What Does it Take to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse 

There was a moment, one night, standing out on the deck in the crisp night air alone, surrounded by 5 acres of beloved natural land, the decision was made, the words came out, "Time to be a Grown Up." I left within weeks, after 25 years, after a lifetime; I was 61. And, all went from there. It definitely got "worse" before it got better, but even "worse" was BETTER.

For me it was researching NPD and understanding that there was nothing I could have done to change the outcome of our relationship. I accepted my responsibility in the relationship and I changed. Acceptance was the key to my healing and closure and moving on as well as forgiveness. You can't really change others but you can change yourself. It's no small thing, but it's a beautiful thing.

Mr. Brannon, I married two narcissists and stayed a total of 39 years-not believing in divorce. I stayed alone 9 years before meeting a great guy who also had been with two narcissists for 45 years. We are STILL healing. It’s a life long process-no contact with the abusers.

Take as much time as you need to feel well again. I thought once I left the situation I would have constant peace, joy and happiness. Wrong. My thoughts started stealing my peace, joy and happiness as if I was still in the abusive relationship. Literally I became my own abuser. It’s a total mind shift for me. I have to autocorrect my thoughts every day. I no longer put a timeframe on my healing.

There is a rather huge blessing from being in an abusive relationship with a covert narcissist for 6 years that your video brought into view for me. This blessing is that it forced me to look closely enough into myself that I can now see those places where I never did individuate, to use your term. This is an extremely timely and pertinent concept for me. I'm 70, so it will be an interesting project, this rebirthing of my individuality! Here I go!

I believe if you had a narcissist parent you attract a Narcissistic partner to finally heal.

Trying to heal while still being in contact with toxic people is trying to blow-dry hair while standing in the rain storm.

If the narcissist was a parent or both, there is definitely no Before

Narcissistic abuse unlock part of my mind that wouldn't be unlocked in an another way. Instead of destroying me they lift me up and they destroyed themselves.

I healed because I built a sense of self, my likes, my dislikes, my interests, my own goals, and a life I love and could be proud of. Building a sense of self was the answer for me to heal from narcissistic abuse. Watching your video on values that asks the question what is good, what is evil, in context definitely hit me hard. I still love that video so much. Narcissistic abuse makes us question and doubt ourselves and our power, but if we know who we are and love ourselves, even the imperfections, we won’t put up with anything that doesn’t meet our own level of love for ourselves.

I think the true healing comes when you realize you are infected and that its going to be a positive ride to be reborn.

This guy is definitely one of the best in terms of narcissistic relationship. One of the reasons for it, I believe, is that he's 'been there', he's experienced narcissistic abuse in his guts. That makes all the difference. Thank you and congratulations for the incredible work you've been doing.

I was only 17 when the 28 year old narc got hold of me. Richard your eloquence about parentification, healing, infantilisation, authenticity is so validating. Thanks for fighting the good fight and sharing your energy. Namaste lovely human!

Dear Richard..I have been infected by my narcissistic mother. As an adult, I was always away from her, not knowing why. Today, I am 73, and am my mothers caregiver..she’s 93….I know now why I am the way I am…it’s a horrible existence to say the least….I pray this too shall pass….I love hearing you….keep up the great work…

It wasn’t until I learned that I was dying that I decided that I didn’t want to waist anymore time being miserable and exhausted. I cut all contact but I still have flashes that take me back to those feelings and memories. But I am still so relieved that I don’t have to deal with that person ever again. I saw the person recently and while it threw me for a few hours (I ignored the narcissist)but it reinforced that I am free and that is what matters! Thank you for your videos and I wish everyone who has experienced this well and hope you all find some new versions of peace and happiness!

I was in narcissistic relationships. They hooked into the wound caused by a narcissistic mother. During my healing I've gone to the root. I resonate with "born again". I have NEVER felt safe or protected. I don't have the neural pathways. I have to re- create them, with help. From the ground up. The deepest levels of self that never were.

When I finally broke from my Narcissistic abuser after 15yrs I went back to the state I was living in right before we met. Upon my return I discovered that everyone else had moved on with their lives. Their children have had children. A quarter of the people I knew had died. There was nothing the same. Nothing. You can’t go back to how and who you were. We are supposed to progress through life as I see everyone I knew has done. But not me. I feel like stuck between the boy that left and the man that returned but badly damaged. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure in my life. Like being stuck in limbo. Can’t move forward and certainly can’t go back.

