'BIL Called Our Child His After Being Our Donor' -- Reddit Story 

The biggest take away people forget is that he SIGNED a contract saying he is a DONOR ONLY. He signed away his parental rights to this child. It has been made clear in comments from OP on the post that the boundary was sent with all legal proceedings that he is ONLY a donor, not a father to this child. Him saying he's the father is overstepping the boundary made since the BEGINNING.

As a gay woman, It’s so so common to use a brother in law as a doner. It makes the child biologically theirs in a beautiful way. The brother is in the wrong here. Not the couple. If he couldn’t handle it he should have said so from the beginning.

I wonder if bil only became possessive of the child when they found out the baby was a boy. The 'first born son' desire a lot of men have especially since he doesn't currently have kids himself

As a gay woman, it's pretty normal to get DNA from family or friends. Its expensive to get a sperm donor and dangerous to just go out and have sex with some guy (there could be STDs and such). The couple absolutely did the right thing getting therapy before they used the sperm, and it's completely on the brother for overstepping their boundaries.

They need to cut contact. This isn’t safe for baby, BIL could kidnap baby. It would be different if he didn’t sign away rights but he did they can file a restraining order and should to prove a point.

This is why you NEVER make someone a donor who has not had any prior children beforehand. This is why it's such a common rule in surrogacy and IVF. It doesn't matter if it's a man or woman. Regardless of how much counseling you've had, things can immediately change after a child is born. THIS IS WHY surrogates can and do ultimately change their minds afterwards. I agree, I would never ask a family member to do this. Regardless of a piece of paper, It's hard to see someone as not your child, if you have given birth to it, or if it's your DNA. Especially when it's so close to home and you are in contact with that child constantly. Go to a sperm bank..

My sister and I agreed to donor our eggs when one of us is infertile (because of endometriosis). But we are twins, so technically we already share 50% of the genes :D So no big deal for us and our partners. But its different...

I’d be livid if I was either of the mothers. I would place a protective order in place as it came out of the blue. He signed those rights away & stated he is the uncle only. Once he did that he lost all rights to be the father of the child or any claim on them.

If BIL wants to play dad so much, why not tell him he needs to pay child support (sarcasm)

Everyones ignoring a big issue. This couple NEVER should have restricted themselves to 'passing on the genes'. When it comes to what works for them, they shouldnt let some weirdo gene obession control how they make a family.

To those saying to adopt, depending on where they live, gay and lesbian couples still have a lot of hoops to jump through for a chance to adopt. It honestly is that simple. He donated, which was nice, and signed a contract ensuring he has no legal claim to the baby. If the baby grows up and wants to know, then explain the process to them. maybe they'll want to know him, maybe they won't and that will be their son's choice when that time comes. There is already enough BS regarding homosexual couples and having a family from saying "you're not really their mom/family" "biologically they aren't yours" and sure, adopting is great, but getting those comments hurts just as much as other homophobic statements. Complications will happen regardless because once that child grows up and start asking questions, that will do a lot of other shit even if they didn't have a donor with familial relations.

Holy crap that one commenter, seems homophobic to me. did they not catch the part were OP said he agreed to only be a donor? I think that person needs some therapy

They will definitely have issues in the future w this guy. He’s already stated in public that the boy is his. This will be repeated & rumors will start that his sister had his baby etc etc. So not only will they be talked about for being lesbians but then on top of that rumor will be brother & sister slept together to have a son for the women to raise. People are just awful & will spread the lie because people gossip. Not to mention he will tell this child in the future that he’s not his uncle but he’s really his dad. He alone will screw w this kid & just be trouble from now on out. Then the child will loose family because of this issue. After all even though he signed his right away he can still talk about it. In my opinion in situations like this there should be a gag order, or whatever the technical term is, so no one can talk about it & if so there would be consequences of some sort.

Your parents are who raised you, not necessarily who provided their DNA. I never knew my bio dad, and don’t care to. My real dad, is man my mom married when I was 5. While he is technically my step dad, I’ve never thought of him as anything other than just dad. Personally, I have no interest in knowing my bio father and I never really have. The only exception, is that I wanted to know his sides family medical history, but that is as far as my interest has ever gone.

