Can a narcissist ever really love or care about you? | The Narcissists' Code Ep 737 

Yep, and I don't care what Lee says narcissists don't LOVE.... it sad but true. Since love is so abstract they can spin it anyway they want ...what a horrible position to be in. How does one cope with being a self aware narcissists.... now I get why there are so few...who would want to face the truth.... the lie of being better than everyone is such over compensation for how they REALLY feel about themselves and their wall of protection and defense mechanism...what happens to that when u become self aware....and realize u are a ....close to being a vampire of sorts 🤯

I asked the narc ? Did you really love me .. his reply was , You wouldn’t Believe it .. wtf yup didn’t believe it

@@SweetandSourlyToxicViralVideos that's just your experience. You're nex didn't love you.

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I suppose I might add that: The process of healing overlaps significantly with the process of detaching from this addictive falsehood.

Exactly

Is that really True

@@briancisneros8595 sort of I have NPD my childhood was less than ideal would be an understatement, my parent’s marriage counselor had told my father who was an abusive alcoholic (physically abusive only to me as the only other guy in the house) that he believed my dad had BPD. My psychologist when evaluating me since I correctly guessed I had ADHD and Mild OCD also diagnosed me with NPD as well. Though I’m never abusive in relationships ( to this day never have had a single argument in a relationship because nothing is so important to me that I feel the need to start one all my relationships have ended because I got bored once the honeymoon phase wore off and I break it off though still on good terms with all of them). But from my experience I can idolize “love” and a person I’ll truly believe that it’s different every time basically become infatuated. I’ll try and give them everything they want and need the relationship basically will be a sprint rather than a marathon it moves extremely fast. I’ve had some tell me they loved me when we were a month in being the longest and then the shortest time being 3 days in. That’s the trap for both of us, they’ll mean it which makes me believe that I truly feel the same since that’s the feeling of being desired and wanted around (never felt wanted around growing up) and that’ll trap us both until the honeymoon phase dies off then I essentially realize it wasn’t them that I loved but the rush of a new relationship and being wanted. Once that newness wares off I break things off realizing that one it’s not what I want and two me wanting to feel like a good person and seeing how my father treated my mom don’t ever want to feel unwanted so I’ll break it off before they feel it isint working to protect my own mental state essentially.

May you heal fully from this. Stay strong.

Yeah, no I’m gonna listen to the Mental Healnes guy, he knows how the narcissistic mind works more than anyone who isn’t one themselves… since he is one. Things aren’t black and white Yes, abusers can love you, to the extent that they are capable of loving someone.. which can be toxic to you Spreading the narrative that “abusers can’t care or love” honestly seems detrimental to people in those relationships because “He can’t be abusive, because he loves me and abusers can’t love!” “She can’t be a narcissist because there were moments when I could tell she genuinely cared, and narcissists don’t care!” Yes, they can. But their way of caring is hurtful and toxic ya know

Who’s Ben

@@Heymonda8794 Ben Taylor ( Raw Motivations) another self aware narcissist.

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OMG... Word Salad

@@mearis8133 💯 gaslighting. I felt so crazy bc then he would do the silent treatment (probably my least favorite and he did it consistently) I had no concept of reality and somehow I was always to blame for everything. He definitely has the art of word salad down to a science. All of it is soul crushing. I’m just a little over a month no contact, so far, I’m hanging in there but didn’t realize how many emotions would come up. How hard fighting yourself to stay no contact is. Ugh. This abuse is emotionally draining and costs us our sanity. As I wrote what he literally said, word for word, I look at it and think… why would anyone stay? Breaking the trauma bond is hard but I’m all in. No one deserves this. 🙏🏼♥️

@@JoannaSmith-jj8bw now that has been almost a year, how are things for you now? Going through this myself.

They can, just not like people are used to being loved.

Da Brat "How you gonna win when you ain't right within". 💥💥💥

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Indeed, any “love” that requires a why or a reason is false love.