It's a little bit like beating a drug addiction in my experience. You go through a growth period and it's a little scary and confusing.. Same when I finally left the narc.. I'm getting there though. I'm quite content and happy on my own, my ambition is returning, I see through everyone's bullshit and won't take anyone's toxic behavior .. I'm definitely not the same person I was, but that person had to die so the stronger version could be born.. I think these things can be turned into a superpower

That ten minutes felt like 30 seconds. I sat on the beach prior to this and wrote "the old Dan is dead" guess I was on the money. Adult life. Great.

You just explained what I am doing right now in a healing process from the two narcassists in my life, my parents. It's a deep and long process.

Accept that one part of you had to die to escape. Accept your shadow and try to grow up again. No contact and paaaaatience. Oh ye and get help with trauma. For me personally one tough thing to learn was "there are much worse things than to be alone" 5 years here, am I healed... Nah.... But I move in a new direction

getting them TF out of your life might help...but sometimes not possible. Seems like it's almost contagious at times and everyone is catching it.

Bro, you and Sam are the only two that have finally opened my eyes clearly. I hope I don't carry her with me for the rest of my life but I don't know.

If the shepherd dog attacks you and the shepherd is nearby, what do you do? You don't fight with the dog, you just tell the shepherd to take care of the dog, in the same way, when the devil attacks, you don't fight with him, just tell someone to take care of him, who has control over the devil which is god , always remember we can’t fight unseen ,unseen forces can fight and eliminate unseen .

A whole lot of work.

You remain my personal hero Richard, you've helped me escape the narcissist stranglehold and made me take my first steps to finally grow up and be fully responsible for myself. Thank you so much!

"You have been re-infantilized", yes you become só dependent. "Your mind has been colonized". Yes!! These are very clear descriptions I haven't heard before, but describe it well. Thank you.

How to heal from narcissistic abuse: realise that we go after people who are bad for us. Take some of the responsibility . Stop going after the same kind. Even if it goes against your own instincts, give good people a decent try. Instead of looking at "what a narcissist is" obsessively so that we don't fall in to a narcissists trap again. (this is all instigated through fear). Stop looking at the negatives and learn what a good and healthy person is. Then you will attract a healthy person.

I will never have an intimate relationship with another narcissist. But from growing up with narcissistic parents, I see I am a magnet to narcissists in general. I keep them out of my life but I still get triggered so realize I am not healed. I agree, I will never be like I used to be. I don't want to be. But I don't want to to be triggered either.

Thank you Richard. My ex just left tonight. We'd been living together in the same bedroom without speaking since we separated over a month ago, after a year of relationship, and I thought I would be fine. I had grieved our shared fantasy and grieved the person he would never actually be, yet when he passed the door after saying goodbye tonight I started crying again. I've been crying on and off for 5 hours now, doing some emotional literacy work, writing what I feel, doing energetic work, and talking to myself. In short, I didn't know what button to push. So I did what I do when I need to anchor my new self into my new reality and came to listen to your words. Now I know that the button I need to push is letting go of the emotionally immature part of me that believes in perfect love. I'll write my ideal relationship contract tonight, with objectivity, and keep mending the cracks in my personal boundaries one at a time. Thank you again.

There’s no way we go through anything like this to go back to where we were. Transcending and being eager to expand is the only course to moving on.

I only realised this last year that my sister had narcisstic personality disorder, and I have put up with her crap for nigh on 50 years! It is unbelievable the lengths of cruelty she has gone to over the years, not just at me but she also targeted her daughter who she 'fell out with' nearly 4 years ago. It is hard, I think you are right, it is hard to recover, it is about re educating ourselves to get out of a relationship, I love her, she is my sister, but she is lost. I grieve for the relationship I wanted, not what it was in reality. She has wasted so much time, it's so sad, for her, because she will never realise the depth of her actions. x Thank you for your vids, I feel validated. x

6:39-7:03 " Here I was in my life, than there was a narccissistic relationship, how to get back to where I was? YOU DON`T...you don´t, there is no chance. I don´t believe there is ANY chance you`ll ever get back to where you were. And I don´t think you should try. I think you should seek to exeed where you were and to move past that. To transcent where you were and to become MORE of your authentic self."

We're not encouraged to individuate because it's VERY NAUGHTY.

