My Ex Is Not The Type To Reach Out 

Craig is so funny, he was able to tell my cats attachment style just by hearing him meow over our video call 😅😅 if your thinking about doing a Skype coaching you should go ahead an schedule one, he really made me feel heard and understood my situation.

I´m not the reach out type either, but when I trully want someone I can make some exceptions. If they can´t make an exception for you, you are not that important to them. Move on and find someone who values you for the awesome person you are.

I love Margaret’s replies “uh oh” 😂

I think that an ex reaching out is somehow similar to a criminal going back to the place where they comitted the crime, it's some weird kind of curiosity.

Who else thinks Craig and Margaret would be awesome friends to have?! You both are so comforting ❤️❤️

10 months NC, just started dating a new girl thats attracted to me and direct about it more than my ex ever was. I kinda dont wanna hear from her anymore lol

She reached out after a year jeeze what a long wait

Craig and Margaret you are True Angels. I could never repay you the confidence and tranquility you inspired in me. True public service. Thank you so much.

I Love watching ur videos! They really keep me calm.....

You guys are so cute together. You compliment each other!🥰🙏🧘🏻‍♀️

I don’t want my X back if she has a sexual partner after me, it doesn’t matter how much I love her. I’m told my thinking is wrong but it is what it is.. idk 🤷🏽‍♀️ maybe childish or weird to some

I never thought my Ex would reach out And actually ask me how I’am Guess what! She did a few days ago And we had the best chat It was extremely positive 🙏🏻 Normally she’ll just message me on Christmas and Birthdays Situations do change and as Craig and Margaret always say Give it time If you Te respected They’ll reach out when the times right Whether that’s 6 months or two yrs It happens 👍🏻

10 months and its time to stick a fork in it. Thanks for the help. Your videos helped a lot and I'm certainly a lot happier about me now than I was 10 months ago.

Very informative! Best advisor! ❤️

just move on dont wait for ex and foucs on ur self dont wait for someone to make u happy u need to learn how to make ur self happy

I m so glad I saw this video. It’s been over 3 months of no contact by my ex and this video really helped me I love Margaret. She has such a calm voice. All 3 coach’s really do help. Us feel better

I don't care if my ex is an avoidant and isn't one to initiate contact .. She mercilessly dumped and blocked me when it was her behaviour that incited the break up in the first place.. So avoidant or not.. i'm not reaching out to this girl . and if she doesn't reach out she'll never hear from me again . and if she does reach out she will have to do 100 percent of the texting and calling .

Thank you for realizing me that I should focus on my personal growth not the past who take me down ❤❤

This video sounds a lot like my situation, it's so helpful ❤️ Just that we had some fights the will make rekindling more difficult I hope things will work in the long run, I love him so ❤️ Avoidants are so difficult to connect with

Craig and Margaret you are mind reader, I was looking information about this topic and this video popped up 😱😱 I love you guys!

I do think you 2 are great. I kind of like deactivated as it allows us on the other side understand.

Thank you both for all of the work you publish.

Thank you for the wisdom.❤

They will reach out if you allow no contact to work. Craig has been a prophet in my situation, and almost called it to the day as to when she would reach back out. Avoidant as well due to childhood trauma. She said she needed to work on herself and had an immediate rebound for about 2 months. 4 months and two weeks after the break up and she sent me a very direct message asking to meet up. Listen to Craig and his advice he is amazing!

thanks for this 😩😩 the universe works in mysterious ways because i'm in this position right now!

It's been 3 years. What a journey. I think Craig has seen my anguish over the last 3 years and it's taken me a long time. The short story is, I am fitter, better looking, I have a more beautiful home, a better job and more importantly, I have done lots of work on my anxious attachment. I have many options with dating attractive women these days which has been lovely. I will admit though, I still think about her. I am seeing her differently now, not idolising her like I did, but I do find myself thinking of her often still. She looks happy in her new relationship and I think she deserves happiness if that's What she wants. But I'm doing ok. I just wish I didn't think of her as much!😁

I find myself more and more often nodding my head while watching you coaches or saying out loud something in line with "yup' or 'exactly' let alone 'preach'! As if I was an old lady in an afroamerican church listening to a preacher. And I'm a snowflake white Polish. But man you just hit the bull's eye! So blessed for all you coaches, keep doing great work, I have learnt so much fron you and now the pain is easier to handle. Thank you!

