How Didn't I Know About My DID? 

If TLC can make a show about people not knowing they are pregnant then a person can not know they have DID

The fact that DID caused me to not have any knowledge of my entire childhood did not even seem odd to me. I figured memories didn't form when you're that young. You don't remember being born, after all. So it's not weird to not remember middle school. I also figured that you can only have a certain amount of memories at a time, so it makes sense that you can't store them all, and only remember half of the time even when you're an adult. I had all of these assumptions about how the brain normally works, and none of them were accurate whatsoever, lol. In the end, I think it was a therapist who first told me that I should probably, you know, have memories. It's amazing what we tell ourselves when there's no point of comparison.

This is basically how I didn't know I have anxiety and sensory processing disorder; if you don't know any other way of living, you just assume everyone else feels the same

Another random phrase people say that can be a DID experience is "I was beside myself."

On the subject of not recognizing people who know you... So my dad got assigned a lab mate on the first day of school in tenth grade. His lab mate's name was George, I believe. They got to know each other in science class. Later that same day, Dad saw George going toward the end of the line at lunch. Dad pulled George into line with him. George said, "Thanks! Who are you?" George was not a system, however: he was an identical twin. :P

My mom had no idea she had DID for a long time. Not until almost her mid-twenties. She knew she was losing time and she was told her personality sometimes drastically changed, but she figured it was all of the drinking and partying. So she stopped doing those things and not surprisingly, her time loss and "mood swings" (as described by others,) continued. It wasn't until someone she didn't know came up to her on the street, called her by another name (the most prominent alter still besides my mother herself) and was alluding to... Intimate activities my mother had no recollection of. Being as that she was completely sober, she started piecing some of it together, realized her brain friends were real, got in with therapists, and now lives in general harmony with her alters. That's obviously simplifying and paraphrasing A LOT, but it's the overall gist of things. When all you've ever known is one existence, you don't have anything to compare it to, in order to think It's not the usual way of things. Boundaries were established and everyone is more or less happy now!

the real question is.... which one of your headmates likes kfc??

I definitely didn't realize I had DID but looking back it's like I've been dropping hints to myself my entire life. The skewed view of DID in the media also contributed to this. I honestly thought that everyone had a chorus of voices in their head and I was just bad at managing mine.

I thought all my alters were “imaginary friends” until this year. When I disassociated I thought I was just zoning out. And when I switched I thought that it was like normal to go on autopilot” bc a lot of people said “oh, yk those times when your brain just goes on autopilot?” And I was like “Yeah!”

of course its completely different, but i can at least say that i relate with the "not knowing what you dont know". i spent the mayority of my teen years just thinking everyone really wanted to die from time to time, and that everyone just planned how to succesfully kill themselves before i was diagnosed with depression. also, my little sister has boold pressure issues, and only two years ago we found out, so she spent almost to this point believing everyone felt like passing out after taking showers or just getting out of the bed, and that everyone just couldnt feel their fingers after doing the minimun of physical effort. its so very weird to realise something in your body/mind doesnt work they way most other people do. you really have to re-think what is "normal"

0:08 D.I.D. is life *altering* ... I'm probably the thousandths person making that one

With the "suddenly loving food that I've hated" thing, I noticed that, depending on who is fronting, we either love or despise peanut butter. It's the weirdest thing.

A phrase that I struggled w/ a lot as a system was having “second thoughts” about something bc my protectors would constantly squabble over what was best for me lol but I thought it was normal bc other people would talk about having second thoughts or talking to themselves when they needed help making a decision

Woah woah woah. You're telling me that having music blaring in my head so loud that its hard to understand what people are saying is not a normal occurrence that everyone just has?!

Me: I don't have DID, I'm just being delusional and trying to explain my stupidity and horrible memory! Also me: omg I relate to almost everything in this video wth I have DID Me again: what is wrong with you

Lol the childhood friends things was a big thing for me. I almost never remembered going over to their houses or what we did, and I only remember a few names. And I just figured 'I guess we were having so much fun it all just blurred together' or something. Whenever my mother asked what we did, I genuinely could not answer. Just "stuff" or vague like "played at the park" but beyond that? Not a clue. The big groups thing also happened with us, when I was younger Jess would front when I had to be charismatic and I would just me like 'well I'm nervous so I guess I'm overcompensating?' But no, it was Jess.

