I’m 40 and have no friends. You’re a giver. I always tell myself, give like the sun that gives us warmth and light without asking for anything in return. Helps me cope and feel good about myself.
Your not a loser, you help thousands of people, and having no friends dosen't make you a loser, I used to have social anxiety and I don't have no friends, sometimes we are just unlucky, your really strong, other people in your situation would just give up. Much love ❤️
I am 23 and have no friends either, all of em just left me for no reason, I was always one text away and I was always there for them, treated them like brothers, they eat what I eat, they have what I have, but I guess I was the only one thinking we was friends. What I learned was, it doesn't matter if they leave long as you know that you've been a true person to them. I would like to be your friend and you are not a loser.
this is like my inner monologue on days when i'm depressed, ebs and flows, i only want to be friends with people i like anyway and many people aren't what i'm looking for as friends, i tend to want to be friends with people who i see actually doing something fun and interesting with their lives, not exactly going to find that at my 9-5 5 day a week office job.
Bruh people here being 40-50 years old saying they've been friendless and alone for their entire life makes me scared. Dude I don't wanna be that way, and I'm tired of being a giver. If I really have to live that way, please let me unsubscribe from this clusterf*ck of a gutter we all call life.
I can't even tell you how much this video helps, it's a relief to know I'm not the only one. I'm 31 and I have the same problem and I feel like a loser too, it sucks so much. It's surprising to me that you don't have friends bc you're a really awesome person. Just know that your channel helps people and we care about you ♥️♥️♥️
Your ability to be transparent and authentic to our community of humanity here on youtube is inspiring. I recently began watching your videos, being in a dark night of the soul myself, and you have honestly helped me to not feel alone and you have helped inspire me to move beyond my fear of rejection and fear judgment and just leap in and begin my youtube channel again. I really appreciate you! You, my friend, are absolutely NOT a loser! On the contrary, you exemplify courage. I was thinking today that it takes courage to be transparent about who you really are to the world. And, when we are transparent and authentic with good intentions to help others, to help humanity, we are heroes.
I’m 25 and still have no friends. My BDD gave me social anxiety so it’s hard to go out and meet people. It makes me feel like I’m defective or something 😭 Plus who needs friends when you have cats 😸
I feel you completely! I'm 26 and I'm in the same situation. The thing that hurts me the most is that it is difficult/very difficult to find people in real life who share the same experience and can make you feel less lonely in our situation. I'm from Italy, if you want I can share you some of my life story / or we can have a chat on this :) Sending you a big hug!!
Please don’t say you have no one who cares about you… I don’t know you or your situation, but I guarantee you that there folks in your world who care for you deeply. Your story has helped many others get through some very difficult times and, that alone, means your are loved! ❤ Do not let the ills of this world ruin your heart… yes we live in a world that preys on the weak and exists in the shallow shell of existence.
I’m in the same situation as you to some extent. I’m 33 and I have one friend but she lives in a different state. I am married, but anything can happen. My grandmother was widowed in her 40s very suddenly so knowing that is an extremely harsh reality check every time I think about it. People flippantly suggest things like “Just go out and talk to people!” “Sign up for a class!” “Meet someone online!” And so on. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. I signed up for an adult ballet class about 2 months ago and not a single person in the class has expressed any interest in talking to me outside of the hour we’re around each other every week. The class is only about 5 people who are regulars so it’s not an issue of cliques or not having the chance to get to know each other. They’re just not interested. I think it’s the opposite of what you said. It’s harder as an adult. It’s harder to do a lot of things but socializing and maintaining friendships has got to be the most difficult. People are so wrapped up in work and being tired and taking care of kids… fun and leisure become an afterthought. My husband has a pretty demanding position at his job and by the time Friday rolls around, all he wants to do is sleep and play video games until he has to go back to work on Monday. I don’t mind it, but he doesn’t have any friends either and even if he wanted to socialize more, he says he just doesn’t feel like it. There are two types of people when it comes to something like this; there are people who are naturally able to make friends and there are people who aren’t. I think it comes down to what kind of friendships we value. An example would be my sister. She has tons of fiends and always seems to be meeting new people. She’s always out doing something or having people over at her house. For a long time, I wondered how she did it. Then I realized that none of the people she was hanging out with were around after a year or so. She cycles through friend groups the way people go through smartphones. The people she surrounds herself with are a good time and something to do besides sitting at home, but 99% of them aren’t someone you’d call if you really needed help. Then there are people who value long term friendship. I’m one of those people and it seems that you are too. We would value and cherish one lifelong friendship over 10 superficial situationships. That makes it harder to keep people in our lives. At least, it does for me. I’m picky and I don’t tolerate mistreatment of any kind. I want friends and I try to socialize, but when I see the people like the ones in my ballet class, I wonder why I even bother. They don’t seem interested and I don’t want to chase people who aren’t naturally attracted to me in any way. I don’t know if you know who Tyler Perry is but he is a playwright and a director. He had a character called Madea. I once saw a clip of one of his plays about her. Your video reminded me of this quote: “If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let - them - go! Some people are meant to come into your life for a lifetime, some for only a season and you got to know which is which. And you’re always messing up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations. I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. When the wind blows, they’re over there… wind blow that way they over here… they’re unstable. When the seasons change they wither and die, they’re gone. That’s alright. Most people are like that, they’re not there to do anything but take from the tree and give shade every now and then. That’s all they can do. But don’t get mad at people like that, that’s who they are. That’s all they were put on this earth to be. A leaf. Some people are like a branch on that tree. You have to be careful with those branches too, cause they’ll fool you. They’ll make you think they’re a good friend and they’re real strong but the minute you step out there on them, they’ll break and leave you high and dry. But if you find 2 or 3 people in your life that’s like the roots at the bottom of that tree you are blessed. Those are the kind of people that aren’t going nowhere. They aren’t worried about being seen, nobody has to know that they know you, they don’t have to know what they’re doing for you but if those roots weren’t there, that tree couldn’t live. A tree could have a hundred million branches but it only takes a few roots down at the bottom to make sure that tree gets everything it needs. When you get some roots, hold on to them but the rest of it… just let it go. Let folks go.” Sorry for the long ass comment. It’s 4am and I’m also pondering the things you’re taking about. It’s tiresome. I completely understand where you’re coming from. Hang in there. I felt compelled enough to reach out to you what is basically now a short novel so I’m sure you’ll find people who gravitate towards you. They’re out there, we just have to find them.
