My Husband Is Not On Board With Family Moving In 

Surprised no one told you that the wife is trying to get the husband on Dave Ramseys plan and the husband doesn't want to. Two separate issues.

@@jessvagnar4957 I'm surprised you make ignorant assumptions, when he merely made a comment about the title being incorrect, and you assume that this lady is trying to get her husband on a plan, when she only talks about his in-laws moving in, and barely mentions her working on a plan. This episode had nothing to do with her getting her husband on the Ramsey plan. Maybe listen to the episode first before making stupid assumptions

That’s a huge burden for someone who’s already struggling to do their own work.

Bingo but can you blame her? It’s not her parent. No one loves your parent like you do.

You definitely can't juggle both. It's unfair for anyone to expect that of her

VvvccccvlCccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccv

Kalyssa S very true experienced it first hand

@@richcreager7877 im 22 can you explain how it can ruin a marriage

Kalyssa S we lived with my husbands parents for nearly two years whilst we were renovating our house. Didn’t destroy our relationship with them or with each other. If anything it made our relationships stronger.

Loved my in laws, did it for three months. I'd rather stay in an extended stay hotel.

Emma B 2 years for a renovation? Your husbands parents must have some boundary issues themselves. I would never let me adult kids move back in with me for 2 years unless some kind of extenuating circumstances. You can build a house in under a year, so 2 years seems way excessive.

Katrina Umana I thought the same

Dave jes' knows everything there is to know, about everything there is to know; & has ALL the answers... Jes' ask him.

He should just deal with financial issues.

Dave is a man of God. His faith allows for particular insight into many areas other than just finances.

@@1960JCRAY Thank you for bringing your hobby, I mean your specific religion, in to the discussion. It makes all the difference. SMH.

Inaccurate. In MANY cultures (not mainstream USA) family live together with extended families. I woud not marry someone my parents did not like or get along with.

Bina Walburn DUH...it's an American show 🙄

@@jasonsanders8623 Dude, America is made of of MANY ethnicities. Not just Black and White. Oh and in less then 20 yrs the Mexican ethnic population will out number the White population. There are PLENTY of generations of American citizens with names from their mother countries. "Duh" is not a word. Have a nice day.

Yes,in many culture family lives together but there are some borders put in. Whereas in US women wants everything her way, and guys let her have it.

That is a very American thing!

Sarah Wagner the house is generally owned by the oldest generation. Basically, it is paid for, and children are taking care rent free nearly. But moving into a house with a mortgage and everyone living their own life is extremely difficult.

@@NotShowingOff Right!

@@NotShowingOff exactly. Without the financial stress, everyone can help with the caregiving aspect of aging parents. This makes for a more cohesive family dynamic.

Coming from a culture that does this, it results in the adult children never growing up, lots of narcissism, a lack of boundaries, and children who are just waiting for their parents to pass away so they can have some autonomy. :( I live in the US, my parents immigrated here before I was born. But the fit my dad had when I got a job out of college and moved accross country was eye opening. Until I moved out, I was counting the days until I could get out. My dad still wants me to move back home. I'm 26. He still throws fits when I set boundaries. On the flip side, it's helpful financially :) it's also a great social and financial safety net. And I do plan on moving my parents in when they're older and need taking care of. BUT I'm financially independent and I don't need to listen to their version 'my house my rules'. Ultimately, they'd be moved in on my terms

This is in my culture, women has to take care of her parents in law and let them in her house. But she cannot do that for her parents as the son has to have the parents on his house not the daughter. The wife has to take care of somebody else parents but not her parents. I can say a lot of narcissism and wife has to sacrify a lot. If she doesn't she is seen as an evil women and in one second her husband will leave her for his parents.

It ended mine and it was my mother. I ran away from home and left the two of them there.

I had a brother in law that is Bipolar that ended staying with us and it was ALL Drama I was walking in egg 🥚 shells on my own house till I told him to move out.

Maybe that's what i wanted....

Ayawrxsti no it is the truth a broken clock can be right twice a day the rule still applies

They're supposed to throw the dad in the street or in a senior care home! Why did the dad take care of his son all these years if he is going to go to a care home anyway!

does daddy and brother move in with their financial baggage or not?

@@gangatalishis I don't need you to give me a summary of the call. My point was its annoying when people go on and on

@@Libra8410 " I cant even follow along with the story and have no idea what the question is"

It’s better than some callers you have to pull teeth to get their info. Why call? Then she won’t listen!😂😂

Women ramble especially when they're nervous.

