Are they Projecting Their Anxiety on to You? 

Once you stop caring about other’s opinions and understand it’s literally just them PROJECTING and you can not take it personal…. You’ll become so powerful ❤️ thank you for this message !

You exactly describe my mother. These ways of projecting anxiety look narcissistic to me. I grew up with my mother's emotional projections and it did affect me so negatively personally and in my life for decades. Experiencing these emotional projections from a very difficult, self-absorbed, entitled, arrogant, and superficial mother is deeply painful and damaging to a child's psychological and emotional development. We cannot choose our mother and sadly there are mothers who are destructive, toxic, and wicked, and to make it worse, some of them are not even aware of it, and if they are, they just don't care about how they come across. So sick.

I said at least 8 times “wow”. So releasing! Thank you!

Thank you Julia once again for your generous contribution to RU-vid 🙂

Boy, this video couldn't have been any more timely! Just yesterday I was talking to my therapist about the (very difficult and painful) relationship with my father. And she mentioned how he was projecting his own anxiety onto me. And in this video, you basically describe him to a T. Thank you for all your amazing videos!

Well said. Generally controllers are people with lots of anxiety. Their biggest fear is being alone that have never faced it and this has as a result their pathetic Behaviour. Fear of being alone means not having good time with my self. But if you can’t have good time with your self then how you expect other people to have good time with you? My 2 cents

I'm so glad to find you! Blessings, everyone ❤️

I finally found someone who knows what depression is like. I love my partner very much but I have tried to explain many many times why I am like I am, but after watching your other videos on depression I think she has finally got it how hard depression is to deal with. Thank you.

Thank you Julia! One of your #shifters here! This reminded me again to not take to heart the unkind and critical comments one of my coworkers sometimes makes to/about me. When work gets stressful, she feels anxious and out of control, so she lashes out at others who "make" her feel stressed. It's hard for a sensitive people-pleaser like me not to feel hurt, but thanks to YOU and the Shift Society, I am now able to see that it's NOT about me!! 😄

This is 100% my mother. It’s bad to the point where I’ve developed anxiety myself. I am 24, still at home, and she hasn’t let up especially with trying to control me. She’s also emotionally manipulative (mostly when she wants money…not to pay bills) and an angry/bitter woman. I will be finally be moving out in the spring!

Wonderful insight. As you were discussing the different types of projections…there was a different person that fit the bill for each one. I wish people learned to do more self work instead of projecting their unresolved crap onto other people.

"Make no mistake, the affect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is." - Jim Carrey Having spent most of my life as a true offender in the areas of projection and un-managed emotional anxiety, I greatly appreciate your content here. One thing I can speak to first hand is the clarity and peace that comes with properly identifying what is actually happening when the feces hit the fan. My first and largest challenge was not to autonomically respond to outside occurrences without first allowing myself to process them. Part of that was to give myself the human room to admit what I was feeling and that I had been, at least temporarily, affected by the occurrence in the first place. Once I learned that (which took far longer than I had ever imagined), I was able to begin to qualify my responses, or to decide if a response was even the best option. It's been all up hill from there. I feel my EQ and true empathy for others has grown exponentially now that I am able to properly inventory what is happening in those moments. I find myself thinking "Wow. This person yelling at me is having a really hard time with something right now. How can I improve the remainder of this interaction?" Very valuable content here. Thanks for all you do, Julia!

Great video Julia. Emotional projecting is also manipulating other people. My ex mother-in-law was like that. She was passive aggressive and too critical to me. My husband didn't try harder to stand up for me. He was very often on her side. That hurt me, my self-esteem and my marriage. Thanks Julia. Your videos are helpful.

Thank you so much,Julia.

Wow, great explanations Julia! Thanks.

this makes so much sense to me! Unfortunately my mother projected her anxiety onto me throughout my life and it did a lot of damage. She was a control freak and a manipulator and I have a lot of anger I'll likely be working through it my entire life. I'm middle aged and just recently coming to really understand what went on with me as a child and the trauma its caused.

It’s nice to know these emotional concepts now..if only I could go back about a year, so much pain might’ve been avoided

Amazing content!!👏 Discovered your videos awhile ago and they have been the most helpful, thank you Julia

There's a fine line between giving people a fair warning/being honest about something and spewing negativity on you. Some people need to distinguish these things.

Thank you Julia ❤️ once again you are so helpful.

New to the channel. Thank you for the awareness! I am currently in the middle of self help with this. Thank you again.

This was brilliant. 🙏 Thank you, Julia!

You have change the way , I live. My daughter referred you to me . Best gift ever. Thank you.

