For those who question the nanosecond Albert Einstein said this when asked to explain a nanosecond. "A nanosecond is the time between when a traffic light in New York City turns green and the car behind you blows its horn."
Just a little FYI for the neurotypicals from an autistic adult: we might not do either of the things OP described, we might look completely blank, but it doesn’t mean we don’t care or we aren’t listening. Oftentimes, we connect more with others with sympathetic/empathetic words instead of body language. Before I got diagnosed a few years ago, I wrongly thought it was insensitive that autistic people didn’t have the nanosecond effect like OP was talking about - until it was pointed out to me that I do the same thing too and I didn’t realize. So yeah, obviously when someone is looking at their phone when you’re sharing something personal is rude, but if someone doesn’t make eye contact or lean in, don’t automatically assume they’re not making a connection with you. 💛
@@dormantmenace That has literally nothing to do with what I said? I don’t understand why every time an autistic person tries to offer perspective, someone needs to come along and be a contrarian or say “or maybe it’s just (blank)”. I’m sure your intention wasn’t to be rude (at least, I hope), presumably neurotypical teenagers ignoring you have nothing to do with the differences in how autistic adults communicate though. 🤨
Definitely. Not all of us were able to be raised in proper social interactions either. If that's what we got from our parents that's also what we learned. My parents never looked at me while talking, just the TV.
Same here. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid. Fidgeting is something I do all the time. It's involuntary. I may not express anything with my body, but I am listening. I always am. It's not like I can control that either lol I may forget half what you said even if I'm solely paying attention to you, but that doesn't mean I don't care!
As clinician you have to know that not everyone express their feelings in the same way.. fidgeting is usually used by nurotipicals sa a sign of distress but for neurodivergent people, that might mean that they are in fact very interested.. It's very important to remember that every person is different, and some people communicate differently, so do not dismiss someone just because you interpreted their "body language" in a curtain way, that didn't much their intention... especially as a clinician... I'm so sick of people being convinced that a curtain body movements means something specific, projecting that on me (as autistic person) and then finding some "hiden meaning" behind what I said based on their assumptions, and then I am the one that responsible for whatever they interpreted.. Always assume I am not interested because it's hard for me to process a conversion in my head and actually talk *and* look in the eyes so I have to deside if I'm pretending to listen and look in the eyes *or* actually hear what the person saying.. But people obsessed with whatever you look them in the eyes or not.... They assume I am not interested because I stimm a lot , I ALWAYS STIMM .. so people make their assumptions, while I just need to stimm to process my environment and my emotions.. I can stimm because I am happy, I can stimm because I at stress, I can stimm because I am very exited, I can stim because I am inpatient, I can stimm because of too much sensory input, I can stimm to get a curtain sensory input, I can stimm just because my hand just feels like it wants to shake.. but throughout my whole life people always shamed me for my stimms, aspatialy big ones, so I made them small, much less effective but at least people won't assume things about me.. but then my small stimms, that I intentionally "normalised" so I won't be wird , was interpreted as "normal fidgeting because of stress" and then people interpreting it the way you said. I'm not blaming or anything I just wanted you to know this perspective.
Living in a culture that often mistakes kindness for weakness or makes empathy feel like a crime or a waste of time can cause those of us who don't yet have the courage to dismiss judgement from others or who worry too much about what other people think can get stuck.
A long winded explanation of a nanosecond I’ve ever heard! Also the longest and hardest way to explain, “Pay attention when someone is pouring their heart out.” ❤️
Now people might have an idea of how overwhelming an interaction can be for autistic people like me, especially if it becomes more intimate like sharing vulnerable or personal stuff. Since they're not natural for us, all these subtle cues of nonverbal communication we have no other option but to make them out of executive function and conscience, and catch them the same way, becoming highly aware of ourselves and the movements we do and the other person does, while at the same time trying to listen to the other and understand their point of view (that worsens if you also have ADHD) and forcing us to show out our natural emotional response (because yes, we can be empathic, sometimes exaggeratedly empathic like me) in an unnatural way. And even then, we still get misinterpreted and called insensitive, and regarded as unworthy of trust and meaningful relationships.