Lmao, I don't have DID but I can totally relate with the mind trying to explain things away, but like.. In a different way. I'm on the trans spectrum and bisexual, so there's a loooot I did and said in my childhood that I didn't realize were pretty queer until I figured myself out, including "every girl really really wants to be a boy sometimes. It's totally normal that I'm dressing up as one and forcing my friends to call me another name" or "see, [friend] also said [crush] is pretty. That probably means she wants to marry her too." Hdjsksksk, the delusion

I have BPD, and my mom had DID. For me, it's really difficult to tell whether I have DID or OSDD-1b, or if it's just my BPD + trauma + anything I internalized / subconsciously learned from my mom.

You have a natural rhythm in your voice and I really appreciate that. It's comforting on a weird subconscious level.

Omg that song thing used to happen to me too, and when you mentioned it my headmate LoLi piped up saying "oh yeah, I used to play music in my room all the time." He actually still does, tbh 😂 but usually when he plays music and/or sings, it's when we're all together. He really likes throwing "headspace parties" for us.

I have watched so many videos on people's DID experiences, and this comes closest to mine. I cannot put into words how comforting this is.

I’m a vegetarian and one of my head mates really likes meat. Yeah that’s a battle lmao

I totally understand this feeling that you're describing! I feel like this is the same feeling that I had when I realized my sexuality and then I looked back on everything and it all just made sense. It's kind of like once you see it you can't unsee it and you're looking back at the things you did and the ways you felt going "ohhh.. I get it now".

it's amazing how much of my life makes sense if i look at it through a DID perspective. i always had that thing with songs too, one time when i was little i'm sure i even hallucinated to hear an entire song which i heard just once the same day. i actually didn't realize this wasn't normal at all since months ago ?? this and the fact that even if i don't usually hear voices, sometimes some of my alters keep repeating phrases or concepts in my head when i'm repressing them. for one of them is even funny to do. the thing with the ghost girl, i found out people with DID "feel" their alters' presence near them just a few days ago, and i had this for entire years with one of the protectors. i was afraid i was going insane because i "felt" and "saw" him everywhere, i even turned around when walking through empty streets because i was sure he was behind me. it wasn't creepy at all, i just felt his presence so much i didn't know how to even explain it. then the severe episodes of derealization when i was little and all the missing pieces and memories and the changes in calligraphy and "mood" all throughout the years which i don't even know how to fill yet ?? everything seemed just so linear and normal to me. it's scary how every single thing or episode can be connected to my alters in some way. and i'm not even diagnosed yet. this is so frustrating

I was aware of "parts of me" since i was 10(1964), my mother explained it as me being psychic and i could sense the spirits around me, but still punished me when she caught me talking to them out loud. DID didn't come into the picture until 6 years ago, originally in the form of CPTSD , unreasonable Panic Attacks. I had already been diagnosed with clinical depression, several personality disorders, 2 kinds of anxiety disorders and bi-polar disorder. 4 years ago i was forced to retire because the hostile work environment i had been in just became too overwhelming and 70% of the time i ended up leaving work (thank heavens for FMLA). 2 years ago i got very sick and ran a high fever, ended up in the hospital, had a night terror where one of the littles came through and asked the Nurses to make it stop. That was how i found out that there was more than just "parts", there was a small village hiding inside.

This reminds me a lot of when my friend came out as trans, realizing so many different thing. Her mom had claimed so many times that she was supportive and she never wanted to hurt her and she always let her children play with whatever they wanted. But this wasn't a little boy that wanted to play with dolls, it was a little girl who wanted to play with spaceships. It was a girl who was constantly being told "you're allowed to express yourself" while simultaneously "the boys section is that way" "don't hold your cup like that, it's too girly" "you don't really want to wear a purse? Isn't that a bit weird?" "you are not wearing a dress to prom" "I think if it was true I would have more memories that lined up with it"

I feel this so much!!! I haven’t had a DID or DDNOS diagnoses yet but I’ve known about my alters for about 6 years but only realized they were even alters maybe only 6 months ago. (I also have schizoaffevtive so I guess my therapist thought the “voices” were a part of that.) Anyway... when I look back on my life too, I can see who was who and in what situation or part of my life. My sexuality and gender identity has changed so much in the last couple of years as well! Thank you for this video!

