Welcome to my channel! I'm a self-taught sewist of historical and modern clothing, and I don't own a sewing machine. That's right...I sew absolutely everything 100% by hand (yes, even the mockups) and I strive to make my historical clothing as accurate as possible, using period-appropriate tools, materials and techniques. I also upcycle vintage and thrift finds, and sometimes I talk about asexuality and queer things too!
When my friend group was full of queer people I felt really safe and accepted myself but after I changed schools my classmates were all homophobic I started to feel like it was just a phase and I have to talk about men's abbs or other things about men but not women. Also when I tried to talk about my preferences in women they just assume that I want to BE THEM not want to be WITH them but whenever I show them a male character that I want to become (gender envy) they just assumed that I want to be HIS partner and that really pissed me off but couldn't tell the correct way cuz Im really afraid that they'll find out somehow and just say homophobic stuff (I hope people I know IRL don't find this comment.)
@@meghansandor I confess I know little about the singer/songwriter, shows what I know. I was thinking of the Madonna spirit in the sense of the positive vision of women that some men hold in their minds. I think it is important that the sexes generally think positively of one another.
Ultimately, patriarchy is inevitable, there is nothing that can be done about it permanently. We go through cycles, sure but progress is an illusion. I wish that this weren't so, but it is.
@@meghansandor Material observation. A cursory study of history shows it to be a series of cycles as opposed to a linear upward trajectory. And a question of my own, how would you prevent a patriarchy from overtaking an egalitarian society? The question is genuine, I'm not being facetious.
@@LiamLoves that's a great question, and I answered it in the video but long story short, through religious and philosophical authoritarianism. "Patriarchy" as we know it today came from a mish-mash of different philosophies and religious reformations that happened in Europe between the 15th and 18th centuries and they were used to justify colonialism and the subjugation of indigenous peoples in colonized lands. There are and always have been societies which were patrilocal and patrilineal, but neither of those things necessarily equal patriarchy in the way that we know it today.
Actually, it’s short for “compulsory heterosexuality” and it’s a well-established theory that was introduced by Adrienne Rich in 1980 in an essay called “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence.” Compulsory heterosexuality (or comphet) is the theory that heterosexuality is assumed and enforced upon people by a patriarchal and heteronormative society. One obvious example of this is when adults see two children playing in the sandbox, if it’s a girl and boy they’ll make jokes about them being girlfriend and boyfriend or otherwise project some romantic fantasy on them. But if it’s two girls playing in the sandbox (or two boys) no one would even think that they could grow up to be lovers one day, or fall in love, because queerness is never assumed from birth in the same way heterosexuality is. It’s more complex than that of course, but since you seem to be new to the topic, I’m mindful to not overwhelm you with information. I do invite you, however, to seek out some of the excellent body of literature that exists on comphet and how it makes it difficult for queer people (especially queer women) to recognize their own authentic attraction and how it works.
I was questioning if I might be asexual until I watched this video. I felt so called out by every part of this, especially the part about fanfiction. Now I'm sure I'm asexual.
Great video. I am a housewife but I work from the home. I enjoy it but I keep a job as a backup. My husband is fine with it because he isnt a sexist man. He never wants a divorce. I am a feminist who makes her own money and I take care of all of the finances but I love being a housewife as well. People are more complex than tradwives or someone who is maybe a hardcore feminist would think. Feminism is awesome but it can be hard. I watched my mother work 3 jobs or more a week to help make ends meet while being a housewife. She ended up marrying about 7 times trying to find a good man. I simply learned that you cannot solely depend on a man. It just doesnt work.
This is one of the most well balanced and nuanced discussions on this topic and put so many things into perspective for both sides. Thank you for this!
i fear i may have done the “talking about sex in a casual way and making the other person think i want to have sex with them or something” pleasure is an interesting topic :[ why cant people understand that conversing about something isnt an invitation. i thought an invitation was an invitation
Because our culture is straight, cis, hetero, neurotypical and allo-centric so any perspectives outside that are almost never considered, unfortunately.
I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum, but what made me feel unsure is that I can be turned on from sexual things, like porn, stories (this activates it more than porn, becausethere is a story behind it and not just sex on its own) I read bit with time I realised that it doesn't contradict itself.