I'm not married but definitely in the same boat. I'm 30 and over the years I've grown out of friendships. Mainly due to the fact that I realized these weren't healthy people that I considered to be best friends. It's so crazy how things can change over time. I'm hoping we both luck up and find the friends for us, very soon🤞
This spoke to my soul. I think it’s really hard for people who crave and desire those deep connections. The odds are stacked against us. I’m 30 years old and I have maybe one person in my life that I can consider a reliable friend but she’s married and lives 3 time zones away so she simply does not have the time. My husband is similar where he works a very demanding job like me so we try to spend whatever little time together that we can, but it’s really humbling when you realize that nobody is checking for you like that. I wish someone did, but the reality is, people just do not care. But I care. I care too much sometimes and that’s what ends up hurting me in the end. Sorry for the long ass rant. I have no other outlet obviously lol
I feel the same way it's like no matter how hard I try people think I'm a loser or I'm just stupid. No one wants to be my friend irl and just talk to me when they need something from me. It's even worse than high school... Watching your videos at least helps me cope with all of this cause I know I'm not alone.
Hey what really helped me with was to stop thinking negatively and to change my self belief in myself , like what you are saying is very self deprecating and the fact that you believe that you are a loser is only just going to manifest itself into your life, like i know it super hard to get out of this negative headspace but it can definitely be done, when you start believing that you deserve more than you do and that you are truly worthy even though it might not seem like it to you atm. It’s pretty difficult to suddenly start believing these positive things about yourself… but what helped me the most to change my beliefs is to write down affirmations in a journal or on a piece of paper first thing in the morning after you wake up, for example write down things like, im the best, everybody loves me, i am beautiful, i radiate confidence, and so on… Make it a habit! and eventually you’ll start believing those things and you’ll start attracting positive things into your life because you’ll be in a state of abundance once your beliefs chang, do you think anybody that goes through life thinking that they are losers will get far in life? heck no. On other hand those who love themselves, are truly confident and go through life with idgaf attitude attract what they desire and make it far in life. You should love yourself more and stop caring about what others think, there’s no need to try impress everyone so you can get their validation because it would make you come off as needy instead of abundant and confident. Just be yourself and put yourself out there more, and most importantly love yourself because if you love yourself that positivity will radiate itself on to other people and they will like you. it’s the complete opposite if you have low self worth and think negatively because that will just rub off on people and no one really likes hanging around someone who’s always negative because that’s a buzzkill. You are perfect just the way you are and you are an amazing human being that deserves everything that you desire… you just need to remember that and believe in that because it is true. Also one more thing… what helped me with confidence and motivated me to just be myself and have an idgaf attitude in life is this dude named zyzz you should check him out, because he was just like you but built himself up to be the most confident person in existence imo. Anyways i hope i helped, keep your head up and stay positive, because great things are coming your way even though it may not seem like it atm.
Well u are really brave for telling how u feel on your channel. It makes u super real and aware at least in my eyes. In my experience of loneliness in life.. It was caused by my fear of rejection, my social anxiety and acne problem I have been dealing with since early teens. I was still kinda happy and had many people I could call friends during high school period (although none of them were super close ones). And after high school finished and I felt kinda lost with my direction in life and my acne didn't get better... It felt super easy to isolate myself. Which was probably biggest mistake I ever made in my life. Soon I will finish my masters degree at 25 yo, but in last 7 years I have experienced so much loneliness it hurts. No meaningful connections were formed but I think it's mostly by my fault of not trying enough. And my mind each day just goes from hopefulness that things will change to full on nihilism, disappointment in myself and society and consuming biological determinism content.
