Why The Anxious Attachment Style Fears Intimacy 

I thought I was hopeless romantic. Turns out I have anxious attachment style.

"When you're lost in someone else, you're not giving yourself a proper vantage point to see them from." Woah.

I will have to relisten at half speed. All that truth coming at me so fast made me anxious

i have never felt so called out in my entire life

This video shook me to my core. Thank you. You nailed it. I 100% thought I’ve been such a good person by never intentionally hurting anyone, yet not taking responsibility for my emotions and being able to regulate myself has created so much harm. Thank you for the awareness your created in me.

It’s frightening to watch a video created by a complete stranger which describes me so accurately. I’m glad though. I’ve lived long enough with anxious attachment. Time to heal.

The thing about self-worth is so real because when I notice any changes of behaviors of a loved one, my world simply starts to fall apart. It's so crazy because I feel it, the anxiety is so huge, and there is no one to turn to when in reality I should turn to myself and see everything in a logical way but I never learned to. Nice video :)

Brilliant again! my summary: People who compulsively eat thing they love food. Addiction is not love. Anxious parts are compulsively drawn to intimacy as a form of desperation that leads to enmeshment. Intimacy is where you can draw your boundaries clearly and then you can see each other. True intimacy requires both people owning their own inner vulnerabilities (inner children) and showing up as their adult self. This requires self-regulation and not seeking to be fixed by another. Unconscious anxious beliefs don't like boundaries because they are afraid of detachment. Anxious parts are actually seeking a saviour or parent figure who doesn't have messy needs (buy the needs that the anxious person can easily meet are ok). They crave being looked after because in their deep heart they see themselves as 'innocent'. On the surface of it someone with avoidant behaviours look like someone with no needs, so anxious parts are drawn to them! Then, over time, as the fantasy is burst they see the avoidance behaviours as 'bad' and return to their own childish sad state of innocence, unloved. As we become emotionally intimate, as adults, it requires we share our messy emotional feelings, longing, needs and, crucially, flaws. It means admitting the way we hurt others, accidently. We are not as innocent as we thought and we are not a child and the other will not be our saviour. We have to be careful here not to fall into a shame spiral of depression, but instead to reach out from a place of self-awareness and connect and giving and receiving care from this adult way. The anxious person must really build up the inner security as part of this journey. Fostering a secure base, internally. This can be encouraged and supported by a partner ONLY when you can show up as an adult and OWNING your feelings, longings, needs and flaws.

Instead of saying “As an anxious avoidant… “ you say: “As someone who uses the anxious avoidant style… “ Thank you. I think that is useful and optimistic language! It gives me hope that I can change. This was the most powerful video I have seen so far from any content creator.

As someone who’s been working to heal from an anxious attachment style, I can honestly say that the transition from this perspective to a more interdependent approach is excruciating. And very much worth it

“True intimacy requires two people who are responsible for patching up their own wounds and healing their own pain and their own trauma and simply supporting each other in the process in a parallel way. Moving side by side, giving support to each other.“

"We are using these things to forget ourselves." Truer words... I need to remember myself.

This video just seismically shook me. It presents a paradigm shift that completely changes how I relate to others. I am ready to make that shift, but yowzers, this is a really big one. I'm frustrated and mad that the FALSE model that I was taught (!) was "show up with only the parts of yourself that you think will be acceptable to others, don't have boundaries because they will prevent you from having a complete relationship, go as deep as possible as fast as possible, and strive to completely merge with the other person as that is the highest form of love and support and admiration." YIKES, right?!! This is the model I grew up with (okay, to be totally honest, the "go as deep as possible as fast as possible" was my own addition -- NF, anyone?!). This just turns that model completely on its head forever. I need to learn more about how to recognize and avoid enmeshment, because unfortunately, it's the water I have been drinking and swimming in all my life. Please keep it coming, Heidi. You're changing the world, or at least mine.

