The challenge for me at least, is whether or not to present the truth at all, or present that truth with kindness, or present that truth in its raw, brutal full-on bluntness. Do I enjoy this almost instinctive response? No. It is a daily work, and I fail often.
This is Carl Jung shadow stuff! When trapped by those that are planning to truly attack this INFJ, it is frankly GAME ON verbally or physically if provoked by those who deserve it in proportion to the actual threat. My normal nature is to avoid toxic people and drama like radioactivity with time and distance, then honestly talk with respect if needed, then defend myself as a last resort when attacked and not respected. Malignant narcissistic and immature souls rarely fight fair but usually respect, with frustration, my strength if reluctantly tested.
Balance, balance, balance. Every unconsistent relation's are huge problem and that is from what the INFJ dark side appere's of. You can live in your endless caregiving fantasy, but it's a fantasy, its not how the world really works. You don't have to give all for everyone in this world, just give enough to the right people, they will take and give your positive energy to other few people and then they'll pass it to other few and that's how the world changes.
The deeper I dig into the truth the darker it gets. I convey this to people I meet because they need to be educated they need reeducation in fact. Go back to square 1, things like Satan Claus for example. Whose idea was that one? I've been swatted mk ultraed black balled kicked in the nuts so many times it's not even funny, but you know what? I won't sell my soul to no man or woe man.
I can tell from some of the comments, that as INFJs, this is something that we are very familiar with, and that strikes a deep chord within. I'm not totally sure how I first discovered that part of myself, or when I first really recognized it, I do know that at first it did throw me for a little loop. I think it came after I had to do the door slam for the first time, and honestly I did not feel great about having to do, and I think I didn't fully understand that until I learned about all the infj stuff and what it was. I think I mostly felt, and really still do, view it as a built-in protection, probably developed from early in life and for varying reasons for different people. I think although aware of it, I do make an effort to try to integrate it in a positive way. This is one that does require some effort, but being part of this whole INFJ learning experience, and the way you do help clarify it, Is great! 😃👍
Once you burn an INFJ person, it's like the gentle kitten goes away, and brings his big brother, the lion. A lot of people know this, and that's one reason most of us INFJ individuals are generally avoided at all costs by the so called "normal" people.
It take ALOT to get me to my “breaking” point but once I get to that point you better watch it because I turn into someone totally different than who I usually am.
Same here! I am a very chill person that really tries to avoid arguments but when I am backed into a corner, I will defend myself fiercely. People are usually shocked.
Same here. I'm trying to get better at this but I might seem detached at most things that make me 'mad', I just keep note of it. But when you make me truly angry or hurt.... definitely will say things that could destroy my connections with people, if I didn't already do the 'door slam'.
Cutting out toxic /false friends out of your life is not evil, cold or dark in any aspect. I actually don't feel any dark side inside of me. I don't feel any hatred nor anger towards people (even the toxic ones).
Yes, very true. If people you allow into your life pretend to be loving yet their actions show something completely different and are actively trying to hurt your reputation and emotional state, it's time to cut'em loose. What's evil is someone saying you should be more understanding and forgiving to someone like that.
Cutting out toxic people is the best thing to do, BUT, when you are in the midst of some toxic people that just won't leave you alone, you can't tell me it doesn't affect a person even you. It just has to be the right person that WILL get to you. Trust me...
In the psychology she's talking about, she agrees with you. The dark side isn't evil, it's parts of you you may prefer to avoid that you shouldn't. They may be your weaknesses or traumas or essentially anything you're not ready to address or accept about yourself. Even things others might deem positives could become part of your shadow because you can be so convinced you could never be "good" so those good qualities get suppressed and damage your psyche. And THAT'S what makes them morph into "evil". Neglect=created evil. Embrace=balance.
@@mayteblass4031 I agree there are good things kept in the shadow like any talent that could have "offend" your narcissist mother, like being a normal, healthy baby but I'm sure there are a whole bunch of creative tools we hid so to not call attention.