Please do a video on couples who agree to split but then one decides it was a mistake. All your video's are of couples where one person has been dumped but not all of us are in that situation. 🙏🏻

Hi Craig & Margaret! Fearful Avoidant femme here. I burst out thigh-slapping laughing when you said his friend told him to send her the letter after week 1 of 2 weeks. Ahh. Those lovable anxious men! My pookins wouldn't have lasted 2 hours let alone 2 weeks, LOL. Wish me luck in my no contact journey. P.S. I'm saving up to buy The Knowledge. ❤

Got to 6:47 and damn, another video that pertains to my situation a lot. Knew from the title I was in for one that was close to home. I’m anxious avoidant (emphasis on avoidant), and did a lot of the same things this guy did. Got the same response. Haven’t even finished to video but oof. This ones gonna be a hitter. It feels good hearing this video though. Hearing you disect it as you go along and the non-surprises thrown at you throughout the video makes me feel like my situation is predictable and fixable. Even though mine was more brutal and did end in a bad event. Once again. Craig and Margaret with the amazing content. Almost choked up cause it felt like I was in a session with you this video. Not choking up bc of my situation particularly, but how my attachment will effect things in the future. I’m about 2.5 months into NC, heard nothing yet. Thank you for this video.

….. *raises hand slowly* my ex isn’t gonna reach out…..he’s not stubborn I just know he doesn’t have the urge to do it because he said he doesn’t love me 😂

Do you think your ex isn't the type who will reach out? Let us know why so we can cover in another video!

Margaret's a treasure, man. Saw some older videos and they were great, but once I got to the newer ones she was adding a ton of knowledge. She's a superstar (you all are!) Had a break up two months ago after 4 years, and the pandemic took us from a great spot to both of us being anxiety-ridden by December. It sucks, but this channel's taught me so much already (attachment theory has been revelatory). Keep doing the great work!

I love your videos thank you. I think however with the reaching out thing, if an ex reaches out to me say, three months later or beyond, that to me isn't getting back together material. To me that's them wanting something they had cause the new isn't so great or something like that. I don't know, getting back together to me has to happen within weeks otherwise it's done its over.

Love you guys❤

Yes, believe it they do come back. I had an ex breakup with me and took him a year to reach out , got back to together but broke up again. Ironically after a year again he had reached out AGAIN! But this time around I am not interested. I got into a new relationship with someone new and this time I was the dumper . After 6 months of NC, I started to miss him and reached out to him twice already but I believe he may have blocked me but whether he did or didn't I will not contact him again.

I have developed a weird thing where if i feel anxious i imagine i'm sitting in a cosy living room with you and margaret having tea and you are both giving me a pep talk but at the same time just hanging out and it's very comforting 😂

I love you guys , thank you very much , u r my family

Thank you for this! ❤️

Been 16 months and counting for me. She is an Avoidant so I think she did me a favor.

I had an ex come back after SEVEN years. Not to get back together. He responded to a message i had sent him seven years ago. The conversation was extremely short. I no longer wanted him BUT the point is exes DO come back! Him and I werent very attached at all and he came back. Work on yourself NO MATTER WHAT!

I also sometimes feels that but i don't let my conscious mind focused on that i say myself that at this she will come or not but i can be happy without her i was before and I'm gonna be fine it really helped to control myself during no contact and i felt stronger each day missing someone is ok but depressing about it without working on yourself is not craig is life saver i love him

My ex was a professional athlete and overcame heavy drug abuse. Both have one characteristic: unbreakable determination. This is why he won’t reach out ever.

Can you do one if she cheats and comes back? What do you say on initial contact?

Awesome video

BEAUTIFUL MARGARET 🙏 🕊

He always did when l stayed silent for 3-4 weeks, but these 3-4 weeks are extreme suffering because everytime I think this time he won't, he'll just stay away and find someone better 💔😩

I feel like if she reaches out; it'll simply be to finish me off.