Exactly! Plenty of ace folk get turned on and have/enjoy sex. What makes someone ace depends on whether or not they experience sexual attraction towards a person, or groups of people.
Thank you for uploading your video. I'm writing to contribute to your discussion. I'd like to include a different approach, about balance. So I will not say that patriarchy or matriarchy are good or bad, because I think a balance is necessary. Having said that, effective communication and flexibility are crucial. I haven't watched your entire video yet, so bear with me! I'd like to say that patriarchy had a role in our history when survival was a priority. In this day & age, I think that opinions from both dynamics could be considered and an agreement could be made. Perhaps there can be an effective harmony if everything works together?
The issue with that (which I get into later in the video☺️) is that “patriarchy” never really existed. There were and are societies which are patrilocal and patrilineal but not necessarily patriarchal. Patriarchy as we know it today is a convergence of different European philosophies and doctrines that arose between the 14th and 18th centuries, and it’s been used to build societies that actively oppress women and indigenous and BIPOC folk.
I am a 35 year old biromantic ace from Ontario, Canada, who enjoys singing, writing, and wearing ultra feminine fashion pieces! 🥰 I love your informative and thought-provoking content as well as your gorgeous hand-sewn dresses! 😄
This was interesting. Are you Native or a descendant? I'm Hunkpapa Lakota & enrolled at Standing Rock (also with Dakota & Arikara) ancestors My kids are Sac and Fox Nation of Oklahoma (also with Meskwaki ancestors) and Mvskoke Creek-OK (also Hitichi & Natchez) on their father's side. My son is married to a Kiowa/Pawnee/Ioway woman. So there is a lot of diversity between all of these separate tribes ie. languages, cultural traditions and ceremonial practices. Language is one of the ways that we can clearly see via vocabulary where colonial ideas entered our histories. In many tribes, the firced conversion to Christianity deeply affected and restructured many tribes along with residential schools which Native children were forced by law to attend in an attempt by the government to break Native family structures and clans. Thanks to the end of enforced residential schools, the Freedom of Religion Act of 1978 and Indian Child Welfare Act also in 1978, which stopped the adoption out of Native families communities (there was a government program from the 1940s until 1968 that pushed this where 1 in 4 children were removed from their families in many states where reservations were located) in an attempt to again force assimilation...there is a move to decolonize from Christian-oriented patriarchy. There are usually a balance in most tribes between patriarchy and matriarchal traditions because there was much more equality between the sexes.
Thank you so much for weighing in and for your insights! 🩷✨☺️ I’m not Native but I live in Canada so Native issues are near and dear to my heart because of how horrifically our government has treated (and still treats) Native communities. It breaks my heart.
Hey! I wanted to say thank you for making this video. Slightly older aroace here who recently stumbled upon aego ("Hey.. I think I really like this here lgbtq+ spicy romance--") you hit the nail on the head in terms of a number of details including the intellectualizing of sex. I joke to myself that I basically had to "teach myself 'sex'" in terms of when allosexual people mean it, talk about it, etc. I think as a slightly older person on aspec, I've had the tendency to stay at arms' length from all things that MIGHT be interpreted as sexual for fear of 'giving people the wrong impression'. Your video gives space to process these ideas (sensuality, power dynamics, navigating the increments of consent) without feeling like doing so is somehow "doing aroace wrong."
I have never heard of relationship anarchy before! Quite interesting. I've heard of values and relationship styles that align with it, but not that specific term. Queerplatonic and poly relationships have existed in my radar ever since I've considered I may be aromantic as far back as middle school (it's still up in the air). First because poly seemed to accept atypical dynamics and then discovering the term qp later on. I think it is lovely that people have come together with communities and names for connections that do not conform to set societal roles. I have abstained from relationships outside of family and typical friendship due to a variety of reasons, but if I ever do enter anything more complex, I would imagine it would be something along these lines. Thank you for the video :)
Thank you for your comment! I'm so glad you found terminology and labels to be helpful, I also think it's important to have names and words for things because it's a way to collectively formulate our experiences and build community around them!
It's always been hilarious to me to see feminists talk about all the women that they agree with and completely ignore the women at that same time period that didn't agree. It's literally "Believe all women, accept the ones that disagree!!" Or "Just do what we say because women are right and better than you!" So funny!
