The Narcissists WILL NEVER know you 

There's a concept in Al Anon called detaching with love. Basically letting the people you love face the natural consequences of their actions rather than trying to save them and ultimately enabling them. It's hard to do at first but it's an example of letting go of someone even when you care about them bc it's ultimately better for both of you.

You are helping alot of people who have been harmed by narcissts. This channel is extremely important. Please continue.

"you don't abandon the people you care about in your life" .. people with NPD fails to recognize that they're the ones abandoning the people around them and that those people who chose to respect themselves and be distant to them are not punishing nor abandoning them; it's just consequence of what happened in their relationship. we can care for people with NPD by praying for them, wishing them well.. that's all we can do because being with them when it is toxic.. that's not love anymore, that's enabling. I hope people with NPD would heal. praying for that miracle.

You have to “abandon” a person you care about when he hurts you so much and just couldn’t seem to get it. He rarely demonstrated care for me, my feelings, my pain. He watched me take care of him, the house, the kids, the finances, and he did as he pleased with his time, money, and attention 97 percent of the time. He made me feel like I didn’t exist except to serve him. When he wanted me around… he expected me to drop everything…. When he didn’t want to deal with me (or the kids), he shut us all out. Silent treatment, being plain mean, watching me burn the candle at both ends and just not giving a shit! I loved him so much and he rarely reciprocated the love. Almost never participated in the minutia of household management and childcare. He locked me out of his phone, his computer, his time, his LIFE. He spent the majority of his “family time” in the bathroom. It sucked! I’ll never understand it fully. Your videos help me detach from a relationship I mostly made up in my head. Does he miss me? Nope. My heart is broken… and he probably couldn’t care less … other than his “free ride” has ended! It fucking hurts. I had to end it… and it HURTS!

Your saying more than others with the disorder do. Your explaining what it feels like. You explain that anger is to hide vulnerability. That helps us.

People who have been victimized don't care about narcissists. We cared about the false self the narcissistic personality disordered person projected. We don't abandon them because we never knew the real them to begin with.

My narcissist didn’t know me at all, didn’t care to know me. Never asked anything about me or my day or my personal life. It was truly only about him

"am i changed or have i just not had the opportunity to exploit anybody" absolute banger. hopefully we run into those opportunities and always make the right choice

My narcissistic friend was a window cleaner, he worked for himself but he loved to say that he had a cleaning company rather than just being a window cleaner. I am a microbiologist and he would often say 'your job is so much more important than mine' He once sent me a text that was clearly for someone else, and I laughed and asked him about it, and he came out with some word salad comment like 'I was being a dick' but he never actually admitted or explained sending the text to the wrong person even though I found it funny and he had no reason to lie. I cut him off eventually as the guy was a prize idiot, he left me no choice. I regret (in some ways) having to block him but I got tired of the nonsense.

I really relate to this video. I became self aware a few years ago. I still don’t care about other peoples problems, maybe because I have so many of my own, but at least I’m not out actively hurting people anymore, which is at least a positive

This is my favorite video of yours and I'm glad you posted it. I'm glad that you were honest, I have more respect for you than I have had this whole time. I pitied you before because of your disposition, but now I actually like you and respect you. If we were friends and you told me this, this would be the time I would want to TRY to trust you because it would give you the chance to be more authentic and vulnerable. Great job dude. I'm glad I finally got to see this side of you. Your being a good person in moments like that. The truth sets you free and your free to be yourself and nothibg else.

When my ex ghosted me and sent me the divorce papers he had my middle name as my maiden name. I finally realized he never even bothered to learn my middle name. We were together 7 years.

Looking back. My two ex boyfriends liked the idea of me & when I wasn’t like her they didn’t like it. It was like they had an image of me in their head & whenever I was different from that image they became unhappy with me & tried to make me fit into that image again.

Thank you for your continued vulnerability and transparency in your videos.