I am always astonished and how fluid and concise you are with your understanding of the subject matter. Bravo Heidi! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Holy freakin cow!! Lady you have shaken me to my core, this is 100000% me, every last word of it. Incredible. It’s like you’ve been my therapist for 10 years or something hahah

This is absolutely what I need to hear. I parentalized my spouse for 17 years. Im going through a divorce. I’m codependent and in recovery. I expect others to set my boundaries. “I am innocent” is the background narrative in my head.

Thanks for making a video that really resonates. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years who I still love because he was trying to make me his everything and I couldn’t handle being responsible for his emotional wellbeing. It seemed like I could never meet his needs. Unfortunately it is really hard on the partner and this isn’t really talked about on the internet.

This is spot on. It often feels like anxiously attached people do not have any room for anyone else’s needs.

This was a most needed slap across the face for me, a call to reality. I felt like a lot of things suddenly made sense as you were talking, like it clicked. Thank you so much!

Such a great analogy! I remember that feeling of being with an AP and giving them the intensity they desire only for them to zone out the moment they get what they wanted, it's like they are not present with you anymore, stop seeing you, take you for granted, but as soon as you pull away because you feel like your efforts are not appreciated, they panic and blame you for not loving them enough. You think they love you but then it really does feel like you are there only as an emotional crutch.

Had me crying with a lot of realizations, but now I see this as a first step in healing. Amazing video! Thank you!

As a fellow ENFP, I can see how the anxious attachment style can play in. ENFPs want to grasp someone's essence in record time. We work so that people feel seen. We love to set people ablaze. But then its not that we are seeking intimacy. We are honing our ability to charm and inspire. Our performative nature puts people at arms length. At core, ENFPs are very private. We hide that.

Far out. That's me on a stick. Your ability to explain attachment styles & true emotional intimacy is beyond impressive. I wish I'd come across you 20 years ago.

The child like innocence part - so true. I definitely relate to this. Its so crazy how you were able to describe it so perfectly.

This is me in a nutshell. I have a set of boundaries or deal breakers but I have not figured out that I need to have my own self-regulatory strategies in order to avoid my typical insecure inner child responses. Thank you, I am learning so much from your videos.

this is so absolutely and completely on the money, holy shit. I was exactly all these things. I left a trail of chaos in my wake, hurting and absolutely not seeing/negating the pain I caused/took part in for people I deeply loved. When I did finally see some of this clearly , or more clearly, I had to process so much guilt and grief. Very brilliantly captured, thank you

The avoidant looks like a parent because they present as I have nothing to work through. But you find it's a pseudoindepence. You have to get out of the drama triangle. She does an excellent job explaining this.

Great now therapy talk has taught me my weird compassion for others is ALSO trauma. Fabulous.

I seem to be a textbook case of anxious attachment, which I've only come to realize with the help of Heidi's videos. reflecting on my life, it's so obvious that I have a strong savior fantasy loop playing in my head. I have repeated thoughts like "if only there were a community to support me, or a person to help, I would definitely not emotionally overeat/have better mental health/work towards my stated goals/go to bed on time/etc". I would do well to ask myself what Heidi's also suggested: what if no one else comes? what if it were truly all up to me? what would I do then?

Lol the part about responsibility makes sense for why avoidants are the ones constantly villainized online and the anxious partner is usually seen as the victim

Thank you so much! I began thinking more deeply about my flaws and how I can hurt people. This initially made me feel a bit scared (of other people finding out I'm not perfect). But as I let these feelings sit, I had a huge realization: The hurt that was caused to me as a child is actually being perpetuated by me as an adult. This blew my mind. I was becoming my own abuser (in a subconsious way). I then realized how much power this abuser had over me. But once I realized this, I felt power coming back into my hands. I felt more responsible for my actions, and my life. I realized that I don't have to live like this anymore. My abuse is behind me. I can let it go. I am responsible for my actions. I have hurt people. But I can choose to help myself, and help others, more now.