Thank you Richard. I probably need to watch this every day for a while. I am two years out of the relationship, have had therapy, and still suffering from one 4 year relationship with a narcissist. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your commitment to covering this topic. There are so many suffering and uninformed still. You are helping so many.

One idea that really helped me was the notion that the pain is there to help. What is at the root of the pain, not the anger, that is the ice covering the lake of dispair under it. Pain.. why is it hurting much more than expected? Drawn in to toxic bond yet again? Ok, WHY?? They like all others held up a mirror. What did I see that said "yes, this person." Answer: They have something I lack, something I needed to grow up. What was it and how to I embody it rather than attempt to pair bond with yet another human who is just not compatible with me. When we stage 5 cling to anything or anyone, toxic auto grows. Hence the need to let go or let die that which is not for us. Aka the vamp at the top of the temple/steeple.. We can still encounter without engaging. We can still see the trait we would like to embody without having to pair bond with the rest of person not meant for us, just needed to be shown what trait we needed to grow up or evolve. So often we equate magnetism with relationships. Rather than take our time and evaluate what the relationship is there to teach us, we jump in the sack. The true pair bond takes time, effort, consistancy and authentic communication. If love is there, letting go with grace and gratitude what you know is not meant for you will be number 1. None of the "we just have such a great connection so we have to make it work" narative. That is not love. Learning to tell the difference and act on it, that is the developement of love within. That is when authentic love is allowed to show up. XOXO

I’m only just out of a relationship after three years with a man who I should never have given the time of day. There was that lightning bolt moment when we met, we both felt it, and after a short while we started seeing each other. I adored him, he was the love of my life but it was my decision to end it. Now that I have I can see he did a real job on me. Everything was on his terms, I didn’t see him unless he came to me. He grew from me, took my strength and made it his own all the while promising me the earth and delivering nothing. All the research I’ve done into NPD, BPD sociopathy and psychopathy shows me that he has all of these traits. I miss him, I’m still in love with him and feel the pain of not being with him but I also feel released and relieved yet so damaged. Watching your videos helps me to understand why I chose to break up with him and to never go back despite my heartbreak.

For me has been a combination of counseling, listening and learning about NPD and listening to other victims but most importantly spending time with God. Reading his word and knowing who I am in Him. God has been healing me and revealing who I am in Him. Thank you sir for your videos for they have helped me as well

I’ve followed you since u started 9yrs ago. I’m still healing on a daily basis. 8yrs at it so far & I won’t ever get over what my mom put me through for 36yrs.. I’ve learned I’ll never fully heal. I’ve gone No contact. It’s quieter now. 8yrs no contact. Our minds r still programmed. U are exactly correct. Have some grace for yourself. Dead on

Richard, this was shocking but somehow promising as well. I have been suffering since my narc mother finally killed my soul. At the beginning of the suffering - when I experinced horrifying anxiety - I hoped I would heal. Later I started to be dissapointed because I felt that healing didnt come. LIstening to your words it is not a surprise, of course it doesnt come, because there is no such thing as healing in this case. Just reborn. I would cry if I coud.

My dad was a narcassist. He was physically and emotionally abusive and resented his family. I 100% infused with him. Therapy, The Power of Now, Whim Hoff breathing and some non prescribed meds are helping.

Thank you so much Richard. I'm struggling a lot and getting sadder and sadder. I try to work it out but sometimes , during the day, tears are falling from my eyes by their own . Really hope to overcome this situation. He told me that we were a family. It wasn't true. Thank you for your precious presence dear Richard. Francesca

I am not a victim of a singular narcissist, even though I understand some of my family have acted, and still attempt to act, in this manner to some degree. What your talks have shown me is how to counter unhealthy aspects of many relationships both personal and societal. Thank you.

5years clean from my narcissistic ex an I couldn't be happier being single ,as a highly intuitive empathy I am just realizing moving home to a new town with my family that I have few family narcissists 😂😭. As well this information was beautifully constructed and hit me on every angle! Thank you for always giving us such amazing information. Without your videos I would not have grown so much on my journey to recovery and finding the new strong woman I have become after the abuse!

3 years later I'm still trying to put it into perspective or at least putting it in the past but just when I have gone through reasonable periods that I feel I've made progress, I somehow seem to regress..the hardest part is most friends don't understand.I remember once saying to my best friend, I feel like the narc ,took a peice of me with him.

