Husband Says He Works Harder Than Me! (Threatening Divorce) 

This could be applied to women as well

Not necessarily

He is cheating and finding reasons to divorce her

​@@self-publishinghelp8596 he does though

Nah. He’s just comparing her to other women.

100%

Sad, but probably true.

Absolutely!!

Yeah or he just fell out of love

Yep

THAT. Yes that.

Yes!

Yes, comparing unrealistically. Is funny that in a marriage, one person is supposed to do all the cleaning and laundry and cooking for everyone in the house, but no one seems to ever do it for her.

And he hates the disruption of leaving the attentive mistress in her clean apartment and going back to adult life.

Exactly

Yup!

He sounds like he has emotional or mental health problems, though.

What a coward way to do that. If that's what he wanted he should of been direct and stated that.

after 20 years!!! Ugh!! I'm so sorry!!!

Theres two sides to every story!

@@midnitdragoonOh hush

I'm sure his new marriage will be rock solid 🙄

Exactly!!!

He’s already begun the emotional distancing from her, as there is someone else he’s moving towards. He’s attracted to someone else, and in order for him justifying the move in that direction, he’s antagonizing his wife and creating a situation where he’s expecting her to push him away. What a cowardly move. It is his responsibility to tell her that he’s planning on moving on with his life - without her, and most likely without the children. He’s already brought up the subject of divorce.

@@probablynot1368 textbook , very obvious and predictable.

He is probably cheating on her and finding things to be critical. Who brings up divorce over laundry that isn’t done? She should hire someone for a few hours a week to do laundry and cleaning. I bet he will still find something to criticize her about .

100%

Yep!

Bingo

Yes! I did that too - it's obvious he has a mistress.

Super Obvious, textbook even. IDK why Deloney doesn’t say that’s one of the possibilities of what’s going on

@@xdiaz755 Right?! I like John but sometimes he misses the obvious!

I thought the same, he is cheating.....

Agreed. He is trying to blame her for his own misdoings

men don’t cheat, women do

Yeah he’s not providing enough for that.

Exactly. It’s not like he’s working a full time job and still trying to run a perfect household at the same time.

@@msi8311 Bingo.

Yea if she was stay-at-home status, his reasoning would be valid, he is being overbearing and setting the performance bar up TOO high now

@@zeal4god402 this! Thank you for being a strong enough man to recognize realistic facts.

That’s amazing

Thank you for sharing that. I'm sure it's helpful to a lot of people.

Thank you for sharing this!

Thanks for sharing! This was helpful.

When people have an affair, it's a way of getting away from the person they think they have become in the main relationship. Esther Perel has done a very good talk on infidelity. If the two couple get a good marriage therapist, it can help them both to either get back together or walk away from the relationship with a better understanding of themselves. To the person who was cheated on, it really helps to know that it was not about you. It was someone fighting themselves and self sabotaging.

Man I do make enough where do I sign up for that...

This comment is the winner right here!

Touché!

Good point

😂😂😂😂 well done they have 2 kids it's is not easy to raise 2 kids , look after a house , cook , clean , she should stay at home and quit her job

Responsibilities and accountability

He doesn't WANT her to do better. He wants to find fault that justifies his outside interests.

He has someone on the side and needs an excuse to dump her.

All she needs to do is clean her dirty house the night before he gets home

@@deliciousdaves5658 so hes away all week leaving his wife and kids at home and comes back at the end of the week and 'all she needs to do is tidy it before he comes home'? Do you live in the 50s? Have you been a single parent working full time?

Deloney shouldn’t have given her false hope, this guy is trash

Why can't he fold the laundry????

@@isay207 THIIIIIS! If he wants things done his way, he can do it himself. Or hire someone to do it as the wife is busy working a full week, raising his kids and keeping things going while he is out in another ton doing god knows what.

They. They are married. They can hire someone. They are 1.

@James T they're married. They are. Whether they like it or not.

Responsibilities doesn’t change because both parties work full time. I’m sure before they agreed to get married they agreed that they’d handle certain things within the marriage. It’s not about perfection it’s about accountability on both parts.

He can come back home and simply ask "how can I help you?" He is out town and he is requesting something... selfish

@@joshuabrown2680 then they need to come to a new agreement...

I second that. He’s unconsciously or consciously bringing her down to demoralize her so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy when he makes his move. Otherwise the normal reaction coming home on that Friday would be, “You must of had a rough week too, let’s get the girls together, I’ll put my weekend clothes on and finish the wash and we will teach them how to fold our clothes together as a family.