@meghansandor You didn't talk about them, which is my source for you not talking about them. Homonyms are hard for everyone, especially us with dyslexia.
@@ethanmiller5487 you said "feminists" in a general way, so that made me curious about any sources you may have that clearly demonstrate feminist discourse excluding conservative women. This video in particular was not about conservative women, it was about the origins of patriarchy, which is a factual, socio-political and cultural outgrowth of a few different philosophies which converged between the 15th and 18th centuries, and influenced the development of our society...obviously there will be people within that framework who both agree and disagree with it. The point of this video was not to explore the ways in which women and femme-presenting people either align with power structures or rebel against them, it was simply to explore the roots of those power structures themselves. Perhaps at a future point I'll do a video that talks about why some people who belong to traditionally marginalized groups (women, immigrants, etc.) align themselves with the people who oppress them, but that's too complicated a topic to cover in this video.
@meghansandor Nonfeminist women aren't automatically conservative. They just aren't feminists. That's it. I was talking about the women who don't agree with the idea of a patriarchy existing in the first place. Or even women who agree there is a patriarchy and want there to be a patriarchy. What if some people see those "power structures" as beneficial to everyone? By not including them in your video, you are marginalizing those women. Haven't they had enough? Do you see how emotionally manipulative your mindset is? But those women couldn't possibly be able to think for themselves or have their own personal reasons for their beliefs. All of those ideas came from the patriarchy. Any woman who doesn't see reality exactly like you do is being controlled by the patriarchy! Right? (Sarcasm)
I had a thought, they see it as a bigger threat that someone in their eyes breaks protocol and in their eyes moves down a step and therefor in their eyes questions the hierarchy itself which in turn puts their position in question, rather than someone who simply moves up. I don't know I am so tired of all the hierarchy games. I have my doubts that no hierarchy is possible or would function, but the one we got is deffo dysfunctional. I personally am in the weird position to be in a upper position, but deeply struggling with hierarchy in general. one of my findings is that people have much less of an issue if you are up or low, but breaking protocol or sending mixed messages or not adhering to hierarchy is viewed as problem much more and the more up someone is perceived who switches the bigger threat is perceived. in the end is ridiculous, still acting like we never left apedom. as nd aro ace I fear that bigger visibility will also lead to bigger conflict, but still I want bigger visibility for people who are aro ace and don't know it to find peace and community.
100%, and I struggle with the same thing sometimes, in terms of visibility vs. safety. But then I think, the more visible and vocal we are, the more normalized it becomes, and the more other people will also feel safe to be seen. Absolutely agree, society never likes it when someone breaks ranks.
@@meghansandor I agree with you on the visibility aspect, that is also a hope of mine. also understanding that hate can be an expression of internalized oppression helps me.
@@aroneurodiver for sure. Sometimes marginalized groups will hate and oppress other marginalized groups because by aligning with the dominant group, they can stay closer to power and therefore "safer". Even though this strategy doesn't foster ACTUAL safety in the long run, it just perpetuates oppression. But we see it a lot in immigrant communities who hate other immigrant communities, or the classic trope of women tearing each other down to gain male approval.
I am ace and also a seamstress. I dabble in gardening, knitting, crocheting, tatting, painting/drawing, and cooking/baking. I have two ace friends, one is a seamstress and cosplayer, the other is a painter, so I’m thinking that the anecdotal evidence lines up!
Im curious what are your thoughts on pornography, as an anti capitalist i dont think porn should be an industry at all, if porn is going to exist it should just be real couples making videos of sex
@@ScottyTooHaughty I honestly haven’t thought or looked much at porn from a capitalist perspective, it’s not something that’s on my radar much, because I’m asexual and queer. That being said, I do get frustrated that porn is so straight-male centric. I wish there was more porn made for women, by women, about women.
bruh when you tankies get online you overuse a word until its meaningless. if ms republican housewife has to be overly introspective to be a housewife then i need to be sorry for being trans while in the fucking concentration camp. thats not what the word patriarchy means. your not a good person for turning on your modem. if you want to do philosophy go sub in college course you can do that for free. jesus christ why do you tankies want to agree with hitler so bad with the no there actually is a patriarchy or trans phrenology. not to mention talking about any of this on youtube does nothing for anybodies rights. also can you stop bringing up the same points the last 5 thousand breadtube videos bring up.