My guess is that brother in law‘s wife said she didn’t want to have kids or something, so he changed how he felt about OP‘s baby being his because it was his only chance

I haven't seen this particular point brought up but there's a chance it might not have even been possible for the couple to continue with IVF if the BIL's sperm wasn't used because OP's wife's grandma covered the costs and maybe she wouldn't have been as happy to do so if it weren't for the whole passing on the bloodline thing ("...happily covered the costs since our baby would be the first of the new generation in their family"). To be fair, she could've just been happy about having a grandbaby in general, but seeing that there's this bloodline/gene-passing obsession in OP's wife's immediate family, I wouldn't be surprised if this traced further back...

I almost worry the BIL tried to play a waiting game so he could end up with a child without any of the initial effort.

BIL sounds either unhealthily attached to the baby, or my first reaction was that he has a secret thing for OP. It could also just be the weird way the family handles having children. They're so obsessed with genes being passed down that adoption and sperm banks were off the table. It was the brother's sperm or they wouldn't view the couple's children as legitimate.

I mean does he want to be considered the dad of his sister’s baby?

That’s very ignorant to say they are fucking stupid, they wanted child that was half of one of them plus the baby is already here, they can’t take baby back. Tons of women donate and are surrogates that are siblings but never have this issues, the BIL was out of a hand you signed your rights away it’s not your kid, it sucks they have to cut their family off but they need to do them. They did the right steps with the wrong person it’s a lesson they learned but I wouldn’t insult the OP they had no idea this was gunna happen

I already have weird family set up with my dad being my uncle cause he married my mom’s sister. I can’t imagine being a kid, waking up and finding out their uncle is their bio dad and their cousins are their siblings. People can draw lines about technicalities. But when that kid wants to figure themselves out and know the truth it is going to be very confusing. At least I grew up knowing my dynamic and my family made it feel as normal as they could. It isn’t the same. But sometimes I think people are so obsessed with having kids the way they want to and don’t think about the life that kid has to live because of their choices.

I think if mom didn’t make eye contact then maybe she’s been putting stuff in his ear

I think Matt was so blown away by this situation haha he was like "it could be so simple! Just fuck a stranger" total dude logic 🤣🤣🤣

BIL is not the father because he signed away his rights. So he has no rights to the child or any decisions about the child .

The situation sounds fine the brother in law shouldn’t have agreed to it if he wanted to be a parent to the child, biological parents don’t matter it’s about the family unit as a whole.

In Germany we have a saying, that you never ever should make business with friends or family. This is being a perfect example. You can just feel sorry for the guy even though that's what he signed up for.

The commenters are literally INSANE. Edit: also Matt is out of line. They had no reason to assume there would be an issue at all. They're not stupid.

I agree with Morgan’s brother this situation was just asking for trouble! Won’t the son pass on his genes when him and the sil have a kid? The wives should of just got a random donor and not let the first wives family guilt them into passing on the family name 🤦🏽‍♀️

Do not ask someone who has not had children of their own . They have No idea what they are getting into

honestly no. I agree with Matt. I've NEVER heard of a donor situation where there were NO complications AT ALL regarding family/parental drama. you wanna do a surrogate? do someone you don't know personally. Personal emotions get mixed in and make it complicated

I don’t know why it even matters what the rest of the family wants. They should’ve adopted if they wanted to, who gives a shit if the rest of the fam has a weird thing with needed to pass genes on? Maybe their other kids can do that then? People have got to stand up for themselves and do what you want with your own life !!! Don’t let others sway you because of what they want !!

I might be an asshole for saying this but while i agree the brother-in-law is in the wrong here, because he agreed and now he should back off ...why bring a child to such a complicated situation? I take issue when people bring children into the world for weird purposes like making the parent feel complete, avoid dying alone, "passing the bloodline", proving some point, getting status, thinking its just natural for all married couples to have children, etc, this are all things it will take the child a life time to understand and sometimes can end up with parents trying to control their child to fullfil their desires and ideals; bringing a new life into the world is a HUGE DEAL and the reasons the parents do it for can have a profound impact on the childs life. I have to agree with Matt, sure there are probably couples that have a family donor and it turns out great but for me those weird "pass the genes" ideals would have been a clear indication that there is a lot to work on first (like the trauma everybody in this story knows they have but avoids facing) before bringing a child as a fix all solution, yeah, for a while it seemed like everyone got what they wanted but now they have a baby in a very complicated situation that could get him growing with limited or no extended family and with one or both his parents feeling incompetent and all for reasons far beyond his control and even understanding.