It’s really hard - I always thought it was me but being the outcast of Groups really helped build my inner self. The right people will come into your life and match and elevate your energy.
I'm in my forties and have no friends, I'm thankful for this I really don't get along with most people and people were constantly criticizing me I don't need that since I have no friends I have more time for myself and important things, I don't like drama and I don't want to be blamed for something I said that they didn't understand it's much much better for me healthier mentally with no friends... love cats tho🤍💜💙❤️
I can relate to this so much. I am not considered an attractive man and have always struggled making friends or connections. I try my best to make friends or relationships but it always seems like people don’t want to be my friend. I have strange mannerisms and have been told that I have a very domineering presence--which is so far from my personality--people just don’t honestly give me an opportunity to see my personality. I feel out of place in society or I might as well be Frankenstein. 😂👹 However, I like this channel because you’ve brought together so many people from around the world who share the same or similar experiences in life. Anyway, I’m real sorry to hear about this because, to me, from your videos you seem like a genuine nice person, we appreciate you and support you. Keep doing what you’re doing. 🤓
I was socially awkward when I was younger but it has got easier with age. I'm still insecure about my looks but I have a lot of blessings on my life. Hope things get better for you.
im 50 yrs old and i went through the EXACT same thing as you when i was your age, took me many years to realize i was too nice and too dependent on people, when your dependent and too nice to people they recoil, and hence dont want to be around your, they dont hate you! They are like in the back of their mind saying your (me) was toooo nice. i can tell you are an Empath and an extremely nice person like me, almost too nice.... i hate to say it and i know it sux, but if u want my advice (probably dont lol) stop careing so much , and just focus on YOU. Dont be super nice to people (be nice but not overally) They almost take it like your (me) is weak . But belive me they dont hate you at all! Looks like you need to be more confident and drill it into your brain that You are worth a lot , i can tell that you are! I can tell you have a shining light within you, that much is obvious
I feel the same way too. It totally sucks but it helps to know, that you´re not the only person with this problem. I´m feeling ugly most of the time and sometimes i just wanna cry when i look in the mirror but your videos helped me a bit to stay strong. It´s so impressive to me to see how a person struggles and suffers day by day but has the courage to share this with the world on youtube. you are what you are and you don´t hide it and thats the true. And everything thats true is beautiful. Thank you so much. i wish you only the best. And sry for my bad english skills btw.
This whole video speaks volumes to me, I relate to this a lot. I have never had the right way to summarize how I feel about my mental issues with sociality (if that's a real word). Everything, from caring too much, to be a giver, to being very attached to people, to being unable to accept help, to even wanting a human connection. I just try to make people laugh and entertain them, I thought I was popular in school, but school ended and no one speaks to me or cares about me. Trust me, it isn't your fault and you aren't a loser, sometimes people are a dealt a bad hand in life, there is no way to explain it, sometimes it happens. You aren't a bad person either, there are a lot of selfish people who don't try to understand others. I know this probably won't mean much, but this video was very helpful in explaining the feelings I have at the moment and most days. Thank you for this video, you aren't alone.
Honestly, I have seen couple of your videos by complete coincidence, and this is what I have concluded: 1.you have the most the beautiful heart I have ever seen 2.you are not ugly(seriously), as a person with extremely high beauty standards(I always find flaws in myself and others) I swear to God- YOU ARE NOT UGLY. 3.there is always hope , if there was no hope there was no despair, you just need a serious change of mindset(seriously go and explore who you are and what you want and use any means necessary to achieve your happiness). 4.by the way, another youtuber that I am totally sure you can get along with, is called gerbert Johnson , you can try contact him.
I've struggled with this my whole life now in my mid 30s ive just accepted it that im not very likable with unpopular views or opinions or interest in things that not many people can relate to people in school always made fun of me with racial stuff and me being wierd or different for us once we have someone who connects with us its precious thing to us live your life and people will come to you when you least expect it
I followed you on Insta. Being hurt, sad, or broken doesn't make you a loser. And I promise it's not your fault. The world is full of crappy people. If it helps, I'd hang out with ya if I could. And I'm sure there are many others in the world that would too. In life, sometimes the storms that we go through last awhile but just remember that rainbows are something that happen as a result of the storm and the rain. Keep moving forward because eventually, you will encounter your rainbow. :)
god, i love your videos so much. seriously. you're amazing. thank you so much for sharing your experience. it does more than you know. for me, and i'm sure many others. again, thank you ❤
I’m 16 now and It’s ok to sometimes feel lonely and when I cry for no reason and I’m lonely even if I have a boyfriend I still cry for no reason like I feel something missing in me and also my friends they are antisocial they not even talk to me and makes me lonely and also I do get insecure about my self I think I look ugly but people says I’m not ugly just because I have some acne a little I think I look uglier I got bullied during middle school and yea and even if I use makeup I still can see my face like that and I don’t like it 🙂😕but I love watching your videos make me connected and happy you make my day happy my friend 😝😜
As a person with ADHD i can relate, sometimes your just fundamentally different from most people around you and you never bumb into others just like you and it makes very hard to connect, i think there needs to be a type of group for people who feel this way as nd just want to have genuine connection with nothing about using people or anything like that, but its crazy how so many people feel this way and live such similar lives and yet they never meet up or get together, if we are so different from everyone else around us then we should try and literally be like a actual loosers club or something. Thats just my thoughts 🤔.
