Having dating preferences is not the problem. One can't be attacked for holding a preference. What causes issues is when we communicate those preferences to infer judgement and values about a person.
@shaktimishra9710 As the video said, a preference is “fit” or “financially stable”. Telling someone to their face “you are too fat/ poor” so I will not date you is what makes someone an asshole. That is independent of gender.
🎯 🎯🎯 Like everyone, I have certain things that I want in terms of personality traits and some things I like physically (though most aren’t deal breakers) but I’ve never felt the need to reject men by naming all their shortcomings. Because they generally had some good qualities and they’d be a great fit for another woman. I’d wish them well and avoid wasting my time and theirs.
Thank you. There is having a preference and there is being an asshole. Thank you for demonstrating the difference. It never ceases to amaze me how men feel the need to tell me that they would never date me because I'm too "blank" or not "blank" enough. Of course when I tell them that that's fine because I would never date them either, they get offended. Why? You literally just told me you didn't want me. Why are you pissed? 😂😂
They want you to be hurt and offended. They want to feel desired, a validation which they receive by watching how another person gets upset at being rejected by them. You make their little though bubble pop, which hurts their little pride as they do a crashlanding in reality.
Also, you're denying them their narcissistic supply by not giving them the emotional reaction they were counting on. What's the point in crafting a passive-aggressive slam, which in their fantasy should result in lots of social media engagement during which they can profess innocence and victimhood, only to have their target shrug it off?
Combine that with a nice personal day and a hug for breaking up a relationship and you've got good manners, yea. We're all human after all and we like to have good memories. Not a fight, not a weird unpersonal message, not a stranger giggling and then telling what your gf was supposed to convey to you. Just normal stuff
Thank you for this one! I will incorporate this more. I am on the “growth” side so I would want to know what it was myself personally, so I have tended to tell the person how they didn’t meet my standards when breaking up. It’s what I would want from them also. We can’t fix something if it’s never pointed out to us. I can see not being mean or even waiting for them to ask for that information.
See the thing with preferences is you can have them and are 100% allowed to have your own Checklist or desires which is normal for people to have but its when you use them to Insult/degrade other people (this applies to both men/women) is when its considered problematic !! You most defnitely can have your own preferences just don't be assholey towards others😂also " can't a guy can have his own preferences" thats not the issue but when you use that as a segue to insult or bully other women you dont like or find attractive is where the main issue lies !
The subtext is always "only my preferences matter" because how could anyone like that feature if I don't. I don't like seafood, but I know lots of people who love it. I don't go around telling them how wrong they are for liking it. Hell I actively share good looking recipes with them. 😂
I constantly see women on social media talk about how this action isn’t manly or how this person isn’t man enough for a relationship or that person isn’t man enough to hold her down etc.
This. To go even further I’d say it’s a manipulative tactic because if you say aren’t that preference they may try to change to be your preference. On the surface it may look like a positive change but it likely won’t stick if it’s not something they wanted to change about themselves before meeting you.
Yeah, if you are in a younger dating pool (like ppl in their twenties dating) where the overarching amount of lads and ladies don't have all that much confidence in who they are and who they won't be, it's very common of such comments to subvertly pressure a person into trying to change certain aspects because they are under the impression that otherwise noone will want them.
It's ok to like someone else or another type better. It's also fine to express that. It's just not fine to go around saying you don't match my type, but you could, so change! That's the only issue. Not expressing why you don't like someone, or saying "I love red-heads they're so grogus ughh I could never date a woman who isn't red-hedded." It's really just don't go around talking random woman to loose weight or dress diffrently or chnage her hair so you'd like to date her
You can have your "preference" just don't insult the group you're not attracted too. Always want to say "I like this X group because this Y group is blah blah blah.." why do you feel the need to do that? 😅 Just take your "preferences" and go.
There is nothing wrong with having your preference as long as your preference is your problem. Saying I don't date x person is making it another person's problem because you are attack them for existing. Just better to say "no thank you" and keep it pushing. The problem with these kinds of people is that they WANT you to be the problem. Because then they don't have to challenge their preferences. So they have to say "it's because your black and fat" not "sorry I have some racist instincts and I have some prejudices about body type"
Or as long as it's not anyone's problem, yk? I wouldn't ever call my preferences my problem. They are just preferences. And you can't really make your preferences someone else's problem. You can use them as shield to conceal the fact that you want to hurt others by pretending that your preferences are the reason for being a dick. In truth preferences are hardly involved, at least preferences about a life partner. Moreso those people express their preferences about how they would like other humans to be treated, or how they would like society to treat and shame those with whatever traits they don't personally like.
I can't say I've been attacked for having my preferences. I keep those to myself and when dating, I seek out women who I prefer. I have been critiqued about my preferences, even confronted about them. I answer honestly and some have not liked hearing those answers. Even then, I don't feel attacked.
But why would you say that? The point of the video is not a competition about who gets attacked for preferences, but rather that you can have them, but you do not need to voice them to anyone. If someone asks what you like, tbh, you can just say you don't have a type and move on. No reason to speak your preferences still.
Well, yeah, that's why he said not to do that, and gave template language, which politely declines continuing but avoids giving any specific talking points. Seems like the advice is gender-neutral to me. (admittedly, I don't date, so I can't empathize with either your or his feelings)
Here’s the thing. Men can’t change their height. You telling him that is telling him there’s something innately wrong with him and incompatible amongst you two, simply based on his physical standing. It’s different compared to hair color, or muscles, or smooth skin or nice hair, because those things CAN be changed. Height cannot.