I literally broke down in tears watching this video. I cannot physically begin to describe how perfectly you described me and what I go through and how I behave and how I view others. As well as my victim complex, and my sort of 'innocence mentality' that you were describing in the video. I feel like I want to send this video to everyone I know just to make them understand me 🥲

So accurately broken down and explained that it was literally painful to listen to and recognize within myself. Wow. Thank you so much for making these videos. You are amazing at this💕 Best therapy I've ever had in my life.

Heidi, you don't know how much youre helping me. My anxious attachment isnt as tense as I believed it to be. Your tips and strategies have helped me regulate my emotional states and responses sustainably.

As a recovering AA myself, it seems like the AA people I've talked to who are doing the work are much more likely to understand their failures and be willing to change. I personally believe this is because we experience a higher level of conscious distress and therefore want or need to find healing. Of course I understand that my viewpoint is limited and subject to error.

I have been on a "self-help" road for years, and am going through a painful break-up at the moment. What you have just explained, so clearly, is immensely helpful and eye-opening. Although I have "known" this information about myself for years, I feel like you have turned on a light in me, to understand and help myself. Thank you !

Thank you so much, Heidi. Important insights into what it means to have a wounded inner child who creates self-defeating anxious attachment strategies. Terry Real makes the invaluable point that it is not enough to hold and console the inner child; that the inner child needs to be kindly but firmly guided away from his or her habitual but maladaptive strategies which were understandable and even necessary at the time of wounding, but that need to be let go of if we are to be capable of adult intimacy.

What I got from this is that, as someone healing from AA, I thought I was great at intimacy, but what I was good at was getting in touch with my own feelings, and expressing them openly and vulnerably with the other person. That's only half of intimacy! The other half is asking questions, encouraging the other to share, engaging outwardly with empathy and curiosity. I wonder if it wasn't so much that I feared intimacy as much as I had a hard time understanding that few people are as easily able and trusting to express their feelings in the same way I do, and so need active verbal support and encouragement. I can't just make the relationship a safe space by not doing anything wrong. I actually have to actively build the foundation of safety by showing that I'm curious, interested, engaged, and caring.

I truly want to thank you for putting these ideas out there in such a clear and concise but comprehensive way. I'm anxious in my attachment style and really trying to work on moving toward security. My ex-wife was very avoidant and had a lot of unresolved trauma, and definitely exacerbated by anxious tendencies over the course of our relationship. My current partner, though, is much more secure. She might lean a little towards the avoidant side, but not so much as I do towards anxious attachment - but it is hard to keep that in perspective. She is a wonderful woman and is willing to do the work, we both go to couples counseling together and see our own therapists. But it is so easy to fixate on the ways she does not offer what I would consider to be the love and affection and support I need in a relationship and feel that wounded inner child being hurt or neglected. It is easy to forget that both anxious and avoidant attachment styles orbit at a similar distance from security/maturity when the anxious side is superficially desiring of intimacy, but we don't understand what healthy intimacy really means any better than they do.

Thank u for the video, it is really resonating. Just one thing tho. I see a lot of therapists use the term codependency inadequately. I won't go into much depth but, you can search the term "the myth of codependency". Ppl are born with capacity and need to establish strong emotional connections with each other. Our partners presence only can have huge impact on our nervous system- regulating blood pressure, oxytocin etc... Saying that for truly healthy relationship u need to have ppl who are perfectly self-sufficient and they don't expect their partner to sooth or meet a need of their is really unrealistic expectation and moreover is doing damage because it convinces ppl that that is actually possible. We are humans, we need each other. And no, some of our needs can't be met by ourselves only. It's just a biological reality. Plus, this unofficial modern use of the term "codependency" is actually deeply misogynistic because, usually it describes relationship in which a person (usually female) is acting emotional, needy, clingy and nagging her emotionally neglecting partner (usually male). That is not codependency. Emotional needs are needs, same as the need for oxygen, food and shelter. Shaming ppl for having those is horrible and creates deeply divided, autistic society with no regards for the realities of human experience.