I third that. What he's doing is called crazy making. There is definitely something that has caught his eye.

@donald johnson That could be another reason why people leave after living under the same roof.

Call the lawyer bec it’s the beginning of the end.

@donald johnson many of us are commenting based on our own experience. She may be a slacker but unfortunately his side of the story is unknown. She obviously wants help and has reached out.

Lmaooo!!!!

I’d love to hear him call in and explain his side. I guarantee all the comments would shift more centrally. That’s what’s hard about these shows because hearing his side will I guarantee reveal WHY he does what he does!! Never one sided unless the person is just a total horrible person.

My ex husband what’s the exact same way! Hence..ex!

@@terriejonesarellano9523 I fell the same way but I am in a common law marriage but he says I am not his wife I am just his baby mama😔 what should I do?

@@Noname-ps3mq I see a lot of my dad in this story, actually. He would sometimes yell at my mother for “flavoring the soup wrong on purpose.” Later, we found out about his past. Only physical and verbal abuse. His father beat him almost daily for perceived or made up infractions, and he was always told he was stupid, worthless, not good at it for anything. My dad has his master’s in engineering and builds and designs HVAC systems. He’s not crazy or stupid. He is a broken man who holds everyone around him to perfection, he’s very proud, and he allows himself these outbursts of anger. He’s never been taught to value relationships more than reactions, and until he sees there is a problem he’ll never change.

My ex-boyfriend was like this, berating me for not fulfilling any pie-in-the-sky expectation he had. A therapist convinced me he was completely UNREALISTIC and UNREASONABLE, and I would never be happy in this relationship. I moved away, and 2 years later, I heard he got engaged. My best friend asked, “Shouldn’t you warn her? She might end up at ‘Oprah’?” I said, “Maybe he’s a better person with her.” I definitely improved and felt happier after the break-up.

My exact situation 😂👌🏾

Good for your friend.

This. He wants her to think that the marriage’s ending is her fault too.

@@ceng.3123 yeah, he hopes that will mitigate the blame he will receive from friends and family. He won't be the bad guy that way. 👿

Yep this playbook happened to me. Such a coward.

20 years？Are you serious？Yikes 😱

I'm so sorry you went through that! Glad you're happy now. I always said I prefer to be single and at peace than married and miserable

I too was married to a man just like this for 14 years. Glad we made it out!!

I was also married to a man like this.

🤣😂🤣

That was me and I was working 60 to 80 hours a week at 1 point in a 2 week period I worked 200 hours but I was to have all the housework done and cook dinner every night and to be the 1 raising the kids. Oh and I have since moved out and haven't been living there filed for divorce and he still doesn't have the house cleaned the way he wants it to be because it is my job as his wife. He still thinks that I have to take care of him even though I don't live there. He even tried to forbid to go hang out with friends because he never was happy with what I did. He even threw away perfectly good food because he didn't like what I made for dinner that not even his friends think that he is crazy.

@@Angel42836 Dang..... that's insane! I am so sorry you had to experience that, but I'm proud of you for having the guts to leave that negativity. Some people want to have all the benefits of having a committed relationship without putting in any effort. THEN they get mad and wonder why you left!.... it's crazy!!

@buttcheeksmcgee4272 he still tells the kids that I will be moving back in with him and that we will be a happy family again mommy is just going through a phase. She knows she needs me. But yet I am the one that is able to pay all my bills and he complains all the time about not having money and that his car is broken and I need to run him to the store.

@@Angel42836 He is delusional WOW. I bet you love having peace again. So happy for you.

We all have the same hunch.

Sounds like it could be all of the above

Yes I agree

Yup

Yeah... totally sounds like that. It's his way to make her feel bad for him being the bad guy.

He should keep his cheating a secret and treat the wife normally as if nothing happened.

@@grizzlybear2702 you would think.... But he's obviously feeling guilty at this point and is trying to push the wifey away. He's stressing her out so bad that she'll end up leaving and filing a divorce, and he doesn't have to say later that it was him that filled. He'll say she gave up on the relationship. Just to boost his ego a bit more to try to feel better for the bad decisions he's made. I need to get back to work LoL I sound like a therapist. Either way... Wish them both luck.

The other option is that he is a narcissist. Naturally then he would also feel entitled to haveing an affair, although in that case he could also be mean to her without being triggered by an affair. if he is a fully blown narc - no amount of "counseling" is going to fix that.