i just came 42 i live on my own with no girlfriend no real friends that i can talk on a regular basis i know what your going through try being a middle aged man who is looking for love and can never find it plus i like being on my own that's probably my down fall but in my experience find some thing that makes you happy and do that and don't care what other people think we all have one life once its gone we cant come back remember you control your destiny
I'm currently 20 years old, and like you, I've only had one real friend in my whole life. I even learned English to make friends online, but I always fail. I have hope that one day I will have a better relationship with other people, no matter if they will be from abroad. I just want to talk to someone and create good memories together.
Hey, I am in a same boat as you. I’m going on 23 soon. I have nobody in real life I unfriended people who aren’t actually friends to me coming to realization they were using me few years ago... it is difficult to make friends for me now I’ve never had any hang outs or or parties when it comes to friends, It’s worse that I’m socially inept these days I think I am born and meant to be alone forever so I learnt to deal with it. What’s good about being alone is that there are no drama and backstabbings I guess. I thank God for my pet though. And thank you for uploading and you’re not a loser, we’re having unfortunate events.
I can relate to what you said. I’m almost 39 and I don’t have any friends, the last time I actually had a friend was about 6 years ago. I have my dog though and she’s my best friend.
id do anything to go back in time and experience the times when i actually had friends back as a small kid in primary school. it was so easy back then. now no one cares and times are crap . im tired. i miss having friends and Its extra hard in college cus i have to fake a certain extroverted personality type just to experience hanging out with someone. Why can't I find someone who wants and accepts me exactly as i am? im a very quiet introvert and socially awkward person who doesn't talk much when im with ppl im not comfortable with.
It’s not a negative video. You are just telling your truth. Things will change, they do for all of us. Be patient. You have value, but the person who will see it in you, you haven’t met yet.
1. It's better to be alone than used or exploited just feels bad in the moment because you been alone for some time you forget how the feeling of being used feels. 2. What are your interests? What gives you purpose? you seem to be someone who looks for external factors instead of internal motivations. I could be wrong you may wanna watch this video. Not everything will apply 2 u but most will i think on friendships. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-J4M5Den94M0.html 3.Has your focus on your features dulled the rest of your personality? I am deformed too, but are you going to allow it to define you? 4. It can be exhausting/draining the constant rejection and disowning. Unfortunately the only way to find the people you want to connect with is to put yourself out there. This will inevitably lead to more rejections which feels like 1 positive in every 1000 interactions. It sucks but persistence is the only way. Hope it helps/gives you something to think about.
Its not wrong to be alone especially if you are an introvert but i feel like you are catastrophizing yourself and that is probably why you can't have good relationships at the moment because you devalue yourself when you do have value. I recommend you to be kinder to yourself becuase you always call yourself a loser which you aren't, i think you have the potential to change and learn to be a more positive person, it first starts with not being to hard on yourself.
I have been following your channel for a while. Before I say something let me say that you need to change your environment, and get a job that would give you more resources to experience life. I don't know what kind of job, you find out yourself, but money will help a ton. Also, if you are into women, why aren't you trying to look max for the female gaze? Jewelry, trying different hair colors, going to dance to get more confidence, even tattoos, there are many things that you could try, but you will not do them without money and by sitting in that same room that have become your prison. I am 23 as well, but male, and been stuck in a small room in Toronto for 3 years due to high housing prices and me not being able to get a decent job. I have been living here alone away from my family this whole time and it's been killing me, my dating prospects were dry as hell due to me being average height 5'10, having crooked teeth, and bad English. I almost collapsed with all the problems but finally got a hold of myself just a week ago. My English is solid now and I will be getting out of this damn City soon and then start fixing problems one by one to gain confidence in myself. I also want to move to the US since they have programs that help Ukrainians in terms of getting a work permit, but it requires some money and stuff, but I will turn my life around. In Canada, the pay for my specialty is 90k max for seniority positions, while in the US it's 280k lol. This is the only way, nobody will come to save you or me, only we can do that. You can't change your face, true, however, you can try to do as much as you could in terms of fixing teeth, doing eyebrows, getting that ass by exercising, buying jewelry, learning how to dance, getting more comfortable with people by going to different places, meeting them by having hobbies, but it will only happen if you will have resources for it, and for god's sake move out of that apartment, if it will take you 1,2,3 months whatever the number, but start having that goal otherwise you will waste your life completely. It's not late to change things. You are not ugly and you aren't exceptionally beautiful, just average like I am, but you can increase your SMV by following either male-gaze or female-gaze depending on what you're looking for ( I am still confused about who you want to date). Additionally, you never seem to take into consideration how many women are obese, woke, or have bad health, which puts you into the upper category if you do things right. I want you to think about your life and get your priorities straight, think if you want to keep living like this or change it. You don't need to be exceptionally beautiful to get a job in IT and start living your life ( eating food you want to look/feel better, visiting places you want to visit, meeting new people). Consider HR, manager positions that are usually reserved for women, and on top of that they are paying well. Make a fake resume and start applying! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE ANYWAY. If not these jobs figure out for yourself what you want to try, I don't know what it can be for YOU. I refuse to have a life of a miserable human being.
