Could Relationship Anarchy Be Right For You?: Exploring Unconventional Relationship Styles

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Relationship anarchy is the practice of applying egalitarian, anarchist principles to our interpersonal relationships. It is NOT the same thing as polyamory, although the two often go hand in hand. If you’re interested in alternative relationships styles and you’re asexual or aromantic, relationship anarchy provides a supportive and affirming framework on which to build intimate, lasting and committed relationships that don’t require you to do things you’re not comfortable with. And if you’re polyamorous but looking for a more egalitarian, non-hierarchical framework from which to operate, relationship anarchy can be great for that too! This video is a deep-dive into what relationship anarchy is, how it works, and how we can use it to grow and change through our interpersonal relationships.
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“The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy”: theanarchistlibrary.org/libra...
“What Is Relationship Anarchy and Is It For You?”: www.shape.com/lifestyle/sex-a...
“Polyamory, Relationship Anarchy and Queerplatonic Partnerships”: • Polyamory, Relationshi...
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📚Books for further reading:
Gahran, Amy. Stepping off the Relationship Escalator. Booktopia, 2017.
Carlos, Pérez Cortés Juan, et al. Relationship Anarchy: Occupy Intimacy! Juan-Carlos Pérez-Cortés, 2023.
Rosa, Sophie K. Radical Intimacy. Pluto Press, 20 Mar. 2023.
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Follow me on Instagram for sewing and creative projects:
/ meghansandor
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Опубликовано:

7 авг 2024

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Комментарии : 47

@sleidkssk 4 месяца назад

The way that the relationship escalator has such a stronghold over us is incredible - it takes a significant amount of effort to disarm the unconscious bias that has been embedded in us, and like you said, the relationship escalator is like a paint-with-the-numbers kit - it seems to be easier since the structure is laid out already but it also means it's possible that you don't like where the painting is going. And since the expectations are already set out, for most people communication gets put on the back burner 'cause tbh communication is not easy. Communication is wayyyy harder than I thought and requires a lot of effort but it seems to be the only way you can start enjoying painting 🙃 As always thank you for the lovely video! ❤

@meghansandor 4 месяца назад

Thank you for the thoughtful comment, and I love how eloquently you worded the analogy of the paint-by-numbers kit!! ♥

@p0etrygh0st 4 месяца назад

This is really interesting and helps me think more about friendship jealousy

@meghansandor 4 месяца назад

Friendship jealousy is SO REAL

@jpatrick113 4 месяца назад

I always appreciate these deep dives into relationships/sexuality/etc. Your videos on asexuality and relationship anarchy have really resonated with me. I've always had difficulties with relationships and these perspectives and new ways of thinking about relationships have given me a lot to think about. As someone who doesn't have the attention span for research, I am grateful for the work you put into these videos.

@meghansandor 4 месяца назад

Thank you for watching! I’m a research fanatic, so if there’s ever anything in particular you’d like to see a video essay on, shoot me a message and I’d be more than happy to do a deep-dive for you!

@jpatrick113 4 месяца назад

@@meghansandor I'm not sure if there is a way to DM on youtube and I don't really have social so I'm posting this here and hope you see it. I've been thinking about possible topics that I would be interested in and would be curious how society could evolve to support differing relationship philosophies. Obviously North American society pretty much only supports monogamy and sometimes only binary sex relationships. So I am curious is anyone has done any research or throwing around ideas on how we could move forward in society to better support different relationship ideals. Thanks Meghan

@meghansandor 4 месяца назад

@@jpatrick113 That's a great idea, thank you for posting it!! I've actually been reading a lot of books on how we can as a society move towards more egalitarian ways of relating, and basically what it comes down to is deconstructing capitalism and patriarchy on a grassroots level first. But I can definitely do a video about this at some point!

@anonanon7553 Месяц назад

@@meghansandor Can you recommend some book about this to me? I'm more of a reader as opposed to a watching videos type of person.