I just wish guys would focus on what they DO want. Go after that, by all means. I have preferences, too. You don't have to devalue women you don't find attractive. I think miserable singles do this because they want to date up and can't pull it off and so they create this big psychodrama about their preferences. No one is stopping you from getting what you want but you. I mean, you're a very low 5/high 4 best. Humble yourself and Please own your lack of dating success.
This is 100% a comment from a woman 😂 “no one is stopping you from getting what you want but you, but you’re a 4/5” do you see your logic falling apart? A 4/5 cannot get whatever they want, no matter how hard they try. Maybe analyze why 4/5’s are chasing you instead of 7/8’s before insulting men?
Exactly, the amount of judgement a bald or short man received is insane. It's like we have free reign to insult degrade and made to be a joke for that. I'm so tired of every man on tv being represented by stupid, ignorant , jokes.
"you're not what I'm looking for but I wish you well" isn't an empty platitude. And I'm guessing this is more "I think other people should want to hear exactly what I think of them" than "please tell me how you think I'm not good enough for you."
@@orangutangarama9870 But it’s not based on ‘truth’. It’s based on someone’s opinion. My version of attractive, intelligent, interesting, etc is different than another person’s.
That would only be useful if everyone wanted the same and there was an objective best performance to be a romantic partner. That is not the case. While you can practice communication, empathy, confidence, self-reflection, compassion, trust, patience and other soft-skills necessary to make a relationship work, superficial traits like the one's a potential partner will judge you from after a first date hardly ever reflect your actual compability with a partner who feels genuine attraction to you. At best such opinions will give you insight about how you can appeal to the superficial taste of the majority. If your goal is to have many superficial romances, this information will be valuable to you. If your goal is to have few personal relationships with the goal to find a life-partner, changing yourself to appeal to the taste of the majority may highten the chance of meeting them but will also lower the chance of attracting or spotting them. Aka a person who is not attracted to your traits is a bad advisor. Their opinion on you would only matter if your goal is to be attractive to them or people with their taste. But you are trying to be attractive to people whose taste aligns with your traits and so only those people have actually useful information for you. If you want useful information, ask prior partners, friends you trust, people of older generations who you know to have had long, successfull marriages and relationships. Don't build your opinion of what's wrong with you off of the superficial flash-judgement of a person you only ever met once. That is a recipe for misinformation and disaster.
Bruh there was literally a big trend on tik tok about don't date ugly and broke guys. Women supported that. Even the videos are present in RU-vid. You called that preference. 😒☕
Did this guy comment on that and call that a preference? I'm asking because that's an obvious double standard and wrong, but I've only seen two of this guy's videos so far. I don't really want to go down the rabbit hole and watch a bunch of videos to see whether or not he's being blatantly hypocritical or just failed to mention that the behavior sometimes goes both ways.
It's a stupid trait only immature people follow. Don't take them seriously, don't even listen to them. No mature, settled in life adult will ever even start with 'ick lists' and how this garbage is called. And do not use them as a reference for how "women" act. You are a child, so you can't know better yet. But I hope you will soon grow to find more reasonable men and women to use as reference how actual adults act and talk.
The same applies to them for sure! The backlash they receive from people including yourself isn't really about having preferences either. They are being assholes in the same way if they're making their own judgement calls everyone else's business and being insulting all over the place. The main point seemed to be that preferences should be a private thing and are often not relevant at all. That in places where it does matter, like when faced someone who is romantically interested, a rejection doesn't need anything but a respectfully solid no and good wishes for the future. The speaker is a man and the commenter he replied to was a man but there is no reason to think the ideas don't apply to everyone else too.
Because obviously other people are already doing that. You seem really upset about those women doing what the video just said is a selfish and insulting thing. We can agree that this behaviour is bad and people should feel bad without shouting about 'whataboutism'. The algorithm feeds people ragebait because it drives engagement. Like complaining over and over in response to every comment, "What about this other situation that makes *me* very angry?!"
You have one person calling themselves a feminist for profit in a veritable sea of actual feminists. Am I also supposed to believe the guy dating coach selling courses to women knows how to teach women how to male avoid predators? OR that the dudes telling men that women expire at 25 and they need to get a woman as young as legally possible? The women who "Defend" men by attacking women and have not a single woman on their channel agreeing? The mother who claims she strict mom but describes actual child abuse that gets her arrested for real? The prank family channel that is also just child abuse that has kids taken away by cps? It's all bullshit. You're interacting with the recommendation algorithm in a negative way. The more you click those videos, post, like, etc... the more you see. It only looks like a lot because that's all it's giving you. Scroll past them, search for something else. I promise you that it will become peaceful. Also, what you're describing is what I call a dreg hole. The channel owner does not believe in what they're saying. They just know they're going to get a vocal minority that will faithfully listen to drivel, easy bs they vomit out with a minute of planning. Then rapid repost, and keep their channel afloat for quick cash. Happens all the time, to both genders for a lot of things. Literally designed to trap the dregs of society, a dreg hole.
Some women do on social media to try to basically do what men have done all the fucking time. Seriously bro you really think *women* started it? There is a whole Andrew Tate thing that exists. You forgetting that? Their 'preference' is for a woman who's willing to be a slave and have a kid and not caring about being happy. And *they* feel comfortable talking about it all over social media. Get tf outta here with ur BS