Hey, sending big hugs from Brazil, i feel pratically the same things as you since i am 23 years old to, i hope it gets better for both of us. Stay strong 🤝
I know this off topic to the video but I am literally so sad for you. You are not even slightly ugly. I remember coming home almost everyday in middle school and I would sit and cry in the mirror because I thought I was ugly. I really hope you break free from this mindset. I eventually broke free. I still struggle sometimes...but my freedom came when I realized it's literally not about what other people think of me. That's why me complimenting you has no power. It's all about what you think of yourself. I hope that when you do finally see how beautiful you are that you don't exploit it. When I finally seen my beauty I became arrogant and vain. I lead guys on for fun. I ran around soaking up validation/attention from every man or even woman in sight. I made it my life's mission to flex on all of those who rejected me. That also left me feeling empty and so I realized that I still felt ugly deep down, but the only difference was, other people didn't see me as ugly anymore. Due to me changing hairstyles, wearing more makeup, dressing better, etc. So like I said, it's all about what YOU think. You have actress beauty, high fashion model beauty. I feel the same about myself. Our beauty isn't commercial, or typical but it's very much there. Not everyone will or can see it, but that doesn't mean it's not there. I have weird beauty and I'm okay with that. Just google "weird looking models" and you'll see what I mean. Even Rihanna for example: Wide nose, big forhead but she is still stunning. Even when I play the sims I always seem to gravitate towards making or downloading sims that are just my idea of beautiful and they always seem to have a "ugly" feature (that's what most people call it but not me personally). I don't see it that way though. It's the far apart eyes, wide nose, big googly eyes, or weirdly shaped jaw that makes me see them as stunning. Everyone is different. Us not being the beauty standard doesn't make us ugly! Take this from someone who has a very long and pointy jaw/chin. I have an "ugly" feature. I've been teased to the point where I wouldn't even smile or laugh because I knew it made my face look longer. I would edit it to look smaller in pictures. I've been called foot face, pizza face, crimson chin, etc etc etc! I've been bullied, rejected, lead on, used, by friends, crushes, family, etc. I know how the other sides feels too though. The constantly being apporached by men for my number, getting likes, followers, "pretty privilage", etc. The only thing that changed was the way I presented myself. I was NEVER ugly, people were just vain.
The Internet is not a good place to make friends. Friends are usually made in the studies. However, I went to university and although I had some very nice classmates, we were never left out of university. I am very introverted and have little initiative. Now I'm 39 years old and I still have no friends or girlfriend, but I've gotten used to this, I have parents who love me, hobbies that I like and a simple job. You are stronger than you think.
Hello, i hope this finds you well. There is a solution. There are 7 parts: 1. what you do during social interaction 2. emotional perspective-taking 3. knowledge base of topics 4. Living Life and Lifestyle 5. Mindset of Independence, Living Life, and not caring so much about friends 6. The Self 7. Reasonable expectations of socializing 1. What you do during social interaction Start off with small talk. You would jump topic to topic. This is about breadth. The goal is to establish friendliness and camaderie. Use details from the person's response to dive into more topics. To get into deep conversation, ask open-ended questions that brings our emotions/stories, dive into insights/hypotheticals, and/or inspire their curiosity. This gets you into vulnerability through middle talk. This is about depth. As the person is talking, pay full attention by listening. Drop your thoughts. Be attuned to the emotions and share in the emotions. People feel more connected to you when you listen so they feel understood as well as being attuned to their emotions. Relate back to the comments and self-disclose anything about yourself if there is something about yourself related to the speaker's response. Open-ended questions can include: - what, how, why, if you could questions - asking about specifics, not generalizations, - Ask for a story - what if or what else questions that dive into hypothetical situations - Curiosity-inspiring questions "Tell me more about that" or "Tell me more about(insert specifics of topic)" requests are to be used sparingly. Self-disclosure comments can be: - tidbits about yourself - stories - day-to-day events and happenings - events that have happened in your personal life and lifespan - events we go to - places we have been to - experiences we have gone through - experiences where we experienced similar emotions and adjectives Getting to know people and letting others get to know you is a diagonal process. Rather than asking direct questions to know people, we self-disclose at the end of responses. It serves as a good conversation expander and allows the other person to ask open-ended questions when it is your turn to speak. In the caveman brain, we have an affiliation and trust with people we know. When we know what a person does outside of social interaction, we trust them. To never run out of things to say, use the SPOKES method and conversation threading. The SPOKES method is thinking around the topic. To use the SPOKES method, talk about related subtopics related to the main topic being discussed. Throughout the conversation, keep an eye on anything your conversation partner is showing interest in. Once the main topic has been exhausted use conversation threading to dive into the stuff they have shown interest in. The SPOKES method and Conversation Threading work together to give you more topics to talk about. If at anytime, you see something that your conversation partner likes to talk about, keep on talking about it. Keep it in mind for futrue interactions. When it is your turn to speak about yourself, speak from the inner spirit. Getting in touch with yourself and your emotions enable you to speak from the spirit. Remember, the grand majority of human conversation is socio-emotional. The small portion is verbal. It is just a matter of tapping into the socio-emotional channel. Conversation is about delivering an enjoyable positive socially engaging experience that creates energy and emotion. Practice the following socializing principles - Intermittent Presence and Absence so people will miss you and be waiting for more. - Leaving interactions at a High Point - Delivering a positive experience - Reciprocity 2. Emotional perspective-taking We consider how the person feels about the interaction. Getting in touch with your emotions. Engage the concept itself by imagining how a social interaction feel to you. Imagine how a social interaction feels to someone and adjust your behaviour to make them feel well during an interaction. 