This explains why my ex, almost every time he would devalue and discard me….would send me texts saying “ I hope your burn in hell” or “ I will hate you until the day I die” several times he’s texted me that last one, infact telling me he will hate me til the day he dies, is the last night hung he said to me….I finally texted the same thing back to him out of sheer reactive pain. I also said “How does it feel!?” I don’t think he cares one bit, infact I think that just gave him more reason to justify his callous, mean, blaming discard of me. I genuinely loved and cares about him and his sweet dog. I considered them family but I was treated like a faulty tool or garbage to be thrown out. He wore me down and depleted me of my joy and attraction towards him. I tried, but nothing was ever good enough. I began to reactively abuse him back at times when I couldn’t take it anymore. That is the only thing I feel ashamed of as far as how I treated him. Otherwise I was good to him and I really tried to give him my best but he brought out my worst too often. Very sad and heartbreaking. I don’t hate him, I hate his behavior. I will always have love for him and of course his sweet dog who was part of my doggies pack. He destroyed our happy family and our connection, or what I thought was a connection.

At the end of a 3 year relationship with female narcissist, I found I never knew her. It was all a false relationship with her. Wow, what an experience! One I will never forget, or be involved with again. Demon possessed people. Better actors than hollywood.

You are doing what other narcissist dont, helping us to understand how you guys work, think, feel, im not saying that is nice for us, im married to one 27 years now, my life was hell, he even put my kids against me, i have 5, ive lost one thanks to him, he does not want to do anything with me, and he is my first kid, my husband scared every friend away, no i dont have even childhood friends… almost i was done with my life ( i didnt know he was a narcissist) ended up in a psychiatrist hospital… i still married, cant go yet, ive been a mother for 27 years, i need a job or carrer, to support myself and my 12 years old , i understand now, cant blaming him now, dont hate him,, but definitely i dont want any relationship with him, but was very frustrating to hear he love me with all his heart, but his action said otherwise.

The crazy thing though is that my narcissist boyfriend remembered every detail about the things I told him, helped me more than anyone ever has, seemed to know exactly what I needed and left me with a precious memory of a shared fantasy. The love bombing may have been in his own interest and the connection may have been faked, however the love he made me feel was very real.

It's also good for the other side of this to question why they might feel drawn to end up in relationships with people who can't see them. It's a two-way street sometimes! P.s. none of us are a bad as our worst mistakes.

I would like to say that you should preferably not be with a narcissistic person as long as that person is unaware of their condition/disorder. Unknowingly or knowingly, they hurt other people a lot. And most narcissistic people seem unaware of their condition/disorder.

The title to your video made my stomach drop bc it’s so true.. I tried to be everything this man wanted / needed it was never enough or appreciated I told him how much I loved him he never trusted me or my “love” it’s been painful bc I wanted to just be his friend he cut me off completely said he fucking hates everyone including hisself

I wish the narcissist I knew could be open like you are. I don't think you're a shitty person because all of us have the capability to make bad judgements/decisions whether we're narcissists or not. I think it's about controlling temptation and one's impulses so that someone else doesn't get hurt.

"Would I cheat again?" "Who knows?". No narcissism, and I remember this well. Not pretending to yourself that you wouldn't is one of the most important steps forward. Took me a long time to feel safe and strong in the feeling that it's not what I want for myself or the other person. You can't force that.

to me it is the opposite, the more you are genuine like this the more i like you

My ex would never ask me or even let me talk about my day or my past stories. I couldn't talk about the things I was proud of. If I tried to he would read something nefarious into the story. Any male I mentioned I had slept with and he'd start running with this story in his head. He'd be threatened by my connections with others. But he'd talk about his and if I didn't hang on every word he'd start spinning out. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I really felt this one.. I ask myself all the time, "Have I changed or have I just not had the opportunity to exploit somebody?".... Like you said, it's not like I'd go out of my way to. I always try to be a kind person. But the situations I'm in now are different from when I was at my most narcissistic. I'm older and wiser now but if those same opportunities were presented to me today, I still can't honestly say that I trust myself.. Even after years of therapy. Thank you for sharing this video, your insights are incredibly validating.