Yeah, no word after 3 years. 😂

I adore you both🌷

I think it matters if they are FA vs DA because the FA can be anxious too

I was with my ex almost two years. My ex was an avoidant. He grew up in a household where you didn't speak about feelings and you had to suck it up. He left from his home early, is extremely independent and has a great career. I have an anxious attachment style. First time in my life where I even realised that. The relationship was great when we were good. But my insecurities got out of hand sometimes blaming him or overreacting over small things. And he went days ignoring me during those periods. We broke up last summer, he wasn't feeling good in his life and also couldn't handle us fighting, he was extremely emotional and angry while breaking up with me. After a month, he came back. Saying he thinks he could've given more from his part. We came back everything was great a couple of months and then got back in the cycle of fighting. We couldn't understand each other, he misunderstood me, I misunderstood him, he got less patient with me and starting to get angrier faster. He told me I was too sensitive, too insecure and it was best for us if I just stopped complaining. In my head I just wanted to be able to voice my feelings but I was open to the fact that ''okay, maybe I am complaining too much and maybe I shouldn't project so much on him''. I later decided to take a break on new years eve with me bc of an incident that happen that just made me tired but I didn't break it off. I just told him I needed to study and be alone during that time. When we came back I had read so much about attachment theory and etc. I showed him and explained to him. He could identify 100 % with being an avoidant. I told him I really wanted to learn and for him to learn and maybe that could help us, once we understand more about ourselves. But, he wasn't interested. We then went back to cycle of misunderstanding, and I realised how low his patience was, he got angrier. Valentines day came and we fought on the way back, not really fighting but we had an argument and he went silent treatment for the whole train ride, 11 hours.. Many times I thought that I should just go back and speak to him but I was so angry bc I felt as though we had spoken about not doing this silent treatment again since it just makes it worse. Once we came back home, a few days after he meets to tell me he wants to break up. I tell him I don't want to and that all we've been doing is trying to ask each other to change in order to help ourselves not react or cover our insecurities. I didn't find that good and I told him I have stuff I need to work on that is beneficial for me and also the relationship, but it takes two in a relationship and I truly believe he didn't feel like he was did anything that was not beneficial for us. He said once he has made his mind up, that's it, no going back. But eventually he told me ok give me time to think bc I need to remove this conviction I have. I gave him space and he came back. He told me, and I agreed, that he could not have a gun pointed to my head bc we would have arguments and he can't just immediately just leave everything and say ''oh told you so''. It's not realistic. We agreed that if WE gave it a chance he had do our own parts. I told him ''whatever you need, if you need space, time and then we come back and revisit the issue, it's fine. You just have to communicate!''. But as you can already figure out, it didn't happen. The smallest thing became SO big for him. He wanted to break up multiple times over those things bc for him it convinced him that ''we are not compatible, we want different things, we have different needs, you don't understand me''. An example was that we spoke about politics, he made a statement I laughed a bit and made a comment and he got upset, ignoring me. I came to him I later apologised for it. But he went on with the statements that I wrote above and said I didn't support him. Which is absolutely not true and I know deep down he knew that but somehow he got so mad. It felt like he was already done and actually he could not continue without holding that gun towards my head. It didn't matter if I came to him, I told him ''oh okay I must have misunderstood you, I'm sorry if that made you feel that way, what I meant was blabla''. I reallyreally was super aware of my choices of words, actions everything during that last period. But it didn't matter. He reacted super strongly, he couldn't control it and it didn't give me the chance for anything. He then broke up one day over facetime... Telling me the same statements, super straight forward, no emotions shown. Also telling me ''I can't be in an uncertain environment, being alone I know it's certain and I focus on my things and do my things and then I'll be over it''.. it was almost like he was trying to convince himself by saying that. I cried and was heartbroken and he didn't say so much even though I was like but if you know what you're doing wrong, that you need to communicate to me an all of that (since I can't read his mind) why can't you do that? But he just told me to accept it, this is better, you're going to thank me later, we've tried already. He had this idea of me which I undersand to an extent bc of our past, but at time I believe that's wrong to keep that and put that on us now when we said we were going to try and do our parts different. I believe I worked on being more conscious of my actions during our relationship and how I approached him. But now it wasn't even that, it was WHAT I brought up. He didn't want me to have an opinion or talk about stuff. But how would I know what that is. I'm not perfect and I definitely must have really got him frustrated but who is? I just didn't find it fair this last time. I can see how he has the tendencies to get so angry and in his feelings and then just want to leave. Now, I know you say ppl come back. And this happened three days ago so I would lie to say if I didn't want him to come back. But from what he has always told me about how he just oppresses his feelings no matter what, him being stubborn and maybe him just wanting to be fair with me bc he can't control his feelings. I feel like it's just done. But I'm super sad bc he's not the type to be calling me on facetime to break up. I just found that disrespectful and it shows me how scared and insecure he actually is.