3. Knowledge base of topics, Use your curiosity to learn about different topics. Get in-person exposure to the topcs will also help develop a better understanding. We talk about and move around to a variety of topics with a person to connect with them. Be sure to give stories, ask open-ended questions, and tap in to the socio-emotional channel when talking about topics. 4. Living life and lifestyle, We live your own lives and cultivate an authentic lifestyle. Be superproactive abut it. Humans have 30000 days. How are you going to spend those days in such a way that you will look back and view it memorably? The stuff you experience in your lifestyle and life will always recoil back into a deep and meaningful conversation. In vulnerability through middle talk, living life gives you stuff to throw out there in self-disclosure and connect with people. What interests do you have and get involved in that. If you liking baking, do that. If you want to go to a stadium concert, go to that. Travel to places geographically and enjoy it. Spend time with your family. Pursue goals. Lifestyle and being your best self enables you to tap into the socio-emotional channel of human interaction. It builds vibrancy which attracts people to you. Our limbic systems reacts favourably to vibrancy. 5. Mindset of Independence and not caring so much about friends as well as main focus on Living Life Be more concerned about living a memorable life than having a social life. This shows a positive attitude which is attractive. By doing so, you confidently know you can have a lot of things to talk about when the time to converse comes. Being concerned about living life keeps you grounded and prevents you from making your life about socializing. Being independent shows centeredness which enables you to come from a place of giving, not taking. Not caring so much about friends is important because there is more to life than just socializing and socializing is just a portion of the bigger picture of life. Not caring so much creates a positive mood and centeredness. Remember, humans connect through emotions and energy, not words. Having a mindset of these 3 components also shows outcome independence. Outcome independence enables you to converse more smoothly. Here are some expressions to help you get into the mindset. " You life is a story. Write a good memorable one." " Write an awesome autobiography" " 30000 days" " One planet. Places to go. Activities to do. Adventures to have. Moments to cherish. Experiences and stories to collect. Contributions to make. Opportunities to pursue. Goals to achieve. History to make. Let's do this." " Take care of the areas of your life." 6. The Self We take into consideration our interests, passions, and likes. We be our best selves and demonstrate our best qualities/characteristics. Find out what your values and principles are as well as what you stand for. More importantly, we be a person of substance. People are looking for substance to connect with. Be a person of substance by - thinking big - becoming knowledgeable - building new skills - diverse experiences and stories - prioritizing what matters in the grand scheme of things - try new things and traveling to new places - going outside of your comfort zone to explore the intricacies of the world. - Expansiveness and Exploration in your life See socializing as understanding the universe of another person. Likewise, we should be enrichening and cultivating our own universes. Make it your goal to be interesting, knowledgeable, and worldly. 7. Reasonable Expectations of Socializing When we socialize, we go in with the expectation of getting a friend group and a social life. We want buddies to hang with Instead, see it in terms of developing interpersonal relationships and shared experiences. Sometimes, we need to have a lot of shared experiences before someone becomes our tight friends. Be open to a variety of friendship/interpersonal relationship layouts. This includes: duos, trios, groups, circles, having associates on the side you are cultivating interpersonal relations with. Have a variety of social set-ups is fine and perfectly healthy. Rather than aiming for an end-goal of having friends where we will be finally satisfied, we would use a more fluid approach. See it as developing, managing, and juggling interpersonal relationships over a long period of time. Keep on meeting new people as you go along. We need to step away from the microwave mentality of getting self-interested results with as much speed of as possible. In the context of socializing that is. The words having friends implies ownership. Friendship is not ownership; it is a mutual patnership. It is "we" not "me" Focus on what you can control. This is a long-game big picture solution. It is an ongoing journey that you enjoy. Conclusion I cannot guarantee any particular results. It is quality of interpersonal relationships that matter. The quantity tends to be variable for each person and take care of themselves. Interpersonal relationships take time. Once again, play the long game. No matter what happens, keep on living your best life and being your best self. I said all of this in the hopes that the above will be taken action upon and potentially change lives. Hopefully this helps. Feel free to let me know how it goes for you. I know this is long. Copy and paste it for future reference.