Thank you Julia. I not only learnt how to deal with others for understanding where their behaviors are coming from, but also learnt that I was doing some of that to others as well. This is very enlightening and liberating. Thank you so much. ❤

Julia "Ankshus" Kristina! Great video! Thank you for the introspection as always!

Man this really hit home, I exhibit almost all of these characteristics. And she’s right, it really is anxiety due to feeling a lack of control or having abandonment issues. Is it possible that not feeling supported or encouraged by those is another reason why people project their anxiety? Maybe that tied back into fear of abandonment. I have a difficult time changing the way I think when something doesn’t go my way even if things are okay. I continuously ask myself why do I feel hurt, unheard, unloved, unsupported in situations where I exhibit this. Definitely time to break all these patterns. Will look for more of your content on how to change these negative patterns.

Such a great content. Now I have more understanding my friend was projecting his insecurity and limited beliefs towards me when he was being critical and judgmental of me who keeps trying. 🙌❤

I was just beginning to connect anxiety and projection when I found your video. Thank you for articulating it so well! The only comment I would make is that I think transference plays a role too in facilitating projective identification.

Thank you for sharing this

Omg perfect timing Thank you 🙏❤️

This was key for forming the habit to take myself out of the headspace of others projection: Every time I felt I was taking on the anxiety of others, I combated that by projecting on to myself instead, affirming I was in control, I was safe, I had choices in the matter. I projected my role to stand up within myself. Create a list of affirmations and self-boundaries to tap into, to ensure that you tap into yourself, and not to the unfair anxiety of others. Best wishes and practices to all of us!

Oh man! This is so true. Thank you for video

Thank you Julia 💜

Hi, my name is Gina Thank you so much for giving your time and knowledge to us. You have helped me so much. I deal with strong anxiety and some depression, and have been through a whole lot of relational dysfunction. Again, thank you. 💐

Very well explained. Thank you so much 😍

Thank you for your explanation of the stress projection personality chaos. Us introverts mentally throw these people off a cliff, but also realize they could self evaluate the destruction they sometimes create. "No Drama!"

So helpfull. Perfect timing for me.

Explained so well with some people I know…. Thank you

wow. very true. others do it to me, and i do it to others. Thank you for your videos!

Very informative thank you for your detailed research about projection with examples it helps to understand clear in which situations you have to pay attention 👍💯👌🤔😊

"It's not personal, it's projection" I love that

Julia, have you been talking to my mom because you are describing her very accurately lol. I do love my mom but she does this and taught me well! This all used to be me before therapy! After some very difficult work in therapy I came to understand so much of what I was doing and why. I see these projections that are put onto me by others now. I see the attempts to control. Sometimes I can call it out to the person but a lot of times, like at work when my boss projects her anxiety onto me, I just think to myself that I'm sending their energy back to her because I don't want it. My cousin taught me this and it can be very helpful : )

Wow, this video was like a checklist for my partner’s behavior!

Anxiety is real yes! I have this situation with my teachers and school right now and I don’t want them to control me thank you for the help!!!!

I found myself guilty of one of these. These videos provide so much transformative info. The examples also helped me to understand some behaviors of those close to me.

Thank you for great insight into protection.

Hi Coach! Yes! I love that I learned from you about other people have their own rulebook and thought process. That is so helpful to know in my relationships with people. #seniorshifter #shifter

Amazing video, channel, and person

Life changing ! Thank you so very much. My partner is like this … now I have a better understanding wow

By really looking at perceptions outside of myself and projections. Mine and others. I've found an unbelievable amount of peace. I can only control me. I love and trust those around me and realize they control themselves.

Loved this video because in this case I’m the one whose anxiety gets triggered by the way other people do things, specially when it comes to my partner doing the laundry, the way the storage the dishes after washing them, etc. Is just something I can’t Stand. I’m sure this video will help him understand this is about me and working things out when a situation like that arises!

I have someone in my life who projects on me often. I’ve always thought that it was something I was doing wrong and I would change my behavior so this person, very close relative, is happy. Now I’m beginning to think that the other person is projecting on me and it’s not necessarily something that I’m doing wrong. Thank you Julia

I believe that the source wisdom is that everything is so much simpler than we can accept initially. And overall we see this manifestation in healing.

Perhaps make a video on this topic that focuses on how we do this to others. Controlling ourselves is always the answer.

This is 🔥🔥🔥

My aunt is always doing all of the crap that you just talked about in this video I thank you for this video hope you have a blessed day.

The feelings generated when someone is attempting to impose controls can extend into becoming very complex, and destructive. It has become easy for me to tune my response. I am comfortable with my self, and I have impeccable self control.

This was a good one. Would you consider doing a video on fear on abandonment?

Excellent!