Our door slam is our way of saying, respect me or stay away from me. The coldness is a protection for our well being. The power of reading them after abusing us is a way to teach them a valuable lesson. I will never feel lonely. I'm happy to eliminate toxic people from my life.
My dark side is, when people come at me verbally, I can take A LOT before I either A) Roast them with their faults B) Explode and let it all out at the same time before I walk away, or C) I just freeze them out and go. In any scenario, I walk away from the situation.
The "Dark Side" is not so dark as it is constant. We. as a group, are very forgiving folks. We allow and allow and allow people to be who they are. The breaking point, if it is going to come, often appears when the same people we are allowing to be themselves begin to put limits or rules or exceptions to their approval on us. The result is "Who the hell do you think you are? I don't judge you. I don't tell you how to manage your life and now you're going to put limits on me!?! I don't think so! " At that point we even (very emotionally) try to explain that what they're doing is not fair. Usually the "offended one" is so shocked and surprised by our reactions that they tend to get angry. Here''s the part they never get.... they think that when things settle down, everything will go back to "normal", but they're wrong. For an INFJ, this is a betrayal that cannot be taken back. Everything is different now. Where we were truly interested and cared about this other persons life, we now see things from a distance and unemotionally. This is why we are seen as "dark", even cruel. If the rest of the world only knew how, even after a terrible blow up, even when we never associate with that person again, we still hold them in our hearts. We still think about them and hope that they are doing okay. We may even wish they could have understood that betrayal and being unbalanced and unfair is the worst possible thing a person could to to an INFJ. So, it's not that I feel "dark". I feel that in order to maintain my fragile and very sensitive self, I have to protect it from being torn down. So I have to be constant, consistent in my vigilance to take care of my own psyche.
I do feel dark at the moment of the "blow up" and that darkness helps me put up that unemotional wall around me. I will never let that person near again. But so true, once I calm down I still wish that person well--- but I never take that risk a second time. Never.
And because of this in my mind " who the hell you think you are" i think im selfish, arrogant. But in fact someone goes overboard with my boundaries, but which they don't know. So I judge about a reaction from the other person although the other person isnt even conscious about my boundaries. Thats the reason i feel bad because its my fault.
Person i knew once had the stupidity to call me a "yes man " ..... what he didn't realize when i asked him for his impression of me was , 1 : i knew he was going to say something like that - 2: he does not have the depth of feeling required to even fathom what this video outlines . I am self sacrificing ALL the time ...unlike his cold , shunted , shut down ,self centered nature...i am NOT merely trying to endear myself ..but actually, genuinely interested in saying "yes ' to people .....its my default position (as this vid suggests) - i am genuinely happy to be this way....and less altruistic types find this insincere as they don't/ cant believe anyone can be anything less than selfish . I do resent people that find me shallow - but when they underestimate me too much ...boy , they are usually stunned at the observations and depth of how well i have got their less than desirable traits and foibles . Also ...they usually get a shocking insight much later on that we are indeed "one of the good guys " ....but sadly ...usually too late for me once i have frozen them out ,
What is my experience with the INFJ Dark Side ? When I have put people in their place on numerous occasions, it was normally about me resisting their micro-management or control. I have either lost friends, been isolated or I have "door slammed" them as a result. So, that never bothered me, and it worked out in my favor. They left me alone. Being introverted and fiercely independent may get to some people that I know, yet, I have learned to do a lot on my own, and I feel as though I am living an epic life as a result. I actually do like people, it's just that I am more discerning as to whom I share with, which does in fact leave me with fewer friends, yet quality friends.