This is really common for people who are introverted and caring. People like you get used often and probably even attract people who just want to use you. I've heard this same story so many times
Hi!!! my name is Kimberly and I know exactly how you feel 😢 I too have no friends and I’m 26 it’s pretty sad 😔 recently my cat died and I felt like he was my only friend 🥺 I honestly try to make friends daily but so far haven’t succeeded yet
Hi Cutie :) not gonna comment about the title but... first of all,You have to realize two important things: 1-that you're not in the (Ugly-unattractive) Category, not even close. 2-You're a beautiful girl and that's how most of us see you(and we're not lying to you). if taylor swift focused on her face and look at the mirror 24/7 she will also go thro the same situation you have and she'll find new "bad spots" day by day. trust me it's all on your head. i hope you realize that now before it's too late, wish you the best.
don't know why YT suggested your video, but I felt affected, as my 14yo daughter seems to have the same difficulties to find stable and reliable relatiounship like you. What seems to be her "disadvantage" is, on the other hand, what I also see as her great qualities: she's smart, very mature for her age, do great at school, care more for others than for her, is very sensitive and emphatic (sorry for my English), she has a very crazy humour, and she feels ugly (and hates being tall) whereas many think she's beautiful. So she doesn't get along with people her age, not on the same "wavelength" as we say in france. What worries me about what you say is, as I always tell her she will meet more people like her in her next school or University, you seem to say it is not the case. Your wonders show that you're capable of introspection and questionning yourself, this shows you're someone good, and you sound like a very nice and sweet person which cannot find the right persons. What I always tell my daughter is to not be too kind to people until they show her they care as much for her. If you're always the good/helpful person, people will be your friends until they no longer need you. I don't know your life, but I suggest to my daughter that she stops considering online friendships as friendship, socializing in real life is much more important. Have you tried to subscribe to any club (art, sport,...), then you meet people with the same kind of interests? Having a dog and have walks with your furry friend also makes a lot people come and talk to you. I hope you will feel better soon. And to finish: NO YOU ARE NOT A LOSER! you sound and look very nice. take care
i havent watched the vid yet but what happened? why the bandages :(( that makes me sad i hope ur recovered from that. also u are NOT a loser ur a great person :)
As someone who’s about to finish high school I’m glad that I’m done because I had to make friends so I don’t feel lonely so I can relate. Not gonna miss high school at all😅
What are you hoping to achieve by broadcasting your perceived failings and insecurities? Advice? Sympathy? Encouragement? Acceptance? Belonging?Validation? Invalidation? Pitty? Would any of it actually be helpful to you?
Hi. First of all you are very pretty and I really mean it and you are very intelligent and kind. The truth is that people who are pretty and emotional like you, have it harder in life. Because most people just don't care. I felt the same as u and the only way to find friends was men on apps who were just interested being close to me. It's not easy to find friends and even if you have friends, it doesn't mean that there are there for you and helping you. I'm 30 now and honestly there are no people i can call them real friends. There are maybe people to hang out and they call each other friends but it's all fake.
I have friends but i feel like they dont really understand me. Like sometimes they plan a meeting but i dont wanna even go out from my room and when i say i cant join this time they start to act like i made a huge mistake and leave my masseges at seen . It hurts me
I'm a loser as well but i think i kinda like that, i just cant be with people, cant get the conversation going I get tired of being/talking with people and im mad at myself cuz of that, cuz i feel like the loneliness is killing me also sometimes i have to talk with myself cuz i dont have anybody else.I want someone but I don't have the strength to socialize so i know no girl will want me ever cuz u cant go with me to party or sth like that cuz im scared of people. shitty
Human connection for like a deeper relationship and a friendship is a connection but more like fun haha. But not for support like ur friends arnt meant to help you financially or emotionally just have fun and that's really it.
I'm so sorry that things are not going well in your life at this point I only wish that you dont call yourself a loser because you are not...and you will be fine
Oh no! I'm very sorry you feel like this. I know loneliness, and know it must be an agonizing thing. Did you have any long time friends in elementary school? When my mother died, who was my only friend, my friend from grade school heard about it and reached out, and we became best friends again. These days people are so disconnected. Capitalism is very alienating from our fellow workers. We have a society that values individualism and independence, and it's destroying our communities. You're not "a POS". You're a human being deserving of love and affection, though we live in a barren dystopia. No 23 i was also very troubled still. I'm still troubled now in mid 30s but I guess life beats me down to the point where I just accept life is a POS. I live alone in a barren wilderness. I try to move to the city to find new people but it's extremely expensive there. I hope you can afford a therapist.