Sex-averse Ace here. For me, I'm totally positive joking about and talking about sexual topics with friends and family. Although, as soon as that topic turns towards me having sex with someone, even potential partners, it's a no-go for me. That being said, I'm someone who has heavy sensual attraction sprinkled with romance and aesthetic attraction. I'm in love with the feeling of feeling, and would absolutely enjoy cuddling, kissing, message, pretty much touch everywhere except the reproductive organs, which lends itself to territory of sexual attraction (for me). Of the three decades I've been alive as an androgynous woman, I've never been sexually attracted to anyone, but know for a fact that I'm hetero because all my sensual fantasies are with guys, but it always turns back to the feeling itself. For the longest time, it was so confusing because I never felt the need to go to that "third place/ home run" everyone was talking about growing up. Could never understand it, still don't understand it, and I'm way more happier now than prior, when a lot of this terminology didn't exist when I was growing up in the 2000's. Even in the 2010's during my college years, it was still flaky. Now I'm trying to reprogram myself to date for the first time in my life and seeing myself as NOT being a burden, NOT owing it to an allo partner, and that I DESERVE a loving relationship and that I'm not wasting a potential partner's time dating me. Better late than never! <3
It seems like we’re about the same age and I totally relate to all of that! Especially when you date men, there’s so much pressure to live up to what society teaches us they want. I’m so glad you figured (and are figuring) it out!
Now that I think about it, the idea of _enthusiastic_ consent being necessary also invalidates sex work, which is another good reason not to use this phrasing.
(Just for future reference - epaulets = pronounced 'eppa-lets') Personally, I like to see still shots of the work-in-progress (you can usually get more info from still shots showing the layout/cutting and then each stage of sewing, than video clips of cutting part of it out and sewing seams), and then a long video of the finished dress being modeled while walking, standing, sitting in the outdoors or historic setting - my favorite part. I loved the video - so much great information!
I'm with the tradwives. My wife and I have lived this way for 16 years now (13 with a son) and we're both very glad we did. There's also nothing wrong with a traditional wife earning supplemental income so long as she's taking care of her primary duties as homemaker. The point is to have specific roles for both husband and wife that not only fit in with men and women's natural differences in skill and inclination, but also quite frankly just to make sure every important thing actually gets done!
My favourite thing is when men comment on these videos talking about how much their wives love being tradwives. I'm sure you're right (obviously you know your own wife) but I'm always just curious about what these wives have to say about it. If she's willing to leave a comment and speak for herself, I'd love to hear from your wife directly :)
@@meghansandor Why on Earth would you suspect that my wife would have a problem with me talking about this to other people? And is your implication that only men promote being a tradwife? Because this video is literally talking about a bunch of *women* promoting it, not a bunch of men.
@@Vic2point0 I don't suspect she has a problem with it at all, I'm just curious and care about her opinions and perspective and experiences much more than I am about yours, only because it's so often the men posting about how their wives love staying a home, and only rarely do I get comments like that from the women themselves. Like I said in my comment, I'm sure you're right, I would just rather hear that from your wife than you.
@@meghansandor Why then? Seems to me that if your reason was truly "Eh I just see men saying it so often it would be nice to hear it from a woman for a change", you would just watch more videos of the tradwives themselves promoting it...
@@Vic2point0 tradwives on the internet also have an agenda. It's not the same thing as husbands commenting on videos to explain to me how their wives feel about the topics I cover in my videos. The fact that you and other husbands are commenting on behalf of your wives discredits the contents of your comments, which is the thing that I find interesting :)
omg I *have* to comment, because I've genuinely never had anyone describe my sexuality and its relationship with kink before in such a specific and (for lack of a better word) correct way. Specially the section about sex being in our heads and having fantasies that are really arousing but would be an immediate turn off if they actually happened, wow, you really hit the nail on the head with that one.
Im a trans woman whos dating a nonbinary partner weve been together for almost 2 years. I dont want to get into everything about it but i will say that. That this video definitely helped me kinda understand myself a little more as. Polyamorous felt close but not exactly what i wanted. This gave me more useful information. As well as just more words to describe what im feeling. Thank you