I was parentified at age 6 until I left home while simultaneously being infantilised as I grew older. I literally am moving away from the mother ship because it's my mother who narcissistically abused me , enabled by my father. I now realise I was never allowed to individuate, because the one time I raised a need that was mine and not shared by the narc I was systematically eviscerated off the face of the planet. Sibs did nothing when I reached out for help. I've just recently discovered that I was in a pseudomutual narcissistic family system , even down to the description of the 'zombified 'siblings. My life feels like it was the Truman Show because I thought my parents loved me and I them. But then they revealed their true colours and that they would rather 'disappear 'me than allow me to exist in my own right. I know I will never be the same again. In some ways I feel like a lost child. I've lost my mother, father, brother, sister. I've lost my identity as a daughter and sister. Yet I know that I fought for my own existence and stood up to the narcissism by walking away. I know I need to build an entirely different life , but when you have to grieve and heal from nearly your whole life and identity I'm not sure what that will look like.

Very good video. Yes as coodependant you need to grow up and face what you where running from.

Amen. Absolutely true. Grow up> move on> exceed. Time to be your best self

Maturation … pick yourself up … step by step … inch by inch … shake off the dust … we are rarely the same person yesterday as the person we are today. If I didn’t know better, sometimes I’d almost begin to think by just being kind to others it could be interpreted as some form or act for narcissistic supply and to have feelings of any kind an indication of some kind of a problem. I think there are hazards in not taking an occasional break from it; in the sense that one can begin to suffer from over thinking it all too much to. Sometimes things are just what they are for what they are regardless of what they can hope they be otherwise. I guess that’s it … it’s acknowledging it as a grieving process. Thanks for putting all your helpful information out there … 30 day challenges etc. it all helped to finally get me to that place. Hopefully, it might help you to know that your intent is out there and just because people don’t always report back, don’t think it doesn’t have an impact. An example … teaching children before they’re verbal … just because they cannot talk initially, doesn’t mean they don’t understand what you’re teaching them. So you keep going … then one day you’re shocked by what they know … before they’re even able to speak. A school teacher often will never know what an impact they’ve made on the lives of their students. They just have to trust they have and know they did.

I got the toxic narcissists out of my life - my sister and my father's whole side of the family. I don't miss them. However, new ones just appeared like magic. I even had a job where I was hired and then a person who didn't even work in the organization transferred in to be my supervisor, and she was....and it was so triggering I didn't defend myself properly. So for the past 2 years (needless to say, she was able to force me out of the place) I've been working on this issue. Seems I just recently healed it - they don't seem to be appearing in my life anymore. It was noticing it, weeding the friends' garden and working on my own patterns. It's so odd how people keep appearing until you've healed an issue.

I'm a long way from healed. I acknowledge that. If i simply get a text from him, I feel the anxiety throughout my body. I'm not the same person I was while married to him for the 26 years. I've learned to love those parts of me that need that gentle touch and I understand the pull...I fled to the other side of the country to escape and its been 7 months. Yet, if he called me and said he was sorry, he loved me, he wanted to make it work... my God! It'd tear me apart to say No. Even after I know what I was reduced to while with him.

I think eventually you need to move on from you past and forget it, learn the lessons and leave that old life behind, stop being a victim and become a warrior.

Woah you just nailed cognative dissonance when highlighting the simultanous "babying and treating as a parental figure" I never made that connection until now but that is so true. that's what causes such hurt and confusion, they (most cluster b's) place these incredibly high expectations on you to be ultra responsible for yourself and for them & their happiness whilst simultaneously also treating you like a little baby who isn't capable. omgggg. my mind is blown. it's like a set up where you can't win no matter which angle you try to placate or please them because it's almost like an unconscious projection on their part, acting out this learned, deeply ingrained trauma response and maladaptive behaviour :(.

It took me 2 years of permanent "supervising» all my decisions & thoughts to reduce the conditions of abuse . It won't JUST happen due to narc abuse ; although it's most painful one BUT in all levels of daily life we are infantilized and taking decisions automatically or according to our habits & social structures . It takes immense amount of works to bring yourself BACK . Be sincere with yourself and put all your mind and energy on because the rest of life depends on it. Sincere gratitude dear Richard I couldn't take the first steps if it wasn't for your courses 🙏Thank you with all my heart 🙏

Thank you, it is extremely helpful. I've been in this war for 30 years now. Recently, managed to limit contact almost to zero. This helps, but as you said, that's not even close to the step one on the way to healing. But the good news is, it creates the environment, the space. I feel exhausted, poisoned and infected, and all that resulted in chronic physical illness, not to mention emotional damage. But thanks to your words I feel assured to be moving in the right direction. I'm determined to grow up and reconstruct my best self.