Something I figured out about my narc mom, and this is something you've talked about in the past, was that she thought everyone was empty like her. She needed others to define her. The flip side was that (at least in her mind) it was her job to define the people around her. She would get *pissed* when I (or anyone else for that matter) didn't act according to her definitions, which could change at the drop of a hat. She'd also get pissed if I did anything that defined her in a negative way, even if it was unintentional. She'd blame others for putting ideas in my (or her friends) head if I went against what she wanted because empty shells don't act on their own. Anyway...Point being that if you have a hard time wrapping your head around the idea that others have a sense of self that is *not* defined by others, it will be difficult to see them for who they are, not what they can be for you.

I realized that I didn’t really know anyone when I was doing story games on my insta, and have to describe what I thought about people when I first met them, and what I thought of them now. For everyone, I had basically nothing to say for when I first met them, because I have no opinion on people when I first meet them, they are just essentially an NPC to me, hardly existing. But even when I got to now, I felt like I was grasping for something to describe them, and it was all basic descriptions of how nice or funny they were, etc. I feel like the only people I knew were my best friend and my partner, because I pride myself on indulging in the interests of people who are close to me. Not because I care, but because I want to be more present and included, as well as seem like a good friend/partner. Even then, I still viewed them as an extension of myself, and only in relation to myself.

Thank you for being honest! It is a rare and valuable to the world to show us the inside of your mind.

I love this video! Your vulnerability is something we all can learn from. It makes sense that you would feel shitty about your actions, that is from matureness to acknowledge it. This shows me that a narcissist is able to take full responsibility of their behavior towards others. It actually makes sense why a narcissist would behave in that way, because the only person they care about is themselves. I don't think you did it to be a shitty person, but more because you could not connect to anyone. A shitty person would intend to be a shit towards others, whereas you did it for a specific egoistic aim without having the ability to connect to others. And even if you would feel shitty for your behavior, which I can understand because we must take responsibility of our actions; then atleast you acknowledge it without rejecting it and acting as if there is nothing wrong here.

I've found this channel very recently and am working through past videos because they're extremely interesting. Your insight and honesty is quite remarkable. I will very much tend to avoid providing self esteem juice though. A long time ago I used to interact on the awful HG Tudor's website and was pretty horrified by the prevalence of 'survivors', those people who claimed to be have been victims of pwNPD, who virtually hero worshipped the guy and somehow got something out of massaging his ego and almost competing for his attention by providing the adulation he wanted. Despite the extraordinarily grandiose descriptions of the awful way he operates, he seemed to feed an addiction - helped no doubt by the obvious romanticisation of his 'monstrousness'. It seemed pretty perverse. So I've been put off by that. Having said all that, some of your material does make me feel like giving you, and a narcissist I know, a big hug. He'd recoil contemptuously for sure since being understanding requires understanding which would of course make him feel exposed and ashamed. Such a vicious cycle.

honest vid mate keep up the good work.

Feeling the shame is part of the growth 🌱 you pushing the blame elsewhere is what keeps you in the same patterns. I don’t blame you for your perspective because that is how you were built. That’s it. It’s not like you can force yourself to feel different… you can’t! It’s impossible! So don’t feel like we are all in here to judge you Jacob ♥️ I actually appreciate the honestly despite it being the wrong way to end a friendship. I actually have a question. You say you want this ex friend back in your life… did you ever think to yourself… did I go to far? Or did you know you went too far?

By far the most maturing video ever Jacob.. Thank you for being so open about this topic.

Was raised by a golden child narc, and at 53, she still doesn't really know who I am. She doesn't care, I'm just expected to fit into this box of who she wants me to be in that moment, and that daughter has to cater to who she thinks the world views her as, the "entitled mother" not who she really is. Her perfect self versus reality, which is not so much!