@Reed5016 Месяц назад

@@anonanon7553She listed some stuff in the video description. Books and articles.

@junaseras 3 месяца назад

The last sentences of your manifesto almost made be cry 🥲 So beautiful, thanks for sharing! ❤️ I've been practicing RA for about 3 years now and i've never been happier. I'm an AFAB, grey-ace AuDHDer and i just can't do typical relationships... It doesn't feel safe nor exciting or natural. The expectations that are put on me by society by default rarely match how i feel about myself or my relationships. I'm so happy i found you're channel, I feel so seen listening to you. Thanks! ❤️

@meghansandor 3 месяца назад

I’m so happy you feel seen! Thank you for leaving that wonderful comment and I hope you stick around! 😉

@deeno1111 2 месяца назад

i consider my time wasted by emotional abusers that pretend to care about me in the beginning but show over time that they want me to shrink to suit their insecurities and preferences. if you’ve never experienced insidious mental abuse, consider yourself lucky.

@micahlynx 2 дня назад

this was such an interesting video!! relationship anarchy is something ive only recently heard about but immediately i identified with it moreso than the typical relationship escalator, as i don’t see myself ever wanting kids or even marriage. thank you for all the resources in the description too, i will definitely make sure to check them out :)

@shannon7260 4 месяца назад

Hi Meaghan, my first time watching your utube ( I’ve only seen IG shorts) You have very interesting points here! I just have to comment, I am married but we chose to not have kids,, there in taking friends relationships I have actually been told I’m not worth her time because I don’t know what real life is because I have no kids. Now sadly it’s happened more than once,I felt they were great friends and I appreciated their time with me only to be shoved aside. I hear what you’re saying here,, I totally get this!!

@meghansandor 4 месяца назад

I'm sorry it resonated for those reasons! I hear you though, childfree people can feel marginalized easily sometimes.

@Perilous_perils_forrest 4 месяца назад

Thank you for feeding my unhealthy obsession with learning about relationship dynamics and related things🙏/gen/hsilly Edit: this was very informative thank you/gen

@meghansandor 4 месяца назад

I'm glad it was enjoyable/informative! :)

@nathandavis9385 Месяц назад

My comment is about time: I feel, at least for myself, that the ability to love is infinite. I can love any number of people with the full depth of body and spirit that I am capable of. Time, however, is a limited resource and I even hesitate to call it a resource as it certainly isn’t renewable. Our time in this incarnation is finite and thus creates its value. It’s because of this logic that I prioritize my time within a kind of hierarchy by default with respect to those I feel most responsible to. If we all lived forever, it wouldn’t be an issue. Now, that said, perhaps the afterlife is just one giant orgy 🤷‍♂️ and when we get there, none of this will matter and we can take any form we like.

@rosaannarilli4905 4 месяца назад

Hi Meghan, great topic, I've learned a thing or two. All I will say is that, I'm so glad I'm in no relationship too time consuming!

@thesaltybeard1793 13 дней назад

This is so fucking good. Been trying to sort through my thoughts on how I feel about these things for years now but especially more recently.

@meghansandor 13 дней назад

Thank you! I hope you get it sorted out :)

@nataliasegal8674 2 месяца назад

I had to pause the video and say that I am surprised that this video doesn't have more views. You're saying so many important and thought-provoking things here....especially about how people view time given out to people and the concept that nobody is a waste of time. One of my favourite relationships was a friends with benefits situation where we both knew it wasn't going anywhere and there was no pressure so the intimacy was so hot and healthy....but unfortunately in the end, we needed different things. Still....no regrets looking back to that time. It was much healthier and happier than a 3 year mostly monogamous relationship that I had with another person because I thought I should want to go up the relationship escalator to prove that I was a real adult. It was silly, but that's what happens when society pressures us and we don't question it enough! :) Anyway, awesome video and awesome explanation and how you distinguished RA from poly. I am both, but I appreciate it when people are reminded that there is a difference!