What kind of women wants her man to work more?

@@whitneyw.7919 men are supposed to protect and provide

True

A man knows his woman can do 'almost' everything, but a real man won't let her.

​@@whitneyw.7919a women who's married to a man who doesn't do any housework or childcare all week

Did you tell him he was wrong?

​@@JoyofRVingdo you really think a man who is that unreasonable would even listen to someone telling him he is wrong ?...

I wonder if we dated the same man? 😂 My HS bf kept telling me how his future wife would have to be perfect and keep everything in his life perfect for him. I ran away like my hair was on fire. My husband of 31 years helps me all the time and instead of pressuring me to make things perfect, tells me to take a nap once in awhile!

What you described is not a boyfriuend, it's an abusive husband. Do not ever live with someone you'r enot married to! Free labor and no committemnet. Dumb.

I totally agree. When you live with a person that is impossible to please, eventually you stop trying at all because what's the point?

Oh don’t worry. There is a ginormous surplus of desperate thirsty men on dating sites that will do absolutely anything to get with a woman. She can replace him more easily then she can replace the tv remote batteries.

@@grizzlybear2702 Yeah, smart go to one of those guys, as soon as they've had you they are done with you. This woman is full of crap, instead of just doing it, she wants to go to a marriage counselor and talk about it. How hard is it to work forty hours a week and fold the laundry? Always best to fold it when it's warm. Also as far as parenting skills even a four year old can fold the laundry. This is a women who is lazy. Where I live I leave my home about 6AM and return at 6PM and still get all my chores done and have three kids. Some people are just not good at using their time and organizing things. She'd rather talk about it, than do it. It's like anything else, if you want to be appreciated you need to step up.

"narcissistic mental abuse" Sounds like my experience. I was a SAHM and put plenty of time into the home during the day, but there was always, always something that wasn't right. He would go out of town to work sometimes and came home once without warning. Well, it was a nice day and I had gone out with my children. He totally went off on me that we should have been home. I am well rid of him

You literally cannot tell that at all without the full story. That's the issue with these kinds of shows is you don't get the full version of what's going on.

Exactly what I thought- narcassism

@@tanL22 actually you can when you've lived thru it. It has all the marks of narcissism.

@@judyjohnson9610 I have a similar story, I was a stay at home mom and married to a narcissist as well. One day I was doing an art project with my son and daughter and it was messy but we were having a lot of fun. (The house was clean besides that) My ex husband got home and was very angry about the mess. We've been divorced 10 years now and I'm remarried to a man who helps me clean up and doesn't mind messy art projects 😊

like what?

@@clarifyingquestions side chick

Yep! Side chick

Probably, at the very least he would tell the wife she looks tired or not pretty enough for him. He's most likely cheating and is on his way out the door, and that's why he's nitpicking and starting fights.

Raised by single mother?

@@epuffglobal7719 . If he was, she did an excellent job!!!! 💪

Right? She's already putting in a second shift after she comes he that would normally be shared by a spouse that is home on weeknights

Not just possible. Probable!

I think so

Lady Luck - And then he comes home and savages his wife over his "list!"

Not to mention the homework and other developmental milestones that take training

Right, men don't leave unless they have somewhere to go.

My first thought when she started talking, then she said he works out of town and I'm like YUP.

I was looking for this comment. Hes either already cheating or being mean/rude to justify that he should cheat.

If he is cheating then he should at least treat her normally and put in the effort to keep his cheating a secret

@3 Phase - lol - he wants to leave her. There is no “treating normal” he has one foot out the door.

@Light Heart - I know this type well, my family is full of them. He suggested divorce, I started getting my act together preparing to leave if necessary. We eventually divorced. He was eventually diagnosed as bipolar.

Whats Biopolar？

@1 ... she's the wife, so not the side chick

@@jasperj.d.g.4147 we all think he has a side piece

@@thatslamejehl he probably has a side chick, but the wife is the main chick, no?

@@jasperj.d.g.4147 I think 1's point is that the girlfriend (side chick) would try hard to be the main chick. But, side piece might not be happy after he has child support for 2. & Yes, the wife is his current main girl, but she should leave.

Nice experiment! Let's try that! 6 months separated without financial support and the kids stay with the parent who can pay for them. See who is happy then

She may know that he’s cheating possibly.

Curious why did you break up？

@Heinrich Himmler Maybe he needs to step up his duties contributing to the household too. They both work, they are both busy. Women don’t have some magical ability to have the laundry and dishes magically done no matter what their other obligations are.