Hey Wyn... so a little while ago on a few videos ago I made a comment on your video that may or may not have offended you. I never meant to be rude. I don’t want you to think that I think you are weak in the way you would be hurt by comments, or weak at all for that matter. but I do know what I said wasn’t right. It was on the video when your alters were doing a Q&A, and I made an insensitive comment about your bisexuality, and then I continued to argue about it. Someone helped me see how what I said was wrong and offensive. So I don’t think you are hurt by this, but I just wanted to say I am very sorry about what I said and I have learned it is wrong. I love your videos and would never want to make you have to read more insensitive stuff than you already do. So I am very sorry, and I appreciate your channel spreading DID awareness, pro LGBT, and pro Wiccan things, which we could always use more of. Again, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. -TJ

I feel like that ending statement fits well with so many mental illness experiences. My depression was present since I was REEEEALLY young, and in elementary school all my teachers would just say I was more mature and understanding when in reality I was having existential crises at the age of 6 and probably should've been getting help lmao, but it really contributes to a lack of childhood 😖same with my depersonalization. It was so strong in middle school but I didn't know anything was wrong until I literally saw myself in third person and my friend was like "wtf serenity no". Anyways, I find it completely understandable that if you have something growing up, you're not going to know something is wrong until someone describes it to you as being abnormal

I am in awe of those, like you, who have found the bravery and vulnerability to share about your experience. I KNOW as an ally, how much misunderstanding and loneliness those with dissociative disorders experience. Thank you!

"It's like there is a war inside my head" is so true.

Yes. Yes! I was recently dx. All my life I knew something was different but never knew what it was. One day my T said ' you've been doing this for a very very long time." Again looked at her like she was nuts. But as I educate more. And look back...yes it ecplained all my 'quirks' but this knowledge really through me for a loop. Suddenly I began to self doubt, and wonder who I really was. which Part was the real me. After more education. It's all me. Which was another hard concept. Sometimes it's just all so overwhelming. Thank you. your videos has helped and encouraged.

Growing up I had awful OCD and I thought everybody counted and touched things that much, they just didn't talk about it. 1000 mental breakdowns later, finally figured it out after reading a J-14 article about OCD. I would have never gotten help or treatment if it wasn't for that

i didnt realize i had OSDD (1b) because the trauma i had gone through a lot as child was over and relatively calm for the rest of my childhood, until that very same kind of trauma happened around 1-2 years ago, but worse in tenfold, my alters poked their heads around the corners and somehow i just knew they'd been there all along, and some were new. we're safe now and doing better but i dont know what i would've done had they not been there

Recently I was thinking back to times in high school where I'd find myself in "fancy mode", and I just made the connection that "Oh. Oh that was. That was Ospina. Ah. I see."

omg when you mentioned the fact that when you're angry your voice has an accent, for YEARS I been told I yell with an "irish" accent and I always just thought it was cause I was trying to talk so fast that I messed my voice up etc

When I was a kid there were these Caramel Apple suckers. the first time I had one I hated them, the second time I loved them, the third time I hated them again. I never understood why but maybe one of my alters really liked those suckers. Also one of my alters is Southern and I can slip into the accent easily.