@meghansandor 2 месяца назад

Thank you for sharing a bit of your story and for your thoughtful and insightful comment! I also think it's silly that we spend so much time categorizing our relationships and prioritizing them based on status rather than genuine connection and intimacy.

@LiamTalksAboutStuff Месяц назад

Fantastic video! Really appreciate the research and effort that has gone into this. Relationship anarchy is something I've become aware of recently and I find it a very comforting approach, as someone who has been single for the majority of their life. I think society's ideals of romantic relationships create a lot of unfair pressure for people whose lives don't conform to those and an approach like this can enable us to appreciate the fulfilment afforded to us by all types of relationships.

@meghansandor Месяц назад

I totally agree, there are so many ways to experience love and society does us a massive injustice by forcing us into hetero/amatanormative boxes

@Fatima-zq6sd 4 месяца назад

Thank you for these gems!

@christinecamley 4 месяца назад

Hey what a super interesting topic Meghan! I enjoyed watching a lot! Fabulously done!! 🙂

@meghansandor 4 месяца назад

Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it :)

@harjotjassal9180 4 месяца назад

Nicely done Meghan :)

@meghansandor 4 месяца назад

Thank you!

@violetniemiec1602 Месяц назад

I definitely will have to show this video to my partner so they can better understand how i feel.

@camilled.2817 3 месяца назад

This is really right on time for where I'm at right now, thank you for the details and examples and nuances that help paint the picture vividly

@meghansandor 3 месяца назад

Thank you! I try, and I'm glad it resonated with you :)

@IsisJanssen 22 дня назад

You have a great explaining voice! Would love an analysis of those books! To further educate myself (reading is reallly hardddd for me) + im really interested

@meghansandor 21 день назад

Thank you! I've had several people ask for an analysis now so maybe I'll do a video about each one! Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment :)

@saskiahorton 3 месяца назад

Hi Meghan, Your hair is cOOL, AND i praise the big daddy algorithm for alerting me to your content 😅😂 (also LOVE me a long video essay) LEts get iiiit

@meghansandor 3 месяца назад

Haha thank you! I’m glad big daddy algorithm led you to my page 😉

@dunia4893 3 месяца назад

I really can't get tired of yhese videos, love it 💗 I wish more people knew about this subject

@meghansandor 3 месяца назад

Thank you! Me too, I think even if most people still prefer more conventional forms of relating, at least by taking the time to learn about other relationship styles and structures, they can choose more consciously and not just fall into social norms that may or may not suit them!

@dunia4893 3 месяца назад

@@meghansandor yeah definitely, I really think all relationships would benefit in knowing about it, and it'd make it easier to anarchorelate to people if they came from understanding a bit of the subject rather than having to always do the work of having to introduce them to it and risk them not getting it

@randomlittlewaffle Месяц назад

Wow, I can't find that last book anywhere that's accessible to me. Cries in braille and audio. 😢

@meganmyers1657 4 месяца назад

Hi Meghan I’m Megan 😉

@meghansandor 4 месяца назад

Hi Megan! I must say, you have the best name I’ve ever heard 😉

@eccod Месяц назад

I enjoy a monogamish mix of RA and traditional relationships. I'm a straight cis man, but I fit almost none of the societal norms of masculinity. I hate the phrases "going somewhere" and "dating with intention". I never seek a partner to fill an open spot. Instead, I connect with people until one becomes my main focus and the others fall away naturally. I usually pause the escalator somewhere around step 4. Once I'm there, hierarchy and a small amount of enmeshment helps me feel more secure. I value my partner over most other people, because I'm neurospicy and I struggle to unmask around people I'm not romantically involved with. So much so that there's no way I'm ever moving beyond step 1 until I feel a strong emotional bond (I identify as grayromantic for this reason). It's complicated, but in the end labels are only descriptive, not prescriptive.

@meghansandor Месяц назад

I can relate to a lot of this! Thank you for sharing :)