Marilyn B is right..basically the same scenario with my mother..tried to keep her in her home, but it was impossible..put her into a nice assisted living center, and she actually loved it., mainly because of getting to make friends and socialize..

I totally agree!

@Bonnie Holman Oh, Bonnie, God Bless, and I mean it! Bless YOU

@Bonnie Holman oh wow. That is alot going on.

When you have boundaries, it gets easier to deal with those types of situations. Believe me. Whether it comes to a 3 year old or a mother/father who's broke and has no job, it easier to understand that caring for your kid is of the utmost importance. For me, it's easier to say this since my parents didn't have a deep and loving relationship with me, but I definitely felt better than most people when I had to draw the line at, for example, giving them money to fund their stupidity. But I understand it may be difficult to deal with parents. They may use guilt trips or you might be a pushover. Regardless, set boundaries with not just your parents but everyone. It makes life easier

Its not her dad

My mom is going through this and it looks so tough. I feel terrible for her and am dreading that phase of life. But she is handling it so well.

So now we have to save for retirement and to support our parent's retirement

My dad suddenly died at 60. I didn't get to say goodbye to him. Thankfully, because my parents had made some good financial decisions my mum was able to retire early due to health reasons (epilepsy). But, I can tell you, she was not going to be living with me.

LIFE INSURANCE. Not whole life either.

@@jocase674 Only if YOU choose to do such a thing. My parents had life far easier in many ways than I did. I think you see my position... They made poor choices and as the Bible says we will suffer the consequences of our chosen actions. No escaping it unless the Man upstairs says otherwise...

The spouse passed away.

I'd live in my car before I'd ask my "kids" for help. But.... my "kids" would never allow me to do that....

RA Allen my kids would never know. I’d never tell them.

The poor man has dimentia. All children should expect the possibility of having to help out their elderly parents one day. But I suppose if they raised a compassionless thankless adult who is just waiting for an inheritance ... It is there fault. And I don't understand how kids can feel so entitled to the life given to them by their parents. Would the adult kid be happier that they were never born because their parent isn't financially solvent? Idiodic ridiculousness.

@@retiredmanager510 I would do that, too, but since being widowed, my "kids" keep track of me.... & that's okay. I do keep them guessing @ times & make them wonder "what the H is "She" up to now"?!?!?!?

It wasn’t that long ago that that was the whole point of having kids.

It depends on the individuals themselves, expectations and deadlines as to when they will move out. You are very blessed and fortunate to have good relationships and cohesiveness in your situation. Not everyone does. 😄

​@@mmp495 You're correct! A few years ago, one of my colleagues informed me that she was surprised that I could spend so much time (a few weeks) with my family during the holiday, because she would always fight with her siblings if they stayed together for more than a couple of days.

👍

Plenty of things can ruin a marriage and if me taking care of my sick parents is the reason then oh well. My parents deserve my help.

@Dansyoutube You can be endlessly selfless, but the weight of that responsibility and change can drive a wedge in the marriage if you don't have the living conditions (room) or financial security. Not saying let parents wander the streets but I know from experience that it takes a LOT of forethought, planning, communication, resources, and mutual understanding to care for an elderly person who is not self-sufficient.

@@yamamancha correct ! Been there done that

@@sunset6010 My experience with my mother-in-law moving in really taught me the importance of planning for my own elderly years. Not only making sure I have financial security, but also the importance of having a social life that does not rely on your kids. The reality is, old people had their turn at life, and it's unfair to burden children with the results of your poor decisions, be that not getting out of debt or not having any friends or hobbies.

Dansyoutube wrong. Your parents chooses to have kids, kids don’t choose their parents. Parents may make poor decisions as the age, that burden shouldn’t be put on the children. A parent with extreme health issues is going to need some kind of of senior loving support. An aging parents with health issues is worse than a 2 year old. The only difference is a 2 year old gets better with age and the parent gets worse. Help you parents if you can, but don’t uproot your marriage, family and boundaries to do so.

What does that mean? We'all have limits on what we do in our homes.

269$ a day in Texas

Eric Buschfort We met with a company about 24 hour/day live-in care for an elderly relative and it’s $19,800 a month! I cannot believe the cost for elderly care.

I lol on the pig part

Change your name so you can be The Choas House(hold).