This is exactly why you don’t mix family with big life decisions like this because it never, NEVER goes on well. I 100% agree with Matt that they shouldn’t have even ask BIL in the first place. I’ve been burned by who I considered family so I would never ask family to do something like this for me. BIL signed away all parental rights away the second he chose to be a donar. He has absolutely no right to try to ruin someone else’s family dynamic just because he’s starting to regret his decision. Yeah, that child has a right to know who their biological father is but only when THEY ask for their father not when BIL feels like being a daddy. He needs to respect boundaries and understand that until that child asks for his biological father, he needs to learn his place

I find it weird that this woman made an embryo into a baby that was half made by her brother… maybe it is me, but this is weird.

If the baby was not conceived through intercourse, and there is no intimate relationship between the mother and BIL, he has no legal claims to the child.

One of my Aunts left and went to Hawaii and got knocked up. She has no idea who they are and her son has had a lot of problems with not knowing who his father is.

Post new content :( I feel like I’ve watched all your videos and now the new videos are ones that you guys have already covered. I love your channel. I binged your channel. I can’t wait to get new content & hear new stories!

I’m a surrogate and that’s literally why I went the agency route to match with a couple that we don’t know.

I feel like BIL is being egged on by MIL, since she wouldn't make eye contact.

My thought is because the parents are so fixated on continuing the family bloodline they pushed those beliefs onto their children. Now with the first grandchild being also the first grandson he is the next generation to carry there bloodline. I think the brother see's his bio son as carrying the family genetics. I also think that is why his current wife is upset because he is probably fixated on this. I think this is why IVF it's best to do a stranger as there is no emotional attachment.

Mais personne est choqué que la femme de la personne ayant envoyer la note à quand même porter l'enfant de son frère ! ! Ok, c pas son "fils" mais génétiquement c un peu bizarre... non? Ou j'ai pas bien compris....

"He wasn't, he just provided the sperm" and she just provided the eggs. She's a hypocrit. The way they all acted like he had no part in bringing this child into the world is asinine. So far, she has done as much as him.

BIL should never has any thing to do with the couple after he signed the contract. That way he would not be able to form any connections with the baby while in the pregnancy period.

I am late to the party, but a couple years back I donated eggs for IVF for an unknown couple. I wasn't sure if I ever wanted kids and I had good health (they do TONS of testing) interviews, DNA, blood work, all of it, and then they gave me a treatment for like 2 weeks of injections to like up my mature eggs for extraction and I signed several things, between them that I would have no claim over the baby/babies that came from my eggs, I was not allowed to know any info about the people receiving them (to not risk ever wanting to contact them or something) and honestly I did mainly because when I was younger a close uncle and his wife both of them I love to pieces, were never able to conceive because fertility issues and IVF is expensive but back then (we are talking like 15-20 years ago it was hard to even get clinics that did the procedure and in my city it wasn't available at all) so idk it felt right and nice, because eventhough I never met them, I feel that any couple willing to go to such lengths to have a child is because they really want to be parents. I would NEVER even think about feeling entitled to any kid that may have come out from the IVF literally I just donated my eggs, I did nothing of the work

It's only midnight here in California. Second.

I would distance my family from him immediately. This gives me bad vibes. He is trying to undermine these poor parent's family. She says that the extended family has a history of homophobia and this situation REEKS of that.

Can you do scary road trip story’s

this is a huge fear for me, because i'm infertile (due to some medical stuff). i can either go with a donor i dont know or my elder brother. and this is the reason id be leaning more towards an anonymous donor. im not planning on getting kids anytime soon, but like this is a huge fear for me.

A "father" is someone who's present and raises the kid. Sperm donor doesn't make him the father.

