Why is Our Partner's Past ALL WE EVER THINK ABOUT?? (and how to change that)

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In this video I will share with you why your partners past may be all you ever think about and the best way to overcome this once and for all!
Why do we think about our partner's past all the time welcome back to another video my name is matt in this video i'm going to talk to you about why we cannot stop thinking about our partner's past when we're suffering from retroactive jealousy why is it all the time we're getting these thoughts one after another after another after another after another and how can we start slowly putting an end to these thoughts so maybe we can actually think thoughts that we want to think about instead right so i'll go through what helped me in overcoming retract the jealousy and these intrusive thoughts that I just couldn't stop thinking about um i'll give you the exact steps that i took and I think they will help you too but before we get started if you can take a quick moment and smash the like button on this video so we can get out to more people that need to see it i'd greatly greatly appreciate it also if you want some extra help in overcoming retroactive jealousy if you're having intrusive thoughts on your partner's past your significant other's past that you can't seem to get over please check the links in the description below i've got three awesome courses to help you overcome that get your life back get your relationship that back so uh please check that out before you go today all right so why do we keep thinking these thoughts all the time well plain and simple it's become our habit of thought okay we've thought about these thoughts these thoughts that bother us so much and they've carried on so much anxiety along with them that we've thought about them enough that we've strengthened certain thought routes and and what neurologists call them neural pathways in our brain we've strengthened them so much that our thoughts will automatically go down those routes because they're so strengthened they're so big they're so large it's very easy it's like the path of least resistance for the thought to go down is to go down these routes of our partner's past that bother us so much and that simply has happened because you know we got these thoughts or we started having these thoughts they carried a lot of anxiety around with them that anxious feeling that anxious response we felt the need that we need to analyze these thoughts rationalize these thoughts come to terms with these thoughts so we don't feel that anxious response anymore okay whether you did this consciously or or unconsciously we've done that we wanted to be okay and rationalize these thoughts but because we could never come to terms and because we could never rationalize them we would try again and again and again to continue to think about it continue to think about it continue to think about it over and over and over again and when we've done that we've strengthened that neural pathway and those thought routes have literally become the path of least resistance for these thoughts to travel on it's become a habit in order to break these habits these habits of thinking these habits of thought and start thinking about other things is basically we need to cut off this connection we need to cut off this neural pathway and we just need to cut it off as quickly as it comes into our head so when we get a thought about our partner's past and it comes in and we feel the need to go down that rabbit hole go down that thought route we almost need to visualize visualize these strengthened neural pathways in our brain visualize these thoughts going down and have it be so easy because these these routes are so strengthened they're they're basically have a magnetic pull and want to pull your thoughts in this way this way this way through these neural pathways and we have to almost imagine ourselves with a big like ax and just boom chopping boom chopping these thought routes we cannot let these thoughts go down further down these routes of thought we have to basically in a sense stop thinking about them recognize let me go in depth instead of just stop thinking about but recognize when the thought comes up exploring this thought or going any deeper into it is not going to benefit me what so ever and so literally this would happen to me when i when I understood this when I thought exploring this thought thinking about it is not going to help me.....

Опубликовано:

15 ноя 2022

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Комментарии : 20

@RaheemDaniels Год назад

Thanks for still dedicating your time to this channel Matt. God bless you abundantly with his mercy and guidance. God works through you brother 😊

@izzy8407 Год назад

Thanks Matt. You’ve helped me so much and I definitely feel like I’m on the road to recovery. I’ve stopped asking questions and asking for reassurance, which is my most common compulsion. Thoughts definitely come and I can at times slip up and explore them for a little too long, but I’m getting better. Have a great weekend and thanksgiving brother. The beard looks great on you!

@jamiewilson728 4 месяца назад

What have you done to quit wanting to or quit asking questions?!

@izzy8407 4 месяца назад

@@jamiewilson728 the whole ordeal was one of the more difficult things I’ve dealt with in my life, and these insecurities and questions were apparent for over 4 years of our relationship. In the end, my deep love for my now wife is what pushed me away from asking questions and hurting her with remarks. Follow Matt’s plans on this, he’s very knowledgeable. Knowing that I was hurting my wife was what finally made me change my ways

@evancovacevich Год назад

This method of treating RJ similar to the way to treat compulsive disorder is truly helpful, been working on it about a month now, getting better for sure, thanks!

@JamieRenee101 Год назад

Hey Matt. Still struggling.. it’s been 7 years of this and I’m starting to lose hope. Your videos help so much. I would love to speak with you somehow.

@trombas1 Год назад

Thanks for your advice Matt. I have tried your suggestions from this video as well as suggestions from some of your older videos. I have started to deflect the thoughts that creep into my head. The only thing that concerns me is the number of these thoughts I have. I see that now because I’m screening my thoughts before I expand them. I am an over thinker by nature. I have been able to tackle my “inner critic” as I used to be very hard on myself. I am now trying to fix my RJ. I am also applying some of your tactics to other thoughts as well. I do feel better at the moment but I realise that I can’t change overnight and this is a process that will take some time. Thanks for your help and hopefully I can change for the better.

@AlexScenini-mg5qf 11 месяцев назад

Hey Matt, I have moments where I feel like I have conquered a certain detail that has really bothered me, but then I will rethink it a different way. Because I have a OCD way of thinking I want to just conclude and justify that one situation. I cant seem to accept a bad story or outcome

@dilwich Год назад

Thanks Matt.