I realize that no one (even those close to me) wants to hear my inner thoughts and feelings so I only express them to people when I want to intentionally shock and horrify them. 😅
Please, neurotypicals and allistic neurodivergent people, if we autists wanted to do a pattern-recognition workshop, we would dive deep into our special interests. We don't want to be obliged to do it on a meaningful conversation with friends or family. Please, say what you mean!
I do my utmost to be disinterested in these things unless I am already close with the person. And then I listen intently, and forget. Because people will ask, and anything told to me in confidence needs to remain in confidence. It’s no one else’s business. The person telling me does not need me to ‘know’ what they’ve said. They just need me to listen in that moment.
My own experience is that it depends on who it is you're talking with. Some I might lean in to, others I might back away. And they might tell me an identical story - it could simply be the sound of their voice, or something else completely unrelated to the content they are sharing. (I don't work in the 'carer/helper' industries).
It depends on the character of the person who shares the vulnerable story. If it is a shy person or a child that you take care of then you can react more casually. Because some shy persons don't dare to talk more if it seems that you react too much / emotionally to their story.
Non verbal communication interpretation, from what I've seen, heard, read is similar to dream interpretation. Alot of room for Subjectivity still. Not much if any is or can be really nailed down due to human variables on both ends sender and recipient.
Sooo... When you call it the nanosecond effect it makes me think I have no control. Nanoseconds are not a time measure for deliberate action, but for involuntary reaction.
@@joeylawn36111 I am not equipped to argue in that arena. I knew enough to know nanoseconds are too short a time to react, but not by how much. Milliseconds sounds right though
@@riliash 1 millisecond (1/1000 of a second) is 1 Million times longer than 1 Nanosecond. Your computer/smart device's microprocessor works on a nanosecond scale for example.
No, thank you. And it happens very often for people to come to me and start spilling the beans, but politely I have to tell them that I just dont care, I have my own problems to deal with
Simply regarding the name: "Nanosecond" is 1/1 billionth of a second. Light, the fastest thing in the universe, only travels one foot in a nanosecond - that's how short that time is. I would argue that there's nothing that a human body can do that quick. This is just a FWIW comment - your advice comments however, are spot on.
That first thin-slice reaction is instinctive and sometimes verbalized involuntarily, the best you can do is process it, then adjust for it if you realize it was not your desired instinctive response.
. She seems the type to care what others think so much it reduces her reactions to superficially interested. If what others think is so important, the problem is not with them. [Did I lean in enough?]
As some others have already said, if someone is on the autistic spectrum it's virtually impossible for them to listen and understand everything you are saying while looking into your eyes. I hate that so many people think it a sign of disrespect, I understand if someone is looking at a phone or whatever but if I'm just looking away, I'm just trying to focus and process what you are saying.
So the Nanosecond Effect is the choice one makes whether to engage with someone or not? Where does the Nanosecond come in? Why has this choice been given this particular name?
Well, as a man in this century, we are not regarded or respected for our contributions, intelligence, ability to remain calm in crisis but are often told that these are traits of 'toxic masculinity'. If it's a guy telling me something, I'll check to make sure there aren't women within earshot. We don't need to be further ridiculed for our opinions. If it's a female outside of my family, I often get up and move away. I'll not tolerate modem women's often unscientific, ludicrous, emotion driven ramblings of social justice, culture, and just general gossip. I guess my nanosecond response is tied very heavily to my flight or fight response coupled with an absolute lack of caring about her issues. Heartless? Yes. Then again, you work 10-14 hour days to provide for your family and are told you don't do enough while no one else is even bothering to help provide an income or keep the house and children clean and fed.
leaning into peoples personal space and staring them are, or can be interpreted as, incredibly hostile acts. Surely tf someone trained in psychology would understand this?
Body language is interpreted differently among individuals. As a clinician, we have to give a neutral approach, being objective even in our history taking and treatment plan. Giving special body language to a patient might be taken differently and may be offensive. You are in a way prejudging the patient if you think they need your body language to change.
I think this information and behaviour is imperative to living a whole and balanced life , yet so many may never grasp these fundamentals of true communication and sincere sharing of oneself ! Great share Dr . Thank you .