This was such a good informational video. We had a lot of the same experiences you mentioned. The food thing is a good example. And it's really not like how some people would think about having preferences at different times. Food hatred can get to the level of phobia. It really doesn't make sense to be literally scared of a food one minute and craving it the next in a normal person. And the sexuality example is really accurate. It's not the same as the typical " bi-cycle" at all. There's a difference between preferring one over the other sometimes, and absolutely hating one and being confused as to why you ever thought you liked it. Only for the next day to come and you are thinking entirely the opposite. Only for a little bit later to realize you are asexual and completely uninterested in anyone...and no matter how many times you think you've finally nailed down your identity...it continues changing drastically in the same cycles...for years. Eventually you start to figure something is up. The language really is a big reason I think so many people took so long to figure out what was going on with themselves. I always knew there was something " wrong " or different about me though. But I just called myself "weird" for the longest time and left it at that. It's pretty easy to live a somewhat " normal" life with DID for a long time and to explain away a lot of the strange things that happen to you like you mentioned with your old friend, as upsetting as it feels to you at the time at least you " look" normal on the outside to other people. My excuse was always that I was tired. I must just be tired today. Oh you know how I get when I"m tired...and I would use it to explain away everything from depression, to my happy hyper-active alters, to littles, to weird accents. After a while as I got older people would tell me " tired doesn't make people act like you do." :/ It's particularly true what you said about not being able to find something you aren't looking for. Even when I found out about my DID the same people who constantly criticized me and called me weird and judged me for being so " two faced" and " ditzy" and " forgetful" and " fake" are the same people who said "you've never shown any signs of DID" when I tried to be open with them about it. So how was I meant to see it when the people around me refused to believe it when it was slapping them in the face? I thought they would be relieved to find out why I was so "weird" tbh. I know I was at least. I only realized the truth when the weirdness crossed the line into actually hearing their voices and what used to be cooperation in the body turned into what felt like demon possession of it and a barrage of psychosomatic symptoms... And even then it took me a few months to figure out what the hell was going on. The strangest things was though...looking back over my old journals and finding old online communities (eg asking for help on psyche forums) , and finding that other parts had already figured out about the DID. Or at least if they didn't know entirely, were much more aware than I had been years earlier. Some even used terms like " multiple personalities" so casually almost like a joke in old journals. I was so shocked to see that because I never remembered writing anything or even thinking anything like that before in my life. It was almost as if someone else had been writing in my journals. Which they were of course, but there goes the language again.

How do I even bring this up to my doctor? It felt like you were telling me my own life story..

Wyn, I'd love to hear more about how DID evolved. You mentioned Daniel was more two-dimensional initially and then that evolved. I think it'd be helpful to understand how DID manifests in earlier stages. Maybe people who don't yet know if they have it can identify with that.

While I don't lose time (That I know of), I've never retained any memories, & can't reach the handful I do have consistently. I have a short-term memory but I'm only ever semi-present. I don't think it's quite the same thing to be half aware/control all of the time, but I still related so much to this video. I really appreciate you making it, it really gives me something to think about.

I'm interested as to which of your alters like kfc now haha. It was really interesting listening to the different signs throughout your childhood xD

My favorite one is when you know you don’t know the words to a song & someone comes through, just to body that song & pop back in

Wow! I totally have had the food thing. It took me decades to realize what is actually was.

I relate really hard to the food point. My headmate really likes sour candy and mint and foods with way too much onion. People at work keep asking me if I don't like sour gummy worms, why do I keep eating them? and like yeah no I wasn't the one who bought them 😭

so I have some of these experiences but I still can't get past the idea of like "I'm not experiencing this I just want to have a system"

Your KFC hate and love is extremely relatable, although I'm the reverse. I like it most of the time, but sometimes I feel like even looking at it is a mistake.

Thanks so much for this video! ❤️ Occasionally I'll diagnose myself with something with just the tiniest evidence and get hooked on that for a while, even tho it's clearly not true. This video sorta reenforces what I've been trying to convince the part of me that thinks I have DID that I don't actually have it. I do think of my mind using IFS (internal family systems) so I think of my mind in parts, but each part is less of an individual, and more of just a part of my whole. ❤️

This is beautiful

I thought I had moods. But couldn’t understand my memory loss was about and handwriting was sooo different. God bless all who have battled this.

this speaks to me on a spiritual level. your channel is so empowering and validating for me, and i hope y'all keep it up for a long time!