I think one of the most beautiful things about being a person is that it selfishly feels good when you help someone. IMO, If your motivation to be a kind and loving friend is that it makes you feel good, like you are being a good person, then awesome. Win win for everyone. I wonder if a big part of the pain narcissists have is the constant unreachable desire to be perfect, and harsh internal criticism of normal human "negative" behavior and feelings that are experienced. Maybe a lot of what's in your brain is just normal human stuff, but you are very sensitive to it because your childhood experiences made you feel "bad" or "wrong"

You are not a shitty person. You are learning , you are growing as human being. It does not matter what your motivations are , I am sure that you have done other things in life that merit accolades but this channel is more than dumpster . I get it. But you are so much more than your diagnosis.

I dated a fella with high narc traits for 2 years and he displayed no interest in me as a person. Zero questions. He also didn’t disclose a lot. I didn’t feel close.

It takes a lot to take someone to be as honest and share his mind and struggles like this and I really appreciate your helping us understand what you go thru. It’s always baffled me how people don’t think about others like I do

"Which is better? To be born good? Or to overcome your own evil through great effort?" Paarthurnax, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

I tokd my therspist yesterday a thought my cousin and i kicjed around which is a lot like what youre shaming yourself for. We were tslking about hiw much we give in relationships and end up getting hurt. And we came to the conclusion that we dont give so much to them because they deserve it, we give so much because it makes us feel good. Which is selfish as fuck. So we give so much of ourselves because we're so fucking selfish

Dude, if you're friend's girlfriend is coming onto you, you need to ask her why she's dating your friend if she's coming onto his friends? Then tell your friend that he deserves better.

I find this interesting. Because, if there’s anything narcs in my life do, it’s abandon people.

Thankyou for sharing this, I remember my therapist catching me out once when asking me to describe why I liked my "FP".. I could only describe really surface level things to her and it caught me off guard 😅😬

Lots of people develop self esteem through helping others ❤ its ok

I have been watching your channel for a while now and you should be so very proud of yourself for this particular post. I could see your internal struggle to try say the truth as opposed to what you wanted to be the truth, it looked so painful and uncomfortable for you. My wife suffers NPD but is unaware, I know shes aware of it to some degree but I don’t think she knows it’s NPD and she’s just a victim of her childhood trauma. Your channel has helped me understand her so much better and I thank you for that. My wife is also violent with me, when she goes into narcissistic rage (I want to touch on that with you at the end of this post) she is physically abusive and there’s no stopping her. I wondered if you’d ever experienced violent lashing out like that. In one of your earlier posted videos you addressed the term “narcissistic abuse” and how you didn’t like that term used to describe it cos abuse is abuse right, narcissist or not and I agree and understand where your coming from but I just wanted to say that for someone that’s been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse it is very different from I guess just normal abuse. In my experience narcissistic abuse is so much more traumatising, they go to another place and their eyes completely change, well it’s more the way they are looking at you completely changes and when I would see that happen that’s when she was in narcissistic rage as opposed to just abuse. There’s no stopping her when that happens, no matter how much I’m crying and begging her to stop, it doesn’t matter whose around at the time or if we are in public or home she rages regardless. The only thing you can do is leave, get away from her and it ends. When a person with NPD rages it’s completely different to when a person without NPD abuses you ….

9:20 The answer is: when you are TRULY helping your true inner self, out of being raw and real in front of life conditions, you ALWAYS make waves that help others feel the big-picture truths. It doesn't matter if you don't care, in the end, you help just by being truely you. Btw, that's awesome and thank you. ❤

The person I was with who told me they are diagnosed BPD (but I wonder whether NPD is more likely) also described people quite generically and used generalising and often judgmental labels. The thing that struck me after the break-up though is that I didn’t have a single reminder or object in my life that reminded me of them, apart from a few digital photos. The lack of true self seemed to translate to a bizarre complete absence after the relationship ended - as if it didn’t happen.

You're actually very intelligent in your way with words. You have a fast processing speed. For a 20-something guy admitting your faults, probably thinking you're not really making a difference, this is very fascinating. I'm twice your age and you're really connecting the dots well. Can't imagine what you'll grow into when you're my age. Good on you, buddy.