So many are neurologically unable, like autistic people. Never assume anything out of a non-direct communication that can have a lot of different interpretations.
Why is that "true communication" and "sincere sharing" ?? Why do you dismiss other forms of communication? People can communicate differently from one another.. and because of people saying that only that form of communication is valid, my (and other autistic people) life looks as it is , with a lot of misunderstanding, a lot of assumptions about me without any logical reason (other then the other person interpretation of what they think I ment) Just because someone fidgeting it doesn’t mean they are bored, if they don't smile that doesn't mean they sad or disinterested or didn't like the present , if someone is not exhibiting the body language you expect, that doesn't mean that their body language even mean anything other then that it's just more comfortable way to stand ...
@enyayatsentuok7746 who said I dismissed other forms of communication ? I didn't, many things are subjective and it's difficult to allow for all possibilities in one short paragraph. Please try not to take everything so personally only your world actually revolves around you .
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I sincerely hope everyone reading this has a blessed a wonderful day today... God bless each of you and always live long and prosper... 🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🗨🗯🗯💭💭💬💬🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖
good video .. but I think most intelligent people, read body language and subtle clues, verbal and nonverbal, I would even go as far to say that someone explaining the obvious to others like they're children can be ... anyway
Up to a point, yes. But a lot of people really want to make the effort to know someone else better, but the sincere general intent is not matched by being tuned in to possibilities when the correct moment presents itself. If you are able to anticipate those moments, if you understand the importance of these gestures, the general intent is there to make you genuinely want to make the breakthrough. But if you are not aware that such a moment is about to happen, you are caught by surprise. And then retreat becomes your leading instinct and that shows up in your body language as well. General intent needs alongside it the quality of being tuned in at key moments
@@kepcontubeBut it can be unprepared for the actual moment of trial. And these moments can sneak up on you. Relationship moments especially are not scheduled. A small moment of vulnerability can create the opening you want. And you can miss it because you're not prepared
@@kepcontubeThat's not true at all. In fact, the very act of preparing shows intent. A father might not be enthusiastic about spending a particular day with his daughter. There are more fun things he can think to do. But the general intent to be a good father, to spend time with his daughter can be the much greater driver. Suppose such a man is planning a fishing trip with his buddies. And his little daughter asks him to spend a day with her instead. If he's caught unawares his immediate reaction will convey his displeasure. But he is tuned to her feelings, he will be ready for her when she does ask. Long term and big picture intent is what matters. Moment to moment impulses have their own life.
So the fact that a prolonged message really wears me down and I start to lose that very wide eyed ah-ha moment I just thought of? Better to listen 3,4 times maybe until I reach some grand summary of, what to me, sounds like a very involved, complicated mess? Very insulting to a woman (to YOU We are not in session. YOU is ethical). Very insulting to you, that, from almost the title of the video itself (more than that, of course), I have something to say. Very insulting it's more me at that point, after you made all that effort. I may be on a roll and an inspiration. But a very inattentive man?
Who are you and what the hell are you talking about? Wouldn't it depend on what they are sharing? There are personal things you should not share with everyone. Sometimes the nanosecond reaction is the correct one. You have an entire generation that practices "multitasking". At least they believe that they are doing that, how would you convince this generation that they are fooling themselves?
Nonesense. Stop being dependent on others to decide how you feel. If a person does not make you feel generally good most of the time, move on. It is not the job of others to make us feel a certain way. That is for weak beta people. Yes, it's great if people stop the 100 things going on in their minds to give princess full attention- full eye contact but it is not reality. What the good Doctor fails to realize is that good folks are struggling these days. Struggling to survive- to breath. Sorry if we don't pay enough attention to your utter nonsense. Fancy terms that in no way effect our lives. The other thing she forgets is that many times we will lean in. We will give needy people attention BUT, they become never ending dependent whiners. I have been Dr. Phil to some people for years. In the end, it got me nowhere. Then when I said I had enough- not one second of my time was appreciated and they basically turned on me- for not listening. You cannot make Turkeys Fly people. Yes, be nice. Lean in if a person is really suffering but ultimately, let them pay for a shrink. Do it if you want to but don't expect anything in return.