What about a letter after 60 days no contact? We have not spoken since she initiated break up. Been working on my end of the problems. She seems to be playing victim.

I don't think mine will ever reach out. but mine was the opposite of this girl she initially reached out first and then we started talking and got together. But I feel she is too stubborn or has too much pride. I def am anxious as well and had some triggering issues from her. She even said she feels she says things sometimes and they just trigger me. But by this point she was being distant and weird.. sigh day 22 of NC

He did reach out but was unclear about his motives. Son will he reach out again? Anyone in a similar situation?

If my ex reached out to me I literally would have to say ..wth ? ! ... Long enough ? .. Nope .. Have a good life .. But ya showed me your true colors ...Im very patient and forgiving .. But he KNOWS i didnt deserve what he did ..period ...grow up

I'm sorry, I like your work, but I did forget about certain exes and I'm happy I did. Others, I won't forget easily, but that's a burden (narcissistic ex). The exes I'm still in touch with, that's only in a friendly way and we had relationships that took several years. I have come to realize that these videos have given me toxic hope for people that very really bad for me. I wish you made more videos about Cluster B or that you'd emphasize that Cluster B is really bad for us...sure they're always somewhere on the anxious and avoidant spectrums...but can they change? I don't think so.

Is it considered a breakup if they just go MIA…

I spoke to a "counsellor" on social media that hapoened to be on my friends list.... she tols me to send her a card after 2 weeks! What a ****ing mistake!

Been working so hard to get him back, watching your videos everyday, i cried a lot now after 8months he is making an effort to talk to me and guess what i feel nothing lol i lost interest how does this work

Great video. (from the future)

I been married to a Avoidant for 7 yrs. Together for 10 years. Weve been separated for 3yrs. After our separation months later he got Together with someone else. Hes comes back usually every 10 months. I want him back but im always working on myself. Ive asked him if he wants to divorce but he says he doesn't know what he wants. I just go no contact every time he leaves. Im leaving it in Gods hand n really improving my life . Im happy with my life but hope one day he will leave his mistress. Prayers to all who want to get there ex back. Stay strong 💪 🙏

how about if your ex was a narcissist and dumped you by sms? i blocked her all over social media just kept whatsapp. I crossed paths with her after 3 and a half month and just looked at her and kept walking, couldnt find any more kindness in me to say hello

My ex wont reach out ..hes a cancer ..they dont know ..how ..to say " i was wrong " ..they ghost

Yeah, when she's ready huh...then she'll just dump him again. I was in the same scenario. Avoidants break-up often when with an Anxious type. Especially male Avoidants.

Starting no contact but I need to get a check to her. She had me put some money in the market a few months ago and I want to give her the money back and what she earned. Should I just send a check via mail?

I'm afraid that if neither of us reach out while he still wants to, I will miss my chance to be back with him for good...

7 months no contact maybe one day if not her lost

my avoidant ex reached out after 2 weeks of no contact. I didn't think he would do the direct indirect approach 😅 but I was at peace and doing fine.

Mine doesn't. He didn't reach out his girlfried he left after 3 year: he was sad and in anxiety but did not reach out. When he takes a decision he does not come back

My dog had an obstruction and I had to put him down Wednesday. It was mine and my exes but he was left with me. Me and my ex intentionally took space 3 weeks ago. I'm not sure if I should contact her about it or what. I really don't want to so O thought about a Facebook post that she would see. But then I've intentionally not been on social media and she could always text me upset that she had to find out via Facebook. So I almost want to wait until she reaches out next but it could be days or a couple weeks. I know I'll hear from her but idk what to do.

