? This situation YOU talking about reminds me a lot if what i just going through... hope u Will respond and Yes i know She was In live cause She went away from her x when they stil where together but Yes we a broken UP i did a lot of things that made her sad but She did to.. but In the end i was Not fair i know and need to be Much more adult about in This situation... love to hear u out if u know Think u Can Do something

She's hurt, can't blame her!

I broke up with him then later regretted it but that was after not taking his calls. Once I got over my anger I really missed him and wanted him back badly but he wouldn’t give me the time of day due to he was so hurt and getting over it. It’s been 2 1/2 months since the breakup and none of my strategies or excuses for meeting with him worked but he finally agreed to give me the dog toys left at his house. He said he would bring them over once he finds them all. This is a minor miracle since he’s refused to meet with me. How do I get him reattracted to me once I see him again without looking desperate or going back to apologizing again which hasn’t worked? I don’t want him to just drop the stuff off on my porch and leave. I have to get him to be willing to come in my house and talk again. And I know I need to stay away from why we broke up or complaining about his behavior in the relationship and instead be happy, positive, and flirtatious but he has not been very forgiving at all through this so I don’t know how I’m going to pull off getting him to talk to me.

I had the same situation I was on the girls side situation, but I forgive her and gave her second chance but she broke up with me on revealing that to her sister .... Blocked from everywhere because I told her about that ... Now I don't know what to do...

Do have anything for marriage going through this?

I understand the old ex may have had depression, but got to side with the ex as she gave more than enough indication as to what her feelings are about it. If the roles had been reversed and the ex was talking to her ex then I'm pretty sure the situation would just be in reverse.

This is familiar to me if the ex was into him and he was giving energy than it does not sound right .. but this depression explains something...

It sounded like that the ex girlfriend had the depression problem and she reached out to him. He should have told her to back off (the ex) and that would jeopardize his relationship with the current gf. You are right... he should leave her alone and let her miss him.

I have anger problems and i did go to a pshycologist and my ex tells me that my mom put mi in there that im crazy and medicated 🙄🙄. Y lost her atraccion because im a mamas boy and is not true.

this is almost the same situation as mine 😅 How can it be so similar

She sounds like me..my ex did the same..and everything she wrote I did the same..

My ex and I broke up 7 weeks ago from a 5 and a half year relationship. She actually broke up with me because I wasn’t really a good boyfriend in the last couple weeks before the breakup. I would get mad for this and that and not replying back sooner to my texts. After the breakup, I know she was crying, and I had hurt her, because our previous fights would have her end up crying, so she couldn’t take it anymore. She was so sweet, cute and innocent and I had finally hurt the girl of my life. She was my first ever, my first of everything.

Yeah my ex claims I hurt her over and over again by not moving forward towards marriage. We had a ring, a venue, and a date. We planned to get married and then she said it was taking too long. If I tell you I want to be married and we will be why leave me after years and years together? She was in bed and was crying like crazy. She looked at me and made me promise that we were to be married. I promised and let her know I wanted her and I wanted to be looking in her eyes when I took my last breath. Weeks later its just over....... Really!?

So what if your ex asked you to stop doing something but they put you in situations where it was going to happen?? It happened twice and the second time he broke up with me but it was a situation that he created and caused my reaction. Do you think there is any chance to work through it or for him to want to try and even forgive me?

How do u get thru my wife's heart is line a blacksmith s anvel

So what does he do? Go into no contact???

Now that I listened to your video again the boyfriend had the depression problem. He should have talked to to the current gf about his depression and said maybe he should have said maybe he needs to network about his depression'. He sounds nuts...lol. why would he tell her about it? Something wrong with him....lol. good Lord!

Do woman who are hurt become to disqiuise there hurt by being ultra mean

She was.an ex...that was her bone of contention...why did he tell her about the ex? I wouldn't have.

because we all want a manipulative and threatening partner lol.. I had a jealous and abusive partner that was like that too, she was always jealous if I had any friends, of course I eventually left her because who can tolerate that.. I keep in touch of all of my ex's except for that one, can you guess why? 😁 now looking back I can see more clearly why I needed to leave that relationship and I can see that she's still miserable.. maybe one day she will decide to start to try to learn and heal, maybe she will go for your workbooks.. but I doubt that will ever happen because most people don't seem to think they need to change, they think the entire world needs to change for them instead.. if you're one of those, good luck with that.