Wow thank you💖

woowww, i found your channel at the PERF time! who the hell did i get into a relationship w?!! 😭

Omg....i just realized I do that to my adult daughters

You have been contributing in a very practical way, to the welfare of all. Just an occasional new point in your video may be good enough for a better practical understanding of human psychology. This is Vijay raj Desai from Goa, India. May God bless you.

This describes my mother to a T. This gave me a great mind shift to deal with her. I’m 33 and her only child, and she always guilt trips me when I show independence.

This is my business account, but my name is Mike. Dealing with another person who is going through a lot of what you talk about. I’ve been growing in a lot of the ways that you talk about but she has not and is still stuck in the same negative mode.

Hey, I'm ali! Looked this up cuz my dad said something that got me all worked up about my exams. I find myself getting way too anxious over someone else's worries. Working on it tho

I don’t do this exactly but I suffer with anxiety attacks from when ppl treat me yes thank you for the help

Yep!

Happy Christmas

Hey there wonderful woman…. This is it! My current work vision/focus is on equanimity… I’m working on finding the ‘now’ and ‘being’ rather then the doing and reacting… Recognising these things is so important… being aware and in a place of recognising what is pushing on our boundaries, we can bend our boundaries into deflecting their negativity and see through to their real suffering.

Amen.

Never am I happy!!!!!!!! I have been doing everything I can to keep my family at the top of my cares. 24 years I have done what I can. I'm starting to shut down. I worked 60 hours a week. Take care of the things outside.( Chopping firewood, roofing the house and shop. Keeping the things that are needed to be done. Done. About to be done with carrying. I signed a contract. Tell death do us part. I'm thinking about making us part. I have given so much to make sure my family is taken care of. When do I feel like I have been a good person, father, husband? I probably will never check this video out again.

Saved your breath, I don.t feel anything anymore.

I get that understanding various aspects of projection is so important as the first step. However what do you do when you realize that every single family member (no exaggeration) and friends all project and none of them want to take responsibility for their own growth and life. What do you do with these people? Ive had to cut them out of my life completely so that I can grow in peace. It’s been very painful. I’ve yet to find a group of friends that don’t project, or at least understand healthy relationships.

Please could someone tell me how much The Shift Society costs to join? The registration page doesn't tell you. Thanks

Come on, now. I'm not trying to project my anxiety upon anyone. I'm TRYING to get some help.

Great channel Julia, kind of a long comment/question. My wife of 19 years suffers from depression and anxiety. Our relationship suffered alot in the past before we tried fixing it 4 months ago. I stopped showing her affection and all because I had alot of resentment towards her I explained to her. So, things were going good 3 months ago. I work 12-16 hour days, come home, make dinner, bath kids, do laundry on weekends. She started to try and help, some 3 months ago, all the sudden it stopped again. She don't really write me letters no more, not a whole lot of affection, always on her phone again, she complained I did that too much in the past. I feel my resentment coming back again, because she just lays in bed again, stays up all night, sleeps during the day. I feel like our love is demishing again, but she says she loves me, and in love with me, and misses me. What can I do to help, I feel lost, I feel overwhelmed, and feel like sometimes giving up.

Some people trigger separation anxiety for me and I have to off-load or project that anxiety on to them so that I can regulate my feelings.

Whoa you just described my mother. That’s why I have anxiety now. My mom loves me but she’s an absolute helicopter, coddling mom that always tries to make me do what she thinks I should do. I’m 26!! Same thing with my sister. I had a boyfriend come down to meet me from out of state for the first time. Ofc I had him meet my parents first bc that’s the proper thing to do, well once I invited my sister after that dinner. She blew up at me. Telling me I left her out, we’re not as close as she thought, I hurt her and pushed her away. I’m like huh???? Wtf he😂 😂can’t meet every single member of the family in one night , plus he’s only here for 2 days

I am a new driver, and my sibling tells me where I can and cannot drive. I've had my licence for a year now and I haven't gone further than 30 minutes from my home. There is a fatal risk in driving because I could crash so I can rationalise my sibling's anxiety but I also feel like I'm not being allowed to grow my life skill. Can I fairly say that their " advice " is actually projected anxiety?

Oh my god. I just find out that I’m the one who project my anxiety to others. How can I get over it?

I have anxious attachment style I remove someone from my contacts if they don't reply fast

Hi

But what if that person is incompetent or irresponsible?

I’m manipulative because I was afraid you were going to meet somebody more interesting and abandon me.

So no response is response? To those controlling ppl?

As allways importent video. We project what we feel, right?

Hello

I'm confused. How do I discern projection from narc abuse?

I mean just cuz I suffer with anxiety… lol yes I do my teachers I feel like r control me haha thx hun! Lol

Projecting or not, you yourself don.t know? Actually no need to ask, firsting you need to identify what is the motive, then you will be able to know who projected you, is ok. What can I do, they also know that I am aware.