No contact with my ex for almost 2 years now. His mom told me that he’s moved on and happy now. She told me I need to let go. Seems like he definitely just forgot about me and replaced me after 8 years together. I’m such a wreck :(

Do two fearful avoidnats work together? If one has more anxious traits and the other avoidant when the anxious one gets a little too close?

I waited 40 days and sent a small email saying let’s get our passion back. After 20 year marriage did I screw up?

He broke up with me after a 5 year relationship. I was his first love. It's been 4 years now, he never reached out. We live relatively closeby each other but never saw each other again :( I don't think he will ever reach out.

My ex was so calm when he broke up with me, he told his friend he doesn't even hope for me to contact him anymore.. I fought with his family a lot, because they never liked me and they wanted stress, so that he'd break down and end it... he told me he doesn't want a relationship anymore, not even 1-night-stands... I don't know what to do, I need him back, I love him too much..

What if I’m the one who broke up with them after endless chances. I been asking for the same need for 2 years!

but if she starts sleeping with other men I wouldn't want her back. We have been together since teens and neither of us has been with anyone else. Her sleeping with someone else would be devastating.

My now ex is 12 weeks pregnant she has moved out of the house. She said she needs to work on herself and She’s also dealing with stress due to her mom who has dementia. I’m currently in no contact and she is definitely the type to not reach out. Any advice would Really be appreciated.

I don't even know why the guy would even want to go back with a person as miserable as that woman. She's doing you a favor by going away. People like that just bring two things to your life: misery and trouble. Avoid avoidants like the plague. That's what they are.

The girl in this email sounds like a nut-job. This guy will be thankful in the long run and find someone better

So no one has created a dating site for people who discover attachment styles?

So what if someone cast a spell on your ex for them to forget you that caused the break up what do you do ?

What if they contact ask to come down. Then go quiet again because they say they can't see you anymore because they'll always want more 🤔

it's been 45 days since the breakup and we haven't spoken to each other, it was a civil end with no arguments or begging, exactly a week before my birthday lmao. Since then she's unadded me on various social media platforms at different times.

I started NC after 3.5 months is that too late? I’m day 18 now

My ex broke up with me for the 2nd time. The first I reached out after 2 days and she agreed to come back. This time she broke up and unfollowed me and removed my number. It has been more than 1 month but I still in pain. How come

Yeah, my ex girlfriend isn’t the type to reach out, because I asked her that question in the beginning of our relationship when she told me she saw one of her ex’s. I asked if she ever talked to them after or stayed friends, she told me no. She did however, take one ex back after he begged and pleaded, then they broke up. (Probably hadn’t worked on himself.) So maybe I have a good chance of that happening to me.

I'm in so much pain, I'm scared hell never contact me again

Does it work if it was a short relationship one to three months?

In no contact mode I suspect an ex might not share all their social media with us, and just ignoring all of their social media during the no contact is best.

I haven't talked to my ex in 2 and a half years. I walked away after she betrayed me. She has tried reaching out since then but she gets nothing from me except absolute silence.

I mean mine has reached out about 15 times now and hasnt yet managed to go more than roughly 2 weeks before breaking and reaching out to me again. Its been 11 weeks and she still hasnt stopped. Still tip toeing and being cautious but crikey.

Highly appreciate your videos and they cover a lot of my topic but would love to see something LGBT oriented because that brings into a whole lot of other issues especially when it comes to the T part. It’s hard to find proper advice on that. But anyways, thanks a lot 🙏🏻

What if they no longer have your contact info? lol

Five months since the breakup. She never reached out once during the breakup. I reached out three times via email and was ignored. Only just lightly contacting. We dated 5 years. I'm an outlier. But that's ok, because that's just the way things went and dwelling is a lose lose.

Hi.. the person I broke up with I think will never reach out. He broke up with me through text. He is a strong religious Muslim man. I am not Muslim and he always referred to me as a westerner.. he has blocked me on WhatsApp.. it’s been 8 months.

I’m in no contact and focused on self growth, but I’ve been thinking about suicide every minute of everyday. I’m not well.

Craig I haven't heard from my wife in 3 yrs. We are separated , is there any hope or should I give up ?

Ehh it’s been 5 months yea I don’t see it happening. 🤷🏻‍♂️