As an older INFJ, this resonates deeply with my own experience of acceptance and integration of all aspects of my personality. When my "BS" meter has kicked in...I've learned that it's a good thing to have pre-established boundaries in place, and that I am under no obligation to agree with another's "versions" of truth, love, morality, or reality. The so called "door slam" only comes out when the boundaries that are important and vital to me, have been disrespected, disregarded or dishonored, repeatedly. It keeps me calmly grounded in a world of narcissists, while I engage with everyone else around me. It keeps me from being suspicious of ALL.
As someone who has not only experienced the “Darker” workings of the world, an coincidentally analyzed the darker workings of the human psyche: I’ve concluded that it is human, to have a dark-side. You cannot assume that because someone is nice, and empathetic to all things; doesn’t also have bad days. Being an INFJ-T myself, as I’ve matured: I had to reach my own duality of self. For some people it’s more pronounced, as is the sweeter-soft side of my personability. I reflect and treat people with the same respect, given to me. Everyone is not a circle with curves consistent, without edges.
My darkside isn't a secret because half my heart is black just as half is white, I coexist between them and maintain balance between the two sides, I'm as proud of my darkness as my light because my darkness is the one that likes to btch slap negative ppl tf outa my life n keep ppl away who are toxic, I give light to the good ppl, I give darkness to the bad, toxic ppl dont deserve my mercy or kindness, they dont deserve my understanding and empathy and my darkside has none of these thus makin it my ultimate defense against chaos, I'm not afraid nor ashamed to lay into ppl who deserve it like the tip of a spartans spear penetrating a persions chest, it drinks blood and is my best friend, I don't reject my darkside because to do so is to reject myself, there cant be light without dark and my light shines brighter because of how dark my darkside is, demon angel and human all in one Infj-t.
When I know some things that can deeply hurt another person, it's not that I don't say it only because I am afraid of rejection. I don't wanna hurt the other person, I don't want them to feel bad about themselves and I know they have to follow their own path to get better. Even when someone is mean to me, I can't tell everything I know. This is a big problem because when someone close to me is mean or angry to me, I just shut down, it's very difficult to say what I think, I need a loooot of time to answer correctly and I rather write than see the other person or call... But people usually want fast reaction because if you don't they think you don't care, when it's exactly the opposite!
Oh yes, as an INFJ, we've all seen that side of ourselves, and caught ourselves going down that route. It's when you're able to pull yourself back out of it, and be mature and be good to ourselves, that we can grow as an INFJ, and make some positive progression in our lives. 👍🏼
Why I like your channel is that, though we as INFJ's. We have this trait within us that most of us INFJ's think that it is our disadvantage to have all this trait. But the way you say all those things, the way you explain it to us. Especially this INFJ Dark side; You open our minds to new perspectives, though I or most INFJ's (We) are aware of all this traits, but you make us realize how important it is not just to embrace it but to actually make something GOOD out of it. Which is practically amazing and important because we INFJ's by nature we just wanna be good to others. Thank you!
Once I decide to strike back I have a coldness and I use their own hang ups to destroy them. Yes that is scary because the empath in me usually tends to cause guilt
Scariest thing is most likely enjoying feeding the 2 wolves. Light and dark they can be terrifying if feed too often or wrong meals. They are tools and companions and will never go away so get to know them. Only feed one when you have to and if the meal is justified pause before its devoured and understand you are practicing using a tool and weapon and no joy should come. The things we are forced to do are never a joy.
Growing up with the feeling of not fitting in an extroverted world, engaging in small talk for more than 15 seconds summons the voice in my head to say, “what’s the point.” (being judge predisposed). Age and a lot of self reflection allows us to consider such things, hopefully. Attachment is one of those core issues we need to get a grip on. Excellent job Wenzes!
My "father" tortured me mentally and my mother mentally and physically so once I reached adulthood, I door slammed him forever. 9:45 when I stopped abandoning me is when I stopped being abandoned by human beings because now I got my back.
Are defense is a strong offense naturally.i have kill my soul many many times I used to be very mean to myself.but always good to others I used to give them all my good energy leaving the bad side for myself.there is something beautiful in knowing how to hate yourself with so much passion when you learn to love yourself.