I feel a weird sense of ownership coming from the parents and most of the comments. Its THEIR child, he signed away all rights etc. What about the child's feelings as he grows up? You are parents to a child but you don't own it. I think more focus should be on the childs wellbeing. While I dont think the bio dad have a right to come and play house like he is a parent, he is still the bio dad, and if both he and the son wants a relationship as he grows up that should not be a problem. They should not cut contact with the ILs, that is a recepie for the child resenting the moms later on, esp if he finds the bio dad, and they end up connecting. I think the best scenario at this point is to tell the boy he has two parents (moms) and a bio-dad, and then he can get the best of both worlds and know where he came from. If the biodad wants to take the child and play soccer or smthing they should be able to do that. The child will still love his two moms, because that is where he lives and they will be his primary security. But to completely cut of the BIL because he feels som fatheely connection and wants to be part of the boys life is just wrong. If you do that you're being selfish, putting your own needs (of feeling like the ONLY parents) above your childs. Granted this could all have been avoided by going to a sperm bank, you didn't, and now you have to suck it up. Don't punish the child for your own mistakes. He has the chance of a great male rolemodel (his biodad) since you didnt use an unknown sperm donor. And it seems like the BIL wants to be part of his life as well. Im a firm believer that when you have a child, you put away your own feelings and do what is best for the child, even if you dont like it. A child is a fully formed person in their own right, with wants and needs, they're not just mini-grownups that you have to raise and can claim ownership over.

I’m 2 minutes in and distracted by the fact that op wife was technically pregnant with her brothers baby! Now it’s not incest since the eggs that were used were op and they aren’t related but it threw me off at first and so I needed to mention it somewhere and since everyone at my house is asleep here I am. I apologize!!

Matt is kind of ignorant..

I think the brother came about it really weird and if he had adressed it better than maybe they could have a conversation about it. I dont agree with him saying hes a father but he can be a really close family member to the baby

They need to continue with therapy to navigate these complicated feelings/situation

So OPs wife is infertile. The SIL is OPs wife's bio sister. So since the wife is infertile there is a chance the SIL is in infertile and they haven't shared with the rest of the family and that's could be the reason y BIL is now holding on the the fact he is the father cause that might be the only child he gets to have

Why do you put up the full episode then put out pieces of it like they are new

No, it's eugenics.

I think it's easy for so many of us to have such a clear answer is because we have not or will even be in this situation. A simple example. So many of us are perfect parents before we have kids. Many people are able to detach from their eggs/sperm. Especially in a third party situation. But also many people think they are capable of it until it's in their face and then regret comes in. I would love to donate my eggs since I'm done having kids myself. However I know myself and would feel guilty knowing something of me is out there not with me. It's an emotional response. Irrational as it may seem. And from reading the comments on the post it sounds like the bil and his wife are trying to conceive to no success. So this event most likely triggered this sudden out of blue change of heart. I don't think either sides are assholes. I think it's a high emotional situation for both sides and all three should probably go back to therapy to talk through this. And get back to the original agreement.

What are they thinking they’re going to Co-raise the baby within the two sub families?? That’s crazy and image how confusing it would be for the child. The brother in law is way out of line.

Maybe I’m confused since I just woke up but seeing as how BIL is biological sister’s husband… he’s not even related. So.. they’re not even continuing the genetic line. He’s not related.. am I missing something that would make him be part of carrying on the family genes? I’m so lost. So if I’m correct in my thinking, there would have been no point asking him anyway? Can someone clarify because clearly I’m missing something

Regardless of legality, that baby IS HIS. It’s understandable that his instincts would kick in… Whyyyy would this ever be considered as an option- it’s wrong on so many levels.

I haven’t read the original post so I don’t know whether I understood it wrong or not, but I understood that BIL wasn’t OP’s wife’s brother and that he was actually the husband of OP’s wife’s sister. So if I am not wrong, the baby would not have the family genes either, right? (Sorry if it wasn’t clear, English is not my first language)

FIRST 😭🥰 thank god for insomnia

Wait the BIL gave up his sperm and didn’t tell his wife that he was donating 🤔🤔🤔

The comparison to goodwill is RIDICULOUS. This is someone's DNA. Their biological offspring. Donating sperm doesn't make that all go away. Not to mention the pain the child my feel when he finds out they purposely kept his dad away from him because they were uncomfortable with the dad saying he is his son.

I hate to say it but I think matt is my least favourite guest

Omg I thought your sister in law was your sister and I thought your brother was your brother in law until I realized he’s your brother and she’s your sister in law lol y’all look like sisters big time😅

its so the baby still looks like the wife

Is no one going to talk about the fact that sperm bank keep medical history. So what happens if they did and they end up with some random disease and they can't find the sperm doner. Who has the answer for it!!