Some raw insights here, it's a really good video 👌🏽

Thank you for helping me understand my ex partner. He has no one in the world. No family. I needed to hear you talk. I was lost to know what to do.

I want to commentd you for this one. Ive got so many thoughts about it and its just too much to go into here. So Ill try to sum it up the best that I can. For one , this was very paradoxial in many ways (I love paradoxes, so...). For all that we know Narcissist to be, it was clear tha tyou were being as honest as you could be here. There wa indeed a very genuine person there. So know that you showed honesty here far beyond what many "non-Narcs" would ever display. As far as your conflict with "do i care about others or is it always motivated by selfishness". It occured to me that I think almost ALL of us battle with questions like that on some level. At the base of it all, it could be argued that we ALL act from a place of selfishness. What I mean is this, when we do selfless acts and things that are clearly for others. Why do whe do that? Well, becdause it makes us happy, right? Could that not be viewed as selfish? We are seeking our own happiness? My point is that both become intertwined and inseperable and that is a GOOD thing. Because it seves as a Win Win and that is never wrong, right?

So I’ve been surrounded by individuals with personality disorders forever, particularly NPD. Also, I study psychology and have always had an interest in psychedelics for treatment purposes. And I genuinely believe ayahuasca could be a potential helper for people with NPD wanting to reset the brain, specifically empathy in the brain. It would be super cool to see someone with NPD do a ayahuasca retreat and document it and the outcome. Something to think about!

"The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right. It could be, perhaps his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all May have been that his heart was two sizes too small." ...... "And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say - that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then - the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches, plus two!” -How the Grinch Stole Christmas! by Dr Seuss Praying 🙏🏼 for your heart to grow three sizes 💓

I sincerely appreciate your honesty and sharing the inner monologue that happens in your head. It helps bridge the gap for others of us to see behind the curtain and makes NPD more human. Thank you for your strength and vulnerability. Keep posting and I will keep watching. ❤

I think for your age you're going to be way ahead of the game and have far more going for you. Authentically, then most people who aren't even narcissist ( to an unhealthy degree) The average human doesn't have a real push in life to self reflect. Who's better off? Ignorance is bliss? Or facing some harsh shit that almost always leads us to something much more beautiful that we get to see, feel & share. I was an alcoholic. I think often " if I was just your average everyday drinker, yes I would have missed out on a lot of pain for me and others. I would also missed out on some incredible growth and that touches others as well. Keep it up Jacob! My Narc is still in a blackmore. Can't see a damn thing😔

You are very honest and self aware. The more you will open up and the more you will change. It looks ljke you really wish to heal. I hope you can get to know people for who they are and will learn how to connect with others. And it is true that your channel and you sharing your thoughts is really helping.

Hi. Learning to admit our mistakes is good. It is human to error. Realizing is a great begining to learning to correct yourself before it happens in the future. Stopping from repeating those mistakes. As you go on in this way you will start feeling bettet about you in a healty way and that is valid. I am proud of you!

Most of my exes, don’t fall into this category because I tend to gravitate to women who are “special”, catering to that trait of “the narcissist feels special and only associates with others who are also special”. What does this even look like? I only date women who are the female versions of myself. This is only one example: She has to like the same music as myself because my musical preferences are superior to everyones. Or, in rare instances, she at least has to have such a unique, non-mainstream, vast taste in music that I actually admire her for it and pick up more music to add to my superior collection 😂 This applies to everything. There’s intellectual criteria she must meet to satisfy my requirements, but they’re all elementary. As long as she has the correct foundation for the potential to be on my level, I will accept her. I prefer for her to only have a rudimentary understanding of things so I can guide her, teach her and show her the way, while gaining praise and respect while doing so. If she’s already highly intelligent, she may be disagreeable and argumentative or worse yet, begins correcting me on things I say.

Jacob I'd love to hear how you managed in the army. No names but how you navigated the whole set up how it affected you. Positively or negatively. I believe it would make an interesting video.