I’ve watched a lot of Richards videos but this one has spoken to me the most. Thank you Richard, your stern but gentile explanations are a help.

I think one of the many reasons it’s so hard to heal from is that the injury to yourself is attached to your primordial infantile, subconsciously wounding from (lack of or inadequate) bonding and attachment. Neglect, abandonment, abuse, parentifying children, smothering them - all create devastating lifelong wounds and we attach ourselves to partners that pinpoint that very wound and we feel like we’re home. Unconditioning THAT is the work of a lifetime.

Yesterday , while driving my motorbike, I was listening the interview exactly on this topic with you and Sam Vaknin.. You guys are amazing.. If anything good came from my last relationship with narcissist is getting to know two of you.. I extract lot of pleasure just listening and witnessing two creatures who are capable of using their minds to dive so so deep.. absolutely beautiful.. Thank you for sharing this publicly.. Very grateful.. Sending lots of love to both of you.

Knowledge, work, time

Acceptance,distancing,grieving and recreate your life by redefining what makes you happy and makes you a whole creative human embodied beeing ! 💜💜💜 PS cultural narcissism makes hinders and there you have an important part as coach.

Jesus healed me tbh.

Family Systems helps. The best program. It is profound. Richard has been gifted with expressing and explaining the complexities and the reality of the experience. One of the greatest teachers over time regarding this topic.

Always grateful Richard 💝 am still in the 30 day challenge to create space and gain agency...5 finger practice...the impact has been truly phenomenal !! But whenever i start drifting back..or down i do the practice. I have just been challenged and find myself able to not get embroiled and to stand my own ground. I feel, to confirm this video subject, I need to remain committed to this easy and effective practice. I am 67 this weekend and it has been a life of work from a neglected childhood with a Narcissistic mother, ( with all the traits including her leading a double life) and a complicit alcoholic and gambling father(whom my sister only uncovered the truth last year, from years of ancestry work and DNA testing was not our dad) both have been long passed on !! My life was one of Secrets, gaslighting, abuse, devaluation and massive neglect. Both my main adult relationships were with dysfunctional men etc etc etc !!!! Your sharing has lead, along with Sam Vaknin's work to a clarity about my entire situation and enabled breakthroughs about CPTSD that my clinicians were not deeply clued into. I still see my Psychologist for clarifying chats of current issues. I have been going for 28 years and personally know the value of counselling. Have a Peaceful Christmas Richard...you deserve it 💖💝much Love to you and yours🙌🙏🌟

Remember the essence of who you were before the narcissistic came into your life. Everything we experience in life is a opportunity for growth. Most importantly never, never, never hand your sacred self over to someone else.

40 years I feel so stupid 😢

Haven't been in a relationship in a while now. Scared I'll fall into the same stupid codependent behaviors even though I'm aware of it now.

Dig the thumbnail art.

This is so relatable. His teenagers lived with unlimited freedom but I was under constant control like a child….but also felt like his mother, like had to do EVERYTHING in the house, for the family, help with his job, raise the little kids, etc.

It’s been 10 years of working on my healing and 2 more dysfunctional relationships. Being by myself is good. Having peace, harmony, serenity is better.

Deep AF. When i look at it she totally valued me in order to individuate.

I love your teachings I love how vulnerable you are...after so many years and way beyond 10000 hours of excellence, after doing the whole work and putting in so many reps, you still fell in the trap of narcissists. If you, an expert, are not safe from those dark pits, there might be hope that I will stop blaming myself for being so oblivious.

You got me on the track to healing when I had my daughter eight years ago, thank you! I still have a way to go - worked on healing the trauma bonds with my ex and then realised my mother was Ground Zero 😂 But I’ve learned lots of skills and am in therapy on and off, so in the best place I have been so far 🎉

This is what of the best videos on narcissistic abuse that I have ever found. Thank you!