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Mine been saying for 2 years “things will go back to how they were …my feelings will come back like they were “ Nope ….not true

@@KittyCatFurbabiesMaria1972 You want to believe it with all your heart, you'll still get little bursts of it sometimes but what you had at the start never truly returns. It's so hard to part with the fantasy we have built up in our minds.

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Narc is one thing, and a n has other people that will help further the n's abuse, called Flying Monkeys. Not same people...

There is this guy that we kinda connected in the past, but it didn't go far because of the distance. Now he married with kids, but whenever he has issues with his wife he comes to me asking me why I didn't want to marry him and when he explained what the issue was I tell him that I would react like his wife. Lately he asked me if I ever want a kid and told me that he will be willing to be a father. He told me that he feels that he is in the world for a bigger purpose and he feels bigger than a man of one family. It sounded like polygamy. Not sure if he is a narc or not, but I felt disrespected big time.

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I was diagnosed with NPD my father was an alcoholic who my parents marriage counselors told him that they believed he had BPD. He was mainly emotionally/mentally/verbally abusive to everyone but me being the only other guy in the house was only ever physically abusive to me. With that background in mind and that psychologist believe NPD can be contributed to due to either and overly praising environment or an overly abusive one. From my experience from the ones that had experienced abuse growing up and felt unloved and unwanted seek that admiration, attention, validation, the need to feel wanted and loved. So if someone starts showing them that in that pre-relationship phase or during the beginning of an relationship they’ll fall in love with that feeling given to them but believe they fall in love with the person. Now how they behave in the relationship is varied some will be controlling, some will be always agreeable never wanting to let the other person down and always please them to maintain that feeling. My case is the always agreeable never had an argument in a relationship never had one last more than 8 months so an argument never had a chance to happen. Always did anything to help, give them what they want/desired/needed etc. but then the newness either wares off and I realize it’s not love or I worry about them stopping loving me once the honeymoon phase end and I feel they may grow disinterested so I’ll break up with them to avoid having to feel that. Always ended on good terms no ill will and still friends with some who’ll I’ll chat with or we’ll send dumb videos/memes to each other to this day. The point being yes you’re right it’s not “love” but to me and others it feels like it is. We’re not all assholes or abusers a lot of us are some who experienced trauma and can’t process emotions and our mental understandings well and try and do the best we can.

They are incapable of love. If you notice they suddenly project and idealise a person. They don’t have love for themselves. Hence they cannot give it to others. You cannot give what you don’t have. They meet someone and next day start love bombing. How is this love ? Love takes time to grow. Lot of time. They are incapable of loving

His image was shattered 😂

Yup. You diverged from the snapshot of you in his mind. He interacts with the snapshot. Never you

Actually, the best thing that could have happened. And what did he do? He left me for a druggie using him for $$. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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No problem

At least it shows that is not like they are consciously pretending to love us. They FEEL and believe that that what love is.

Everyone loves Some are just so fucked up from this planet it comes out in truly destructive ways

That's not love. They pretend to love you to get their needs met. They're users and abusers. No way thats love SMH

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I appreciate it. Stay strong

Not even close. Sam Vaknin is the best! Hands down. Lee is good though too.

@mr.makedonija2627 OH, Sam is the OG Narc, we also have HG Tudor, but Lee is the most to-the-point and playful 😊

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if he's love bombing his mistress he more than likely isn't thinking about the wife. out of sight out of mind. narcissists think they can compartmentalize things well but really cant

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that's also a reason. Remember human beings are complex and not all narcissists will operate in the exact same way. Vulnerability means that they are not in control anymore. If we see their shadows then they think we are not going to want them anymore (low self esteem, fragile ego), therefore, stop validating them

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I hope you can find closure and peace of mind in this devastating reality. You're not alone 😢

@@norcal1009 Thank you, sorry to hear you’re going through something similar

@Val welcome, never let the darkness of bad memories take over you. It's always better to let them kindly go whenever they pop up. It's totally natural and your mental health is more important now.

Praying for you and sending you love♥️

@@norcal1009 True, it’s hard but I’ll try.

And yet, here you are....

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