The GOODWILL reference ya got a little backwards or sideways idk llol. Instead of this being “donating your clothes to goodwill, is it still yours?” It’s actually more like, you being the designer of the brand and clothes. THEN donating them. So technically you’re the owner. But you chose to give it up but it’s still yours but you have no right to them. Lol

The brother is out of line and stepped over the line. He gave up his rights. He is no longer is the father. He needs to stop. Sadly some judges would award in his favor....which sucks

👋🏼👋🏼

I hate the insinuation that gay women should just "go out and have some sex" in another country. I literally broke up with my ex girlfriend because she made this joke about going to Africa to get a baby and I was like... 1st of all... that's unethical. 2nd of all... why Africa specifically??? She has some issues to work out and it wasn't gonna be with me.

The whole thing actually doesn’t make sense - there was a push for ‘genetics to be passed on’ but the genetic link here was the sister of the lady who carried the child; not her husband? What if they divorce?? Fucked up for sure regardless.

That person that was mad is probably a sheltered Christian child and needs to stay quiet thill they learn.

Yeah maybe it is better to know where your child is coming from (although I don't see how it would that important personally. I mean you want to make this child and raise it and love it, who cares about its genes as long as it doesn't carry a disease ? Which I'm pretty sure they check at a sperm bank...) But when it's from someone you know there is a high chance there are gonna be problems... And this story is the proof (AND there are so many others), so knowing that, don't even try to get into this situation. Everybody thinks their story is gonna be different and be like "oh I trust my brother there won't be any problems"... Well here you go girl... BUT the brother is definitely the asshole. He agreed, you can't change your mind about something like that! (although I can understand why) but that's so wrong and not fair to his sister wtf. Sperm is just sperm once you donate it. You're no dad, you're a donor. That's it

They can state the technicalities for as long as they want. They reality is that when the child becomes an adult they will want to find out who their bio dad is. There is a move to abolish anonymity in sperm donation because of the sheer number of sperm donor kids wanting to know who their bio dad is.

Really rude of your brother to call them “idiots”. Yes the needing it to be family genes is a little eugenicsy but a lesbian couple getting to have a biological child can be something special and I get that. To call them “asking for it” when they explicitly said they had therapy and signed multiple documents, they did this as responsibly as possible. There is a difference between someone doing something you don’t understand, and doing something “stupid” and shitty. Honestly so put off by morgan’s brother right now. Also creeped out by the family because it seems like the MIL was the one to reccomended this and that family paid for it. Was this always their plan? They went through extensive therapy and legal counseling, did they just ignore all that because they had this plan all along?

hold up.... so if BIL is OP's wife's sister's husband... how does this make sense in the idea of passing on their genes????? Wouldnt it had beed wife's brother or something? It makes no sense to be BIL... anyway he's defenitely a butthole and hope they do cut contact completely with MIL and BIL family until they apologize, even if that means the kid wont have contact until way way later :/

First of all, just adopt...GOOD LORD. This is just asking for problems...ethically, factually and personally. Yes, I know that they want their own Biological children but look at what happened as a result.😬 Not a matter of who is the ass but more of why complicate matters?💁🏻‍♀️

Technically he is the father. These ladies should have seen this coming.

Maybe bil wife’s is infertile and just found out idrk

I mean I know I’m in the minority but he technically is the dad, he may have signed his rights away but he will always be the bio father. If a woman has a kid & gives the child up for adoption yes she signed away her rights but she is still the bio mother

"He just provided the sperm" Yes, so he IS the father! Homosexuality is unnatural and wrong for reasons like this.

It's his sperm, the child is biologically his. One day the child is gonna wanna know his dad. Yes the brother in law over stepped but his parental feels are valid regardless of the legal rights he signed away. It's not a 'weird' connection, he is the father.

Sorry to break it to everyone but this man is in fact the father! He is the biological father and the child will value him as that. Whether you all want to accept this or not. That’s the reality. All people want to know. It’s important for kids to know where they came from. Kids will think about these things often. I know because I went through it myself. Whether you are a doner egg baby, doner sperm, adopted or foster child.. Gay couples with children, i assure you that your child wants to know! Your kid wants to know their biological mother/father. So understand this before you get into this situation. You can’t act as if that other half does not exist. The child will resent you also. Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor

I’m a huge believer in if they are biologically yours then they’re yours. If you were adopted, raised or are a surrogate, if they don’t have your DNA they are not your child. Don’t believe oP is an asshole but I don’t think the brother-in-law is an asshole either

Wtf 😨