I can feel the benefit of letting go who you used to be before the abuse. It's a mixture of grief and hope, rather than perpetual feeling of grieving the happy go lucky part of myself that was essentially naive. Letting life season you is the way forward. I like to know more about the individuation process. Is it becoming the mother we always wanted to our own infantile self? The unconditional love i seek to give (narcissism?!) and to receive can happen internally, and so if I do that will I be less susceptible to staying in abusive relationships?

Richard! Totally amazing. For now, the most helpful gift that I granted myself is: I try to mostly to OBSERVE instead of to ABSORB the N 'poisonous 'arrows. I create more silence(truly peaceful), and it seems that I am rather successful in NOT to expect 'normalcy' from a person with N traits. OOOfff. It is not easy, but possible. Your sharing is actually soothing to the soul. Thank YOU

It takes hard a@@ work...continuously. I have been working on myself for 30 years and will probably be working on myself every day for the rest of my life, but I am worth it.

Life's LARGEST LESSON was being married to a "Covert Narcissist"....And there IS NO going back to what I was before, I learned one of life's greatest, & most painful lessons at 56 yrs old. I don't see myself as a "victim" anymore, once I came out of a 3 year depression, I understood the steps I must take to reinvent, and start my life anew....and I knew it would be very hard, but transformative.

Appreciate these Videos. Richard’s comprehensive approach. It’s a long long road. It’s quite easy to shut a door. What’s challenging ( for me ) has been a sense of bewilderment, and with no understanding during the decades I was beguiled, lied to and manipulated that it was Core Self - Centeredness. I’m in my early 60’s now. So it’s been all the shades of feelings and realisations. Late in my life. I’m not sure if the NP, had a psychic hold over me. Or if I gave up my own reality bit by bit to adjust. Any sort of abuse takes a long time to process. My experience had with it, a slow constant stream of being de valued. What shocked me most, is all my dreams, I made efforts to create visible evidences of, my mother ignored. Later she would then make them hers…. And I would stand there with my mouth open unbelieving, what I heard. I don’t think anyone could feel, what that does to you, if they had not experienced that. It was like someone ( NP ) came with a big Eraser and begins to Rub you out- and insert themselves . So a long hard pained journey from dark to Light! I do really hope and pray - for all of you who are on Your own unique paths to get back the giving loving persons you each are- and always from little children - were…. God bless

Ouch, from narcissistic mother to wife and not being able to go no contact due to a child together, and back to parents environment for support raising my son. Somehow ending up in a relationship with another. This information didn't seem to exist 10 years ago and I also question whether I'm the narcissist. It would appear that in attempting to heal from subsequent breakdowns I've got the approach all backwards and making no progress. In addition it's quite possible that a spiritual teacher/life coach I tried working with a few years ago was also a narcissist.... 48 now and the last few years have been a nightmare, reaching out for help from professionals has left me more traumatised... And I worry about the affect on my son...

It takes time and knowing yourself, working constantly on bettering oneself. She murdered the person I was, and I’m a very different person now, but for the better

Well. Said... Thanks. Wow.. His advice about humbling thyself and letting yourself go. Is biblical advice! The Bible says that he who refuses to pick up his cross and follow Jesus and then it says... "To deny self daily" Wow. Richard you are hitting this on the nail.

I think the first step for me was watching one of your videos where you explained how we aren’t really in love with these creatures. Love must be reciprocal to actually exist ; it’s just an incorrect notion or sense of obligation predicated on familiarity . I was so wrong but now I understand Am I healed ? Fkno but Im getting there.

Have moved on & live far away for decades now. Have always lived independently. I get a text once in a while and it's interesting to see the level of pathology in them over time. I have let go of visiting altogether. I am old now and have had to give up on them years ago for my own safety, have transcended the abuse and no longer react to what I have come to expect from them. I have accepted the incurability of it. It has helped to understand and I have compassion for them in seeing what they went through that made them this way. I wish I could take away the abuse they endured but know I can't. That makes me sad. They have to heal their own PTSD. My awareness has allowed me to minimize my exposure to them; and that is about as good as it's gonna get. I have only to figure out how to fill the gaps that are left in my life and how to stop needing people who don't need me. Through research and seminars, I have come to realize that I have "relatives", but I do NOT have "family." It is a devastating loss to have to come to terms with in my old age... But at least now, I know why; although that has provided very little comfort because love is not a spigot you can turn on and off at will...it is something you have to somehow transcend...especially when it involves siblings you have grown up with and have a history together. I wish science would invent a medicine that would circumvent the disconnect that is happening inside their brains; and reconnects them with their sense of love and humanity for others...perhaps the whole world could stand to benefit from something like that??? It's a grandiose thought, but I look at the world and the horrors humans everywhere are willing to visit upon one another and I wish I could take away the trauma that shaped them that way or somehow help them with it...silly me. I miss having humane people in my life that I can trust in and love freely. As it is, It renders life a lonely and rather isolating experience.; but we all have a cross to bear I guess. Y'all stay strong out there and keep moving forward. ♥️