Ok what if you didn't do anything and they act like wennies anyways???

I'm late but, how on God's green earth is her reaction disproportionate? What does he care about an EX over his PRESENT? Evidently, more because she was worth the risk! If the EX was better to talk to than his current girlfriend, why wouldn't an "expert" see the problem in that? That's likely why he told you that HE was supporting the girl - who was depressed. (He's lying and minimizing what he's done.) She should've left that weak BASTARD and let him go rock out with his EX since SHE was "better" to talk to!

So in this case we need to make no contact?

If you are depressed, go to a therapist or your current partner not to an ex! Sorry, but it is a bit unfair to say that she is anxious… She might be anxious but even if so, she is rightfully anxious. But it is a common sense that she dumped him. Actually, the fact she dumped him shows she is not so anxious, she is able to stand on her own and decided not to be disrespected.

a message to the woman that wrote this, I didn't watch half of the video yet as I am in the middle of some things and I tend to jump the gun maybe.. but just do the damn work, take a look at yourself, do the workbooks that he offers, or if you have money, go for the creative healing course, it's probably even better... then you won't keep repeating these kind of toxic patterns and telling everybody that they are toxic. end rant, I'm hopping in the shower

What if I sent him a message, begging him to stay together with me, then turn around and sent another message, saying 'I was drinking when that message was sent ' and he can delete the photos of me??

I could tell you stories about what people have done...lol...I was psychology major and always have been interested in people's relationships. There are some doosies out there...lol.

You are spot on...4 times he didn't listen to her. I would have to ask more questions. I think you have to check it out further. She shouldn't have gotten so angry. He should have respected her wishes. The ex was an ex. That was her bone of contention. Skyping too? I bet they had Skype sex...lol

My ex broke up with me because I accepted a friend request on fb

After watching this video, I’d like to hear what his ex (the one he was talking behind his gf) has to say. Lol. I bet she has different stories from theirs.

No, no, no, I had a fiance who had all his exes and ex fuck buddies and "friends" he wanted to fuck all in his Facebook friends list queue. My ex fiancé would try as hard as he could to make me jealous of all these women and I was never jealous of any other women or guys I was dating my whole life and I am 39. He worked so hard to make me jealous. He would tell them all my secrets and everything about me and talk to them about our relational issues inatead of me. I tried to talk to him about things over and over and he wouldn't ever talk anything through with me. He always avoided talking things through with me but went off about me to all his friends and family. My fiance and the guy in this video, are narcissists and using their exes to manipulate, control and hurt us. She is generalizing because he knows the details I get this whole thing. He is a narcissist and she is a real victim. Sorry, but it's true.

When the problem is not that big but if a girl acts like its a big problem believe me there is another guy in picture

call me crazy but she's so upset because she doesn't understand why she keeps making this pattern repeat in her life.. I do understand why, it's because she's not taking a look at her own behavior at all, she is taking no responsibility for actions, to pretend that she has integrity by blocking people on her ex partners phone? for real? if she wants to go up there are things like Craig's workbooks and even the creative healing course... sounds too much like work I know lol. are we adults here? can we handle some reality?

Oh.. i cant speak 😃😂

I think he’s bending the truth and full of bs

also you sure push people to go to your site.for personal help. people have to be crazy to pay that much money.. I think if you truely cared you would be priced at a price normal people can afford. Seriously !

This guy is a terrible liar! His stories don't jive!? He needs to tell the truth...he's only fooling himself!

Id really like you to focus on the question only instead of carrying on with one email....obviously there are other people that have the same question yet its a totally different situation . and you never answer a question that would be suitable for all . i understand every situation is different dont you? just answer the question and stop focusing on the email.. no body cares about someone elses situation they want answers of what they should do or what you think is best because they are in situation. ... i dont care about these to people in the email. you bored me i need to move on ive listened to many of your shows and all are the same. please just answer the question.!!!!!!!!!!!