GOD biggest mood on the food thing though. the level of pickiness is so so varying between us, like i (the host) am kind of a picky eater, but then we have an alter who Loves greasy food and then another one who'll just eat anything. for me, it's really the most glaringly obvious symptom, because i'll be co-fronting with someone and i'll just be thinking "why am i eating this? i don't like this food, why am i enjoying this"

i relate to this a lot! thank you guys for sharing :)❤ your channel is helping me to discover more about DiD and understand myself more and more

I feel like this, when I look back I can find so many times “others” had been there with me, and also went thru what I thought were phases but don’t remember that time anymore. And I was different then I am now but thought it was just a phase. But I always felt things were normal, but now I know they were not at all. Thank you for making these videos they are so helpful💕

I just had a breakthrough last night. Never knew I had multiples. I'm still a little freaked but so much of my life makes sense now. ❤

Your getting the advantage of makeup, it looks gorgeous 😱❤️ usually my alter does my makeup 😅

I love what you’re doing. It gives me HOPE. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

As always very informative! Also you look amazing with that makeup!!!

Thank you for sharing. Your insights are always educational. 🌸

Hi Wyn! I've been lurking around your channel for a long while now, and I love everything that you share. I think you have the best way of describing what it is like to experience DID. I received my official diagnosis last summer, to my knowledge I have been multiple since I was three. I completely get what you are saying about how easy it is for us to miss that there is anything different about our reality from someone else's experience. It was earth shattering to me when I realized as a teen that not everyone had a crowd of people chattering in the brain. Thanks again for being so brave in sharing your lives with us - I appreciate you all so much :)

I can kinda relate. I have a friend named Samantha and I don’t even remember how we became friends. I don’t know if I have D.I.D or any other dissociative disorder but I’ve definitely felt like I’m not me at times.

Your videos have been such an eye opener, and I wanted to thank you for the amazing quality of your content. I've been able to share this content with my loved ones and they've found a new understanding of D.I.D. . Keep on doing what you're doing! 😀

I share many of the same experiences that you’ve had - like not remembering people who I’ve evidently met several times, losing time and losing so many memories (Swiss cheese memory.) You are brilliant. The way you describe your did experiences is so clear and understandable. And you are so knowledgeable about did. I am going to send you a list of all the good books I have on did and trauma. Thank you for all of your hard work! Namaste.

This helped me so much ^_^ I recently got diagnosed with DID and been struggling to accept it ( mainly because it paniced me with the sense of losing control of my time and identity) but I know it's reality. A lot your experiences remind me of my own. Especially with ghost girl. This made me smile and cry happy tears. :))

It's so interesting hearing about your experiences

This video showed up in my recommended and I’m like nervously laughing at how much I relate. Especially the food thing and random people coming up and hugging me like we were best friends. Not remembering someone but them saying we hung out all the time. Maybe I should find a therapist? But I don’t think I have DID. Surely there would have been more signs? I’m 24.

oh man you just reminded me of the first time chris started forming in middle school. MY friends use to tell me "sometimes your katy and sometimes you tell us to call you chris and your a dude" I always say that i honestly thought this was normal because it IS my normal. Constantine says he has been around since before we moved here and that was when i was 4..... so ive literally grown up with him and everyone else along the way and it never dawned on me that it wasnt like this for everyone else even after we were diagnosed. I remember in middle school (probally right around when our therapist started mentioning DID. we had a weekly therapist and i remember she would refer to us differently like shed say "how is Angel doing" or "did chris ever soft this out" and i was so confused because these were people i had yet to meet but they had ben open with her) Rayven expalained everything to me at lunch one day and i still didnt want to understand until years later when i stumbled upon M&M and this channel and jers and it was a huge relief to say "ah ok so even if this isnt the norm it is for other people" and it really helped me want to come to terms with it

So right on. I could say so so much! You hit it all on point for us. Thank you for just sharing your experience. It mirrors ours very much. Especially teenage years. Normalizing the "strange occurrences" in our lives, the changing themes, the changing voices, the changing clothes. My kids classmates as I come to pick to my son up (whispering throughout the room) Hey, is that your mom or your dad? yeah, that happened...