In the same boat- in my 20's, no pals, poor, live in rural area, and I don't connect with my classmates or coworkers that well. I have severe adhd, and am finally getting treated for it. Probably also have autism- just never have connected with other people that well. I suspect I have BDD, but I have been told I am ugly many times, so wonder if I really have it or am I just finally becoming more aware about my appearance? I didn't ever really think I was ugly growing up, but eventually all the comments on my appearance just got to me. I have also visited an orthodontist and got invisalign to try and improve my appearance, and next time I visit I will ask if I can get a referral to an oral maxillofacial surgeon in order to see if there is anything they can do to correct my asymmetrical jaws and recessed maxilla. Don't know what advice I can really give that you have not already heard. Depending on where you live and what your income level is it is difficult to be able to pursue hobbies that cost a lot of money, or to drive to meetups or conventions. If you don't stand out in a good way people will not be drawn to you and will just ignore your presence if you try to strike up a conversation. I am just focusing on school right now in order to try and get a better life- maybe you could go to school for an in demand career like nursing or computer science. If you are studying 10 hours a day, it will help with you not focusing too much on your appearance. And you would be able to pursue better paying jobs. Or (this is a bit controversial), if your appearance is really affecting your life that negatively that you cannot focus on anything else, you could pursue getting plastic surgery and cosmetic alterations in order to change your appearance. You would just have to do your research and visit multiple plastic surgeons for consultations. It is a goal, at least. Take multiple jobs (if you live near a big town or a major city, post office is always hiring and you can make bank there without a degree), and practice your social skills there.
Seems you did suffer bullying or some negative experiences in high school, that sucks. You’re not a loser, you’re really brave for revealing your deep emotions. But trust me better be with no friends than having toxic friends, because of the fear of being alone (specially getting see as a loner) most people keep hanging out with toxic friends which are no friends at all. Keep calm, you’re only 22 (not 23 yet) really young so who knows, your future can be really happy, you only need to keep hope 🌸🌸🌸😘
Hello 👋 I think you are cool being authentic. We are in a similar situation. I know there's more to you then what you experience. ❤ Learn about your self, your true self. We gotta get out of this experience. You got a long life a head. Do your best to get ahead
Try to find hobbies that you can do alone. I make my own happiness because I can't socialize. I lost interest in being social from all the rejection. High-school was the worst for me.
6:48 same with me because of my looks it seems. That's in real life though. Online though, most of my closest human connections were online while my identity was hidden. Like being approached online. Nobody approaches me in real life though. I also felt as if that's the only possibly possibility for any human connection.
I know this may be a form of journalling (just found your channel, so idk really), but write down the claims you've mentioned here and try to challenge them one by one. No RU-vid comment will make you change the way you see yourself. Tackle one thought/belief at a time and analyze its validity. It's tough to break the negative self-talk cycle, but try to find your strengths. Are you a good listener? Are you there for others? Are you 100% to blame for people not being close to you? Also, find what you like. What are your hobbies? What do you want to do? (other than wanting to form connections, which is neither easy, nor entirely up to you) Find things you like doing and actually enjoy them for the sake of them/you, not for the purpose of meeting others. Many people just suck, you may be incompatible in a million ways and forming REAL connections is not easy for anyone.
Hey from Tokyo, Japan. It may seem hopeless but it's not your fault. I'm living in a city of 13 milion and I have a small handful of friends that I can count on. What are your interests? How about making your own club/group?
my bday is also in may too. too bad i don't have anyone to celebrate it with. i don't have anyone who would give 3 shits about it either ill just be alone in my room doing nothing like a loser
Your mindset is in the wrong place I would suggested you to watch Jordan Peterson videos on relationships that might help you, but generally there is nothing wrong with you or the way you were born. You're young and you look great... in my opinion the best cure for depression is a busy schedule when it is productive and positive (clean the room, learning to dance, acquiring new skills...)
I'll be your friend or if you need someone to talk to. You'll make friends, don't worry. Join a sport or take an interest in something and meet people that way.
do you have hobbies? Maybe you could go somewhere and meet some people who have the same interests as you. Have you tried it? Maybe it will work, in other way, you will not loose anything. Go ahead! Believe in yourself! Be brave enough not to give up. At least if you do not find someone, you will enjoy doing things that you really like. It will help to full emptiness inside.
Sweetheart i think you are a beautiful sweet person i count you as a friend iam in my mid thirties and i never had any friends i don't think you are a loser at all you are such a lovable good you a beautiful inside and out and i would be proud to you as a friend so gglad i finally caught one of your videos
An i just wanna point out were both very loving people at heart which is why we have it hard is because we care very much about others opinions and other's in general which causes us to think badly about ourselves tho i dont pretend to know it all cuz i most certainly dont. Just keep going i got ya in prayer tho Jesus wants ta hear from you personally
I feel like the issue people think friend are supposed to give you something . If there are ur close friends, it's nice, but at the same time, we need to not need to rely on anyone except maybe our family or our spouse. So I had a friend name Dennis his cool dude but over time hearing people saying the same thing or doing the same thing. Of time I just dip and make new one's. And life way more depressing but now its ur choice to take control travel or chill.