I don't think any of us complete a change. We evolve and sometimes we regress.

Yes, genuine vulnerability is so awesome Jacob! Bring it bring it bring it!

Nothing wrong with feeling good about doing good. Far better than feeling good about doing bad. Do t overthink it.😃

You care more than you give yourself credit for. I remember being stunned and taken aback the first time I watch this video. I'll admit my first thought is to relate it to my own story and my ex of 10 years. It explains some things if he has some level of NPD as well. I'm not narcissistic myself, the assessment shows a very low level, very empathetic, blah blah. Other issues come w/ all that. That could explain when we were supposed to be working it out the last year, he could not think of 1 thing he still liked about me when I asked for 3 things. It has been similar since he's been trying to get me back. Asked what he misses about me, he can't think of anything specific to me. It's all vague and general. I had the feeling I was like a houseplant. He cared enough to not let me die, to feed and water, and nothing beyond that. A far cry from the affectiionate and loving person I thought I knew the first years. I thought he'd remember some things he would say that he liked the first years, never can remember a thing. and he was a bit upset when I asked. Saying I put him on the spot. He was trying to make up for some pretty huge issues, but couldn't do that. I wondered why his vision of us working it out was so one dimensional and flat. It was baffling.

"I don't mind [people trauma dumping here]. Everyone needs a place to vent." That right there, sir, is why you deserve accolades and kindness from those of us who follow you! 🖤

Thanks. This showed me what I was unwilling to except even though their is evidence of it in repeated patterns.

Hi Nameless. I've not yet finished watching this vid, but wanted to comment. I think it is only a healthy thing to question one's own motives - in what we feel, think, do and respond. Like most things in life, perhaps "in moderation" is a good guiding principle. Don't go down the rabbit-hole to a world of surrealism, fantasy and doubt. I believe it is ok to sometimes feel god-like, and then to feel like a worm. We are neither, but can be both. Some people may be helped by your channel. Others couldn't care less what you say. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. In my humble opinion, I think you're doing ok in the bit of your life you share on RU-vid. The rest, well you know that. Take care mate.

My narc family and my children have discarded me my entire life…. I made the mistake of trying to show them I have value FFS.. no more pain… done ✅

Thank you for being so vulnerable to be able to see actually why you betray others. Because you simply don't see them as people and you simply don't care. You want what you want in the moment and it's completely okay to betray others. Funny thing is, narcs always think the grass is greener, and it may very well appear so, but often it isn't, which is why they often circle back and hoover.

A recurrent take-away from watching your videos, Jacob, is the persistent realization that-whether your a narcissist or not-life on this plane of existence can be a painful, lonely, despairing and harrowing experience 😮

I really like you! I think you are great for turning this into a good thing. Being a good person is a choice. You are trying to do that and that’s all you can do.

It’s a form of self-care. Thank you. You’re helping so many people out here. I appreciate you using your diagnosis to help. I was in a relationship with a man that had this. He said he had to leave to protect my heart & beautiful spirit. My friends call me kind and caring with a huge heart for people in general. He left after he read a text that was misinterpreted. He was going through a lot and I told him I’d give him space to get matters settled, but would be there if he needed me. He saw it as abandonment. He cut me off (ghosted me) immediately for a month. Then lmk how angry he was and how much I hurt him. He decided to part ways with me, but said he’d always love me and have a special place in his heart . The abrupt stop of communication tore my heart apart, but this video actually brought me some comfort… Not sure why I shared all this online lol, but I hope sharing can help others heal as well 🌸