I was always so confused about the fact that I knew a relationship should be 2 adults regulating themselves but I had such a deep need from my partner to help me regulate and everything was always about me and I hated it but I couldn't change it. This explanation helped me so much getting a better view of things. And I hate to say this but I truly wish I'd done things differently

Just read Attached and came back to this, realizing I may be more anxious avoidant rather than avoidant, but also wanted to fill in some gaps I felt were missing. Namely, "Why did I used to seek out one-night stands when I clearly craved the security of a long-term relationship?" Or "Why do I also crave alone time?" And now that I'm hearing this, I'm thinking of the kinds of guys I sought out: generally older, avoidant guys who I fantasized as protective gay mentors (a little like a father figure I suppose). At the same time, I probably also believed I was unworthy of a long-term relationship and was willing to settle with arrangements that were the least painful in the short term. As far as "alone time" goes, I am always "alone" in coffee shops or other crowded places, or with the knowledge that my partner is not too far away or to perform an activity I fear rejection or ridicule over. They do not teach any of this in Sex Ed and they really should. But now that I am in a loving long-term relationship, I also see the application existing beyond intimate relationships and also extending to other kinds of relationships among friends, colleagues or work (e.g., "Why do we tolerate a workplace environment that we've outgrown or is no good for us?" Or "Why do we deal with friends whose self-harm or toxicity also brings us down?"). Of course there is the always optimistic ENFP tendency to want to find solutions for everything, but attachment theory illuminates areas MBTI doesn't.

I am slowly healing from a somewhat traumatic childhood and i can see i was looking for a parent figure. Ive always been single but self-awareness is a good step.

I think this video is helpful for assessing self-growth as well. I have been very anxious in the past, but now seeing this, I can see some growth. Which is great, because it means I am able to depend on myself more! And there is something so freeing about that. Of course, I still might resort to anxious strategies too, so I know there’s still work to be done, but, I come back to myself quicker and I feel proud of that. Thanks for the video!

You explained this so well. I’m working on healing and struggling to stand on boundaries 😢. Thanks a lot

This was very very very helpful being a secure attachment style and knowing someone who is anxious. Healthy communication in a positive framework is so key so the anxious attachment does not feel shame, triggering, or want to distance themselves from healing the wound and growing a healthier realistic adult intimacy with somebody.

I swear I had to pause this several times and cringe at how accurately this described me. I watched your video on limerence a year or two ago and it changed my life i wish I had also seen this at the same time. I’ve sabotaged so many potential relationships looking back at things. Thank you so much. Literally tearing up while writing this because it feels like a puzzle piece thats been missing my entire life just fell into place.

Wow heidi the first 5 minutes of this video alone were like a smack in the face as to ubderstanding why my relationships keep failing, and going down in a massive ball of flames when they are especially intensely serious relationships. In learning to understand what eincere emotional intimacy really means and reflecting on the past i can see that i am deeply craving that boundry dissolution and deep emeshment that when boundaries are reintroduced, usually by my partner, i dont understand why they want those silly things and things devolve in a brutal downward spiral that leaves both myself and my partners feeling emotionally broken. I just want to say that im so so sorry to everyone ive ever hurt this way by not seeing myself more clearly sooner and being clear and up front about my needs in a relationship. I believe i can heal this but this is the hardest lesson ive ever had to learn, i was just divorced by my wife of nearly 5 years and now i know why. Thank you for doing this work from the bottom of my heart, i never want to hurt another, or hurt myself this way again.

ENFPs have this childlike quality as well. They willfully protect that child -- the joy, the curiosity, the optimism. But it can also wound. We want to fit in everywhere, but many don't know what to make of us. We are seen as quirky despite wanting to be liked. We also want to be left alone entirely at times to spend time processing our emotions. We are driven by our quest for authenticity, but our moral code can be idiosyncratic. Of course our intentions and choices are good, at least by our lights. ENFP's have this structural conflict -- both wanting to change the world, and wanting to withdraw from it. The road to maturity is in coming to recognize people in full -- Seeing how each is wired, in particular, and from that knowing how one stands in relation. We can cause someone to divulge one's life passion in ten minutes or less. But have we come to know that person, or only that idealized version you both just limned?