It was weird, I was even in a community that had a ton of overlap with multiplicity, but I still didn't think that could describe me. And I was always lamenting the fact that I wasn't a "consistent" person; all the constant changing left me feeling like I didn't even know who I was. But I was most frustrated by the fact that I just wanted to be like everyone else, so I guess every time it happened, I crossed my fingers and hoped against hope that THAT was the real me, that something I'd done had worked and I was emerging like a butterfly from a cocoon. Of course, after 12 years of rabid searching for clues and answers (I have animal alters, so you can bet I was freaking out), I'm relieved, but there are definitely as many challenges as there are joys...

My experiences started when I was 5 ... That's when Eric came about and it just went from there. I didn't like some foods and now I eat just about anything and Everything.... They would sing also... It would be loud... Haha much love from us over here ... Your amazing at giving advice ... Thank you so much your a big inspiration to us .. To push three the bad!!!!!!

I’m a new alter working on becoming host. I’m working on and integrating memories and whatnot, though many are locked still. So I’ve been watching your videos to work on these problems my system has had problems with and I have to view things objectively without their trauma attached, which is sometimes easy and sometimes passive influence makes It necessary to stop while someone calms themselves. Some of the things you say have really calmed a lot of our systems doubts, such as the singing inside, and living this way in a world where I’ve always lived like this and it’s normalized with commentary such as “I feel like theirs a war in my head.” The more videos I watch of your system and their struggles, the more deeply I’m able to dig as hidden memories from the others surface. I’m the only one who seems able to do this effectively, so I’m a bit on the turbulent side as I find myself at the same time that I help the others find themselves, but so far I’m capable. I said all of that to say this, thank you all for the hard work and nitty gritty research and hard earned knowledge that you all share for the benefit of others like me and mine. -Gregori

You’ve just described the story of my life. No diagnosis yet. Begun therapy. I feel myself like a guy sometimes since I was a kid. I have these spontaneous thoughts, that are 180 degrees different from who I am and cannot explain how is that even possible to be that negative. I think that inside guy makes my sex life difficult, buy placing some disgust in my head. I remember turning into ninja mode, when someone tried to touch me. My creative work brings satisfaction, but next day looking at the same object I consider it trash. Most of the time I simply get rid of those things, since I don’t relate to them. After a while I regret it, but there’s nothing to go back to. Pretty much the same when it comes to people. And in regards to them - I do see people in different light on different occasions. Sometimes I can’t identify them, but they are certain, we’ve met. Sometimes I don’t recognize them. I deal with dissociation my entire life. These times I feel lost, sometimes paranoid, sometimes obsessed. And as far as I’m concerned- no one noticed anything, since I’m closed off. And I thought I was speaking with people. The most hurtful thing is, I loose every potential partner, every one I have feelings for. And I don’t know how did that happen. My family says one of them have been calling me many late evenings telling me about his life plans and some struggles. And I can’t recall any of these conversations. I’ve always thought about him, that since he has a family, I’m not allowed to enter his life. I don’t want to mess it up. And… I did it anyway. Though I thought I sleep by that time. I was very sad, that he became raw and indifferent towards me. I didn’t know why. And there were no traces of my wrongdoings. As my family says, it was very weird seeing me on cloud 9 coming back home and shutting him off on evenings, like I was someone completely different. It scares me. And I hate it.

I often wonder if I have something like this. I experienced sexual abuse as a child and there are times that I seem to “space out” so to speak. I’m often asked by my husband and friends if I’ve ever been diagnosed bipolar because one second I’m normal and the next I’m so angry I throw shit. It’s so weird. I’ve been to many doctors about these daily headaches that don’t get better with medicine and optometrists because the pain stems from my eyes. I tend to notice frequent attitude changes in myself throughout the day but because I notice them I don’t think DID could be it. But I notice I’m either my normal self, very soft spoken and motherly, extremely angry, hyperactive, or just hate the world and want to be left alone. Lol could be normal human emotions but it’s always one of the 5