That's my husband

I think its worth mentioning that if it is triggering me I might need to look at why, what in me is resonating to this toxic behavior. aka shadow work. ???

So is this why some married ppl look down on singles and make slick little comments ? Lol

Yeah, men do this a lot instead of seeking therapy why guys who cares? It seems like very few women do this even men really do it at a super high rate it's really even encouraged behavior even being associated with being a man even with certain male cultures "Warehousing/transportation industry".

All the projection, What Plan A or Plan B is an excuses to help his family to make money only, you those lady (sorry to say) can.t perfom also can sit very high position, even your are better also no use, he just try to manipulate through.

Here's a kicker: Reflection or projection. And down below am I projecting merely my own problems? What if an ESP empath steps into your shoe's, doesn't like it, picks up your problems, and what they address about you, seemingly at first as projection, is really reflection. Because a lot of persons do not confront themselves in the mirror -- streneous work it is -- so to overcome ego only to embrace and stand in 'light'. To confront your very Being, thoughts, emotions, beliefs, personality, attitude, identity, morality, childhood, trauma, indoctrination, to oberserve so to evaluate from a 3rd person, seperating from mere ego turning to thy self etc. This is a life time endeavorment. Even than, more life times are had to develop the Soul. Beliefs & morality play a major part in all persons lives especially in interactions with others. Exmaple: I'm having a difficult time today. There is no community built on core foundation of communiomship, spirituality, nature, values -- longing towards the stars. There's no fire we gather around to pay homage together, or to acknowledge our people of great value, commitment or dedication, self sacrifice. There are no Mystics, shaman's, oracles, guru's. What we have today are substitute pseudo pyschologists never addressing the Stars or Spirit or God or Life or Light or Truth. The only community today is the one on your Facebook group, or the weekly meet up at the library. The community Spirit is gone. Family isn't even revered or valued truly today. We take everything for granted. We line up at a McDonald's drive thru just like the cattle at the slaughter house. We lost our understanding of survival and nature. Thus we became very co dependent on daddy government. We have little power today. People are Sprittually inept, psychological deprived. Narcissistism is being rewarded today. Freedom of speech is attacked. Truth Honor, Justice is not recognized or honored. You persons vote for politicians as your leaders. You watch mainstream media. You worship computers. You care more about your image in a selfie than what you are on the inside. You dare not say what needs to be, what has to be, because of fear losing your reputation. Everybody has a sacred duty here. There is no lukewarm. Hot or cold. Service to self or service to others. Determinism we deal with. Ignorance is a choice -- one with consequences. Our decisions effects those around us. Most people choose to ignore this fact. What is this? Is this projection? What draws the line in the sand? People use self projection now as a scape goat. I had to do great mental and Spiritual work so to even acknowledge these things. If more vigor is required to stand alone and address them. Though my voice is not heard, I stand regardless. What does it mean if I address this and the peoples of ignorance today? Is this integrity? My problems are your problems. The difference is, I step up to my Divine Agency and start to address them. What does one do after they work on themselves, even trying to be the change the want to see, only to realize they stand alone. Perhaps go to the mountains with the monks? Do we not all project? Whether its carelessness, selfishness, self righteousness, heroism, leadership, courage, kindness. Everybody is projecting their own belief, morality, principles, ideas, mental state, thoughts, feelings, indoctrination, etc. I choose to seek deeper. What I find is a connection, a resonance to: The stars. Nature. Cosmos. Animals. Trees. All life. Meaning. Purpose. Perhaps I am only projecting my problems onto others. I guess I shall leave now, and step aside, let go of these problems, rather than becoming them. Nobody wants to face government, let alone themselves in the mirror, or our history of pain and trauma and forsakkenship of mother earth. It doesn't feel right (the morality issue now) to just live in my own bubble though of carelessness or co dependence to some made up system. I have not a community. I want a peoples, core values, purpose, profound meaning. You will not find it in a monopoly. Should I not seek to build one. What am I looking for? Just follow the heard? It's doesn't feel right to fit in. So I'm projecting. Freedom requires such discipline. To maintain requires agency. I'm thinking about the world wars my grandfather had to go through and probably your's. I've study the why's and who did it. I observe sociology to get an idea how it could even occur. Persons today do not question any thing or history -- I do. I don't want to merely change people. Change is inevitable. Why not change for the better(morality issue). Anxiety is like an alarm indicating something is wrong. Most are not sure why it occurs because they're not grounded. Persons speak about anxiety like it's a bad thing. However, we know the future from the past. "History repeats itself" I question, if you don't have anxiety that may mean you are mindless, selfish, self absorbed, careless, narcissistic?