I had to cut off someone who I'm sure has NPD, a family member. It broke my heart. It was lies and constant attacks about how the family perceived him. He would just be mean for the sake of being mean and when I was so hurt somehow that was his point. He drove me away so he could feed his narrative. I wrote this poem for him overwhelmed with emotion. I hope that you understand that someone can care about you and have to leave you. I just can't beat my head against the wall. And you explaining how you can't somehow care is also why we struggle as it seems so cruel when family members are at the end of life and it's still just about the narcissist and the tiny issues and the inconsistency. Sometimes people have to save themselves and when one feels so much it can destroy ones soul. This was the poem. Maybe it will help someone. Thank you for becoming self aware and self reflecting. We hope you know all we want for you is happiness joy and laughter A life filled with many memories of a journey well trodden Upon the messines that life throws at all of leaving us sodden We hope you know there is much love for you We are sorry that the view from the mountaintop is a different shade of blue That we do not seem to speak the same soul language We are sorry that you are at the end of your tether And it seems for you there is no way out That your life seems only to bear the bad weather We are sorry that you feel like the family doesn't accept you That we will never see each other's point of view. We are sorry that we have caused you pain And sorrier that nothing we can say, nothing we can do will make you see it in a different way Know that we will always be there for you and that we do truly care Even though you don't believe it's true We are sorry you feel the weight of the endless rain Know that if our absence from your life is important to you then we accept. I am sorry that you never feel that we really love you or know you or cherish you We will really miss you and cherish the good times well spent I am truly sorry that you feel this way Thank you for the parts of you and your life you have shared And know for you we have always cared Know we will always care for you and keep you in our heart I hope M that you just do you And that much happiness will follow you around May your future be filled with abundance abound May the lessons you have to learn not be too hard May you soar and find your wings I hope you find the place where you feel you belong A family and home that will hear your song. And always know with us a home you can find We only hope that you can one day truly feel at home with us Accept us too amongst our own chaos and fuss.

Heres a thought....even if you dont feel it the fact that you are doing someone good because you know "intellectually" you should still makes it a good deed. You cant feel...thats just how you are but you understand you SHOULD do certain things. Thats the difference to me. There is some part of you that wants to understand that or else you just wouldn't do it at all.

💗😊💕I’m proud of you trying to figure yourself out. I’ve been binge-watching your videos.If you want to get better, 1. be aware this is your moment. 2. You choose right or wrong. 3. Outcome equals good feelings or bad feelings. It’s as simple as that. Thank you for making your videos, you’re helping me out with the narcissist in my life. Hope my comment helps you out, too 💕😊💗

At 23 you had been in the army AND had a really good job in a prison. You did ALOT v v young . ❤❤x

Great video, quite eye opening. For what it is worth, I think you are becoming a better person. Don't beat yourself up about the past, just keep moving forward...

Hi, from Norway and google translate 🙂 Thank you for sharing. You said in the video that you needed to dare to be more vulnerable... and not be so afraid of what others might think of you. Then I just want to share with you that I found you worth loving right then and there, because you showed yourself to be human and vulnerable... not as a superhuman. As you have previously shared, you have said that a narcissist wants to hear that they are loved just the way they are, that they are loved despite their challenges. When you showed yourself vulnerable in this video, you were ashamed, and you gave me the opportunity to feel good feelings for you, and you was the real you... which is exactly what you long for, to be loved by being you. People will never love a fake you, but they will love a real you. I don't think you don't care, but that it's just a defense mechanism. Because if you hadn't cared, you would never have been ashamed and hide your true self.. would you? You are looking very good when you show yourself vulnerable, because then you are strong.. not fake, but real strong. Because you can not be vulnerable with out being strong. The more vulnerable you can show, the stronger you as a person are.. That's when you become a real superhuman.. not a fake one. And you are absolutely worth loving when you show that side of you. I support you 100% in that you needs to be friend with your vulnerability and own it. I believe that is your path to full healing. You hated this video, I loved it!

One of the most compelling insights into the mind of a monster.

Wow, it sounded like you had so many breakthroughs in this video!! Does your therapist watch your channel? Lol. I'm sure he/she is proud of your ability to think so deeply and get at the root of your behavior! Also... I think this channel is more altruistic than you give it credit for. People like me and others in the comments encourage you with how you've helped us, but certainly there are others out there who have been helped by you but haven't said anything. You are still helping them though, right? Even if they are giving you absolutely nothing in return. Also, in case you need some self esteem juice lol... you look very much like the ex, and my kids (4y, and 6mo) were SO happy watching this video too. Is it pathetic and unhealthy that we've replaced their dad with a computer screen? Yes. But you helped a whole family tonight, so hopefully that's some self esteem juice for you 😂 (Thanks for permitting venting/trauma dumping on the premises lol)

I used to be like that. But not knowing people makes it easy for them to manipulate you. Discernment is important.