@lwr6762 5 месяцев назад

Why can’t I stop thinking about her past? In the beginning I told her I didn’t need or want to know anything about her sexual history. Said it’s none of my business. Didn’t work at all. She chose to share and let slip things that are probably relatively normal but disgust me from her. It absolutely is my insecurities that make me unable to move past these things. I never wanted to think of her that way, but now it consumes me. Yes we all have a past, just wish I didn’t have to think about hers. I’ve learned how to have it not affect my outward behavior, and still show her my true caring and loving feelings to her. Inside though…pure torture

@SufiOfficialMusic 5 месяцев назад

Thank you so much. Personally I definitely have OCD. and with my current partner i never cared about his past even though it wasnt the best.. i always felt secure and loved. but recently he shared with me 2 ppl that were close to me (like a mother figure to me) that he had a history (before he met me) with sexually that he hid from me (nothing romantic) and now im dealing with betrayal trauma and it makes my OCD worse and activates jealousy. i even feel scared he will have sex with my mom. its been 6 months since i found out and im still healing and its still a struggle. ive had weeks at a time of freedom from the intrusive thoughts and images. but it'll get triggered by certain things. howver i notice when i focus on my passions and building my life i have some freedom from it (Feels like a high, and i have more confidence in myself to overcome it) but when i come back to myself alone, its still there. do you or anyone have any advice for this?

@alessiagiustino Год назад

thank you so much!

@DavideBotto Год назад

Matt how should I overcome my past ex’s she has been in 6 relationship before me she is 26 I’m 21, the thought of her with other guys making me go fucking crazy! Is that normal?

@YbcA1 3 месяца назад

It’s OCD, not you

@playzonexspidey9691 Год назад

Need Advice Asap or I'll end up ruining the relationship Ok guys let me open up a bit need your advice - So i have started dating this girl and the relationship is still fairly new like 2 - 3 months ? However the thing is that she was in a relationship prior to me which was like for 5 years and she told me that the dude was his friend for 2 years before they got into a relationship Then for a year she was single - that's when i came into the picture - So she have already told me about when we were first starting to get to know each other that she was already almost physical with her ex she still keeps assuring me that she is still a virgin but you know she admits they both have done all the foreplay stuffs She even used to call the dude her home when no one was around so that they can do all those stuffs And lemme tell you it first never bothered me much and I'm still a Virgin as well But since now I'm dating her and when we have those kinds of talks between us Sometimes I can't help but imagine that there is someone who have already felt my girl embraced each part of body, That dude cheated on her later and i understand she knew the guy as they were friends before and it was a 5 yrs of relationship so indeed trusted the guy and never thought this would happen But man i can't get over the fact that a dude has already done stuffs with her which she would even have liked yk And i start overthink stuffs and gets real sad .. This is the only problem in our relationship that I'm having Recently she keeps apologising about it like if she would knew that this will happen she would have never - The fact that i can't get over it makes me sad and making her feel guilty makes me more sad .. idk what to do about this . Can someone help me out , she's a great girl i don't wanna break with her at all but sometime this thing bothers me a lot

@stanislavhules987 Год назад

IMO. It is hard to find perfect match in the world. Especially when you meat someone later in life. So it can be that someone had at least one partner. But if she is willing to give you everything. You should at least try it. I would doubt that in 5 years relationship she did only foreplay.🧢 It can be hard. Because she was in serious relationship. But he was the one who cheated and she was serious. So it will depend. If she is willing to be serious with you and see future with you. If you are serious with her she should be serious with you too. It can be hard. But if she had only serious relationship and was not party girl. I would not see it as big problem. It can be hard from perspective of ego. Sadly world is not perfect and often people are not their first. Often it is that someone is more experienced than the other partner. I personally thing be it men or women can´t perfectly know their partner that they will be perfect match in first relationship. Especially when it is in early stage of life. Because both people can find different perspective in life. But if my future partner showed or I would see that she was only in serious relationship with low bodycount as me. I would be serious wither as she would be serious with me. But other thing would be if I knew that she done things with somebody and would not want do same things with me. I would see it as lack of commitment from her side. Be it personal or romantic. Because I would be sad If I knew she was willing to visit place or country with someone but she would not want to visit same place or country with me.😇

@playzonexspidey9691 Год назад

@@stanislavhules987 thanks i have cleared those thoughts out and now I'm actually tryna see how things turn out, i'mma check it out - she used to call up the guy to her house when her mom was not around and all to you know to do stuffs - i'mma check it out as well, if she doesn't I'm breaking up with her - she once told me someone saw dude going to her house and made a huge drama out of it and since then she never called the dude to her house and never called any friend let alone any male friend to her house in absence of her mom.. . But still i want her to call me up not necessarily to do stuffs but still and if she doesn't I'm breaking up with her that's my plan, since she was willing to take the risk of that for him , but not with me is a huge let down for me . I love my self respect and ego and I'm already kept it under control since i love this girl but if she ain't gonna do this hell na I'm going with this any longer - I'm breaking with her , i get it she will be hella sad and upset, it will make me worst person in her life or in anyone eyes .. but i have to be selfish here and think about me as well..

@stanislavhules987 Год назад

@@playzonexspidey9691 Exactly have self respect. No need to be serious with someone who does not want to be serious with you. Because in long run you will not stay together. I think both should resonate and be compatible with each others. For to have long lasting relationship as previous generations.😇

@leovard Год назад

You clearly care, if you didn’t care then you wouldn’t be uploading countless videos on this topic. Man, it’s okay, if you care about it then it matters to you, not point in lying to ourselves just to be “politically correct”. This gut feeling that you and countless of men feel is trying to tell us something, there’s a natural reason and it’s okay. The only thing I would say, that a man with past is being hypocritical if wants a woman who isn’t a sexual liberal, men need to hold themselves to the same standard if they want someone who isn’t promiscuous.