Welcome to the club :) Most people are weak and I mean that. This will not change as you get older. You will have to find better friends. INFJs obviously make good friends if you can find any. Don't sweat it either way. No one will ever love you like you love yourself This is a good thing in the end because we know how to love.
At 40 I’m just getting to understand my INFJ personality. I have very few friends. The ones I have think I’m amazing and they come to me to for Honest advice. I can’t count how many people have come and gone.
Though I’ve been alone for the past 15 years (from age 15), I’m at that point in my life where I have figured out who I am and feel that I need a wife to help me become the man I’m supposed to be: a husband and father. A lot of people believe it’s just an excuse which leads them to try to dissuade me and refuse to help me. Therefore, I’m really strict about who I share any personal struggles with.
Go deep into red pill videos. With modern divorce courts, it may be better for your sanity and definitely finances to remain single. Maybe stay unmarried in a relationship and have kids that way. Many women these days marry specifically to trap men for their planned divorce. Judges regularly toss prenups. I’d only marry someone if God basically told me to do it.
@@EMichaelBall Friendly reminder: there’s this dating process called Courting and it will mitigate the possibility of divorce down the road. Look into it. I also suggest to STOP preaching to every single man who expresses the desires of having a family someday to “not do it for their sanity and wallet”. By taking care of a family, though it takes time and resources (not just money), they take care of your mental health in return. Everybody has their own path and need to travel on it on their own. NEVER prevent someone from accomplishing anything as important as starting a family. It’s a very basic human need.
this is perfect. i was trying to describe this before i saw the video. i said “we don’t have a squirt gun, we only have a cannon.” i’ve spent so many hours, so many times, holding back in an argument because i know if i speak up and really tell the truth, it will destroy them. it’s not about me being abandoned, it’s dealing with the terrible feeling of having hurt someone when maybe i just could have held on a little longer. this video helps so much, thank you! the other thing, something i wonder if it’s common, when i meet someone or even observe them, somehow within five minutes or even sooner, i can see their light but also exactly where their emotional jugular vein is, where the kill shot would go. and even though i would never do it, it feels like i could take them apart in a second. if any of you have this too, i’d feel a whole lot better.
Last time it happened was when this middle aged man was berating a couple teenage girl workers at a Chick Fila when I was in line. I've worked with special need kids for years. I have a lot of patience but no tolerance for people.
@LindsayShiree hmmmm scorps have one fatal flaw ....they are a fixed sign - and they can get the wrong end of the stick ....as a libra myself ... i know the fundamental diff between both - scorps are into revenge - whereas libra is into justice ...both kind of similar ...but the libran has righteousness on their side ...the scorp has malice and its much less endearing ....scorps will even try to justify a grudge ..quite an ugly trait to my sensibility's
very true .....as a libran ...if you have wronged me with pure malice ...if the scales get pushed i will measure it out to you equal or more.....its rare - as i might even take the high road of forgiveness ....but if its not respected ..then watch the scales tip !!! ......yeh, being an INFJ Libra is really tough gig ....dont you know it !! Too nice !!!!!!
It wasn't until this year that I even realized what I've been doing all this time. Mainly I "act out" when I discover that I've been lied to, or manipulated by a Romantic partner. All others I usually tend to just distance myself and become cold. It's the partners that get caught in my storm and I do know the damage I inflict. I am working to master myself and learning to control what I mirror and when. This year really has been a journey.
Hi! Did you experience Childhood Trauma by chance? Have a narcissistic mother or father ? Many are suffering with BPD due to abuse. The scary thing is when not helped, many get stuck in diabolical abuse with Covert Narcissist partners and repeat the cycle of their abuse as a child. I hope you get all the help you deserve! I’m an INFJ with these issues and in a marriage for 30 years with a Covert Narcissist in heinous abuse.