@Heinrich Himmler no, she doesn’t need to do more. She has enough on her plate. More duties may break her mentally.

Use HIS money to pay the housekeeper if the two of you keep your money separate

@Denise Ramsour - He'll just find something else to complain about.

⁰00000⁰0000

His laundry.😉

@@patriciacole8773 are you being sarcastic? Can't tell or understand your point in staying that. If you think it has to do with me being nerdy while my wife is more free spirited those are both self admissions. If it has to do with helping around the house... These are the roles we agreed to do.

@@droptozro Good for you, wish your family health and happiness.

it's reasonable to have a stay at home parent do a majority of the household duties. but that's not the case on this call. she is working full time

@@Lady.Luck. yes I agree.

@@droptozro It’s my turn to admit I don’t always remember what triggered my comment. What came to my mind as I read your response tho is this: The “ role” we have can be pretty gender specific. Obviously if there are going to be children in a family it will be mom who bears the babies. Let’s get out of our head for a minute. No matter what we intellectually agree to. Mom is going to sit and nurse said baby (ies). And coo tickle and laugh and play and jiggle and mollify and diaper and dress and bath and sing and patty cake and love and talk to and teach this creation of husband and wife(and God). O I get it dad’s can play a part. Especially if mom abdicates. But if mom is mothering most of it will be specifically to connect to the heart/ mind / brain of the infant person. To best do this mom has to feel protected ,cared for , freed up, respected, valued admired , loved , encouraged, believed, beautiful, and any number of filled up to flow over to their children. That’s such an organic flesh and blood behavior that my personality resists defining my “role” with boundaries. If mom is “allowed “ and helped in every way possible to succeed there is a higher possibility of blissful depth in all of her relationships. I’m saddened by my own experiences because while I did my wholehearted best I had to battle the right to do it. Explaining, teaching, sharing, justifying, and validating every move to someone that thought they cared about the child but in reality was not supportive of that environment that would most likely create victory in the home . So... couple all that childcare stuff with the differences in people’s character traits. What if we really can’t define and demand that specific behaviors and duties be decided and arranged as pass/ fail or even graphed in a way that reveals if the “ mark” has been hit. What if we truly choose to love and trust the process to fulfill in its own glorious season. What if your ambition and her creativity becomes the medium for growth. What if without you she would succeed as well. But with you what if through the understanding that no two days, no two relationships, no two activities will ever have the same outcome so we can pour our heart and soul into the formation of the characters of our children so we are creating healthy people with needs met so deeply that these children will grow into adults that are most likely have had happiness so profound that adulthood would mean another generation growing closer to God’s own character. Sorry so long. Like I said I was triggered. I’ve witnessed lots of painful things. Forgive my previous sarcastic comment please.

@John Tonge - Or bipolar, alcoholism, drug abuse...

Sounds wonderful

Oh shut up.

I taught him my expectations. Sounds very arrogant to me. But do you live up to his expectations all the time?

@@johnreed9050 I bet you are single/ divorced

Natalie - Thank you for another perspective.

Who said that

He’s not a Chad. He’s a Dusty

He works out of town. Even if he works longer shifts, and drives / travels a lot during week. He goes into the motel, eats the ready meal. DONE. - I very much doubt that he works more than her. After all I am sure she is expected to deliver on the laundry part during weekend, if she dared to fall short during week.

Either he has a mistress and is mean (also to interrupt intimacy) or he is highly entitled. Best case: childhood trauma has a lot of work to do. - He wants the laundry done on HIS terms and in his timeframe ? Pay someone. Because he for sure does not provide for his wife, she too works 40 hours. commute. 2 daughters, help with school, shopping, cleaning, cooking ....

His wife pays her way and on top of that makes the free maid, cook, nanny, housekeeper. - He does not even provide board for her.

A husband that is _that_ petty / demanding is not likely to help on the weekend, certainly not with traditional female chores. - He also has her in the corner where she wants to placate him. (If SHE does things RIGHT then he will be reasonable.) Nope ! Maybe he wants her to blow up on him, or he is severly neurotic.

no, he comes home from a “hard day” at work and sits in front of the tv to watch sports.

What if his boss or someone is bullying him, does this justify his actions? How can a wife help him in such a way?

Then he needs to look for another job..his wife is not his punching bag

@@d-nise6364 Oh, I agree, but that's just my guess and observation.