That was amazing!!! It has been difficult for my situation. The person is my twin sister. I was co dependant on her growing up, we moved every year and I needed her. I broke this co dependence in our 30's, she did not like it. She had a place and control. Endless bullying, putdowns, humiliating me in public, competing for my children, etc. Now we are in out late 50's, she gets confronted about unkindness, she cuts me off. She won't let us get counseling, though we are both believers and could see a Pastor. She has cut me off again now, it still hurts. This closed door makes me feel like I am of no value to her. I know that's what she wants. I am climbing out of this, but its been scary to think of losing this sister forever? I did have a great thought lately, we have different blood types strangely, though we were always told we were identical? We might be fraternal, meaning we are not a part of eachother. That would mean a lot to me, but I am separate regardless of this possibility. This is tough stuff, you know whatvit feels like? Like the movie Jane Erye, where Edward has this crazy wife locked in another part of the house. Your trying to live and have happiness but there is this nutcase under the same roof that haunts your life. When the crazy wife dies at the end, Edward is free but maimed. The old house had to be burned down, to get free. I think that's what your saying here.

You have been sent here to help humanity! Thanks for helping this one!

It takes a lot of strength that you feel you don't have especially when you have depression on top of being colonized and fused into this evil person.

Its lifelong effort, like an addict, we have to remember it was an addiction.

This is a struggle you are right! A few friends I have made and myself all always feel guilty or stuck when the "I want my life back" or the "that narcissist ruined my life " thoughts come in and wont let you focus and seem intense. Its difficult at times to say "no don't dwell on that negative set if thoughts on the past, it is time to continue moving forward to do the best that I can do."

Absolutely 💯 correct! My therapist gave me the ball park number of 1 month of work and healing (work= deconstruction and recalibration) for 1 year of abuse... my journey = 54 months 4.5 years. Worth it = freedom!

The key to internal change is the realization that the NPD person creating pain in your life is an empty vessel (software) programmed with the emotional maturity of a 5 year old.

This happened to me just last week.. I didn't realize how deeply rooted in my subconscious this was. Out of nowhere it came, and I realize like you mention here in the video to recreate. Create new memories; it's definitely challenging all the past stuff comes to the surface, but rewarding once you start to navigate forward from it each time. I've accepted that you can only change it from here, and not to who you were prior to the relationship like you mentioned. It's extremely hard in the moment. It's not easy but once the thoughts pass it's a beautiful thing.

Richard I wish you were my therapist. I feel like you are one of the few who truly understand the wounding that's been inflicted. Sadly I just stay away from people now because I feel I can't be trusted and that I am not the same as people who've managed a better life. I don't feel like there is a getting back to where I was because this is life long abuse. So the question is truly who the hell am I? I've never been able to be me completely.

"You can't get back to your old self." .... I figured that out on my own after this abuse.. My husband married me to do, reactionary abuse. I will never be the same as I used to be. The happiness and joy will never be the same..

Dear Mr. Grannon Saturday 17th December 2022 .Without mentioning his name or his Academic profile- what I did notice is that both of you joked and Laughed a lot , you introduced him, but he did not introduce you, you showed him Respect by acknowledging his Title, you asked some questions where clarification was rightly appropriate, questions that brought our attention to the point, (especially if we had wandered off in thought.)You Mr. Grannon were an important and integral part of the conversation .Well you know the subject extremely well. It has been the Topic of your Discussions. If you are due for a Holiday - I hope you go to Paradise !

Thanks Grannon.

Love the course!

This is SO spot on.

Thank you 🙏🏽🤍💡💎

Thank you. It's been 3 years of listening to you and still not knowing how to enforce boundaries with him. It's dark here, thank you for trying to help me believe this is a tunnel and theres a light at the end somewhere.

Accept that healing may not be possible but learning to cope is entirely do-able.