Wow. Damn. This one hit deep.

There are sooo many people I still love and care about who I can’t have in my life because I’ve been too hurt by them. I have to love and respect myself enough to protect myself from not getting hurt. How you lash out to protect yourself, I will cut you out of my life to protect myself. But I still care about them, and it feels sad.

You can detach from people you care about because you care for yourself first. If someone is harming you, they need not be doing so maliciously to take the harm seriously. You must still protect yourself from that harm.

Thank you for your content. To be honest, the way you view yourself and the world is not an alien experience. We are just maybe better at letting go of destructive thoughts. Narcissists are not monsters.

10:38 - I’m here for personal gain too. This is a spiritual war, and you are giving away intel. May God bless you for sharing it.

"...I'm not thinking about them, I'm thinking about how they're thinking about me." This reminded me of my nex: "oh, XY is so amazing, he loves me so much!!"

We really care about you ❤ hug.

We want to connect... But connecting, we've learned, equals pain and vulnerability. It's opening up to potential hurt. We want to connect, but we've grown to subconsciously equate connection to either using them to gain something, or willingly taking on a potential liability.

Awareness is the beginning. You can’t really control it. It’s a process. Yes, vulnerability is hard! Truthfulness is the beginning too.

We’re aware that you’re a diagnosed narcissist, but I RESPECT you for vulnerable and open because that means you’re trying to do better ❤️ thanks for all you do

It is really fascinating to me, watching you, talk about yourself. Your honesty towards yourself is brutal, but I think, you will eventually grow by continuing to look inward.

My exs contacted my narc ex a month into our relationship when everything at the time felt perfect for us. They messaged her terrible things about me to sabotage our relationship and it clearly caused a massive shift in how she viewed me and the long term prospects of being with me. She proceeded to seek out new guys and start cheating and devaluing me within a few weeks of that happening. Literally went from honeymoon to me ending the relationship after that. I also found out during that time she was indeed a narcassist. Didnt figure out she was cheating until after i left her.

Just discovered your channel, and I didn’t believe you at first because of your insight though, I’ve changed my mind. I think keeping this channel up is the best thing you can do. It’s honestly a little job dropping to see someone doing what you’re doing. I really really appreciate it. I do believe abuse is abuse, but I also believe the human experience chews us up all in different ways. I will keep watching you, because I wish my narc even had a heart three sizes too small as it seems you do. Anyway thanks for making these.

I think you're very brave and very honest. Many people have shame, things they don't want to admit.... Very few go through the introspection you do. I think you should give yourself a little credit ❤

Just going off the first two minutes of the video it reminded me of a time when my ex has been accusing me of something and was describing my character. I asked her if she has another boyfriend on the side, because I do not recognise the person she was describing. I asked, if "she even knows me at all". I asked her to "tell me at least one thing she learned about me in the past year." and she took offence. She said something to the effect of "we won't get anywhere when you're like that"... One of the biggest raised-eyebrows moments in my life.

Kinda like, "so what did you love about them?" Uh Uh UH, I loved the way they made me feel.

Very honest, and I think that’s beautiful. You actually explain how you feel towards people and what goes on inside of you. And I think that’s one of the best things a person can do. Appreciate ur videos🙌

Just found this channel, your honesty and vulnerability is refreshing. Don't stop creating content, it helps you with your recovery and helps those who's been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse to understand how narcissists minds work. Love it. Thank you 👍😊

I asked my narc ex how he sees me. He said; someone I sleep with and someone who he wakes up with 🤔.. Had no attributes to describe the value of the woman I am… SMH