Wow. This one had a huge impact on me. It gave me so much understanding of my past relationship. I really appreciate 🙏 your work. It's incredible to see how easy you describe really complex problems that I could never understand and could never find the words to even explain. Listening to you is like being able to zoom out and get a birds eye view of the problem. Understanding the core of the problem gives me so much faith.

Holy shit this is so true I always feel like I am the most caring innocent person in the relationship shit makes sense now!

I’m so grateful to have come up with your channel. I thought I had worked through a lot of things and have realized there is still so much growth I need to do. Truly thank you

When I get mad at what you’re saying, I know that’s what I need to work on. I get mad a lot… thank you for your videos ❤

I have been primarily avoidant but also anxious-avoidant at times. I do remember when I felt like I was regaining a sense of self after some long-term depression and I got fired up telling my wife about how I, and no one else, has agency over my opinion even though I'll consider all facts. It made her scared. I felt really bad about this for a long time but this video made me realize her (clearly, she admits) anxious style and parental trauma made it so that declaring a 'sense of self' that strong, I think, intimidated and scared her. I do think, and we're just now working through this (it's like the Hard-mode New Game+ of relationships at this tier in your 30's), that she inherently felt some agency over me and my declaration of that (Which I viewed as a form of retaking my former self-confidence I once had as a Ti dom) made her feel 'shut out' of what I would call enmeshment, which I know for a fact both of us had (or at least dependence) after moving 5hrs away from our families and being stuck there for almost 2 years, alone, during the pandemic. Like I took her controller away while she was my P2. (When to me, I thought we were both our own Player 1s!) Great video that elucidated a past encounter that still baffled me.

I am anxiously attached and always feel so much better when I hear your videos. I feel understood.

I was waiting helplessly for my person to come and save me. One day I grew tired of waiting and started searching for her... It was a hopeless quest: I climbed the mountains of trauma and swam through the sea of sorrow. Then, while walking, I suddenly saw someone approaching... She was walking towards me, and she looked... A lot like myself! Only then I understood: it was a mirror I was walking to. I continued walking and I could see in the mirror there were two pictures: a brave warrior, and just behind her an innocent child, tending her arms to me. I looked behind me and I saw the child, I picked her up and said: you are safe. She hid her face in my chest and, at that moment, my armour shattered. I didn't need one anymore. Now I could walk through the world and finally be able to feel ok with myself. And I started looking for someone again, without haste: not a saviour but this time a companion for my next adventures

This makes a lot of sense. Applies to me from head to toes, even the part of the fear of appearing as I am towards the person that I declare that I am open and transparent to.

This explained my own path in life more than all my therapy sessions combined. Many thanks.

Summary/ Overview: (Partly) Layers: 3:15 1~ An anxious seemingly huge craving/ want/ need/ possibility for intimacy in a rushed way, is not 'real intimacy'. 7:40 2~ 'Interdependence'? So true intimacy would be taking care of ourselves and communicating with others about it/ support each other, while still taking full responsibility for ourselves (contain ourselves while sharing and protect ourselves while listening). The anxious person would prefer to not take responsibility/ less, and 'depend'/ lean on someone else in one or more vulnerable areas. 8:54 3~ Connected to 2. If the anxious person would be perform intimacy one would need to, at some point, acknowledge their own flaws, struggles, unniceties, bad's and shortcomings.

I watched multiple dozens of videos on attachment theory so far after missing the opportunity for a great and loving relationship mostly (but not solely) due to me lacking knowledge about myself. I wrote an 18 page summary about this topic (btw I happy to share it if anyone's interested) BUT DAMN did this video ever completely blow it out of the water. One of the best ones I have watched so far and it opened my eyes as to why I had an amazing vibe with someone for two years and when she said she's ready for more my brain just flushed down the toilet and I lost absolutely complete track of myself. What a video. You are amazing!!!