🤭

It's great that you both agree and are using that energy to prepare

G H saying no doesn’t mean you love your parents less. Yes it is just you and your husband. Every situation is different

@@coleworld904 Your mom should've said "no" and gave you up for adoption lol

Patrick you can go broke and take care of your parents...I didn’t ask to be born

I think it depends on the way you were raised. I could never put my mother in a nursing home or group home. That being said it would have to depend on their state of well being. A person with dementia would need an assistant living in home. The only thing worse than having a parent with dementia is having one set your house on fire a making you , your spouse & family homeless as well as your mother......

It all depends on the state. My moms step sister was a career moocher. Spent her whole life on government assistance. When my grandfather passed she took her mom to Washington and stuck her in a nursing home to live for free. Oops doesn’t work like that, after about 6 months they had found the stepmothers house in California and slapped a lien on it. They owed $8k per month and tried fighting it. When it was over they were forced to pay $96k out of the sale of the house and the step mom moved in with her daughter. The mom was barred from govt assistance for falsifying the aid form claiming she didn’t have any assets. She still had social security and about $100k from the sale of the house.

Retired Manager Yup. Never a good idea to lie to the state or federal govt.

They will abuse him.

Retired Manager, good the rest of us who saved and planned shouldn't pay for mooches or those who didn't plan.

@@anthonyc362 Doesn't "work that way" sadly. Those of us who held a job for40+ years, lived beneath our means, saved for retirement & paid taxes, taxes, taxes & some of us STILL pay income taxes though retired... will have to support those that were professional mooches all their lives...

This

Yes, I’m waiting for the bottom to fall out, my narcissistic mother to become a ward of the state and for them to acquire her property. Because I know there are businesses out there who love to ask how, you’re going to afford your parent’s care, with the 5-figure job most people have. It’s absurd.

Yes this. I would put my foot down.

How was your aunt conducting herself in the house?

You know, what I'm reading here is giving some lessons. I think things would likely go better with multigenerational households if the following are true: - husband & wife come to an agreement about boundaries to set & enforce - clearly communicate those boundaries to the coming house guests - set-up touch base times to regularly discuss any issues that might arise - be ready to show a whole lot of grace, because we ourselves could be the ones in need of a helping hand.

Lol obviously?

Yeah, HE would be the voice of reason saying what a bad idea it is to have parents/in-laws move in. Trust me, it would ruin his relationship with how own dad if he moved it. He's just not seeing that right now because he's worried about his dad.

modap3000 it always is

Wrong. Not even.

Yeah but its not

Well if that is true then you sick people deserve each other. You put your marriage first. Kids before parents. Hope you don't have any kids and never do what a horrible guy.

Parents are responsible for themselves...they've had their chance at life....kids don't have to take care of their parents.

It's very difficult looking after someone if they require nursing care or have dementia. There are times a care home is the only option.

Not on board is not the same as "agreeing to". They are just not agreeing on the situation or the terms. English is a tough language

@@BridgeStamfordin this context not on board is ' not in agreement with' or at least not happy about it Nothing tough about that

👏👏👏👏 its tough but its facts 💯💯

when my dad died we took turns taking care of my mother she's mostly with my sister but she still goes to other siblings when we had her it was great wish I could could ha e her again but I have ra now and I'm not in remission yet so my husband takes care of me . not up to my mom yet which my husband and I are kinda bummed out about . but hopefully I'll go into remission soon and get my mom for a couple of months.

But also we didn't ask to be born, they decided to have kids, they decided to raise us. Doing what they were supposed to do doesn't mean they have a caregiver and free rent.

@@Takedownman wow your an ungrateful person hate to be your parents.

O wow takedown man you are cold as ice.

That would be a good initial compromise.

Exactly

I may plagiarize the first sentence. FYI. Well stated.

"My husband understands there is NO WAY I am willing to let any of his family move in with us." That's not up to you though. I know everyone in the comments is going to disagree with me and whine because of what's been beat into our heads by modern ideology and false progressive ideas, but your husband runs the house. Now if you dictate your marriage on incorrect principles and you two are ok with that then hey that's your house. No one has to be mean or unfair to each other in a marriage, but his role is not your role and vice versa. If he wanted to bring his family to the house and you hate their guts, that's too bad, they are coming to the house. Am I suggesting a good husband upset his wife? Not at all, he can choose not to bring them because it's not good in his eyes to do for your sake but he does not have to. This idea that you "let him" do this or that is a product of modern thought on marriages that has failed time and time again, case in point every single call that Dave Ramsey gets where the wife is doing something she shouldn't be. When your dad walks you down the isle to that husband he is passing the authority that he had in his home over you to that man he should trust will be a good leader and provider for you and any family you start together, it's not just some nice show part of the wedding ceremony. If you respect his role and submit, you'll have a better marriage, if you don't, you won't. if he loves and respects you and leads well, he'll have a better marriage, if he doesn't, he won't either. If you're stating that "your marriage won't survive this or that" that goes to show what you think about marriage vows as well as it's better or worst sickness and In health not "well in laws moved in, we can't take it so it destroyed my marriage" deal with it is my answer to that. Everyone who got a divorce, lied on their vows, period. Worst still is if you claim to be a Christian and have this mindset because it's doubly hypocritical because you don't just vow to your spouse, you vow to God also and husband and wife roles are clearly defined in Christianity, the origin of marriage.