Im begining to get concerned. I'm 21 and ive struggled with mental health issues since i was 12 or 13. I suffered sexual abused between the ages of 2 and 5 that i cannot really remember. My mother abused me physically and mentally and neglected me when she had me but at age five i was kid napped by her by my grand mother and baby sitter and they went to court, and deemed her an unfit mother for 3 years and at age 8 i moved back in with her.Ive been diagnosed with a handfull of issues, I spent a total of 3 years in hospitals. I have several very different handwritings which come out usually in pages or paragraphs apart from eachother. Ive kept a journal and written poetry since i was a about 10 and there has been more hand writings come in over the years . I think there is about 5 but i usually only see 2 and occasionally a third. I have a very momentary memory, in which everything i do is sort of a fog, and i have a general idea of where i have been and whats gone on, most of the time, nothing detailed usually, except for moments of clarity. Whats really made me realize how little i remember, is that i got married, i spent a week in tennesse in a beautiful cabin me husband and i picked out together with family, and i know i did a good job, but i cant fucking remember anything Its like from the time i stepped into the cabin, to the time i got back in my car as far as i can remember i was told about it and saw pictures. This happens in other instances, like when i can speak in public settings such as grocery stores or resturants. Also people I do not know at all, keep talking to my friends about me and how cool i am and that we hung out in highschool, and i didnt have any friends in highschool. I was in hospitals so much it was hard to make friends! and I got my Ged when I was 16 by some miracle as i had choose not to do anything after 4th grade for some odd reason i just failed purposely not trying on anything except that which interested me. Sometimes i cant bring myself to do anything, other times i am a fucking wonder woman. Sometimes i can write extremely impressing essays about the human mind, other times i cant think about anything except sex. I also feel like, Each one of my eyes has its own mind, I can feel the left eye and see its perspective and vision as well as the right eye and they are two different minds, and there is a third perspective that comes in when i close my eyes. which is different from both my right and left eye. and I feel like my sexual abuse is running on replay somewhere in my mind that I cant reach. I cant see it but i hear like, crying and i feel scared and childish. I sometimes accidently talk like a child and it always happens in the same circumstances. I can usually turn it off but sometimes it just gushes out. Usually when im making a silly joke or inneracting with my husband. Its not like im choosing to do it though, its like the instances brings out another voice that i dont relate to and feelings and playfullness comes out thats not me. Ive been thinking of seeing a therapist, but as i said, i spent 3 years in hospitals and after i turned 16 The last time i was released from hospitals, I threw all my medications out as they helped nothing, I still struggled with impulsive self harm and suicidal thoughts, rage and delusions voices and visuals. I swore never to take medication again. i met and moved in with my now husband. I keep myself in a safe zone, or try to. I dont have to work because my husband takes care of the bills. I am mostly able to fullfill my duties as a hows wife, as well as take care of myself although i struggle sometimes. I struggle mentally with conflicting thoughts contradicting ideas and moral values. There is always at least two streams of thought going and they always have opposite opinions about what i need to do, and they argueing can become a blown out fight for power. I have a handle on what ever is wrong with the functioning of my mind, But its tiring and lonely. And i want some one who understands... Not some one that wants to fix me. Not some one that wants to cure me. Not some one that wants to chemically change me. I want some one who is going to help me gain a better understanding of myself so that i can be more peaceful. Because even when im apathetic and suicidal im still over all satisfied with life, im just tired of the struggle thats going on with in my mind. While there is alot of good that comes from some of the voices "spirits" and hallucinations i do have, the older i get, the more negative manifestations innerjections and compulsive split and forced thinking seems to set in around the beauty of my imaginative child hood. My imaginary friend has returned though, and i think im really glad to see him.

That's funny, I hear music so clearly sometimes, I have no idea where it's coming from. They're not songs that exist.

You are so good at talking about your experiences.

"..anybody ever decided to call food.." 😂😂😂 that is the best thing I've heard all year 😂

Your videos have made me re-think a few situations from my past...

That's the problem with things that you have lived with your entire life: You don't know if they are normal. And of course, other people trying to explain your feelings trying to relate them to theirs makes it even more confusing. I've heard of the same thing with sexualities and sometimes chronic illnesses.