Love this. Literally sitting on my couch in silence connecting all the dots haha I have been on this journey for a long time and feel like this video helped me tap into the base layer of my wounded inner child. You have a great way of presenting ideas efficiently and invitingly. Thank you for this!

ENFPs can be overly romantic, chasing what they can't get, or looking to heal people, all the while avoiding their own needs. MBTI teaches ENFP "The Otherness of Others," something their INFJ unconscious knows full well. With that comes boundaries, for both self and other.

Heidi, you are just describing the ever living fuck out of me in these videos. It’s really helping me to be more kind to myself. I would love if you would be able to cover strategies for coping and developing better self regulation strategies when set off by real or perceived rejection. Your example about texting back soon enough is just Too accurate. I feel this great burning intense, horrible rejection when I’m not texted back or left on read for a while and I know that it’s unhealthy but it’s so exceedingly difficult not to ruminate on it.

You are doing such an amazing job Heidi!!!! THANK YOU!!

By far the most useful video I have seen on this subject. Explains sooo much

Thiis was really hard to hear, though you said it with as much compassion and directness as anyone could. I've always thought of myself as "craving" intimacy, but this really rings true (that it's really ducking past it). I wish I were a better partner, but it's been so many years of being a bad one. My avoidant partner tells me to step back and make room for her to come towards me, but all I can feel is "step away from me." I feel like I need to watch a video on avoidant attachment so I can feel it's at least on both of us :O

Healing this is so hard. I’ve been working on this for years and still have problems and feelings that arise.

That is so true, there has to be boundaries, some people can't take care of their own repressed emotional issues to they will look out for someone they can fix instead of fixing themselves, and they will find them, there many people out there who look for an emotional sponge. In this case neither party is a victim, but neurotic. One might think this relationship will work, but there is strong evidence that terminal illnesses are connected with repression of emotions.

You're such an excellent and insightful teacher. Thank you.

The way my jaw was on the floor through this whole video… time to go back to therapy 🤣

as an counselling student I am revisiting your videos. Wow wee! So many aha! moments. I was stuck for a while in personal therapy, not knowing why I am comfortable talking about deep stuff, particularly in personal development groups in the counselling classes and yet struggle greatly with being vulnerable and truly intimate. Its all making so much sense. Thank you for sharing your wisdom :) x

I had never consider anxious attachment until now - but it was a f if your saw his entire life, summed it up, and explained the reasons for the 50 years of marriage grief and sadness he has lived with, that has sadlly all but destroyed our family. I think you may have just saved his life

The clarity that you give to relationship issues is just amazing and so helpful. Thank you ❤

Another home run Heidi! I was just noticing this in myself the other day. Great message that provides good insight into my psyche. What I love the best about your message is that I don't need to feel shameful about this behavior. I always consistently hear that I should recognize my faults and flaws and have the intention to do better and be better. Thank you 💖

One of the most spot on videos I've ever watched/ listened to

This video was really excellent. I’ve studied attachment for a long time and this was very crystalline. I appreciated the distinction between enmeshment and intimacy, and the subtle need to complete one’s healing through the other person, which never allows them a true, interdependent existence. Thank you! PS - Damn, I definitely got nervous for a minute when you busted out the Marianne Williamson quote… My “crystals and moon beams” alarm went off, but the video was super grounded and very helpful!