Her mother in law just passed 3 weeks ago! What do you expect? This was nothing near dramatic. Get out more.

Ironically it's the woman that is not on board with the family moving in. Title is misleading

you should look up his house on google images :P

He's honest and tries to be respectful. If you can do those two things, you can live with just about anyone. If the other person (or people) can do the same, it's guaranteed to work out.

I couldn't handle it if my in-laws were living in the same state.... and I live in Texas...

Doesn't matter what "culture" she married into, I don't live by someone's expectations. A family friend married into a culture where the mother in law picks the clothes her son's wife wears as she represents the family. This lady told MIL I wear what I want and do what I want. The husband supported the wife and so MIL had to get over it.

Sean Dougherty get rid of her

I would have divorced that b___ yesterday. No offense.

Lack of empathy......

Y'all need some counseling it seems.. she needs to understand empathy

99.999% women are selfish and will never take responsibility for their mistakes.

Let them move in they're family after all .

They got divorced.

A lifetime of poor choices. I worked in a hospital and saw a man 96 years old mentally sharper than most people 25 to 50, physically in better shape than most 40 year olds and as he said still sexually active just not as much nor as fast. Don't get me wrong he moved slow but was in great shape. As he said the reason the Lord does not provide more gifts to people is that they are not using the ones He has already sent: no exercise, no using the grey matter upstairs nor anything else requiring effort. You created this problem mom/dad/whoever you can solve it... Why do most older folk go to hospital - they fall. Root cause of falling, a lifetime of no exercise. Just my 25 cents worth here.

@@xyz987123abc Of course, you're right but this doesn't address their issue.

Well, what typically happens is that the person has to deplete all their assets except for $2,000 then Medicaid pays for a nursing home. With our aging society, this is going to be a huge issue in the future.

@@leonardbreau8928 Robin provided they are BAD ENOUGH to meet admission criteria for a nursing home. No government agency pays for ALF's nor should they.

Robin Rubendunst Sell his home, if he has one, & go into assisted living, until the $$ runs out, then he will qualify for Medicaid. Sounds easy, but he will need some medical care, sooner or later.

Exactly!

If you have means to do it, and it won't extremely complicate your life, I'd say go for it. If you're already struggling, the lifeboat is full, and you're unable to help without sinking. You can't help everyone, even family, if you're already drowning.

Dave said you have to be stronger than they are. Not everyone is in a position to support their parents. What help would they be if they broke, in debt and get divorced? Not everyone is able to support and care for another adult.

@@sbrazenor2 right, Chris Hogan always uses the airplane analogy where they tell you to put on your oxygen mask first because you cant help someone else if you're suffocating

dat good good

I agree 100%.

@Erika Nguyen Here kids may help out. Typically the parents live in their own house. Couples need privacy. It doesn't allow the daughter in law or son in law a place to relax and be at peace because their in law lives with them. Parents must save for their own retirement and not put their financial needs on to their kids who must prepare for their own retirement and take care of their kids. In other countries it is typical to do things another way. Perhaps here privacy, independence, and peace are more valued and perhaps in other places the needs of elders are valued over the needs of the couple.

@Erika Nguyen Its interesting to see how different cultures approach the same situation. Have a nice day. 🌹

@Erika Nguyen Kids didn't ask to be brought into this earth. Most parents act like they did their child a favor by giving birth to them. It's your dang job as a parent to take care of the child and then let go at some point for that child to go and build a family/generation of their own. I'm not saying disown your parents, of course not. However, this idea that you are obligated to do something just because you are my parent is a no no in my book. This is why whites in general are more successful than other cultures. They have mastered this very well. No wonder they have more generational wealth compared to other races/cultures.