This is exactly how I feel! Thank you for putting together the words I couldn’t figure out how to say!

thanks for sharing. i was making system maps three years ago and still only just found out that's what it was a couple days ago 😅 i thought i was like mapping spiritual/cosmological concepts/energies. maybe it was a mix of both tbh

The gymnastics we put our brain through to keep fooling ourself that everything is "normal" 😅

I was kinda always aware of the others, but like you, didn't know what I didn't know. Thought other folx lived the same type of experience. Got diagnosed in my early 40s, and now at 52, we're all pretty co-conscious and work together well. Sometimes more "together," sometimes more "apart" (depending on the stress level and ability to cope at that moment). I remember people I know telling me that they'd say "hi" to me, but that I'd stare right through them, and act like I didn't know them.

Hey Wyn, lately I've been starting to realize that I have very bad memories that I just can't access no matter how hard I try. How do you/did you deal with having parts of you that you can't get to?

Hi Winn and everyone in your system, My name is Debra, and first off, vThank you for sharing your story, I myself don't have DID but I do have PTSD that I was diagnosed with last year but I have been researching DID (Formerly MPD) since I was about 20 years old, I am now 45 and it has always.... And forgive me as I don't want to use the wrong word here but um Intrigued, Fascinated me, I have just always wanted to know everything about it but the Pyschological aspect of it and in general how the human mind works, I have learned so much in just the past few months from watching your videos and those of DissociaDID, so a huge thank yoy for sharing something so personal and imtimate with the World, If I may ask a question, recently I learned that DID is formed due to a childhood trauma that is experienced at around 7-9 years of age but after watching this video and you mentioned that you've had DID and Alters since the age of 3 months, and please forgive me if this is a personal question, I do apologize I just again really want to know and learn everything that I can, but Does that mean you were born with it or Did you actually experience some trauma at 3 months old? If so I am really sorry for whatever you have gone through no one especially children should ever experience any type of trauma ever, As I mentioned, I do have PTSD due to a few traumatic experiences myself so that is also why I am so wanting to learn everything aboutbit and DID and the human mind, Again thank you so very much, In my eyes you are a very brave, kind and couragous person for posting these videos to teach people about this disorder. Take care and I am grateful for everything - Deb - Montreal, Quebec, Canada

I have OSDD-1b so it was really hard to see that my inner dialogue was in fact not a normal quirky thing

Interesting video. DID is a possibility I'm keeping in mind after seeking help for other dissociative disorders. It's interesting learning about how you didn't know for a while.

Love this video Wyn! Really interesting and at times amusing! Was the ghost Michelle?

I don’t have DID or OSDD, but what you said about the singing/music in your head… Well, I get that… and up until now, I thought it was normal.

I really related to the whole 'super loud song stuck in your head'. Happens to me almost every day 🙃(and the acting as a guy when playing with your friend's thing I used to do for years when I was a kid)

That music thing used to happen to me too!! In first grade, a song would play in my head every morning when I was walking into class and my friends would ask why I was bobbing my head in silence.

This was so incredibly helpful. Thank you

Thank you so much ur d I d journey track u got has been the main reason some of my alters don’t want to end us cuz of the pain I honestly thank u you have been hudge help it’s really hard dealing with this shit with basically one other person

Cute video! It's fun to hear about how your alters affected your life before you knew about your DID :3 Oh! And about the loud music in your head thing, I don't have alters or anything (I'm your pretty typical human) but sometimes right before I fall asleep I can focus on the sounds that my brain is conjuring up in it's near-dream state and, just like you said, it's super loud! But just as soon as you focus on it, it fades away lol.

I relate to so many things you've said in the video and I dont know if I should be concerned or not 😅

This is so incredibly cool to watch and listen to. It's awesome that you're making these videos and talking about it so openly. I've always been so curious to learn more about D.I.D. and I've never found a reliable source, except you. One question I've always wanted to know is if you think you have D.I.D. how do you go about getting diagnosed with it?

I don't remember my childhood but I remember talking to the people in my head and them talking back one of my imaginary friends was afraid to go home she was also poor and I never saw my imaginary friends just heard them

I immediately feel calm just from watching this.

Man the mind is fascinating! How we choose to explain things to ourselves is fascinating.

My accent also changes when I am angry. I don't have DID. I bet plenty of people have this