I used to struggle with panic attacks myself, but today everything is much different. There was also anxiety. I wish you all a speedy recovery🌱

Heidi, you wonderful, wonderful soul! After loving your vids so much I just have to leave a comment for this as I am only 3 min in. As an AP; holy cow! My heart is trembling as you are deep diving in my unconscious and putting all lights on a reality that I didn’t know until today. I’ve sensed that I have a kind of fear of intimacbut haven’t been able to put it together with my total love for instant deep talks and dislike of shallow conversations. It’s like redescovering the fire in my world. I want to directly jump into enmeshment rushing through that scary boundary settings as two whole individuals are prone to. I’ll keep watching this vid but already I am smiling all over because of this amazing video!!! Love from Sweden ❤️❤️❤️

So valuable! I have always identified as anxiously attached, not realizing some of the aspects you have described here. My gratitude to you, Heidi!

I can’t thank you enough for this great video. After many sessions, sobriety, and now relationships this was the big thing missing for me to do my own work in dating. Counselor narrowed into this too and told me to learn more watch some videos. First click and recommended for anyone else searching.

Thank you sooo much, this video has helped enormously. I'm a male ENFP and I never even knew I had an anxious attachment style. But everything you said in this video make sense to me. I will be making changes in my life.

When I heard the anxiously attached doesn't have self-regulation skills to cope with their emotions and they feel like they need someone to help them feel better is really the inner child that is scared, it opened my eyes wide. I actually feel more like a burden when I dump my battles onto loved ones. The inner child is still waiting for the person to show you how to navigate the world is because, a caregiver never did that

This video describes me so much.. Thank u for breaking this down. I always say my intention is good and my heart is pure and it's hard for me to see when I'm wrong and to maintain relationships

oh, 5:20 you are putting the finger right into the wound. I like it and fully agree.

Wow! You called me out so perfectly! I guess I really have to work on myself before trying to deal with my avoidant partner!

I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed and depressed with how accurately you described me right now and I don't know how to handle it

Describing why anxiously attached people seek out aboidantly attached people because they seem to have no needs…. WOW. My mouth actually dropped open

I have the attention span of a rock, but her facial expressions and hand gestures are very captivating. Goes to show how important body language is.

Some dislikes here, I suppose some people had their ideas of themselves, delusions and fantasies crushed, and their ego structure didn't like it, couldn't handle it, sit with it, be honest and see that this is the case, and that you, just like all of us, no matter what the attachment style one "has", has to be responsible of. We have to be conscious, aware, of and on the matter, and heal our own stuff. Your videos are amazing. Great ENFP-mind! Thank you.

I really appreciate the validation you give after every approach that seeks to better the anxious attachment style, by saying "and that is a scary thought for the anxiously attached person". Every time that happens i feel a rising sense of helplessness, its almost taken away by the acknowledgement that its a scary thought or thing to do. Thank you.

damn, that was a real therapy session! I needed to hear this, thank you.

I can’t believes this is free and available for everyone. I so need this right now.

Wow! This is one of the best videos I've ever seen. You've got me pegged! I'm doing much better on the self-awareness but the the need for intimacy /emotional intimacy fast with another person is still something that I'm trying to work on. Please keep on putting these videos out. You're wonderful!

I agree only on a couple of things so I wonder if this is a problem for me. I do not expect romantic partners to be my saviors but I do expect them to have some basic human decency that I unfortunately haven’t seen in most of them. Talking things through, respecting my time, being upfront is asking for too much nowadays

This helps me understand myself in ways I never had before, thank you!

Thankyou so very much Heidi, you explain things exceptionally. This video helps me immensely, very much appreciated 🙏❤️❤️❤️

heidi... you hit this one on the nail. I recently found out I am an FA and the guy I dated was an AP. You described his actions to a T in this video... he said he doesn't have "attachment issues", although he didn't bother to do research on attachment styles. i hope this video finds him in in the youtube algorithm lol

I love the use of language of ".... using anxious attachment strategies". This is all new to me and is so revealing about myself, but I really wanted to avoid identifying as the behaviour. The simple language shift is very helpful, including beyond attachment styles. Thankyou

This goes deep. Really really deep. This will be going into my "watch over and over again" playlist. Thank you Heidi! ❤

Wow. Thank you. Im 60. Been trying to figure this out my entire life