I love giving value to people for eg. helping them with something they cant do, but I just really hate helping people who does not want to help themselves, I just refuse to help them coldly. I cut toxic people from my life easily and i just really don’t like how people stay within a relationship that make their life miserable, unable to stand and save themselves from abusive environment. I really don’t like it if my friend think a lot about how people see themselves because to me the most important is how we look at ourselves, do I feel good about myself? Sometime i told them about what I think on their behaviour, and they told me that I am being too straightforward. I just want them to love themselves more.
I am there on the verge of creating that epic life right now. Not a pleasant place to be, but as you said I don't have a choice, if I want to be true to myself.
It’s not fully myself, but, Im okay with that in being mostly alone..MOST people don’t get it/ Me…so What The Heck…still me💖 AND ,YES I totally respect myself 🙏🏼💕 I don’t see a dark side…just my God given strength!
I find this lyric part quite fitting for our dark side: Do not mistake me for a Star though I shine like them at night. But instead behold the Darkness in between them. The Devils Light. It's crazy to find out that your personality traits you developed and coped with all of your life are actually well known now. Finding out about INFJs was enlighting!
SUPER video! You have addressed this topic exactly the way it is! I now have no trouble knowing that I have a dark side - and while I wasn't happy with everything I found, I learned to accept it (a whole story in itself). In fact, super things happened in my life after facing one of the biggies of my dark side. There were times when I talked about it, and times when I didn't. But the important part was accepting it. As an aside, it's been my experience that people who pick on , bully, or clash with me will freak out when they see my assertive and/or angry side.
it's 👍TRUE.. I've been this way all of my life and understand it better as I've aged and I've accepted this and guard my heart more. I think it's a self protection thing. I always feel exhausted with certain people who want more from me when I've given them so much already.. I back up and don't feel bad about it if I feel it's necessary to disconnect from them.
There are so many points in which I feel represented. I always felt that others will come around me for what I could offer to them. In school was academic help and later in life for professional help ... We feel guilty when we need to bring the cold side but you are right ... time to integrate it
Wenzes I can't thank you enough for all the love and dedication you put into helping us. I must say your videos resonate so well and deep in me that I always have a lump in my throat for every key point you cite like this darkside/coldness you expounded on. I have always been described as very warm, compassionate yet cold levelheaded at the same time. It's a great combo and the struggle is real. More power to you. ❤️❤️❤️🌺🌺🌺
You will change my life. I will make sure to watch this video, as much times as needed, for it to sink into the forefront of my conscious mind. I needed this kind of exposure. Can't give you credit enough, for the validity of your teaching. Will get back in touch ✌ peace & out
Infj here we are not cold our problem is that sometimes we put up with situations tooooooo long and when we reach the point of exhaustion that,s where we slam the door and I don,t feel good about myself for doing it it,s to protect me health....I should learn to cut ties before reaching the door slam...
Finally I see this video that by an INFJ as I imagine them to be having studied Socionics. But then I watched other videos (but mbti) and it seems they are all the “shrinking type”. I don’t know if all these infjs are really infjs lol. I’m ESTP and in one of your older videos on the ESTP you say how you are able to understand them, one reason why is when you say their hidden agenda to be loved. “It kind of makes it easy”. Yeah, you nailed it there lol. In fact I just discovered your channel because I am in relationship with Infj. So I watched that old video first now I am watching the more recent one 👍🏻
My brother doesn't even know how dangerous I am when angry and he best not cross me I can and will hit exactly where it hurts even though I'm different from who I was before there's no way to win
We're basically like an emotional battery, and when we get overwhelmed we just explode, the problem is in my case for example, i also have autistic tendencies, so I'm not sure if just caused by aspergers or something similar, or if it's just amplified by my personality traits, as the door slam analogy is something i definitely do myself.
Even my shadow has shadow. My skeletons have skeletons in their closet. Thank you this is great advice for us super galactic lovers.. Aum Namo Narayana 😊
